time with family, time with friends

After the first time we got to spend time with baby Sweetness in the NICU, I told DH that if we had to turn around and drive home right then, it would all have been worth it.  He agreed.  So pretty much everything else in the trip was icing on the cake!

I'd have to say, though, that while meeting Sweetness was the highlight of the trip, the next best part was our accommodations there in the Springs.  We got to stay with my dear Susan, and the time with her and her family was just truly wonderful.  They welcomed us even though half of their family was recovering from illness.  They made us feel completely at home. Our children played so well together that I did not hear ONE FIGHT the whole WEEK we were there.  I mean, every now and then a child got overwhelmed or tired and was not at his/her best, and there was the occassional misunderstanding easily cleared up--but no squabbling over toys, no temper tantrums, no exclusionary games, etc.  Just sweet friendship and fun, which seriously meant so much to me.  It is not every family that would take in a family of six for a week without batting an eye, and little things like kids continually squabbling would have easily turned us into the proverbial three-day-old fish.  (I made sure to tell the girls on the way home how proud I was of them, and when we got home they each got to put one straw in the manger for every day of the trip, since they did so great!)

I loved having so much time with Susan, one of my oldest and dearest friends.  Someone asked me later if we had good conversation, and I had to think.  No, actually, I don't think we did!  That is, not the deep soul-sharing stuff I love. But we just hung out together, which is a true girlfriend luxury.  (And Luke indulged me with a friendly, borderline-intellectual--on my part--political discussion, which I confess made me feel refreshingly adult.) And Susan totally encouraged me in the whole bread-making thing, showing me her method and effortlessly baking up fresh loaves of gorgeous, delicious bread almost daily.  We even got to join Susan and Luke in their weekly dinner with two other families, with whom we were close when we lived in CS and who are delightful people.  It was such a great week.

The only downside at all to the visit was that my family did, eventually, come down with whatever stomach bug was circling the Springs, but even that worked out well, because while DH got a fever for a day or two, he fought it off without other symptoms, and managed to time it well between our visits with his sister and brother-in-law.  Then Merry and Smiley were next, but they graciously waited until the day before we were going to leave anyway, and so we just left one day early (which turned out to be perfect for the turn-around here at home before heading up to spend Christmas with DH's grandma and family up in Chico).  And nobody threw up in the car or had diarrhea, and Susan gave Smiley a couple of toy cars for the road (his current favorite) and the girls some Disney princess coloring pages and so all the kids were happily occupied for the two days home.

(Really, my kids are fantastic road-trippers, but to spend two whole days contentedly coloring?  Priceless.)

If there was one disappointment in our trip for me it would be that we did not get to spend much quality time with DH's sister and her husband.  Because of their daily hospital "cares" schedule, and because we were trying to be careful about when and how we saw them, so we did not pass along any illness to them (illness which might make them unable to tend to their precious baby in the NICU!), it was surprisingly hard to get together with them and our kids, but we managed quite a few meals together, and one lovely time hanging out and chatting in Susan's living room, with all the kids nicely occupied elsewhere.  That was really the only time we got to really talk with them as adults--when you are eating with four young kids, it is sometimes hard to get a word (or a bite!) in edgewise.  But I'll be thankful for what time we had, and just look forward to the next time, whenever it is. 

I can't believe I did not get a good pic of the kids with their Auntie N. : (  But we were trying to keep the kids away from close physical contact with N and S, to keep them from catching sick germs, and we planned on getting pics when we celebrated our early Christmas together that last day, which we then had to cancel because of sick kids.  In this pic, Uncle S is, against my chiding, allowing the little germ-breeders to climb all over him while we were out to dinner. 

It snowed just enough to get to bundle up the kids and send them out for the rare experience of real winter.

Just enough to have fun in

Thank you, dear friends, for the lovely time.

the La Posada Hotel

Just want to make a short post about the marvelous hotel we discovered in Winslow, AZ, which is just about half-way between our home and Colorado Springs, and which will now be our favorite stopping place:

One corner of the ballroom at the La Posada hotel

I won't go into the history or details here, since you can read more about it here.  But it is truly unique, and fun, and beautiful, and friendly, and if I have to pay someone to give me a bed for the night, I would much rather pay a family of artists and peace-mongers than whoever owns the Quality Inn.  And as the La Posada website tells you, it has been "rated as one of the best places in the world to stay by Condé Nast Traveler, National Geographic Traveler," and "rated as #3 in the entire U.S. for bargain hotels by Trip Advisor."

The fireplace in the same room.

More importantly to me, they did not make a listing on the National Bed Bug Registry.

It was reasonable for us because the kids are just small enough that they all fit on one queen-sized bed--lined up long-ways. : )  DH and I took the other bed and had a good, comfortable, quiet, night's sleep. 

There are trains to watch, and art to admire, and table games to play, and local hand-made treasures in the gift shop, and outside gardens that are just the right size for kids to explore safely with minimal supervsion.

So, consider this post a travel FYI, in case you happen to ever need a hotel near Flagstaff!

a month of special Christmas blessings: the wrap-up begins

Hoping all of you had a very Merry Christmas!

I have not written much recently because we have had a whirlwind month.  It feels like our Christmas started three weeks ago--when DH's two week vacation began and we headed out on a roadtrip to Colorado--and is still going strong today--thanks to new toys and the leftover gingerbread boys we brought back with us from Great-Grandma's last night and the Christmas specials we have not yet had time to watch! It has been a wonderful couple of weeks, full of family and good friends and special moments and focusing our hearts and minds on Jesus--all the best parts of Christmas.

So I will give a few updates in the next couple of days, just to share some of the good times with you all.  Even though I have not been writing, I have stayed current with the blogs I read, and so if you are a blog friend and have not yet done YOUR post-Christmas summary, just letting you know I'll be looking forward to it! : )

Tonight I'll start with the reason for our trip to Colorado in the first place:

Yes, we drove out to meet our new little niece, baby S, whom I wrote about before and whom I've decided to nickname for this blog.  So, baby Sweetness is really doing well overall, but is still struggling with issues from being such an early preemie (born at 27 weeks gestation, now at 34 wks) and with such low birth-weight (she is finally up to 2 lbs 10 oz!  whoo-hoo!).  Her lungs are the greatest concern, as they are having trouble developing and are being scarred by the high oxygen content and pressure they have to keep her on most of the time. She is really precious, and I was in awe the first time I got to be present during her  "cares" (when they change her diaper, tubing, etc.).  I did not cry, though--until I saw her little hands and realized they were exactly like her mommy's, except in miniscule proportion.  She has her mommy's hands!  And her mommy's jawline, although you can't see it in this photo.

I also took this video that same night:

The image quality is poor because the light was so low there in the NICU, to protect little eyes--and my camera sometimes decides to auto-focus while I am recording.  But it is good enough to see the sweet, tiny girl a little.  She does not look very small in the video--until you see her mommy's hands over her, and realize one of her mommy's fingers is almost the same size as each of her arms.  And her mommy has smaller hands than me!  Sweetness is so tiny, but just a perfect little baby.  Those of you who have been praying for her, thank you.  It means so much to us.

More of our trip to come!

UPDATE: anyone having trouble viewing the video uploaded above can go watch it here.

hideous holiday sweater contest--vote now!

One of the blogs I read weekly is having a family contest--who came up with the ugliest holiday sweater.  It's a fun idea for families with older kids who are looking for a new, creative, family-oriented Christmas activity--the pics are great.  They are soliciting votes from their web communities, and voters will be eligible to win a $25 gift card from Barnes & Noble!  So go join in the fun!

So, tell me, what are you dying to know?

Reader Gabe just make a request to my last post, asking when I am going to get around to writing more about how we successfully live as a homeschooling family of six in such a small home.  I am glad she asked, because I have been meaning to do that for a loooooong time.  So I think after Christmas, when I should have a little down time and the chance to blog more (ha! well, here's hoping!) I will make that a writing goal. 

So as I start thinking about what ideas to share, how about you all let me know what specific questions you are dying to have answered.  Nothing is off limits--you can ask away.  Living in such a small space does really make us get creative with stuff, storage, personal space management. . . so anything you would like to know, just ask in the comments and I'll do my best to address it as I write.

ALSO, for those of you who have been waiting patiently, I'll also be giving you all the virtual home tour!  (Oooooooohhhh, ahhhhhhhhhhhh!) So now you can satisfy all your curiosity about us and how we live, and  I guarantee you will leave the tour loving your own comparatively huge space and being thankful for what you have. : )  

Christmas dresses!

(click on each photo to embiggen, if you so desire)

These are Mom's latest creations, just in time for Christmas.  When I was out in IL for the reunion last summer she showed me a pattern she wanted to make up for Sunny, and a piece of fabric she had on hand. . . a few days of excited brainstorming and fabric shopping, we came up with these combinations.  Coordinating, but not matchy-matchy; old-fashioned but a little euro-funky, sweet and practical!

Thank you, Mom.  We love them!  Almost as much as we love you.

Let Freecycle Play Santa!

Oh, my dear friends, family and readers, I am feeling lots of joy and goodwill towards humankind this morning.  I have written before about freecycle, so you all know how awesome it is for blessing others with your unwanted stuff.  But this weekend we are experiencing the other side, that is really special at this time of year--receiving gifts of generosity from complete strangers.

Last year I saw how our local freecycle group was suggesting people could post "Dear Santa" lists--which is pretty much no different than the usual way of asking, except that the "Santa" element suggests an added element of holiday spirit, and I think people might consider responding to those lists with an extra generous spirit.  We have to be careful with our finances this year, as most people do these days, and as always most of what we will be giving the children is something they need--on the list this year, for example, are a new bike helmet, a child's leather belt, new shoes, a raincoat for the biggest girl, etc.  But we also try to get a few fun, good things that we think will be enjoyed.  For example, for over a year Happy has been wanting to learn to play the ukelele.  So cute!  But when I looked online earlier this year for a "real" one, and not just a toy, I was discouraged because the ukeleles I found either looked like junk, or were hundreds of dollars! 

But when I saw the announcement the other day from our local freecycle group about the "Dear Santa" lists, I thought I would try.  So I made a simple post:

Dear Santa,


We would like a nice ukelele to give to our daughter for Christmas. One that is meant to be played as an instrument, not a toy.


Thank you!

A few hours later, I saw I had received in my inbox this response, from a lady named Diana:

I have a uke you may have.  I bought it about 12 years ago for $75 & I never learned to play it.  So it would be wonderful if it could bless someone instead of hanging on my wall.  It would be great to know that someone was playing it m& having fun with it.  It is a Hilo model 2651 & it has the serial # inside as well.

I am going to meet her this afternoon to pick it up.  How cool is that?!

And then last night, after DH and I finalized the gift list, I made this post:

Dear Santa,


We got some tracks, but need some trains! We are looking for the trains that fit the Thomas/Brio sized wooden tracks. We prefer wooden or die-cast metal, but plastic would be fine too if they are in good shape. Santa, maybe you know of a child who has outgrown his? We would give them a great home!

And this morning I found this response in my in-box, from a lady named Mary:
 
I have a bag of these I picked up at a yard sale.  Some pieces seem to be metal, some plastic and some wood.  There are also some wooden track pieces.  My plan was to buy more tracks and gift them to my great nephew, but I looked at tracks at a toy store and they're expensive!!  So, this bag of goodies is all yours if you want it. 
 
I'll be picking these up today as well. 

Some people don't think giving used gifts is appropriate; I think it depends upon who you are giving to.  My kids get used things all the time as gifts, and they are growing up seeing the value of the thing, not whether or not they are the first ones to take it out of its package.  Now, if the toys are really banged up, I might not choose to wrap them all up under the tree--we would just wrap up a few pieces in good condition or put them in the kids' stockings.  The rest we would bring out later.  Whatever we will give the kids will be clean and nice looking, no matter where it comes from. : )

Used goods save money and don't add to our carbon footprint--frugal and green, two of my goals for more healthy living. Of course anyone asking for free things has to use her judgement, as some things would not be good to ask for--old baby toys that might have phalates or lead, for example. But as my day attests, freecycle can not only be a great way to get some very cool gifts, but can also generate all kinds of Christmas cheer in your community!  And I am ALL about spreading the love. : )

UPDATE:
Picked up the things. Ukelele is beautiful wood, looks new.  Trains are mainly plastic, but they are "Thomas" pieces so they are cute and look brand new!  So happy with these FREE things.  Now I just need to offer something on freecycle in the same spirit, and keep the love going!

God is trying to tell you something

Estranged daughter, long-hardened father, repentant husband--all because of God whispering to hearts through the power of the human voice lifted in praise. One of the best moments in movie history, ever.

What is God trying to tell YOU this morning?

Christmas food court flash mob

If you have not yet seen this, please do!  If nothing else than to hear a FANTASTIC rendition of the "Hallelujah Chorus."

(if you double click on the video it should take you to youtube so you can see the whole screen)



Personally, I love the symbolism of singing in the mall food court, taking back the Christmas season from mindless over-consumption of meaningless stuff. 

And it is fascinating to watch the faces in the crowd--the ones who know tradition and stand throughout, the ones who are in awe, and the table of young kids completely ignoring it all, probably because of the cues of indifference they got from the parent at their table--the opposite of the parents who understood the specialness of the moment and had their kids standing on their chairs to see and hear better)

I thought the video would be mediocre--but here I am typing and still tearing up.  So please go watch it!

I am wishing a wonderful Advent season for you all!

Holiday Tomato Soup!

Once more, using up leftover bits of stuff in the fridge, and finding it is really fun and the kids love it!

--Had some leftover cooked bow-tie pasta.  Added just a little water to the pasta pot and warmed and stirred the pasta to get it unclumped (it had been tossed with garlic olive oil last night, so it was easy to separate tonight).
--Put in one can of tomato sauce and half a big jar of spaghetti sauce.  Got it all warm and just starting to bubble.
--Put in some milk and some leftover heavy cream, reduced heat to low.
--Tossed in half a bag of frozen peas.  Cooked it all for a few minutes, stirring frequently and keeping the temperature low so the milk did not start to coagulate.
--Add pepper to taste.
--When the soup is warmed through, add fresh grape tomatoes and fresh snipped basil.
--Keep warming for a few minutes to get the tomatoes warm but not hot, and then serve!

A pretty, creamy red sauce with bright balls of green and red and white bows and green confetti--a Christmas celebration in a bowl!  The kids loved it, including Smiley who is in a very finicky stage at the moment and who will look at the food being offered to him, wrinkle his nose, and say, "Yucky."  This even if it is food he could not get enough of last week.  And this from a child who has never heard his sisters call food "yucky" because that is verboten at our table--if they don't want it they know to say "No thank you" or "This is not my favorite." ; )  So I really don't know where he is getting this, but he is Newly-Two and I guess that says it all. 

one thing you would not think would happen in our house. . .

Playing hide and seek for 10 minutes without exhausting the hiding places.  And not being able to find your big sister after several minutes of looking.

And finding your sister, finally, with mommy's help, under a pile of dirty laundry in the shower room. 

Actually, that part you probably would think would happen in our house.


*I must say, in my own defense, don't forget we traveled last week, and this is only the accumulation of 5 days' clothes, and it has been raining cats and dogs which is not good weather for lugging hampers outside and down to the  Underbelly of the house. . . am I excused yet?

little celebrations

Our season of celebration is already upon us, starting with my birthday weekend before last.  I have blogged before here and here about the secretive birthday events my dear husband has asked my good friends to help organize the past few years, and this year he enlisted my friend Rosa to take me away for some fun girlfriend adventure while he and Rosa's husband hung out with all the kids.  But this year I had a little nagging feeling in the back of my mind/heart--DH has been giving me the gift of special daytime girlfriend time, which never happens otherwise.  (Playdates are awesome, but there are things you can't do with all the kids under your watch, like, oh, completely relax!)  But what kind of wife/mom/person am I if I never want to celebrate my birthday with my husband and kids? 

So this year I asked Rosa for a raincheck (someday we must go to the Farm with you, my dear!  We can't wait!) and asked DH if we could spend the day as a family and then have a date night.  So we did--and as the day unfolded I don't know when Rosa and I would have gotten away anyway, it went SO quickly!  Sunny and Merry had their final performance of "Annie," in which Sunny played Miss Grace Farrell and Merry played an orphan/maid/White House butler. 

Then we came back home, had dinner, and then my friend Sara came over and watched the kids and put them to bed while DH and I tried to make a showing of the new Harry Potter movie--which was of course sold out--and so instead went to the restaurant my girlfriends took me to last year, Chocolate, to share the experience with DH.  We got a plate of bread with three spreads--pesto, sun-dried tomato, and something garlicy, all excellent--and a plate of mixed olives and roasted garlic in olive oil and balsamic vinegar.  That was the perfect savory combo; for the perfect sweet pairing, we went with the extra dark hot chocolate and coconut cheesecake.  Oh. My. Goodness.  I don't think we could have ordered a better combination of flavors.  Seriously amazing!  We didn't talk much, but enjoyed eating a quiet meal while watching the rain pouring down in the glow of the downtown Santa Cruz streetlights.  Very relaxing, very pleasant. A very nice birthday that has left a lingering warm glow.

Then of course was Thanksgiving.  DH felt he needed to be at work yesterday, so we opted to drive up to his parents' Tuesday night and have Weds and Thurs with them and his grandma.  We had a nice time, eating all the traditional foods, and spending some quality time together.  (I heard the best quotation on another blog:  "Without being surrounded by those you love, Thanksgiving is just overeating."  So true!)  But the absolute best part of the visit was the moment when my brother-in-law Skyped us all from the NICU so that we could all watch N helping the nurse give tiny baby S her "cares"--checking her vitals, measuring her tummy (one way they make sure she is digesting well), even changing her diaper (which was so tiny it looked like a bit of gauze).  It was hard to see her through the incubator plastic walls, and past all the tubes and tape, but when they changed her diaper and those miniscule feet began to kick. . . just so precious.  They even showed us how they swaddle her and darken the room and cover the incubator, which I greatly appreciated, because every time I see a photo of her tiny naked self I want to wrap her up and protect her--so it was so satisfying to see how she spends most of her time, in a cozy "womb."

Here is a photo N and S sent us, and a little update on baby S, from a family email written by DH's sister N:

This Thanksgiving I give thanks for my daughter S, my husband S, and for all of you and your love and prayers. S and I believe [baby] S's life and health are sustained by your prayers. S is now 19 days old and has had her ups, downs, and scary moments. However, we can see your prayers for her being answered. Her heart valve has closed and stayed closed, her "brain bleed" has been minimal (no lasting effects), her feeds and stools are doing well, and her lungs are making progress. If all goes well, she may be switched tomorrow from her breathing tube and mechanical ventilation to less invasive breathing support. Please pray that she will make this transition successfully and that her lungs will heal completely. Please also pray for healthy growth and weight gain. She is still fluctuating around 1 pound 10 ounces, and we are eager to see her at 6 pounds!

Tomorrow is Sunny's 10th birthday, so we will think of something fun to do to celebrate that (rollerskating at the rink, maybe?  Other family adventures seem not as feasible as I sit typing and watching the rain POURING down.)  And tomorrow is also the first day of Advent--and I am so heart ready to really celebrate this year's Advent season as fully as possible.  I have been reading some good ideas on other blogs about doing so--and I am really looking forward to it. 

So much blessing.  So much to be thankful for.  I hope all of you have been having a wonderful week of family and laughter and special moments.  If you feel like sharing any of your favorite Thanksgiving moments in the comments, I would love to hear them!

Stuffing Soup

Ok, for any of you looking at leftovers and really not relishing the thought of eating them one more time in their current state. . . I give you, Stuffing Soup!

The beauty of this soup is that you use almost whatever stuff you have left over from your Thanksgiving meal!  Here is how I made it tonight, with the leftovers we brought home from DH's folks' house:

Stuffing Soup
--in a big pot, saute 1 large onion (any kind will do nicely) in olive oil (I used garlic olive oil)
--chop up and add any leftover crunchy veggies you have, like carrot and celery.  I only had a little red cabbage, so I chopped up that and sauted it, and also opened and chopped one can of water chestnuts, to add a little more crunch.
--when the veggies are to your liking, then add a little bit of water and turn up the heat under the pot.
--at this point I added the leftover gravy I had brought home (real homemade stuff--not sure how a packaged variety would work) and mixed it well with the water so there were no clumps.  Then I added a whole lot of leftover stuffing and turkey bits, which I kinda crumbled in my (clean) hand as I added them to the pot.  I mixed it all up well and added what seemed like a suitable amount of water. 
--add an appropriate amount of bullion (I used 1 heaping tsp "Better Than Bullion") and mix in well
--**key flavor:  add ground cloves and black pepper to taste. (use lots!)
--mix well and warm through.  before serving I snipped a liberal amount of fresh parsley into the pot. 

YUM.

If I wanted to make a creamy version, I would have added milk and leftover corn (or a can of creamed corn!) and leftover green beans too.  But then I would not use cloves, but would instead add dried green herbs like oregano, thyme, rosemary. . . really, there are so many ways you can get creative with this idea.  But the beauty of it is using up leftovers in a way that makes them fresh again!

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving.  I hope to write about our week soon (hmmmm, where have I heard THAT one before?) but my computer time this week is being spent being a seller on eBay!  Hoping to make a little extra Christmas dough this year. . . I'll let you know how it goes!

Fall pics

What kind of good blogger mommy does not post pics of her kids in their Halloween costumes?!

We had recently read "The Secret Garden" together, and so you can imagine I was thrilled when all three girls decided they wanted to be characters from the book.  If you are familiar with it, you may be able to pick them out.  If not, then Sunny went as Dickon Sowerby, the moorland animal charmer; Merry went as Martha, Dickon's older sister and servant at Misselthwaite Manor; and Happy went as the heroine Mary, in her nightclothes (as she is when she first discovers her mysterious invalid cousin, Colin).

Clearly Smiley was not in on it, and went as a skeleton (which was what I happened to have in the hand-me-down clothes)--glow-in-the-dark to boot!

Seriously, I loved the literature theme so much I think I will encourage this as an annual tradition--and might be inspired to dress up myself and DH as characters from the chosen book as well!

(My Mom will recognize some of the pieces in their ensembles. The white "nightgown" and the floral dress and the white caps are all things mom made for me and my sisters when we were little.  The vest G is wearing mom made for me when I was in high school, I think.)

We also got the obligatory "children in appropriately colored clothing amongst fall vegetables" photo:

Too bad all that orange is not flattering on my one winter-toned child, Merry. : )  Still, any pic where all four children are looking at the camera with pleasant expressions is a gem.  I love my kids, and love having new, cute pics of them to show off share with you.

celebrating and grieving

It was just over one year ago that I posted about our beautiful experience out in Colorado for the wedding of DH's sister.  

Tonight I am posting about the most recent stage in their young marriage.  Just earlier this year N and her husband S were surprised to learn that they were expecting, and only a few months ago were even more surprised to learn they were expecting twins!  But there were some indications that there might be complications with the babies, and so they made the decision not to have the babies in India, where they live, but to move N back to Colorado for the last critical months before the birth, which they were expecting in January.  N had been back in the states for only a few weeks when she went into preterm labor.  I am excerpting below from an email she wrote this week to family and friends: 

On Saturday night I went to the hospital because of painful cramps. It was ultimately discovered that one of twins had passed away in utero and the other one was struggling for her life. It turned out to be an atypical, acute onset case of Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS). This led to an emergency C-section at just 27 weeks gestation. At the time S had not yet arrived but thankfully my mom was able to be with me. S arrived the next day.

S and I are celebrating the birth of our surviving daughter, S. A.. [for privacy reasons I am not sharing names, but it is Indian and beautiful. : ) ] Her name means "one who bears witness" to "the grace of God". S.A. was born at 1 pound 12 ounces though some of that was unhealthy fluid buildup; she is now down to 1 pound 5 ounces. She was resuscitated at birth as her heart had stopped and she was not breathing. She is a beautiful, perfect girl but incredibly tiny and not ready to be born. Right now she is fairly stable but completely dependent on tubes, wires, and machines for all of her functioning. This means we cannot hold her, feed her, or touch her much yet. She has been in Neonatal Intensive Care since birth and is expected to be there till her 40 week due date (February 6). We have a lot of hope for her but it is painful to see her in such uncomfortable and lonely medical machinery.

We are also grieving the loss of her beautiful twin sister, N. ("dedicated to God"). We loved her very much and wanted her with us.

We will be grateful for your continuing prayers during this time. Please pray that all of S. A.'s organs will develop and function well. Pray that she will put on healthy weight, be able to breathe on her own, and be able to tolerate food (rather than IV solution) through her tubes. Pray for wisdom and carefulness for her many doctors and nurses. Pray for S and me, and our families, as we struggle to handle our emotions and accept God's will.  

This is one of the reasons I am getting renewed eyes for the blessings in my life.  Sometimes is too easy to get into the maddening rush of life and forget what is really important.  If anyone is moved to pray for N and her little family, thank you.

oh blessed day, Pt. 2

Hello anyone still out there!  Below is what I was writing almost a month ago when life slipped suddenly into All Awry mode, and then refused to be budged.  I can't believe how much time has passed since I was last blogging regularly--the longest I have gone without blogging when it was not Lent!  When I have had the time and brain power to write, I have had absolutely no urge. You wanna know something else scary?  Tea has not been tasting good, for about the same length of time.  Something is definitely strange around here!  I can't get enough chocolate, though, which is good, or I might be worried about the sky falling.  But which is also bad, for all the reasons you can imagine.

So, just in case anyone was wondering, I am find, but life has been crazy, I mean CRAZY, and all kinds of things seem to go wrong everyday. Fortunately not BIG going-wrong things, just the seeming endless parade of minor awrys that  raise the stress level around here and make me feel like a failure.  And in compensation, I retreated interpersonally.  A kind of survival instinct kicking in, I guess. 

But really, ALL IS WELL with us.  Not so well for other people in our lives, so that is all the more reason for me to focus on our blessings, and do my best to strive for full, healthy living, no matter what life throws in my path in any given day.

What I started to write weeks ago is still relevant to my life at the moment, so I'm going to still post it.  But I am giving myself the freedom to not finish it, or even edit it.  Consider it a snapshot of life around here! : )  

I started to write the other day about a day that went all awry--and sadly, it went from a wrecky day to a wrecky week.  To show you what I mean, here is how Tuesday began:

--clearly the day must have started to go askew much sooner, but I did not realize it until about 10:15 this morning, at which time we had to rush out the door for martial arts class, and then:

--we would have been so late to the class that I decided it was not worth going

--but I had an errand I had to run only two blocks away from the building where they take the class. So even though I knew before we left town that we were not going to make it, I still had to drive all the way over (about 15 min. on the highway) which felt like a waste of gas and time.

--only to get a call from a friend whose kids also are in the class, telling me the instructor was way late today (which means we could have gone after all)

--So I went ahead, did my errand, and then drove over to our chuch, which is nearby, because I needed to see if I had left some homeschool books there that I had promised to a friend, who called yesterday saying she was really interested in using them now. I could not find the books, and don't know where they are.

--So I told the girls to go ahead and change out of their martial arts clothes and put on their water play clothes, which we had brought because after class we were to drive to a local State Park to play at a river with other homeschool friends.

--And we realized we had left all the swimsuits, shorts and tshirts at home.

--So we went ahead to the river, and the girls played in the river anyway.

--I hope the dirt comes out of Sunny's white martial arts t-shirt.

[editors note: it didn't]
This list is not all of the things that went wrong today--oh, no, just a taste, from one two-hour chunk of the day.

Oh, and when we were at the river, I realized that this past Saturday was DH's and my 15 year wedding anniversary. I totally forgot. I don't think DH did, looking back. I'll have to write about this later, after I stop kicking myself in the arse.

This day was so frustrating, overall. I really truly thought this would be a good day. But it somehow all quickly spiraled out of control. And maybe the root of it was me. Well, ok, that is pretty clear--even thought I thought I was managing time and children and stuff well, I clearly was not. But what I mean is, I think the root was my own sinful self. I think I have shifted back into another yucky heart place. I yelled at the kids several times, in my meanest voice. I think some of the chaos we are seeing is the result of me being too lazy and procrastinating too much (three periods in 23 days is a grand excuse for sitting too much, let me tell you) in the past couple of weeks. I even realized yesteday that I have the beginning of a PILE starting in my living room!!! I think things have started to slip in all areas of my life, and I am now starting to feel it, which pretty much sums up where I am today.

It makes me think of Paul writing to the Romans, and confessing, "For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. . . . What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?" You can almost hear the exasperation and frustration in his voice. This is exactly what I am living today, this feeling that there is nothing inherently good in me, that in my true nature I am a wretched creature who inadvertently crushes what she tries to create, like a paper sculpture in the hands of an enthusiastic three-year-old.

And that, actually, is pretty much a good mental picture. I am but a child in my spirit, who is learning--frustratingly slow, at times--to do and respond with gentleness and care and flawless execution.

So, I guess, like I would a child, I should be a little easier on myself. Certainly there are times--at my most toddlerish--when I have felt so much benevolence and compassion from my heavenly Father. He does not condemn me. In fact, that is exactly the hopeful conclusion of Paul: "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."


Which does not mean I can allow myself to dwell in spiritual toddlerhood--and indeed, too many times recently I have lamented "WHEN am I going to be a grown-up?!"  But basically I need to make sure I am myself heeding all the lessons I am trying to instill in the kids:

--No fussing or bossing
--Speak with love; at the very least, be polite
--Use your words and actions to build up one another, not using them to tear one another down
--Focus
--Have patience
--Accept the consequences you have earned
--Choose wisely

And there are many more--these are just the ones I need to have in my heart at this moment! ; )

My dear readers, those of you who are still stopping by, thanks.  Sometime when it is convenient, please do consider leaving a comment to some post, just to encourage me out of my anti-social funk!

Blessing of the Week: Beds to Make

For those of you who have missed me (Hi Mom!  Hi Rebecca!) I really truly hope to post something more in the next couple of days.  But this video was a bit of sunshine that I could not resist sharing.  One of those moments when it is utterly impossible to not love being a mom.

oh blessed day, Pt. 1

It might look like I have been on YouTube a lot recently, but actually, it is just complete coincidence that I am sharing videos with you all of a sudden.  I received an email forward today that maybe a lot of you have received, the one about the "Invisible Mother."  In fact, I think I have had it emailed to me before, since it was familiar, and I decided to see if I could quickly hunt down the original (knowing how stories get changed in email forwards, like playing "telephone").  My search led me to this video, of the author sharing the complete story in her own words:



Oh, I needed to hear that today, a day that had so much good in it, but which was also so frustrating for me in what I wanted/needed it to be. 

I started a long post, but decided the ideas in it worked much better in snippets, of which I am growing fond.

So this video will suffice to give you a peek into the longings of my heart as I write now--that I be faithful and true to the work given me, and do it in the full knowledge that it will someday come to fruition, someday be beautiful, someday be a standing testament to the neverfailing Love of God.  But do it also knowing that my strivings matter. Not just for what they will someday bring show, but for what they are now--each wiped crumb, each folded T-shirt, each patient correction--part of a secret language between me and God, in which we whisper, "I love you."

the little things make me happy

I came across this a while back--its not the greatest quality, but that is part of its charm. It is an impromptu video taken on the streets of Copenhagen back in 1988.



It seems Bruce Springsteen was walking around the city a few hours before he was to perform a concert. He somehow got to talking with this street artist named Jón Magnússon, who goes by JoJo, and they ended up playing together for a small crowd that gathered.

Here is what makes me smile:
--a big name artist enjoying walking around the city by himself
--and playing for people, for free, just for the pure fun of it.
--But best of all is JoJo, who is so giddy from delight he is about to bust out of his own skin.
--And he is so excited he is clearly not singing his best,  but he does it anyway, with gusto
--and lots of dancing.
--And The Boss does not seem to notice the imperfections, treating JoJo as his equal throughout the song, and truly sharing the moment with him. 

I love it when we get glimpses of the best, and the most vulnerable, and humble, and gracious, and generous sides of people.

Mexican Chicken Noodle Soup

So, after being on another groccery boycott (I think this one lasted about a month, with the help of the in-laws bringing some of their garden bounty to share with us, and with Costco for milk and bread runs), I have been getting creative in the kitchen again.  It's fun!  And sometimes, cooking with limited ingredients ends up inspiring a new dish that is really yummy, like this one I did the other night, when I was out of garlic and onion and all fresh veggies except some last spicy peppers:

Mexican Chicken Noodle Soup

In large pot, saute in olive oil 1 med-large pepper, diced (not sure what kind, medium green color, long and thin, mildly spicy).

Add:
1 can Trader Joe's chicken
1-2 cans diced tomatoes
2-3 cans black beans, rinsed and drained
what seems to be the appropriate amount of water
a healthy dose of ground cumin

Bring to boil, then add:
frozen corn (Trader Joe's roasted version is PERFECT)
whole wheat spaghetti, broken into approx. 1 inch pieces*

Stir occasionally to keep spaghetti from clumping.  When spaghetti is done, turn off heat and add a liberal helping of dried oregano.

When ready, add lots of black pepper.  Serve in bowls and add fresh chopped avocado on top. 

-------------------------------
When I stood in front of the fridge that night looking at what I had and thinking of my options, I was unsure how I would get a lot of flavor in whatever I cooked without garlic or onion.  That is why I finally opted for Mexicanish food--the sauted pepper and the roasted corn added the pungent flavor base I needed.  And the fresh avocado was the crowning touch! 

But this idea is so versatile, so you can run with pretty much whatever you have on hand!  Without the fresh pepper, I could have used canned green chilis, or jarred salsa.  If I did not have noodles, I could have used rice.  If I did not have avocado, I could have used tomato sauce instead of canned tomatoes, and then added fresh diced tomato on top.  Or sour cream. 
 
The two keys to the soup's success: having the pungent flavor, and not adding too much water.  The crowning touch was the contrast between the black pepper and cool fresh avocado.

I did not add salt, since all the canned goods had salt in them. If you were cooking entirely from scratch, you would need salt.


*Easy breaking spaghetti method: hold a small bunch of the spaghetti in your left hand, over the pot to catch little bits that may drop. With your left hand, push the spaghetti into your right hand as far as the first knuckle on your thumb, then with that thumb break off the spaghetti at that length, and just let go with your right hand to drop it into the pot under you.  Then repeat. Very fast and easy this way!

Random Snippets: c

Dedicated to Susan, who after seeing this may not mind the trees clapping their hands quite so much.



Ahhhhh, the early '80's and primitive Christian Rock.

Random snippets: b

b is for bleeding. again. and again.

After having my third period in 23 days, I'm pretty much over that whole romanticized celebrating my womanhood thing.

And speaking of which, after I made that post I alternated between being completely mortified that I had blogged about my menstruation (in public!  to strangers!  and to people who know me IRL--don't know which is worse!) and being emboldened by the cathardic nature of writing and "being real."  I figured those who have distain for such TMI would stop reading after they were warned off in in the first paragraph, and those who read the whole thing could not possibly blame me for their own stubborn perseverance.  I did wonder--not for the first time since blogging--if I had crossed some kind of "nice blogger" line.  But then I had two people make a point of telling me how much they appreciated/enjoyed that piece.  One friend even said it was one of my best.  Awwww, thanks, friends!  Um, next time would be mind saying that in the comments, so everyone does not think I'm blogging to the sound of crickets chirping uncomfortably? ; )

Just so that no one is worried, it is time for my annual this next month anyway, so I'll be meeting with the ob/gyn to talk about solutions.

In the meantime, I am finding each time is a little different, with different, often dramatic results.  Like the huge temper tantrum I threw last time (i.e. 2 weekends ago) in which I actually kicked the laundry hamper and slammed the front door on my way out.  Ever weirder was the fact that a little voice in my head the whole time was saying things like, "Huh. Did I really just do that?!" and "Hey, this feels good."

It all started because DH and I had a disagreement about how much fat in milk was appropriate for children. Which just goes to prove that the ensuing argument and temper tantrum had nothing whatsoever to do with milk.  I won't bore you with all the things it really was about, but this might be a good time to recommend a really good book I read this past summer when I went back home for a week:  "For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men" by Shaunti Feldham.  One of those books that I did not think would be very interesting or helpful in marital insight and which actually was amazingly true and so liberating and encouraging.  Reading it, I saw how I was inadvertently getting the exact opposite of what I wanted from my husband/marriage because of some of the things I was doing that were sending messages to my husband that I did not mean.  Some people don't think their marriages are like "average" marriages and so such a book would not be true for them; I dunno, it sure connected a lot of dots for me, and I used to think DH and I were "special."  I would highly recommend it to any wife who is frustrated and feels like she does not "get" her husband and he does not "get" her.

The author co-wrote a second book with her husband, "For Men Only."  I'm not finding that one to be as eye-opening--more like, "well, duh."  But maybe that is the point--our internal lives seem so logical, so easily understandable, to us women.  If DH gets around to reading that one, it will be interesting to talk about it and see if any of the ideas were relevatory for him.

Random snippets: a

There are so many things floating around in my head I want to blog about. I have mentioned before that ideas get stuck up there and keep circling, circling, like all that plastic in the north Pacific gyre, never escaping, never completely dying away. . . . Really, as I tell DH, I blog mainly to maintain some hold on my sanity. Parenting and homeschooling sucking most of my mental abilities, then the flotsam clogs up the rest--gotta get it out somehow! Lucky you. ; )

So I'm going to make this a snippets week--to release little odds and ends that have been swimming around up in there. . . (and so I can have the fun of blogging without having the pressure of making coherent, fully-fleshed out ideas.)

a)
I love old-fashioned books.  The ones with charming characters, timeless stories, quaint attitudes and wholesome values (which usually match up with my values too!), details which bring the past to life, and lovely old-timey artwork.  The Secret Garden.  The Railway Children.  All-Of-A-Kind Family.  Gone Away Lake.  Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm.  A Little Princess.

There is very little contemporary literature that can compare with these works in the quality of the storytelling and the value of the ideas within.  The best I have come across are The Mistmantle Chronicles.  And The House of Thirty Cats.  The Penderwicks comes close. 

But I have realized there is one drawback to my children being reared on mostly old-fashioned books:  their vocabulary shows it.  Usually this is charming.  Sometimes, it is pretty funny.  Earlier this year Sunny wrote a poem about Spring, in which I required her to assign a feeling to the season.  The resulting poem:

Spring is Gay

A Five Senses Poem

Gay is the color of shining yellow.

Gay sounds like robins singing.

It feels like a loving hug from my Mom.

It smells like fresh honey and jasmine blossoms.

Gay tastes like pancakes drenched with syrup and berries.

So unfortunate how her word choice distracts the reader from fully appreciating her lovely imagery.  But I could not bear to tell her not to use the word, since she was technically using it in its original sense.  Why spoil the word for her just yet?  And while we talk a lot about the things of this world, we have not yet deally delved into the topic of homosexuality.  We know some families who have two mommies or two daddies, so at some point her own observations and thinking will bring the topic up for discussion.  But until then, no need to get into unnecessary explainations about political appropriations of language. . . .

But the other day came another classic.  Happy was telling me about how Smiley loves a certain little red rooster toy, which they taught him to call "Cock."  I did a good job keeping a straight face while she was telling me about it, but it was hard: "Smiley loves his Cock.  He loves to hold his Cock.  Whevever I am holding his Cock, he wants it and hollers at me, 'Cock! Cock!'  He gets mad if he does not have Cock."

Etc.

When I told DH about it, he blamed me.  I protested my innocence, and thought about where Happy would have heard that word in a book. . . And found the answer in the pages of Mother Goose (a 1999 edition, I might add!):

The cock crows in the morn
To tell us to rise,
And he who lies late
Will never be wise:
For early to bed
And early to rise
Is the way to be healthy
And wealthy and wise.

Accessories for the (Steampunk) Lady: for the Shoulders

The post you are looking for has been moved here. 

Accessories for the (Steampunk) Lady: for the Neck Pt 2.--the Delicate

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Accessories for the (Steampunk) Lady: for the Neck Pt 1.--the Warm

The post you are looking for has been moved here.

Saving produce without plastic

A few weeks back, on the Fake Plastic Fish blog, Beth Terry was featuring a new facebook group she started called The Plastic Crap Wall of Shame.  It's pretty eye-opening:

individually pacaged ice cubes.  yes. really.

Basically it is to raise awareness of the worst plastics for our environment--single use plastics, things which are made just to be immediately thrown away as soon as they are bought. But the group also features plastic items that have limited usefulness, to raise our awareness of how we spend money on plastic things that we could easily do without.  Specifically the other day she mentioned little plastic containers for storing left-over fruits:

The jokes for this partiular item just tell themselves.  

But if people are buying these kinds of food savers, then it must be because don't readily think of other ways to keep these things fresh.  So, just in case it is helpful to any of you out there, here are some of the ways I save produce without plastic baggies or special containers:

Banana
For anyone wanting to save half a banana, here is the trick: don't slice it in half before peeling. Peel it down to expose as much of the banana as you plan on eating, but then break off the amount of banana you want. Ideally you break it off as close to the untorn peel as possible. Then just lay the banana in the fridge with the peel naturally lying mostly closed. The next day, not only is the banana still good, but the end should only be the teeniest bit darkened--not at all unappetizing. If you wait more than one day, you may have to cut off the smallest sliver of darkened banana at the end, if the slight discoloration bothers you.

Avocado
Nowadays I never cover my half of an avodado--I just keep the half with the pit and stick the whole thing in the fridge bare on the shelf (flesh side up, obviously) and the air causes just the very top of the exposed flesh to cure, like the skin on pudding. The next day or day after when I want to use it, I just take a sharp knife and cut away the "skin", and underneath it is perfectly fresh. I don't consider this wasteful, since even when I used to put it in a storage container or--long ago--wrap it in a piece of plastic wrap, the outer edge would still get discolored and I would still end up trimming it.

Tomato
If you have half of a tomato left-over, just place it sliced side down on a ceramic saucer--the juices will basically seal the cut to the saucer surface, stick it in the fridge on a shelf, and it will be still fresh the next day (this is for a tomato that has not been peeled, obviously).  If you feel better about containing it, do the same thing in a small Pyrex or other brand of glass storage container that has a lid.  I just don't recommend doing this in a plastic storage container, since the acid in the tomato juices will make the plastic leach chemicals.

But I actually don't end up with that many bits left over--I learned long ago the number one way to reduce food waste in my kitchen was to cook with whole produce as much as possible.  So that means if the recipe calls for half of a vegetable, I always throw in the whole thing.  Never once has this ruined the dish. ; )  I try to do the same thing with canned goods, within reason--so if the recipe calls for 1 T tomato paste, clearly I'll be saving the rest for future use, but if it calls for 1/2 a can of tomato sauce, I'll usually throw the whole can in.

AND here is the perfect, mess free way to butter corn on the cob: use a stick of butter, and just tear off an inch of paper from one end.  Hold the papered end while you slide the exposed end against your corn. You now have the perfect tool for buttering that is much easier than a knife (and probably does not waste as much) and keeps your fingers neat to boot! If it is a hot day, use a frozen stick of butter, and it will go easily on the hot corn but will not soften in your hands as quickly.

Ok, so those are some of my ideas.  Anyone else have any easy and waste-free food storage ideas?

And the whole article on single-use plastics was fascinating--I recommend it.

This is It?

We started Netflix back up this week, after a 3 month break, and boy, have I been enjoying it! 

We resumed service on Wednesday so we could all watch the movie musical "Annie," since Merry and Sunny are in a production of it this fall.  For the past couple of years we have participated in an amazing local class that puts on musicals, one in the Fall and one in the Spring.  Twice a year is too much for me, but the Fall has been just perfect for this weekly activity, and so the girls have been in "The Muppet Christmas Carol" and "Tom Sawyer," both excellent stories, with great music.  And the way the director Candy stages these is just so, so cool:  she breaks up the script as necessary so that any kid who wants a speaking part can have one, she stages the scenes so that all the kids are on the stage all the time (sitting to the side if they are not "on"), and all the kids sing all the songs, so there are no "stars"--ALL the kids are the stars of the show!  And she is so patient and yet expecting a lot of the kids--esp. behavior-wise--which I really respect.  The cost of the semester is so reasonable--I think it is about $160, which breaks down to less than babysitting would cost.  And they provide small slices of pizza and lemonade for the kids before rehersal every single time.  Best of all, Musical Mondays is an approved vendor, so our homeschool charter pays for it!

Anyway, while I was SO excited for my girls to be in "Annie," I hesitated to show them the original movie we all know and love from childhood.  I saw it as an adult a few years back, and was astounded at its adult content.  That and I had horrifying mental pictures of my sweet darlings emulating the hard-knock, smart-mouthed orphans.  I checked out youTube songs from the newer (I think 2009?) Disney version, but it looks like it just cannot compare in quality of set, choreography, acting, etc. It has been nicely sanitzed, though, for those like me who are uncomfortable with Carol Burnett's brilliant but drunk and slutty turn as Miss Hannigan.


But yet, I would rather my girls see the gritty, well-done story than the watered-down, trite version.  So I just talked with the girls ahead of time about what happens when you have a houseful of orphans who don't feel loved, and a lonely woman who feels trapped, and how they are stuck in a negative cycle of unlove fueled by their own self-serving and self-pity. . . and my girls know about the dangers of alcohol and how some people use it to try to escape their hurt, and how Miss Hannigan is desperate to be rescued from her life by a man, any man. . . ANYWAY, after I set the stage, so to speak, I was no longer worried about the "adult" aspects of the original Annie movie.  

Then last night I indulged my tired brain in a whole movie all to myself. (DH was supposed to be working on the laptop, even if I kept turning around to find him watching over my shoulder, even if he could not hear without his headphones.)  I watched "My Left Foot"--so good, and the visuals are riveting in their realism (1930's Dublin).  I am pretty sure at one point the main character mentions that his mother bore 22 children, and 13 survived.  (The scene with all the kids of varying ages and genders sleeping peacefully while crowded into two beds in the same room made me so happy.) 

Tonight I did not want to get involved in a long movie, but just wanted to watch something for half an hour while I ate dinner (everyone else had been taken care of tonight).  So I did a quick browse through the Netflix "Watch Instantly" new selections, and saw "Th is Is It," the post-humous documentary on what would have been Mi chael Ja ckson's comeback tour.  I had heard it was well made, and I have always been curious about the hype, so I thought, "Why not?"

I had to turn it off after less than 10 minutes (including the opening montage).  Just from those first minutes I was put off/saddened by:
--the cult of personality reflected in the clips of interviews with the stage dancers, many of whom traveled from other parts of the world to audition, and who were ALL crying and effusing about how dancing with Mi chael was the pinnacle of their life, and even the purpose of their life. 

--One dancer disturbingly said he had always tried to live his life to be like Mi chael in every way. . . let's hope he did not mean in Mi chael's self-mutilating and pedophylic ways. . .

--One sobbing dancer could have been crying out to Jesus (and should have been) in how he went on about how he had been looking for something to give his life meaning, and This Was It. . . I hope someone has been following that young man since the making of this documentary--a suicide risk if I ever saw one.

--Speaking of Jesus, the white lights beaming down from heaven with awe-inspiring chords when the movie title was announced was clear deification of Mi chael. 

--I did not expect perfection, esp. for a 50 year old man who had not performed in 10 years, but the *first* number they started the documentary with--which one would assume would be terrific, to immediately grab the viewers' attention and showcase the deity who just had that big buildup--showed Mi chael was out of shape and breathless, quavering in vocal quality (and I'm being fair--this was when he was standing still), and fairly limited in his dance range.  Yes, he has a lovely tone in his voice, and can still move like he is made of well-oiled ball bearings--but that's it.  They even had to cut between two different tapings of the same song to get that good of a performance.  And yes, I realize a rehersal is never the same energy as a life performance--but if this is the number they are using to start off the movie. . . I assumed that was about as good as it would get. 

--The shots of the crowds lining up to scream his name and yell "We love you, Mi chael!!!" when he last performed in London (where this was filmed) were so sad.  All the people in the shot were white, middle-class people of my generation or a little older.  What is behind such unhealthy adoration?  I get why black Americans love him--Mi chael Ja ckson was not only an excellent songwriter and singer in his early career (I can't speak much of his later career, but the album "Thril ler" really was brilliant in many ways--speaking as an unbiased adult, since I did not listen to it as a teenager) but he was the first black performer to break into the pop charts--and, for a season, to dominate them.  He really was groundbreaking, and his music influenced so much of the bands and sounds that came after.  But I don't get why the black community still loved him, after he "de-blacked" his appearance.  Why defend so loyally one who does not seem proud to be one of you?  Or after he got into so much trouble with young boys. 

--And that's the final thing that just made me sick to my stomach.  His appearance.  Mi chael Ja ckson was a really good-looking young man.  Black and handsome.  So to see any remotely close shot is truly revolting to me--his face must be an extension of his soul, and what a corpse of a soul, so defined by self-loathing and masquerade.  I want to like Mi chael Ja ckson.  I like so many things about him, and truly believe he was a gentle man at heart--but one whose beauty and gentleness and creativity were perverted by something inside. . .

So I guess it was ultimately sadness that made me turn it off.  I can appreciate musical genius, even if I don't like its expression (watch out for my La dy Ga ga rant!), and I have much patience for performers past their prime.  But all the wasted emotion, energy and purpose going into worship of a tired, troubled singer. . .

That's it.


(I am learning about web searches, and am clearly terrified some Mi chael Ja ckson fan is going to stumble upon this post and leave me (I accidentally typed "heave me," which would also be accurate) some hate in the comments. : O)

oh. the. cuteness.

Tiny Possum Necklace by motleymutton on etsy

Seriously, does neckware get any cuter than that?!

Vintage Ads

Ok, this is a pretty abrupt swing of mood from my last post, but such is life.  At least in my head.

(My heart is still working on lots of stuff.  That story is not over, not by far. . . )

But here is a link to a scary and funny collection of old advertisements I came across today, if you need a chuckle, or a reminder of how far women's lib has come.

Forget the vitamins, I want his wife.

Then again, a few of those vintage ads seemed to demonstrate nothing but good old-fashioned sense:

Does it still work when they aren't babies any more?

Life on the Web, Story #3: WTH, God

A few nights after the events in my last post, I was following the blog trail and came upon this story.

Go ahead--please read it.  But I would advise you to wait until you have a quiet room and a few minutes to focus on the story.  It is appallingly tragic, and it is vitally important.

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The writer's prayer at the end pretty much sums things up--Why Lord?!  Although I confess my mental language was a bit stronger than that, as the title of this post alludes.  After crying and praying for a few minutes after reading it--my own maternal experiences are still close enough that as I read I had very strong, realistic physical and spiritual reactions, I imagine just an inkling of what these women might have been feeling and thinking and fearing--I realized that the truth is God is there.  Ok, then, why doesn't he DO something?!  And then my mind suddenly went back to the quotation that I have kept at the top of this blog for a while now.  God is at work throughout the world, every day.  He sometimes intervenes in miraculous ways, but I believe most of the time He uses those who love Him, who want to love the world through Him, and who just show up, ready to be used.

At first I cried partly too because I felt so helpless, wishing desperately I could be there to help, and then since I could not go, wishing there was more international help, esp. from those with hearts to do the Lord's business.  But then I started thinking about how I believe, like in my last story, that God does not call us all to go to different countries to do His work--He asks us to be available to Him where we are, in our everyday lives.  To serve Him wherever He puts us, loving whomever He puts in our path in any given day.  I am supposed to love my neighbor.  And while the modern world feels so much smaller than ever, so that we can reach out to all nations in God's name, I am not so sure we are supposed to feel like we should.  In fact, the world seeming so small and yet its problems so big all at the same time I think leads us Western Christians to feel overwhelmed and just want to stick our heads in the sand.  There are too many people groups suffering, too many countries at war, too many human rights being violated, too many children forgotten.  We do want to help, but are too easily immobilized by the pain of it all.

And what about the people of Haiti helping one another?  I could not help but think of how the article indicated it was a common experience those poor women were going through out on the street.  And yet in this story there is no mention of any Haitian women--just average moms like me--out there trying to offer comfort, even if they could not actually help.  Where were the women who had been in that place before, who knew what these women were feeling, who remembered the terror and could offer solace?  Haiti is supposedly mostly Christian; according to wikipedia, "About 85% of the population claim Christian beliefs, and the most professed denomination by far is Roman Catholicism." Yet the article goes on to say that roughly half of the population of Haiti also practices Vodou ("voodoo").   Is this a sign that maybe the hearts of Haitian Christians are being distracted from God's truth, and His call to ease the suffering of their neighbors? 

Before any of you get all up in arms about how audacious it is for me to sit in my pampered American life and say those Haitians should be helping themselves. . . well, they should.  I am not excusing myself or anyone else--too, too many of us are calling ourselves followers of Christ when we can't be bothered to lift a finger to help anyone in His name, let alone sacrifice a lot for it, certainly not lay down our lives (i.e. our empty selfish strivings) for it.  Remember the story in the Bible about Jesus pointing out to his disciples the poor widow who gave only two small coins to the collection at the temple?  He praised her not for how much she gave, but how much her gift cost her.  There is love in such a gift, and sacrifice, and trust in God's provision.  And God asks the same of His struggling Haitian children as he does of His pampered Western Christians--and after reading the article I was ashamed at how much we are all denying Christ daily in how we all daily turn blind eyes to all the suffering around us.

I care very much about Haiti--that's why I wanted you to read the article, so you would care too.  If we can't help in physical ways, we can pray.  We should pray, asking God to make right what we cannot--which is, after all, what He is so great at.

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These are not completed thoughts, just bits I am still working out.  I am worried this sounds like a sermon.  I don't mean it to be.  But when I sat down to write tonight, and was working on the previous post, I realized the two stories were connected. Here's how:  Keri has been recently living and writing about sacrifice and trusting in God.  I learned long ago that there is very little coincidence in the world, and my coming upon her blog and her story at this stage in my life and in my spiritual journey does not feel like  coincidence.  Certainly reading her blog post today does not feel like a coincidence, when it so perfectly takes all these ideas that have been in my head and heart and lays them out so I can't ignore them any more.

Well, I have a feeling I will still be ignoring them a little longer--or "processing them" as I often say.  But God has been moving so clearly, so forcefully in my spirit in the past few weeks, I don't know how long I can ignore Him.  I don't know what He is going to ask me to do, but I know I am supposed to say, "Yes."


So I'll end with another quotation that, too, breaks my heart, because it is true:

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
--Ghandi

Life on the Web, Story #2: Used

So I shared with you a couple of days ago my first story in this mini-series, about being heckled on facebook. It was silly, yes, but gave me chuckles and that's why I thought it was worth sharing.  The next two stories are serious--one beautiful and one dreadful.  I'm going to tell them back to back, because while they did not seem at all connected at the time, now, on this day, I see how clearly they are.

(And I still want to write about the things God showed me this past weekend--but as you will see, there is so much God in these stories too.  He is just not letting me forget Him these days!

The steampunk I was so enjoying sharing with you all. . . while I have several posts started, I don't have the heart at the moment to finish them.  You'll understand when you get through the next couple of posts.)

So here's story #2:

A few weeks back I introduced you all to one of the newest blogs on my sidebar, Creating My Own Little Nirvana.  I don't remember how I found it, but was immediately drawn into the story.  The story on Keri's blog to which I directed you was the one about God answering her prayers in such a specific, undeniable, flesh-and-blood way (Senator John Kerry standing on the steps of a church, no less!) that it was perfectly clear to her and to her readers of faith that the Lord of the universe heard her, was moved with compassion for her, and *hours, even days before the prayer was on her lips set in motion the events that would then, at just the moment of her crying out, show her his unfailing love.*  (Clearly, if you have not read it, you should.)

Anyway, a short time has passed since that post, and Keri's trust in God and His loving provision for her has led her to suddenly leave the United States and move to Siberia, where she and her Russian-adopted daughter Nastia could finally be reunited with Nastia's sister Anya, whom Keri has been trying to adopt for the past 5 years.  This was not a decision Keri made lightly, but out of fear for the health and safety of her daughters.

She must have received a lot of grief from business partners, parents of students she teaches, friends, etc. about this sudden decision, because a few days later she posted a very frustrated, very hurt "open letter" on her blog.  Part of it said this:

. . . But can some of you PLEASE put yourselves in my shoes for one minute? Please! THINK, for a moment:

Would I give up thousands of dollars in salary if it were not imperative I go? Would I risk losing several long-term school jobs that I rely on, if it were not imperative I go? Would I risk my precarious health if it were not the last resort? Or Nastia's schooling? Would I spend thousands of dollars to fly to one of the most remote spots in the world, where I know all of two people, where the weather will worsen my health, where I have no means of making money, where I must struggle on a daily basis to be understood? Would I do this if I did not HAVE to?

NO!!!!!

I do this because I must.

I do this because no one else is going to do it for me!

I do this because I'm trying to save a life.

No offense, but if you are one of those people upset about my going, and upset about my current inability to meet with you and discuss whatever is on your agenda...'concerned' that I can't fulfill my work obligations right now...all I can tell you is, TOO BAD.

And for some reason, even though I was new to her blog and don't normally post comments on the very personal postings of complete strangers, I made a comment.  I wanted to encourage her, even if annonymously, the way you might approach a stranger who appeared to be distraught to see if you could lend some help or offer a kind word.  But when I started to type, words popped into my head:  you are released, you are absolved.  That was what I really wanted to say to her, what seemed right--and yet, it also seemed way too pretentious.  Like, who am I to say such a thing to this stranger, when I don't know her and barely know her story?

So I couched the words, and padded them, but finally did say them. 

And later that day, unexpectedly, I saw a comment from Keri on my blog.  She had figured out how to find me in blogger and came over to say she really appreciated my comment.  Well, that was sweet!  So of course I jumped back over to her post, so I could see what other people had said too and follow the whole conversation.  And was immediately taken aback when I saw what she had posted in response to everyone's words of encouragement: 

These, your comments, have been very healing for me tonight. Thank you. Blessed, your words " you are released, you are absolved" were divinely inspired. I NEEDED to hear that, and wept a lomg while when I read your words. VERY healing.

Reading that, a chill went through me, which I recognized--like seeing the footprints in the sand and knowing someone has walked there before me.  I did not come up with those words--they popped into my head and I hesitated to write them, because they sounded so. . . well, pretentious is really the only word.  I did not know why I was writing them, but Keri knew why she was reading them--because God wanted her to hear them.  And I was His instrument. 
 
That realization made me so giddy, so elated--I literally jumped up and down clapping my hands like a little girl at the unveiling of her birthday cake. 
 
God used me.  
 
And He used me to encourage a woman who I don't know, but whom I sense is a sister in spirit. 

There are times when it feels like the virtual communities we can build on the web are real, tangible, important.  This was one of those times.  I love how God can and does move in all realms of our world, even the virtual one.  I love how He affirmed, once again, that He will use us where we are, as we go about our everyday lives, if we remain open to His prompting.


Stay tuned for Story #3. . .