eagerly anticipating a worn-out spoon in my Christmas stocking!

I am really excited for this year's Christmas stockings. When D and I first got married, we agreed that stockings aren't just for kids, and so every person in our family has them and we all hang them up Christmas eve and find them laden with goodies (so heavy they are laying under the Christmas tree) the next morning.

It is a good thing my kids don't read my blog. Yet. Spoilers ahead! We have never told them there is a Santa Claus (i.e. we never lie to them, ever) but we have read stories that feature Santa and so they have made assumptions we have not corrected. But if they ever ask, like 4-year-old B did just last week, how Santa comes down the chimney when we have a fire going in the fireplace and the doors closed so tightly, we just say, "That's a really good question. What do you think?" G, turning 9 this weekend, has been asking such questions for years, but just this year really listened to my responses, and has figured out there is no living person called Santa Claus. But she is still eagerly awaiting the stockings and Christmas morning gift-giving (ok, the receiving). She is on her way to figuring out that Santa Claus is a symbol for the joy of giving (and receiving), and for spreading love through giving (and receiving) as a way of celebrating God's gift of Jesus to the world.

The kids don't get anything extravagant in their stockings: new undies, a new book, new toothbrushes or flossing tools, socks, slippers, hairthings, art supplies. Sometimes there is a small toy, but nothing plastic or cheap. Last year they all got different music makers: harmonica (a REAL one), mouth harp, kazoo, percussion sticks (for the baby boy!). And every year each child gets a yellow chocolate banana slug. (It's a Santa Cruz thing.) But the kids are so easily pleased, and rejoice over every little thing--it is really fun to share with them.

D and I fill each other's stockings. I make it easier on D by buying a few things for myself when I see them at a good price and saving them for my stocking. So this year, I know my stocking will at least have some awesome new SmartWool patterned socks (the best socks I have ever worn in my entire life) a Josh Groban Christmas CD, new dish-washing scrubbies, and the Christmas ornament pictured above that I just love for its symbolism. All these things I bought during really good sales, up to 75% off (one of the reasons I shop year round!). The night before Christmas, "Santa" will add his own surprises, like my favorite expensive tea and yummy dark chocolate treats.

Filling D's stocking is hard for me. Most of the things he wants I can't afford, or can't pick out without his help (new car parts, tools, etc.). So I have some basics that he gets in his stocking every year, and that I know he does enjoy: (no spoilers here! ; ) something dark chocolate, coffee beans, and a blue-label Chimay beer (at $7 a bottle, it's a special treat). But I never know what else to add, and confess that sometimes I am just trying to think of something to buy because I want to fill his stocking, not because I know he really wants it. I hate that, although I am careful enough in my shopping so that I think he does generally like the items I get him--but they are not necessarily anything he needed or really wanted. This kind of gift-giving is not at all in line with my ideals, which I have been sharing here recently.

This year we are faced with a very limited budget. As in not really any "extra" at all. So I am very thankful that because I shop year-round we are almost completely done with all our gift-giving. Except for stockings. The girls are pretty well covered--the few things we still need to buy they actually need, like panties and socks, so we will still get those, and of course we want to have the traditional chocolate banana slugs, which are not very expensive.

So it was really just D's stocking that I had been bummed about. What was I going to put into it that would be a surprise, really inexpensive, but--most importantly--meaningful?

And then divine inspiration hit. D and I decided that this year we are going to fill each other's stockings with things from around the house that represent something we love about the other person or are thankful for in the other person.

This idea represents everything I love about Christmas, and fits our budget! It is unique and memorable. It spreads love. It does not generate waste or add clutter. It is free.
And I think this idea will make filling each others stockings so much more fun--no more feeling like I need to buy something just to fill up the stocking, no more worrying what he will like. It may be an old sock, but it will be full of loving meaning and worth a chuckle to boot. I have a feeling this will be a new tradition, even when we have "plenty" of money for gifts.

I am eagerly anticipating Christmas morning and discovering what "Santa" has put in my stocking.

And THAT"s a good Christmas feeling.

One Present = Two Gifts

A few posts ago I blogged about Trade as One, the fair trade organization that helps lift people out of cycles of poverty and abuse by helping them earn a living wage for their hand-crafts. I love this idea so much--what could be better than a gift blessing two people for the price of one? My loved one gets a beautiful and useful gift, and the third-world laborer who hand-crafted the item can support his or her family. Many of the women who are crafting goods for Trade as One are former sex workers; fair trade opportunities like this give them a rare chance to get out.

Now tonight--once again following the link trail from blog to blog while nursing E--I came upon another cool way to make a Christmas gift give twice: the Sugarplum Boutique makes the most adorable hair bows, knitted beanies, etc. and all the profits go to support orphans and help get them into loving homes!*

Look at this beanie--what's not to love?!

And if you visit the website by Tuesday evening, you can enter to win a gift certificate to the Sugarplum Boutique!

*If you are not sure if helping other people adopt kids is on your priority list, please just take a quick peek at some of the blogs I have added to the lower right-hand sidebar, or watch this. There are kids all over the world who will never have families, who will literally waste away in institutions or end up begging on the roadsides because of their "special needs." In America, every orphan, disabled or not, has opportunities and can live a good life--in many other countries, this is just not the case. Many of these kids are saved through international adoption--which can cost up to $30,000.

The Amazing Three Wolf T-Shirt

This one is dedicated to my brother-in-law Chris*:

If you are in the mood for a good laugh, please go visit amazon.com to read the reviews left by people about this shirt. I have no clue how this shirt became a recent pop-culture in-joke, since of course we don't have TV or listen to the radio. Heck, maybe everyone who reads this has already seen the shirt or read its reviews. I am always the last to know. But just in case you too live in a pop-culture vacuum, a few mornings ago a news article mentioned it and conveniently shared the link.

The funniest thing about it for me is that these people used the comment section of an online store as a forum for well-crafted creative writing.

Ok, so it did not get me howling with laughter (that pun's for you, dad) but it got me chuckling big time. While some of the writing is genuinely funny, it is just the whole idea that I find hilarious.

And while you are there, be sure to check out the comments for Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz. As if buying milk on the internet is not funny enough in itself.


*Just be thankful my Christmas shopping was already done.

Blessing of the Week: those who use birthdays as an excuse for extra special lovin' on me

Friday was my birthday, and my husband and three good friends conspired to get me away from the everyday for a few hours, much like they did for my birthday last year. My husband arranged to use the gym and nursery at church for a few hours, and he single-handedly cared for ELEVEN children under the ages of nine. Including baby E and another one-year old. Come to think of it, I am not sure who was crazier--my husband or my friends who left their children in his hands! ; ) I'm just looking back in amazement--from what I heard later, the kids had a ball, and all went well.

And we ladies certainly had a lovely time. But then again: girlfriends - children (except one happy baby henry) + restaurant named "Chocolate" = good time. All the food we sampled was fantastic, but the Venezuelan dark hot chocolate made it a true celebration.

I only wish some of you, my far-away friends, could have been with us!

And, yes, my husband does rock.


Photo of one of my birthday gifts--thanks, friends, for all the well-wishes and warm fuzzies.

blogs: food for the brain, and the heart

Wow. This week as I was in front of the computer while nursing, I decided to branch out from my usual blogs and follow links to see where they would take me. The result surprised me: I don't think I have learned this much in one week EVER in my life. My brain--my poor, muddled, sleep-deprived brain feels like it has swelled with nourishing new information. I feel more lucid, more aware, more awake than before. I love the feeling--I have been so foggy brained for so long (this blog being my only creative brain-workout) and learning new things, and such a variety of things, has brought me clarity.

Here are just a FEW of the things I have been learning about (the ones I can remember right now--ha!):

--Britian shipped thousands of poor children to its colonies, esp. Australia--up until 1967!
--recent statistics of orphans worldwide
--Racism in connection with multi-race adoptions
--David Duke and his attempts to "modernize" the KKK
--modern medical uses for leaches
--Lesch-Nyhan syndrome, a genetic disorder that leads its suffers, mostly male, to severe self-mutilation
--reactive detatchment disorder (RAD)
--facial characteristics of Fetal Alchohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD)
--Screwworms (which can be found in California year round), bot flies and Furuncular myiasis

(wow, this is a pretty depressing/gross list so far . . . let me get on to some more positive)

--churches who are taking stances and putting their beliefs into practive, such as "The Radical Experiment" at Brook Hills Church and a church in Florida who made a public announcement that they would find adoptive homes for any child who was brought to them.
--people who are purposefully adopting HIV/AIDS kids--did you know HIV is considered a "managable" disease in the US now, and kids who get treatment can expect to live long, full lives?
--children rescued from sex-trafficing
--beautiful true story of God providing a way for a family who wanted to adopt
--Rebecca Walker--daughter of Alice Walker (The Color Purple)--whom I had not previously heard of, but who Time Magazine called "one of the fifty most influential leaders of her generation." That's my generation. And she has a blog.
--there are people in our world today who are chosing to live moneyless. Yes, live completely without using money.

My mind feels crazy-wide open!

But the best part of my virtual meanderings has been discovering several blogs that have challenged my ways of thinking about my role in this world, God's call for us to care for widows and orphans, and the beauties of homeschool. I have been challenged and encouraged and inspired in turn as I read what these amazing, joyful, self-sacrificing women are doing to better the world in purposeful, concrete, definitely hard but fruitful ways. I am making a new blogroll over on the sidebar, dedicated to these blogs. If you are ever feeling discouraged as a mom--esp. as a homeschool mom--I recommend checking out one of these blogs. The moms are doing amazing things, but make no pretenses of being "Supermoms" and their down-to-earth, honest writing has given me so much this week to nourish my spirit.

Time on the computer can be a phenomenal waste of time. I am working hard to fend off a rising addiction, which started when I was sick those three weeks and had no energy and just sat in front of the computer much of the time. Once I got well, I found it was hard to re-train myself to get up and moving, so I have been making conscious time-decisions about my computer use. But I feel no guilt whatsoever for all the blog reading I do while I am breast-feeding E--good for him, good for me.

And especially this week, REALLY good for me.

ridiculously proud of myself

This one is dedicated to Dawn.

Last night I went to the fridge when it was time to make dinner, and looked to see what needed to be used up. I have a fair amount of fresh veggies, but none that needed to be used immediately, and none that inspired me.

What was crying out to be used:
--half of a big can of pureed pumpkin (E eats as baby food)
--half a tub of ricotta cheese
--two servings of leftover oatmeal

First response--apprehension. Second response--inspiration.

I sauteed some onion, then added the pumpkin and oatmeal and mashed it all together. Added one can of diced tomatoes and some water and cinnamon, cumin, oregano and pepper. Let simmer for 15 min., then turn off heat and mix in ricotta. Voila!

I called it "Pumpkin Surprise Soup" and the girls really liked it.

I myself thought it was just "Meh," until I added a dash of leftover chili sauce from Charlie Hong Kong's. Perfect! It had a creamy, spicy Caribbean thing going on. D and I ate it after the kids were in bed with a side of tortilla chips and fresh avocado. Mmmmmmmmm.

But I must say, I can't believe I pulled that one off. ; )

You see, while I really can't stand waste, I confess I waste food all the time. I am much better than I used to be, now that we have a new fridge. In the old one, stuff would get lost on the bottom shelves all the time; in our new fridge, which has the freezer on the bottom and "armoire" style doors, I can see EVERYTHING really well. I am no longer losing food, and since it is all right in front of my face, I no longer forget what we have and what needs to be used up.

So now I tend to only waste the last, lingering bits of food--that last helping of baby spinach that gets slimy before I have used up the bag; that last piece of bread that I forgot to put in the fridge and so it molded, etc. But I am trying to be really proactive about those too, and not let little bits linger. This means I am getting creative with how to combine those little bits into something palatable.

Usually the results are quite good, if unusual, like last night's "surprise" soup.

I think I need to come up with a term for this kind of "rescue" cooking. Something like "scavenging". . . but that sounds more appetizing. Or like "refrigerator gleaning". . . something like the concept of "up-cycling" except for food. . . .

Anyone?

Christmas shopping--done by October

I stopped by the Trade as One fair trade "boutique" after the church service Sunday, and as I walked around looking at things, I found myself moaning with pleasure (aloud!) over some of the beautiful things. A gorgeous black bowl from Guatemala, what felt like really smooth stone-like pottery. A ring made out of tiny multi-hued brown beads, with a tassle of beads on top--baby E really liked it too. A hand-tooled red leather journal. An embroidered grey wool satchel. A red beaded bracelet that reminded me of a bejeweled sea cucumber. A beautiful velvety matte black mug from Vietnam with a sea blue crackle glaze inside. Lovely stuff.


I did not buy a thing. And that's because 1) we have no money for extra stuff this year, and 2) I did not NEED any of it, and 3) I had almost all of my Christmas shopping done before the end of October!


Years ago I started looking for and gathering gifts year-round, one way I can try to keep Christmas gift-giving both more affordable and more meaningful. I have succeeded in the more affordable--but have only been succeeding in the more meaningful category for the past two years, I would say. Clearly, if you shop year-round you can get things when they are on sale. But the easy trap I used to fall into was buying gifts that were really nice things at awesome prices--and then later trying to figure out who it would be for. Or thinking, "this would fit so and so" and so buying it for that person with the assumption that she would like it because it was a nice thing, even if it was not necessarily her kind of thing. It is a lot harder, and requires more relationship, to figure out what a person really likes and wants. But shouldn't relationship be the point?


So as I grow in gift-giving experience, I am getting better at choosing gifts--I think. ; ) The recipients are much too well-mannered to tell me otherwise! But, somewhat ironically, I think I have been giving better gifts in the past few years of frugal shopping then I had before, when we had more $ to spend on gifts. Having less money to spend makes me shop more carefully, and I am more apt to be creative and make gifts, or to give simple but more meaning-invested gifts. Or even be completely glad to give gift cards, for those who really do prefer those. I find having to rethink old patterns of spending and giving around Christmas has opened up my heart to new ways of loving people--such as focusing my gift more on them (what they really want) and not myself (what I really want to give them). And giving more gifts of self, and less stuff.


At first I struggled with giving just one simple gift to someone for Christmas. It seemed miserly, cheap, unloving, esp. if I knew the person would be giving me a bigger, "better" present--or multiple presents. It is a tricky thing--wanting to show love to someone with a gift, but not wanting to perpetuate the cycles of guilt-giving and too much stuff. I know there are certain family members who may well feel unloved if they only get one present, even if I make it a really good one--or at least they may feel unappreciated, since they most likely will have given us a pile of presents. So for those people, I try to make the gifts themselves less inexpensive, but more numerous and fraught with meaning. ; ) But for most of our family members, I have just given the simple gift as it is, figuring they will either accept it with graciousness or won't. I am not responsible for how someone receives a gift, just for how I give it.


And I have taken the same lesson to heart myself! I have been learning how to be content with giving simple gifts from a wide-open heart, not feeling embarassed by our sometimes meagre resources--because, actually, even if we had more money, I would still choose to give gifts the way we have been these past couple of years. It is a little about being wise with money, and a little about purposefully choosing to be part of a cultural shift away from over-consumerisn at Christmastime, and a little about wanting to return to more simmple, old-fashioned ways of celebrating that have nothing to do with "stuff." But mostly it is about wanting to give from a focus on love, and receive with a focus on thanksgiving.


Getting to sometimes give and receive such beautiful things--that's called icing on the cake! Now that I know about Trade for One, I may work some of their offerings into my gift plan for next year. I would love to think that the $ we do spend is helping make the world a better place. But even then, I will buy with the same values--gifts that are practical and not just beautiful, gifts that are inexpensive but not cheaply made, gifts that fit the recipient and not just my own shopping tastes. : )

Anyone who is interested, check out the Trade for One website, where you can find out if there will be a Trade for One event in your area, or even browse the goods they offer online.

Approaching the holidays with peace and perspective

I am working, slowly, on the second posting about scheduling life. One friend has enouraged me to keep writing about it, so I will--thanks, friend!--but as I sit here ready to type while E is sleeping and the girls are momentarily happily coloring at the kitchen table, I find there is something else on my mind that I want to write about first.

The topic is reclaiming Christmas. There are SO many ways I have been re-thinking this holiday, changing my attitudes and expectations, and making new, more healthy traditions. I hope to share some of the best parts of this with you readers between now and Christmas. For today, I want to focus on wise consumership during the holidays--not just reining in over-spending, but actually challenging and maybe changing our perspectives on gift-giving and how we show (or don't show!) love to one another through gift-giving. And putting the focus of Christmas back on the Christ child and love and family and joy and peace.

I don't really have much to SAY about this--there are too many other people who have already said it better than I could. For example, the "Reverend" Billy from the brilliant documentary What Would Jesus Buy?:



"Reverend" Billy is not a pastor--I don't even think he is Christian. He is an actor with passion about the glut and greed of our overly consumeristic society in America, and has a "schtick" that not only grabs people's attention but also hits at a true spirtual void in our culture.

Or the grass-roots movement dear to my heart, the Advent Conspiracy, which helps put spending in a real-world perspective and suggests a framework for remodeling our celebrations around what really matters:



Or Trade as One, which will be hosting a fair-trade bazaar at Vintage Faith this upcoming Sunday, who encourages you to use your spending to help make the world a better place:



In Christmases past, I have been discouraged and frustrated by many aspects of gift-giving, and have felt disconnected from the real meaning of the season. I have felt like a real grinch, being ungrateful for the gifts I was receiving, and having no joy as I shopped for others out of guilt but not a desire to love them through giving. Or having too much fun selecting the "perfect" gift for someone (i.e. what I like, or what I think they "need") but refusing to give them what I knew they would really want. These attitudes reflect many things: how I have sinned against the Christmas Spirit, if you will, by making the focus on me and my wants. How I have been wounded by some people using Christmas "giving" to send a negative message to me. How deep in me is a legitimate spiritual ache for a better way to "celebrate" Christmas--one that cherishes what is worth cherishing, and nourishes the human spirit instead of draining and deflating it (or overpadding it!). But with all these different things I was feeling for year after year, I seriously thought it was just me, and there was nothing to do about it.

Each of the three video clips I shared above represent FREEDOM for me. First came the documentary, which I am not sure many people saw but which I want all of my loved ones to see. I realized that I was not alone in my despair about Christmas gift-giving, and had newfound courage to take a stand against some things we had been doing for years that we did not want to do but felt like we had to do--like get a small stack of presents for certain family members, instead of just one nice, meaningful gift. Because a small stack of gifts represents how much we love them, right?

The Advent Conspiracy took these basic realizations and made them more personal, more spiritual, and gave a postive goal to take the place of the old gift giving.

Then this year Trade as One takes the ideas one step further--now that we have addressed reigning in rampant spending, and better, more meaningful alternatives, we can consider how to be purposeful in buying the things we are going to buy. Actually using spending money (which we are going to be doing, just hopefully with wisdom and love and restraint) to help others around the globe.

Christmas just keeps getting better and better.

*The Trade as One boutique will be this Sunday, November 15 from 10:00 a.m. until 9:30 p.m. in the room directly opposite the sanctuary. Local friends, consider stopping by!

a brief history of baring it all

Finally, a posting worthy of dedicating to my big sister Rebecca! ; )

Ain't she cute? Ok, no that's not my sister, but this photo does bring back memories of the voluptuous teenager she was, very cute and curvy--I was more long and, um, sleek (the opposite of curvy, if you will).

This image comes from a fascinating photo-essay on Slate.com, about the history of the bikini. Two pieces (ha!) of information I learned from the article: First, when the bikini first came on the scene in Paris, the models there were so scandalized they refused to model it. So who did the designer find to model? A stripper named Micheline Bernardini, pictured above.

Second, before the bikini, women's swimwear took its modesty cues from the movies. Fascinating!

Notable quotation from the photo essay: A few years ago, Sports Illustrated dug up a 1957 issue of Modern Girl that declared: "It is hardly necessary to waste words over the so-called bikini since it is inconceivable that any girl with tact and decency would ever wear such a thing."

http://www.slate.com/id/2221241/?obref=obinsite

This is all the more interesting when contrasted with an article I read when visiting Susan in Colorado Springs (it was from a magazine in your living room, Susan--maybe a Newsweek?) that discussed the recent "alarming" trend among young French women to be more modest in their swimwear, esp. eschewing the topless beaches.

My own opinions about bikinis developed mainly from two realization: one, that most women look worse and not better when they bare it all; second, that I believe modesty is valuable, and want to instill an appreciation of it in my chidren.

We are not at all prudes around the house, partly out of practicality:

And partly because we are trying to teach the children to think their bodies and what their bodies do are good, beautiful, natural things. That their bodies are designed brilliantly, and should be admired for their miraculous qualities and their intrinsic aesthetics. That nothing about our bodies is bad except how we sometimes choose to use them to hurt or offend others. How our bodies and spirits are part of a whole person, and we cannot separate one from the other, and so what we do with out bodies affects our spirits, and vice versa.

Clearly there are so many ways we could talk about this subject and get really deep and profound, but let's just get back to the bikinis. ; )

Most of you probably have figured out that our girls will not be wearing skin-baring clothing until they are out on their own--what they do as adults will be completely up to them. But as kids, I have the perfect beachwear for them:

Not a great pic--taken when visiting a friend with a pool!--but you can see their swimwear, which is most decidedly modest. But that is not why I love these suits, which we get from a company out here in CA called Tuga Swimwear. I love them because:

--no more slathering on sunscreen! with these SPF rated suits and their sunhats they are protected fully unless we are out for a long time or in very intense sun, when we still need to lather arms and legs and faces. Esp. no more burned areas on shoulders and backs where regular suits rub off the sunscreen or where parent fingers sometimes don't get the lotion all the way to the edges of the suit!

--no more sand rubbing painfully in tender areas! No more sand in diapers! Even when the kids bury themselves in the sand!

--no sand in the crotch means no sand sneaking home in the suimsuit crotch to spill all over the bathroom floor when girls clean off in the shower! (ok, some still sticks to the fabric, so we still strip out on the back deck when we come from the beach--but nothing like my memories of the handful of beach we would be sitting on all the way back to Aunt Rosalie's house in, when we would strip in the shower and watch it go down the shower drain. Bring back memories, Rebecca?)

--we can go from playground to beach, etc. and the kids are more comfortable and ready for anything!

When the girls are older, they may not go for the full coverage swim combos anymore (the one-piece only go up to age 6 anyway, but I love the bike short/rashguard oldest sister G is wearing in the pic), but luckily it shouldn't be because they are not "cool"--because while California is the home of the bikini here in the USA, it is also the home of surfing USA, so a lot of the coolest girls wear rashguards and board shorts! Great white shark fears aside, I'll take a surfer girl over a stripper girl anytime!

So, there you have it, a bare bones (ha! i am really on a roll. a pathetic roll, but a roll.) perspective on swimwear past, present and future.

Photograph of Micheline Bernardini in 1946 courtesy Wikimedia Commons.

Dedicated to my big sister, of the bikini worthy curves, who now has two beautiful and modest teenage daughters. ; )

we interrupt the scheduled posting for a resounding THANK YOU LORD!

D just came home from church, where he took G and M this morning. I stayed home with B, who might have pinkeye, and E, who has a cold.

I went out to the driveway to greet him and ask them all to be quiet coming into the house because E was asleep. We chatted about their morning for a few minutes, enjoying the sunshine, and then D told me a story about what happened to them a few minutes ago:

They were in the minivan coming home from church, sitting at at red light at the intersection of Cabrillo/Highway 1 and Highway 9. They were in the left-hand lane, with the lane to turn onto Highway 9 on their left, another car in front of them, and another mini-van in the lane to their right, and the right-turn lane onto Hgwy 9/River St. to the right of that. He heard a horrible screetch of tires, like you hear right before a huge CRASH, and saw to his right an 80's muscle car barreling past him, trailing a huge cloud of black smoke. The car passed BETWEEN our minivan and the van in the right hand lane, running the red light and charging through that very busy intersection without accident.

D thinks the car was going about 45-50 mph when it entered the intersection. He figures the driver was speeding up while approaching the intersection, then had to slam on the brakes (enough to make them smoke so badly!) to try to stop, realized he could not, and chose to hit the gas to get through the intersection as fast as possible.

We drive on that road multiple times a week. I have never seen enough room for a whole car to fit between the cars parked in their lanes. A motocycle, yes. A mini-cooper, maybe. A full sized car? No. I cannot comprehend how that muscle car flew between two rows of vehicles--WIDE vehicles, mind you!--without even touching them. There should have been major wreckage to all the cars he passed, crumpled doors, shattered side windows--at the very least there should have been knocked off side-view mirrors, or even just one car's side scraped!

For that car to get through that very busy intersection unscathed while running the red light is something we would say was "a miracle," but mean it in the sense of an amazing, but conceviable possibility. But how the car made it past the cars waiting at the light seems to me inconceviable; truly impossible.

I firmly believe God just performed a quick, quiet miracle to save my family and the others there at the intersection.

Our mini-van has three rows of seats, and we have the last row pushed back as far as it goes to accommodate all the car seats. Both older girls were sitting in their seats in the last row, maybe 16 inches from the rear hatch. If that car had hit our vehicle, D would have been injured, but the girls would most likely have been killed.

But God is so good, he not only protected them from harm, but Beulah (our mini-van) too. In what should have been a horrible, tragic accident, NO ONE even got a scratch.

Amen, amen, amen!

the rhythm of life Pt. 1

I have been working on this for some time, and have been meaning to blog about it--and since Desiree over at the Happy (Atheist) Homemaker also wrote about this topic this week, I thought it was time to get my own butt in gear.

Rhythm of life Pt 1: FLYing by the days of the week
The topic is how we schedule life. There are several ways I do this, so I thought I would make a different posting for each application. This first post is on the way I structure the week for taking care of the home. I don't know when I first realized I needed to do this, but it was a few years ago, probably around the same time I discovered FlyLady*, who completely revitalized my ways of thinking about my home and how to maintain it with peace and joy. Ok, still working on the maintaining, the peace, and the joy, but she really has a great method to get you going on these things as a lifestyle, and her ideas--the ones that really worked for me--are the foundation for what I am doing now in my home. I am finding more and more that if I do not PLAN on something to happen, set aside time for it and make it an expectation, then it does not happen. This is true for everything from cleaning the bathroom to reading to my kids to date night with my husband.

Maybe the rest of you reading this never have problems remembering to get things done in a timely manner, or have more self-discipline than I do, or something. You can stop reading now and go spend the time you would have spent reading this post sitting comfortably, surveying your perfectly clean and well-ordered house and patting yourself on the back. You deserve it.

Any of you who are not yet perfectly in control of your homelife, I am writing this partly to help myself focus, since I am revamping the life schedule a bit and writing it out helps me work it through thoroughly, and partly in case some of you might find it interesting or even helpful.

Here are some of the FlyLady ideas for scheduling that I find have become part of the fabric of my daily/weekly existence, in a very good way:

The weekly home "blessing."
FlyLady has her own way of doing it, but here is how I make it work for me: schedule into the week two days when I plan to "bless" my house with quick-n-dirty cleaning. I do this on Mondays and Fridays, and these are the days I vacuum (i.e. get the helper monkeys to vacuum! ; ), swish the toilet, wipe down the bathroom, and imperfectly dust the house. By now this routine is so ingrained that I always remember it, even if I have a reason for not getting it done. But that is seriously half of the battle. And since this is very specifically NOT deep-cleaning time, it should only take about 30 minutes.

Breaking up the house into "zones."
I mentioned previously how the zones have worked really well for the girls: each girl has a zone in the bedroom she neatens as part of her morning routine, and then each girl has a zone in the living room she neatens as part of the evening routine. But it really comes in handy when working out my own deep cleaning chores. Flylady suggests breaking up your house into zones and then spending one week in each zone in rotation, spending 15 minutes a day doing a deep cleaning task. I have tried that, but was dissatisfied with how dirty the rest of the house seemed to get inbetween (between the wood-burning fireplace that puts out a lot of ash dust when D cleans it every morning and the dirt driveway that sneaks in on everyone's shoes, our house gets really dirty really fast). So I am trying a variant of this now: giving each section of the house a zone, and then spending 15 minutes in that zone on a different day of the week (this is time specifically for deep-cleaning, so is in addition to the bi-weekly home blessing and regular daily maintenance like doing dishes and picking up). So it is a daily rotation, not a weekly one.

So right now that looks like:

MONDAY: living room
TUESDAY: entry/back door areas
WEDNESDAY: kitchen
THURSDAY: bedroom (we only have one, which the kids use)
FRIDAY: bathroom
SATURDAY: shower room (they are separate in our little cabin built before indoor showers were the norm)

Sunday is the day of rest, of course. ; ) But I do usually try to clean the sink and counter in the kitchen on Sunday evening--nice to start out the week Monday morning with this welcome.

Saturday is also the day I take our bedding out to the back deck and shake/beat the dust out.

So when I am in the kitchen zone, I might clean out a cupboard or wipe down the cupboard fronts or wash the kitchen windows--the idea is to do one task that takes only about 15 minutes that you don't normally do when you are in the kitchen. It is basically maintaining the home in little increments, and it really works well, although only when you let go of the perfectionist need to have the entire house clean all at the same time! (Although thanks to mothers-in-law, there will still be times for that too! it is just not required on a daily/weekly basis.) The Flylady idea is that you end up having done an entire Spring cleaning in your house every 5 weeks--just a little bit at a time! She is more systematic about it, but I think my way works well too, it just may take longer than 5 weeks.

The beauty of scheduling is that there is a regular flow to the week, so housework has a logical time to be done, and once I get into the rhythm, I find yourself doing it without even thinking about it! And it all gets done, but not in the crash and burn kind of housecleaning I used to do, that leaves me irritable and exhausted--and so discouraged when it all looks dirty again the next day.

Other ways I use the weekly schedule:
Wednesday is both outdoor day (for garden work, girls getting to get really dirty outside) and anti-procrastination day (for doing anything I have been putting off!). Recently this is also my big cooking day, when I can motivate myself to be creative in using up foods in the fridge and cooking more elaborate meals. It just so happens Thursday is the day I get my weekly box of CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) veggies, so it makes sense to make room in the fridge and use up whatever veggies are still hanging around from the last week.

This may sound like a lot to tackle on poor old Weds, but somehow it works for me! Esp. since we are usually home all day Weds. and if the girls have had a good start to their homeschool week they can have an easy school day and their chores that day are also outside or things we have been putting off. It also works because cooking and working outside are two things I tend to procrastinate on!

But I think I also like Weds. (and Mondays and Fridays) as key scheduling days because they are so logically placed in the way I perceive the week. It is just the way my brain works.

Friday is also correspondence day. This means I consciously think of who I might need to call or email--consider this loving people long distance day. So I try to reach out to one person that day.

Scheduling special family time:
And each night of the week has a special focus, too, for building special family time. Each child gets one night a week to stay up and get quality one-on-one time with mom and dad, doing what she/he wants. G has Monday, M has Tuesday, B has Wednesday, E will have Thursday once he is old enough to notice his sisters are doing it. Friday night is date night (usually means I make pizza and D and I watch a movie on the computer. ; )

And my ideal has long been that one night a week is family night--either Sat or Sun night, when we would watch a family movie, play games, etc. But since we have never planned it officially into the week, we have only been doing these kinds of family things sporadically! So I need to get that into gear.

So that is the overall look of the week.

If anyone would like to share what YOU do in your weekly schedule, please do so in the comments! I find this kind of thinking about the week SO helpful, and would enjoy reading how you do it in your home.


Next topic: the rhythm of the day




* http://www.flylady.net/ I will write more about other helpful Flylady ideas in another post--some of them I cannot believe I ever did without.

Blessing of the week: daylight savings!

I'm lovin' it!

I have never felt this way about daylight savings before. In the past, the whole "Fall back" thing just means you can get an extra hour of sleep (well, that is before kids came along). Last year it was great because with adjusting to having four kids we were always running so late to church, and that Sunday we forgot about the time change and were so late we almost did not go, out of pure embarrassment, but went anyway--and arrived to find we were actually early! Whoo-hoo!

But this year, there is something different about it, something refreshing and revitalizing. My body clock is still on the old time, but this means that when I finally drag myself and baby E out of bed in the morning, even though I have been loafing, it is still only 8:00! And in the late afternoon, when it is starting to get dark and I think to myself, "huh, well, I'd better go figure out what to do for dinner"--it is only 5:00! That means dinner is on the table at 6, instead of the horrible hour of 7:00 I had gotten into for the previous couple of weeks (I have been meaning to write about my cooking blahs and procrastination for a while--meh, I'll do it later ; ) We actually have had the girls all ready for bed by 7:00 for several nights in a row! This makes the evening SO much better--instead of me being too tired and *done*, I am thinking, "hey, we are early!" and then I have more patience for the whole bedtime routine, which is a GREAT thing! (Esp. because D has been working late this week, so I have been the "on" parent from get-up to go-down) And best of all, D and I are going to bed a little earlier! Our body clocks had been set to 11:00 pm for a loooooooong time. Even when I try, it seems like I can't get to bed sooner, and getting the kids to bed at 9 only exaserbates the problem. So now, when the body clock says, "I guess I should go to bed now," I look at the clock and it is 10:00! That just seems like such a little gift!

So, really, nothing has changed. My bad habits are still here, needing to be addressed--but this time shift feels like just a little bit of grace to tide me over while I re-teach myself some better time management practices. I still have the same # of daylight hours in which to do my work, and the same # of nighttime hours in which to get my sleep. But somehow my mind is tricked into feeling like there is more time, more sleep--and it is giving me energy and higher spirits.

And a fresher mind! How about you?

True or False:

1. Daylight-saving time is observed by all U.S. states and its territories.
2. One of the biggest reasons we change our clocks to daylight-saving time is to save electricity.
3. Beginning in 2007, daylight-saving time was extended by one month.
4. The American law by which we turn our clocks forward in the spring and back in the fall was instituted in 1890.

5. Benjamin Franklin was one of the first to suggest the idea of saving daylight.

Answers:

1. False. Daylight Saving is not observed in Hawaii, American Samoa, Guam, Puerto Rico, the Virgin Islands and most of Arizona (except the Navajo Indian Reservation in Arizona).
2. True. In general, energy uses and the demand for electricity for lighting our homes is directly connected to when we go to bed and when we get up.
3. True. Last year, daylight-saving time was extended one month and now begins for most of the United States at 2 a.m. on the second Sunday in March and lasts until the 2 a.m. on the first Sunday of November.
4. False. Although daylight-saving time has been around since the early 1900s, the law is known as the Uniform Time Act and was formerly instituted in 1966; it does not require anyone observe daylight-saving time, but states if we agree to observe it, it must be done uniformly.
5. True. American patriot Benjamin Franklin first published the idea in an essay written in 1784 entitled, “An Economical Project for Diminishing the Cost of Light.”


Image and quiz from https://newsline.llnl.gov

if mama ain't happy. . .

Ain't that the truth?

I have known this for years, but since summer I have really started to notice how much my words and tone of voice and responses affect our whole homelife. I learned years ago that whenever I started hearing the girls using snippy voices with each other, then I needed to listen to how I was using my own voice around the house. Monkey see, monkey do, right? ; ) But what I have been noticing is more than just my children emulating me. Recently I have become aware of how other people's responses to the girls seems to directly correlate to my own--other people take their cue from me.

For example, I used to admire how my husband could be so patient with the kids, esp. at the end of the day when I was done and he could waltz in from his commute home and help the kids do their final bedtime tasks, listen to them talk and talk and talk while he changed into his casual clothes, even get engaged in some discussion of the origin of everything, or whatever. According to him, they ask the most brilliant things while they are in bed but have not yet officially said good night. So they all talk for a long time some nights. I must say they are brilliant--getting all profound and cute so Daddy lets them stay up late and gives them his full attention. So awesome that they have that sweet daddy/daughter time. I, on the other hand, have been listening to them talk all day and my ears are by then completely full, and I have a baby who needs to be nursed and put down and I am not falling for that trick, no matter how cute or profound.

But I started to notice, back in those three horrible weeks I have already written about, that when he came home and I was done with the children and had succumbed to yelling or even just being snappish, he would not be the rescuer I was waiting for, but would be snappish himself, and most definitely not patient.

I would be surprised, and would think to myself, "Hey, that's not fair! I have been dealing with kids all day, and am just now starting to lose my cool--you can't just walk in and lose your cool in your first five minutes of parenting!"

Ok, ok, I realize this sounds like it is all about me. Ok, it is, but not in the way you are thinking. ; ) I completely acknowledge that my husband is certainly not expected to be a saint and have endless resources of patience and rescue me from my own life work. Well, not every day. And I am very aware that he too has a right to come home not in the best frame of mind and not have to be perfect. And that he sometimes has stressful days at work. And just like I can dream of being rescued, he can fanticize about coming home and finding his wife calm, showered and in the mood; his children clean, fed and sweetly in bed; his home a sanctuary from stress. Much, I imagine, like this:



But life is just not always like that, is it? So when D would come home and find me cranky with the kids and start in being cranky with the kids too, it first surprised me, then concerned me. One one hand, it is nice to feel supported and not condemmed for my frame of mind at that moment. On the other hand, it makes me feel a greater weight of responsibility for my words, tone of voice, attitude. I am not just capable of influencing my children's responses to one another, but also my husband's. Ugh.

And it is not just my husband! I noticed on our long road trip with my parents this past summer the same thing happening with them. The kids during our two week drive back from IL were overall REALLY GOOD KIDS. I just want to make that clear--REALLY, REALLY GOOD. Just plain awesome roadtrippers. But they are still kids, and still siblings, and so would still occassionally fight, mouth off, etc. So by the end of the day, I would sometimes be tired and short tempered--especially when we would stop for dinner at a restaurant, where you have higher expectations for the behavior of your children anyway. And I noticed that my parents would adopt a slight frown to their voices--not being harsh or negative in the least, but using that slightly grim "We're watching you, now" tone that indirectly tells the child you are expecting them to be bad. Even if the kids were BEING GOOD, all the adults were politely stern, as if that would keep them behaving well!

Ok, it is a little funny to look back on, but more sad for me. Because I know my parents, like D in the above example, were trying to be supportive of me, and were taking cues from me about how to interpret the situation and respond appropriately. They saw me tired and tense and were trying to a) step up and help give me a break from parenting solo, and b) keep the kids "good" because they interpreted my testiness as a sign that my kids were not being "good" and that I cared about them being "good."

I hope this makes sense. Mom and dad, you were great, and I am truly thankful for everything you did for me and the kids on that trip, and would do it again in a heartbeat. : ) You did nothing wrong--in fact, you were trying to be as helpful as possible, which is all I could ever ask for! But those moments were really good for me to see--it was like getting a glimpse of my own parenting skills (or lack thereof) from an outside perspective.

Having the lesson then affirmed in my home with my husband cinched it. The need is apparent: using the language of my whole body to reflect my spirit to build up my family, my home. Hmmmmm, now that I type that I am ashamed to say I had not previously thought of how this is another interpretation of one of the Proverbs most meaningful to me: The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down--Proverbs 14:1.

I am not a person who has read the Bible a bunch of times and can rattle off pertinent Scripture verses at the snap of a finger. I would like to know more, and will slowly but surely keep working on that journey too. But the few bits of Scripture that stick with me are those that seem to keep popping up when I do study, and seem to always speak to me in a new way. So they are probably the very ideas I most need to hear.

Here is another one, which is so relevant, and which comes to mind sometimes when I ain't happy: "Let your gentleness be evident to all--the Lord is near."* It becomes like a mantra for that moment: let my gentleness be evident to all. let my gentleness be evident to all.

So, dear readers, what do YOU do when you feel your best parenting efforts beginning to crumble and you need an instant dose of perspective? Please share your own in the comments--I would love to hear them. (Classroom experience counts too!)

Wishing all of you a week of happy parenting!

*Philippians 4:5. That chapter goes on to say:
". . . whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

image from tumbleweedpottery.com--i might need a plaque like this to keep me reminded of this lesson on a daily basis!

more monkey business

In my posting a few days ago I mentioned how the girls are my little "helper monkeys." And it brought to mind a funny story:
Once about a year ago when the girls first learned what helper monkeys were and we watched some youtube videos of them in action, helping people with disabilities, the girls liked pretending they were helper monkeys and so I set them to tasks and they pretended they were my "hands." I think they were supposed to be cleaning out the car that day, and at one point I looked out the window and thought I saw G doing something naughty or destructive--can't remember now--and went out to her in the car, scolding, "Bad monkey! Bad, bad monkey!" G was so hurt she burst into tears. I truly felt awful, because I had been trying to use humor to correct, but she had been taking her helper monkey job so seriously and turns out had not been doing anything wrong after all. Of course I apologized as best I could.

But sometimes, when I am angry at the girls, I hear myself saying in my head, "Bad monkey! Bad, bad monkey!"

the halloween follow-up

My garden/pumpkin patch

G and M: Native American princesses
B: ballerina
BFF: pirate and waitress


G's papoose!

M's papoose is loose and down to her caboose!

Breaking out the loot, before we even make it home.
Ah, childhood.

I hope all of you had a fun night too!