I stopped by the Trade as One fair trade "boutique" after the church service Sunday, and as I walked around looking at things, I found myself moaning with pleasure (aloud!) over some of the beautiful things. A gorgeous black bowl from Guatemala, what felt like really smooth stone-like pottery. A ring made out of tiny multi-hued brown beads, with a tassle of beads on top--baby E really liked it too. A hand-tooled red leather journal. An embroidered grey wool satchel. A red beaded bracelet that reminded me of a bejeweled sea cucumber. A beautiful velvety matte black mug from Vietnam with a sea blue crackle glaze inside. Lovely stuff.
I did not buy a thing. And that's because 1) we have no money for extra stuff this year, and 2) I did not NEED any of it, and 3) I had almost all of my Christmas shopping done before the end of October!
Years ago I started looking for and gathering gifts year-round, one way I can try to keep Christmas gift-giving both more affordable and more meaningful. I have succeeded in the more affordable--but have only been succeeding in the more meaningful category for the past two years, I would say. Clearly, if you shop year-round you can get things when they are on sale. But the easy trap I used to fall into was buying gifts that were really nice things at awesome prices--and then later trying to figure out who it would be for. Or thinking, "this would fit so and so" and so buying it for that person with the assumption that she would like it because it was a nice thing, even if it was not necessarily her kind of thing. It is a lot harder, and requires more relationship, to figure out what a person really likes and wants. But shouldn't relationship be the point?
So as I grow in gift-giving experience, I am getting better at choosing gifts--I think. ; ) The recipients are much too well-mannered to tell me otherwise! But, somewhat ironically, I think I have been giving better gifts in the past few years of frugal shopping then I had before, when we had more $ to spend on gifts. Having less money to spend makes me shop more carefully, and I am more apt to be creative and make gifts, or to give simple but more meaning-invested gifts. Or even be completely glad to give gift cards, for those who really do prefer those. I find having to rethink old patterns of spending and giving around Christmas has opened up my heart to new ways of loving people--such as focusing my gift more on them (what they really want) and not myself (what I really want to give them). And giving more gifts of self, and less stuff.
At first I struggled with giving just one simple gift to someone for Christmas. It seemed miserly, cheap, unloving, esp. if I knew the person would be giving me a bigger, "better" present--or multiple presents. It is a tricky thing--wanting to show love to someone with a gift, but not wanting to perpetuate the cycles of guilt-giving and too much stuff. I know there are certain family members who may well feel unloved if they only get one present, even if I make it a really good one--or at least they may feel unappreciated, since they most likely will have given us a pile of presents. So for those people, I try to make the gifts themselves less inexpensive, but more numerous and fraught with meaning. ; ) But for most of our family members, I have just given the simple gift as it is, figuring they will either accept it with graciousness or won't. I am not responsible for how someone receives a gift, just for how I give it.
And I have taken the same lesson to heart myself! I have been learning how to be content with giving simple gifts from a wide-open heart, not feeling embarassed by our sometimes meagre resources--because, actually, even if we had more money, I would still choose to give gifts the way we have been these past couple of years. It is a little about being wise with money, and a little about purposefully choosing to be part of a cultural shift away from over-consumerisn at Christmastime, and a little about wanting to return to more simmple, old-fashioned ways of celebrating that have nothing to do with "stuff." But mostly it is about wanting to give from a focus on love, and receive with a focus on thanksgiving.
Getting to sometimes give and receive such beautiful things--that's called icing on the cake! Now that I know about Trade for One, I may work some of their offerings into my gift plan for next year. I would love to think that the $ we do spend is helping make the world a better place. But even then, I will buy with the same values--gifts that are practical and not just beautiful, gifts that are inexpensive but not cheaply made, gifts that fit the recipient and not just my own shopping tastes. : )
Anyone who is interested, check out the Trade for One website, where you can find out if there will be a Trade for One event in your area, or even browse the goods they offer online.
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