O Blessed Day of Motherhood

I found this old hymn and thought it was made for this blog. Sentimental, cheesy, sweet, idealistic about the institution of Motherhood, honest about how Mothers are not the ones really determining how their kids turn out--the kids choose, and hopefully they will choose to follow in the footsteps of their (heavenly) Father.

And I like the idea of, when the day is having its way with me, saying with exasperated eyes and hands lifted to heaven, with laughter, "O precious day of Motherhood!"

O Blessed Day of Motherhood

O blessèd day of motherhood!
We lift our hearts in praise,
To thank the Source of every good:
Thy joy crowns all our days.
O God, our Father, bless this day,
Enrich its golden store
Of blessèd mother love, and may
Thy children Thee adore.

O gracious day of motherhood!
Our faith, by God increased,
Hath each alluring foe withstood;
Our souls He hath released.
O God, our Father, bless this day,
Enrich its golden store
Of gracious mother love, and may
Thy children Thee adore.

O precious day of motherhood!
Teach us in Christ to find
The greater gifts of brotherhood;
Bring peace to all mankind.
O God, our Father, bless this day,
Enrich its golden store
Of precious mother love, and may
Thy children Thee adore.

O wondrous day of motherhood!
Thy love to all abound;
Beside the cross once Mary stood;
Again let love be crowned.
O God, our Father, bless this day,
Enrich its golden store
Of wondrous mother love, and may
Thy children Thee adore.


Words: Er­nest F. Mc­Greg­or, 1925.
Music: Ma­ter, Ar­thur De­pew, 1925 (MI­DI, score).
painting: Les Joies dune Mere by William Bougereau (1825-1905)

Loving Acts of Service Pt 3

Marc Chagall. The Birthday. 1915. Oil on cardboard. 80.5 x 99.5 cm. The Museum of Modern Arts, New York, NY, USA

This is one of my all time favorite paintings, which I first saw in person at the MOMA while visiting during college. I don't even know why it caught me so instantly when I first saw it so many years ago, but I had a little revelation today about why the image has stuck with me all these years.

I have mentioned already a couple of times in this blog some phrases that I meant to get back to and explain. This past Christmas D's grandma bought me a copy of the book by Gary Chapman called "The Five Love Languages." I am sure many of you have heard of this idea (the cover proclaims that it was a NYT bestseller), and some of you have read the book. I had heard about it for a while, but scorned the idea that a book that sounded so trite and simplistic (which it is, in a few places) could offer anything of lasting significance to my marriage.

Oh, how the proud are quickly felled. I read the book and not only needed to hear some of what it had to say, but will go so far as to recommend it to any of you readers. Don't run out and buy it or anything, but you can borrow mine! I did not really learn anything new, per se, but I saw what I already knew in new light, with new implications for marital harmony. There are too many interesting thoughts to note here, so I will just mention a few. I think my two primary love languages are "Loving Acts of Service" and "Words of Affirmation." Oddly enough, I am hesitant to declare these unequivocally my love languages, because I have wondered if the first one is more a result of our current lifestyle (no bathroom sink for 2 months = unlove, no matter what your love language! anything D does to improve our home does make me feel loved and taken care of, but would I feel it so strongly if we lived in a house without so many things needing work?), and if the second is really true or just based upon the assumption that since I am naturally verbose and give words of affirmation to my friends, then that must be what I desire in return. You know, we tend to show love to others in the ways we want to receive it.

Anyway, I guess it does not really matter what the two main ones are. I do feel loved when people do something to show love for me.

And this brings me back to the painting. Now I wonder if this is a clue to my love languages too. Looking at it today, I think it demonstrates the husband loving his wife through "Loving Acts of Service," literally "bending over backwards" to show her his love with flowers on her birthday. For me the bending emphasizes his actions, not the gift itself--getting her the flowers was the gift, not the flowers themselves, if you can see my subtle distinction. It is clear his heart is full of estatic love at that moment, and he wants to DO something to show her his love. And for some reason I like that the moment is not necessarily mutual--that she is surprised by his outpouring, even a little taken aback. She is receiving, not reciprocating, and the warm blush of love will come later.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

This idea of love languages is also helpful when thinking about parenting, of which I have doing a lot recently. I will quote now from the book:

Dr. Ross Campbell, the sypchiatrist who first told me about the emotional love tank, says that in his many years of treating adolescents who have been involved in sexual misconduct, he has never treated such an adolescent whose emotional need for love has been met by the parents. His opinion was that almost all sexual misconduct in adolescents is rooted in an empty emotional love tank. . . .

Do the parents, in fact, love that teenager? In the majority of cases, they do. Then what's the problem? Very likely, the parents never learned how to communicate love in a language the child could understand.

As probably all parents do, I fear I will somehow "mess up" my kids "for good." So now I am trying not only to figure out what my children's emotional love languages might be, but also to gear my parenting (including discipline and comforting) towards that child's recognition of love. Since I am not sure, I am also trying to show love to the girls using all the love languages: Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Loving Acts of Service, Quality Time, and Gifts. So far I think G is reached most by words and gifts, M by touch and maybe quality time, B . . . probably quality time? and E seems to definitely demand quality time (I don't just mean because he is a baby--he really wants eye contact and physical attention). And so far it seems this awareness is helping the atmosphere here at home. For example, when M is acting out and being purposefully annoying to her sisters and not heeding my warnings, instead of allowing the negativity to escalate to the usual consequence--one swat on the rear, which must be emotionally painful to a child who receives love through physical touch, even if the swat itself is not hard--I am trying to view her acting out as a sign that her emotional love tank (like a gas tank in a car, in the book's lingo) is empty, and I try to fill it with a moment of positive touch (cuddling, tickling, etc.). At least for that child, it seems to be working.

And if you can figure out your child's love language(s), then in theory you can also stave off the negativity altogether. The idea--which comes from an excellent video we rented from Netflix called "The Happiest Toddler on the Block," by Dr. Harvey Karp--is called "feeding the meter." Dr. Karp says that you should give attention to your child briefly but frequently throughout the day, to help the child feel loved and connected to you--because a child who feels loved and connected to you will not act out. I think Dr. Chapman's love languages would fit really well into this idea, since a parking meter in Canada would not accept the same coinage as one in Santa Cruz. Paying the meter is the specific purpose--but what you put into it depends on where you are. So I will feed M's meter differently than B's, etc.

Another horrendously long posting! But these are things that float around in my mind for weeks at a time while I am processing. . . and if it sticks with me for that long, I figure it might be worth sharing.

Better than chocolate

It is the season of Lent again. All I really know about Lent is that it is a 40 day period of fasting in anticipation of the celebration of Easter, when Jesus Christ arose from the tomb, victor over sin and death. I know it is traditionally practiced by Roman Catholics, and probably some other more "high church" Christian denominations. I don't know more because I did not grow up observing it, and my casual web search brought up pages that only confused me more--I guess there have historically been a lot of different ways and times to "do" Lent, and it seems to mean different things to different groups.

So I guess all I wanted to share here was what it means to me. I started observing Lent a few years back, knowing just the very basic premise of it: that it is a period of time to fast, to set aside our own fleshly desires, in order that we may be self-reflective about our relationship with God and approach Easter morning with renewed hearts and minds. It is a time for repenting of whatever we have been using to fill us up instead of the Holy Spirit. It is a time for saying to God, all I really need is you. All I enjoy comes from Your hands. You are richer and more satisfying than anything else. Look, I give up for You my favorite earthly pleasure, to show you that I love You more than I love it. That I need You more than I need it. That I desire You more than I desire it.

It is also a great time for me to reflect on how I might be living unwisely with my time, my energies, my tastes, my body, my thoughts, etc. And I confess that I am easily obsessive compulsive about whatever is exciting or soothing me at any period of time. So about once a year a time of reflection and purging of bad habits is a really good spiritual exercise. In the past I have given up not just one thing for Lent, but several things together. Two years ago it was:

--sugar (specifically chocolate and Cokes)

--pleasure reading (magazines, books, etc--of course the Bible was allowed ; )

--movies

--eBay (esp. Oilily clothes for the girls)

I had become O/C about all of them, I felt, and it was time to make myself break any psychological dependency. And it was really enlightening that year, because I discovered the hardest one of all of those to do without was eBay! I never would have expected that, and did not realize I had become addicted. Oh, and addicted I was! What started out as a practical chore (finding cute clothes for G, who needed them) and turned into a hobby (what cute clothes! what else is out there?) had taken a hold on me, in an ugly way. During Lent that year I walked around in withdrawl, with fidgety hands and a vague feeling I was needing something, and would find myself start to sit down at the computer, or telling myself "you need that Coke." The 40 day fast was so important that year, and helped me see my whole spiritual being (body, mind, spirit and will) in a new way, a way that helped me see my need for continual renewal through Christ.

I even had a theme song for Lent that year: "Ice Cream," by Sarah McLachlan ; )

Your love is better than ice cream
better than anything else that I've tried
and your love is better than ice cream
everyone here knows how to fight

and it's a long way down
it's a long way down
it's a long way down to the place
where we started from

Your love is better than chocolate
better than anything else that I've tried
oh love is better than chocolate
everyone here knows how to cry

it's a long way down
it's a long way down
it's a long way down to the place
where we started from...

So, yesterday I realized it was Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. But I am unprepared! I had not thought through what I should fast of this year, what I need to give up. I do not get on eBay much anymore, I have been abstaining from Coke for a while already, I am not really obsessive about anything at the moment. (In fact, this blog, which has a potentially dangerous lure, is so far not a problem simply because I know it will be read by good friends--and I was actually embarassed last week when I made three posts in one day, as if I was telegraphing to you all "I should not have been on the computer this long today!" And multiple postings also seem egoistic--I fear I try your patience already, as I am anything but concise.)

So I spent a lot of time thinking yesterday, and asking God to show me what He wanted me to give to Him this year. And interestingly, the things that seemed to immediately jump to mind were not taking aways, but addings. For example, I have become a chronic nail-bitter again (which I have been off and on my entire life) and I have often wondered about how my periods of nail biting might reflect something happening inside me, some lacking, some subconscious battle of self (of unrecognized sin?)--of something literally eating away at me. So I will be making a conscious effort to break the habit once again, but instead of focusing on the without (the biting) the gift to God is really the with (the hands restored to the glory He intends). And isn't that a satisfying reminder of the whole purpose of Lent, anyway?

The other things I will ADD:

--daily Scripture readings with the girls

--more speaking my husband's love language
--a healthy, holy mouth
--a thankful heart (put in practice by daily countings of blessings)

The word "add" brought the fragment of a verse from Scripture to mind, so I looked it up, and was delighted to discover that Jesus, in Matthew Chapter 6, addresses the very spirit behind Lent, at least for me:

When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrits do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. . . .

Do not store up for yourself treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy, and where theives break in and steal. But store up for yourself treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. . . .

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? . . .

But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

or, in the King James Version: "All these things will be added unto you."

Happy Lent, everyone!

image from daily mail online

On being an Omnivore

So, since E was in the womb and I found myself needing LOTS of protein, I started to eat more meat. But pregnant women are not supposed to eat a lot of canned tuna (for possible mercury, I believe), which is the only fish I can stomache, and pregnant women are also supposed to avoid deli meats for fear of listeria (and nitrates), and we can't afford to eat out too much. . . which means I, a mostly vegetarian since adulthood, have had to actually cook meat at home (and it says something about my relationship with flesh foods that I actually lump fish and poultry and pork and beef together as all "meat."). There are two problems with this:

1) I loathe handling raw meat and am completely paranoid about raw meat germs (bacteria? again, not familiar enough with the whole meat landscape to know the lingo).

2) I have no idea how to cook it.

So I got a recipe for crock pot beef a few years back from the savingdinner.com chef, which is really easy: bottom round placed fat side up in the crock pot, sprinkle with Lawry's Seasoned Salt, top with chunks of onion and carrot and red potatoes and cook the whole thing until done (the cooking time being relative because of course time varies by each crock pot and if you are using the high or low setting). It sounded really easy and homey, which I like, and I don't have to touch the meat--just slice open the package, carefully place the meat in, and throw the wrappings immediately into the trash. I have made this recipe a few times and the flavor is nice--but the meat seems tough. I thought I was just cooking it to death at first (see #1 above--trying to be sure all germs are cooked out), and cooking it for less time did help. Then too I have tried to get good cuts of meat (like I know!) because my dad said anything labeled "stew meat" is always tougher. But he also said he sears his meat first before cooking. . . but that sounds like it would involve more handling and dirtying a second pan, which, again, I am loathe to do. So the meat still seems really chewy--is that just what beef is like?

The only other meat I have cooked with is ham, since it is already cooked and thus less freaky to me. I sometimes cube it in green pea soup, or in omeletes, or my mom used to make really yummy sandwiches with cubed ham, cheddar, chili powder, onion and green olives and mayo--mix up the ingredients, put into hotdog buns and individually wrap and freeze, then can thaw a few at a time when you need them. The obsessive recycler in me can no longer do this, since the cheese melts onto the foil and then you have to throw it into the trash (I am way too lazy to scrub foil for recycling), but you can also just heap the filling onto slices of good bread and toast open-faced in the oven until warm through--yum.

But, honestly, while those of you who have known me for a while know that pork is my one carnivoristic weakness (the worse for you the better: bacon, barbeque. . . to quote Homer Simpson, "Mmmmmm, sacrilicious!"), I am actually a little disturbed by the Old Testament ban of it. Deride me as you will, it seems like usually God had really good reasons for telling His people not to do something. Was pork considered unclean just because wild pigs will eat refuse, carcasses they stumble upon, even dead people? So if the unclean status came from the unclean foods the pigs may have been eating, what about modern pigs, who--while surely fed hormones and genetically-altered grains and other less-than-desirable things--are not fed anything the USDA would consider unclean. But who do I trust: God, the USDA, or my own easily justifyable appetites? I know salvation does not come from what we put into our bodies but from the condition of our hearts--but how is it wise-hearted to eat something Jesus would not have eaten?

Ok, enough of the philosophical trails. Down to the practical reasons for this post. I need more meat recipes! I have decided I need to start eating more meat regularly, and want to start feeding it to the girls. I know that sounds strange for a (I guess former) vegetarian, but I have realized that my parenting abilities are so dependent upon how my body feels at any given moment--whenever I start yelling, if I can step back and analyze the situation, low-blood sugar is always at the root of it. Pathetic! I cannot stand being so controlled by my blood sugar, and want to start eating in a way that will help me feel better and keep my blood sugar steady throughout the day. Also, I have started to wonder if my girls ever feel the same way--how can I deny them the protein that their growing bodies might need? So I think I am going to have to start cooking meat at least once a week. So I am asking all of you who might read this entry to consider what meat-based family recipes you enjoy that meet the following criteria:

1) involves minimal handling of raw meat

2) is easy (don't worry about recipe needing additional stuff like veggies--we get plenty of those! I just want the meat)

3) is not seafood based.

Please feel free to post any recipes that come to mind as a comment to this thread, or email me. I SO appreciate any advice/help you can give. Thank you in advance, my friends!

graphic Jane Clarke, daily mail online

how you know your child is a reader

fond memory brought to mind today, which i thought i would share:

at Heaven's b-day party i think a year ago, it was SO hot (upper 90's, which is record-setting here on the cool bay) and savvy mom Willow had all the kids playing water games while the parents chatted and wilted in the little bit of shade available. conversation of adults interrupted when a drenched but beaming G runs over, exclaiming, "Look what became of me!"

es que suave!

for lack of better downloading savvy. . .

Your friend lisa wants you to see this Sesame Street web page!

http://www.sesamestreet.org/video_player?p_p_lifecycle=0&p_p_id=videoPlayer_WAR_sesameportlets4369&p_p_uid=2fb826cf-1574-11dd-bb51-597ab51d2e81&t=1235117899579
&
Visit SesameStreet.org for many more fun and educational videos, games, and activities.

Have a sunny day!

Your friends at Sesame Street.


P.S. this is one of my all time favorites.
P.P.S. i don't actually speak Spanish, so forgive me if the title of this post is gibberish--the result of me using wiktionary to cobble together what it sounds like luis is saying

to ourselves and our Posterity

We have been studying Colonial America and the founding of our nation, and part of that was memorizing the Preamble to the Constitution (thank you, Schoolhouse Rock). But the Preamble is full of all kinds of lofty ideals and big (and outdated) words, so what does it really mean? We decided to break down the Preamble into short phrases; for example, "We the people" and "in order to form a more perfect union" and "establish justice," etc. Then we talked about what each phrase means, G looked up words in the dictionary (very useful skill!), she wrote down the phrase on lined paper to practice her printing, then rewrote the text onto an unlined drawing page, and then we brainstormed what the concepts embodied in the phrase might look like in modern day, esp. in our home, and then she drew a picture to illustrate the phrase. So for "Promote the general welfare" she drew her mommy making dinner while her children happily learned and played (the nicest compliment I could have received). I typed out her descriptions of the illustrations, and we have just finished editing and formatting them, and now we will be compiling it all into a book!

It is of course hard to convey the charm of the project here on the computer, but I think this might actually be one school project that we keep forever. In such a small house, we are NOT savers of art and schoolwork! But G’s descriptions give such an accurate portrayal of our home life, embellished by her unique perspective of it, that I am sure we will enjoy looking back and remembering life in this season, and our creative eldest daughter in her blooming.

There were three descriptions in particular that I enjoyed for the little details (and original phrasings) that I thought I would share here. They are long, so of course only read if you want to--but the length also says something about the mind of the writer, doesn't it? (and my pride as her parent and teacher! ; )

Selections from The Preamble Book, by G, age 8

insure domestic Tranquility

E has a balloon tied to each foot. One is purple and the other is red. He is on his pack-n-play. He is in his bear suit and is watching the balloons. He thinks this is a very fun game. The game is where you tie a balloon to the baby’s feet and just leave him alone or watch him. He will kick and the balloon will move. The baby thinks this is very interesting and soon he is kicking very hard and slapping his feet on the pack-n-play. M is banging on a drum and B is singing on her flute. Although she does not know any tunes, she just blows on her flute. There is a calendar on the refrigerator. It is mine. Smiley faces are for if I do all my chores, stars are for if I do all my school, hearts are for if I do my heart lesson all through the day, and pencil stickers are for above and beyond. On one of my squares, as you see, there is a smiley face and a heart and a star. On the next calendar square there is a smiley face. On the third there is a star. On the fourth there is a pencil and on the fifth there is a heart. I am pressing a smiley face on the sixth and counting how many stickers I have now. And so I am saying, “Eight.” And Mommy is saying, “That’s nice,” because I have done such a good job on my calendar. M’s drum is doing “boom, boom, boom-boom, bang, boom, bam, bang!” And B is making a long sad screech on her flute. “Ooooooo ooooooo ooooooo ooooo ooooooo oooooo oooooooo ooo!” B’s flute sounded. E has just done two big thumps on the pack-n-play by bringing both his feet high up in the air and “bang!” bringing them down on the pack-n-play edge and then kicking his left foot onto his towel. M has made a big skeleton and has pasted it on the door. The big skeleton is paper with some blue cloth for socks and some brown cloth for shoes. The knob on the door is touching the big paper skeleton. There are clips to make his arms and legs move. He is wearing a hat on his head that shows flowers on it. It is actually a piece of cloth with flowers on it. There are lines of pencil and little notches up on one long piece of paper to show ribs. The paper skeleton’s hands are high up in the air and he has purple sewn gloves on his hands. They are pieces of cloth. He looks very funny. He has googly eyes and a triangle paper nose. And his mouth is as straight as a needle. He looks like a crowded, uncontrollable guest, because sometimes his arms droop down and sometimes when I look at his knees, one is backwards. He may have one knee up, but in the next few minutes it may be down again with him not being able to control it. So I guess the air can’t keep it up very long.

to ourselves and our Posterity

Me and M and B and E are grown up and Mommy and Daddy are grandparents. B and her husband are dancing together and B has three children and the oldest two leave out the youngest. B’s youngest daughter looks just like B when she was little. M and her husband are dancing together too and this is Thanksgiving so we are all getting together. M has four children and one of them is talking with my next oldest and another of M’s is watching Blue’s Clues on TV and clapping and cheering. The next oldest of M’s is pushing Daddy into the living room in his wheelchair. And the youngest of M’s is sitting in the baby play gym and is taking a teddy bear rattle toy from its hook. There is a box that looks like a present box with a Fisher Price little person on it. The present box is on a little bus with a hook at the back. There is a short ladder that leads up to the present box. The policeman Fisher Price toy is left in the people jar and lots of people are piled next to it. E is reaching out to put another toy onto the baby playgym and his wife is playing and tickling his daughter and she is about to say, “Please, Mommy, let me have my doll back” And the mother is about to say, “Ok dear, but make sure the little kids don’t tear it up. It is too fragile for babies.” “I will mama,” the daughter is going to say. There are a bunch of shoes piled at the door. I am cradling my youngest and about to hand him to my husband. My oldest is patting my second child and putting her to sleep, for she is very tired. My next oldest is whispering to M’s oldest. And then comes my four year old, Sarah, who is pushing Mommy in her wheelchair into the living room. She is a very strong little girl. I taught all my children to be strong and helpful. Though I have tried to teach them not to be mean, my second child is whispering to M’s oldest about M’s next oldest, who is sitting by the TV and clapping her hands and watching as Joe jumps from his chair and spreads out his arms and legs and sings. My second child is saying, “I wonder why she loves Blue’s Clues so much.” And M’s oldest is saying, “It is because she is so little.” And they are both giggling. Lots of people are going to one house to have a very important meeting on Thanksgiving day. They are trying to make out a solution for one big problem. The problem is that all the turkeys have realized that they were going to be eaten and so they all ran away, so now they have no Thanksgiving turkey and they wonder what they will do, because everybody who is coming loves turkey.

do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America

This is a picture of a big American flag and three men cheering and standing under it. Underneath it is a picture of two men walking away from signing the Declaration of Independence and seven men are waiting in line to sign it, while one man is thinking while he signs his name. And he is thinking, “Hmmmmmm. I think I’ll be able to stand promoting the general welfare in my household.” The next man in line is reaching out to tap the man that is writing on the shoulder and say, “I think you wrote a B instead of a D.” And the next man in line is bringing his hands behind him and waiting patiently. And the next two men have turned to face each other and say their names and talk together and shake hands. And the next two men are shaking hands and talking too about their lives and about what they thought about the Mayflower. And the last man is holding a purple flower which is wet with dew and there is black ink on the petals so that when he sets it down on the bottom of the paper, when he picks it up again, the bottom of the page shows big cursive letters reading “The Declaration of Independence.”

Photo from mattwardman.com

Sisters

Halloween 2005

verification fascination

I just finished sending the link to this blog to some more friends, now that I have been doing it for a few weeks and am feeling pretty satisfied with the results. (Welcome, anyone stopping over for the first time! I am so glad you dropped by.) I sent the blog link to the friends who had facebook accounts, and whenever I sent them a message, I had to twice type in those verification words--you know, the ones that look like they were made by a typewriter with palsy and not enough ink. After a few messages, it started to be like a little game with the computer--what cryptic combination would be next? The two words together often had such interesting connotations: hints of poetry, espionage, gastronomic homage, noir and idealism. . .

prison Ratelle

morning nation

1949 Thurber (a good year, that)

whereon Garbett

crazed siers

Jacob $100-a-plate

be DORSEY


These word combinations make me itch to be a better writer (and free time to do them justice). Rosa or Becky, any similar urges?

Oh, these shoes! Oh, the dilemma!

Ok, so I have been needed a cute pair of brown heels for about 5 years now--from way back in Seaside when I bought the most adorable cream lace summer dress from Anthropologie (my favorite store that I can't afford). It is really old-fashioned, with a full slip underneath and an overdress with thick lace straps making a square neckline, dropped waist, falling to just below the knee. It has lots of beautiful detail and when I wear it, I always get compliments from other women. Of course, I have not worn it much for several good reasons: I have spent most of this decade pregnant or nursing; it is pretty darn cold here in the summer and I have yet to find a cute, just-right cardi to wear with it; and I have never had the right shoes to go with it. (The model in the catalogue was barefoot, I realized retrospectively, which is not a good sign.) Then I got another dress that has also needed brown heels. And then a skirt. It may sound reckless to be buying clothes that don't have shoes that coordinate well, but I have always made do with what I have.

And here is what I have:

--dainty black slingbacks with kitten heel

--black Dansko sandals with big fat euro heel

--black combat style chunky heeled boots

--black mary jane crocs

Yup, that's it.

--The slingbacks I bought to wear to a wedding several years back and although they are comfortable, the tiny heel makes me feel insecure--esp. when holding a baby--and they squeak when I walk.

--The Danskos are great sandals, but--being sandals--are not appropriate for at least half of the year, and are modern styled to boot, so no good with the dresses in question.

--The boots are left over from CO when I needed something to get to my classes in through the snow--but they are currently my only "winter" shoe, so for the moment I am keeping them.

--Alas, the sweet black leather zip up boots I inhereited from my grandma Evah (along with the burgandy leather trenchcoat--oh, to have a cool grandmother and be the only grandchild who is her same size!) are now officially too small. I find my foot has grown 1/2 a size in the past few years and I am too old to sacrifice my feet for fashion.

--The crocs are so practical, so even though I will always have to laugh embarassedly when remembering Bill Maher describing them as shoes for patients in mental institutions, I am keeping them.

Even my beloved tennies (black, of course--retro bowling shoe styled, irreplaceable, although I must try!) have gone kaput and I am without even that staple.

Have you noticed I desperately need some shoes?

Anyway, I started a serious search for shoes online the other day (after trying out almost all the shoe stores in Aptos/Santa Cruz) and finally found a pair that were almost exactly what I had had in mind all these years: "Cheerful" by Steve Madden.

I love the look. They are just the right shade of brown (see smaller pic), and actually comfortable, even (esp., since I never wear them) without nylons. BUT they have some drawbacks: they are a higher heel than I was hoping for. Not too high, but obviously not as comfortable, and not as stable for carrying kids (esp. with a bum knee). On the other hand, I will not be wearing them while doing a lot of walking--mainly to church, out to eat, etc. Another major drawback: it turns out D does not like heels. We have been married for thirteen years and I never knew this? So, since I prefer a lower heel anyway, and my husband will find me more attractive in a lower heel, maybe I should return these for something more practical. BUT I have been looking seriously for some time now, and it is so hard to find cute shoes that have the look I want that are also comfortable! And of course they were not cheap, since I have such excellent taste ; ), and of course D's company just yesterday announced they were cutting back everyone's salary by 5%. That sets us back, income wise, by 3 years. So perhaps that is one more reason to send them back and just wait awhile--its not like I will be wearing either of the dresses for which I am buying these shoes for at least another year, due to the whole nursing thing, and the skirt I can just wear black with and get by.

And the final issue: being the dunderhead I am, I wore the shoes around for a few minutes, you know, like you do when you get new shoes, to see if they are all right. Except it did not occur to me that the miniscule bits of dirt on our hardwood floors would so blatantly scratch up the bottom of the shoes. And the invoice so clearly states to try them out on carpet to prevent marking the soles, which might affect your ability to return them.

Sigh!

Ok, sisters, please give me help! I can't decide what to do about these shoes. Please tell me in the poll on the right sidebar. I need your expert opinions!

secret satisfaction

Ok, so even though we do not have TV, I managed to watch the end of the last season of American Idol. I had watched the last quarter of the very first season seven years ago back in CO, when D was out here in CA already and it was pretty quiet by myself in the evenings. But TV has not been a part of our lives since then (of which I am grateful), not so much due to intellectual snobbery or self-righteous moral superiority (although these do come into play ; ) as logistics: we have not had any decent TV reception since moving to CA. I remember trying to watch the Winter Olympics there in Seaside--couldn't hardly see the athletes for all the "snow"! And here under the redwoods we get nuthin,' I mean nuthin' at all.

BUT last year near the end of the American Idol competition--I think down to the final 12 contestants--a news article piqued my interest and led me to my new source of A.I.: youtube. The show is on Tues nights, so Weds mornings I would sit down at the computer for my "elevensies" (tea + snack) and look at a recap of the previous night's performances on Google news, from which I would select the best sounding snippets to hunt down on youtube.

Alas, copyright infringement is not allowing me to download and post here the video I want to share, so those who are interested can follow the link to what was undoubtedly one of the best performances of the entire last season:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_aiawC-9aM

A version of Chris Cornell's version of Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean." And while I love the Cornell version, this is even better, due to that one brilliantly held note that was all David Cook's embellishment.

He won the competition, in case you are with radio as I am with TV.

photo from http://wayfm.typepad.com/

Me, after the kids are in bed

All my friends, I would love to see your inner superhero!

http://www.cpbintegrated.com/theherofactory/

Its outta here!

I have so many things I am supposed to be doing today, so I may not get to post much, even though I have been itching to share a few things--some nonscensical, some philosophical, none all that important. : ) But one of the things I am doing this weekend is FINALLY getting out bags and boxes of STUFF I have been sorting through and purging whatever I can (and whatever D will let me release to the greater world). Some of it will go to Goodwill, some are returns to ship back, some I will deliver to the doors of strangers. Yep, for those of you who have not heard me sing the praises of Freecycle, this posting is for you. Freecycle is an international grass-roots movement committed to recycling/reusing that uses local groups of like-minded people to keep stuff out of landfills and save people from buying stuff if they don't have to. You sign up at the yahoo user group freecycle.org, and get on their email listing for your area. You will receive notice via email when there is stuff free for the taking, and you can post things that you have that you don't want anymore.

The only rules are that everyone should offer something at least once, and to be courteous to everyone else. Whatever is listed should be legal, appropriate for anyone, and completely FREE.

FREECYCLE is AWESOME! Every person should belong to a group--seriously. Here are some of the things we have been blessed with:
--the loan of an amazing (expensive) wood and metal European folding booster seat. We got it on loan from a complete stranger when B needed it, and we just recently contacted the people to see if they need it back or if we can keep using it for E!
--the loan of a pop-up camper for 2 months! Again, perfect strangers--the loveliest people!--up in the Santa Cruz mountains not only loaned us this excellent little camper so all our parents would have a place to stay when they came to visit around the time of E's birth, but they brought it to us and took it back home again!
--a rosewood Chinese abacus! this one has a cool story: i posted that i wanted an abacus and a lady responded back that she had a lovely one she bought for her accountant father years back. He had just recently passed away and she had sorted out a bunch of stuff to donate to Goodwill, but then she could not bear to put the abacus into the load because she wanted to give it to someone who she knew would appreciate it. not one week later she saw our posting and was so happy to give it to us!
--a barley-filled hot/cold neck pillow for a recurring neck injury
--a pair of crutches when I fell and hurt my knee.
--furniture for international students

The list goes on and on. And it is all FREE!

And here are some of the things I have blessed strangers with:
--two, count em,' two french press parts after D broke the glass carafes
--child clothes that we did not need that had small stains or holes and I could not give to Goodwill
--broken toys
--broken appliances
--old computer parts
--foodstuffs that had been given to us that we could not use

All the time people throw stuff away that someone might actually want--it just takes a few minutes to make a posting and find out if someone wants what you don't!

So there you go, my little freecycle sermon. Please check it out! : )

P.S. You don't have to deliver stuff to people on freecycle--but it is the sure-fire way to get it out of your house ASAP. And since my in-laws are coming this weekend. . .

Officially Over!

Ok, when your friends start either offering to buy you food at the store (sara!) or actually bring food to you from the store (becky!), you know it is time to end the groccery store boycott. My experiment is clearly inspiring more pity than anything else at this point, it seems. ; )

Thank you, my friends, for your thoughtfulness. I know you were not acting out of concern for my family's health, but out of support for me (and the laziness and dread of shopping with 4 children that lie at the root of the experiment!)

I will go to Safeway tomorrow!

laughing, wistfully

from an email digest I received this morning:

Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit thefloor in the morning, Satan shudders & says...
"Oh no! She's awake."

Loving Acts of Service Part 2

Tues a dear friend gave me the gift of an entire day without children. Well, broken up by picking up M from kindergarten and nursing E, but several hours in one stretch in the morning and then again in the afternoon. First thing in the morning she sent me away from her home childless, but not empty-handed, with a little treasure hunt of envelopes to lead me to a coffeeshop for chai and breakfast to go, then on to a neighborhood beach with her ipod and music for surf-walking and basking in God's presence.

My friend set the mood for the day with a song I was instructed to play immediately upon leaving her driveway, "New Day" by the Robbie Seay Band:

I'm gonna sing this song
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you're like me
You need hope, coffee, and melody
So sit back down
Let the world keep spinning ‘round
For yesterday's gone and today is waiting on you to show your face

It might not be
The prettiest thing that you'll ever see
But it’s a new day, oh baby, it’s a new day
And it might not look like
A beautiful sunrise
But it's a new day, oh baby, it’s a new day. . .



photo from "this is blandiose.org" is of a beach in Aptos--does not look like the exact one where I wandered, eyes on tumbling water and roaming for sea glass, but the slant of the light and friendly solitude in the photo are so close.

Loving Acts of Service Pt 1

Some of you heard about what D gave me for my birthday this past year. Ok, so this happened in Nov, but events this past week brought it fondly to my mind, and I thought I would share it here now. D came up with it all on his own, and he gets serious husband points:

He took the day off of work, and after lunch loaded up everyone in the mini van for a mysterious errand. He had previously arranged with two of my favorite women here in CA to bring their kids to a local park to join ours for a playdate. Then he sent me off with the two friends for tea and yummies at Mr. Toots coffeeshop in Capitola for a couple of hours, while he hung out with ALL the kids. It was so thoughtful, and a good time was had by all.

This would be part of the view from the balcony--look to your left from where you stand, and behold the open Bay.

And we sat there in the brown booth on the left corner in this pic--I with Earl Grey, and the most amazing, monstrous peanut butter cookie.


I think the best birthday present I have yet received.

(I stole the photos from Santa Cruzin.org)

Tea, at its finest

Photo © Extrait du livre Thé Français, Flammarion, Photo Francis Hammond.

These images convey the luxurious, rich, full-bodied flavors of my favorite teas, by Mariage Frères. This, the oldest tea company in France, views their teas as not just a daily drink, but more like wines--to be savored. Obviously good taste in tea, as in wines, does not come cheap, but D--I mean Santa--has been keeping my stocking stocked for the past few years. My favorite is Marco Polo, which has the most amazing bouquet (thank you, Cathy, for introducing me!), but they also have a lovely naturally-decaffeinated Roiboos called Bourbon Vanilla Tisane (tisane is a fancy word for infusion of herbs, since there is technically no tea in herbal tea). And this year's new flavor for my stocking was called Himalayan Rose. Even the names of these teas are delicious.

Photo from the Oswego Tea blog

My request for next Christmas will be Chandernagor Tea from Mariage Frères, pictured above. I have suspicions it will make a lovely chai, which is my all-time favorite comfort drink.