Blessing of, uh, Two Weeks Ago

Remember two weeks ago when I mentioned I was struggling with sadness, in a heavy heart-place?

Well, something completely unexpected happened, that made me feel like God was whispering hope and love in my ear:

When have I ever seen a Calla lilly bloom in my backyard in the Fall?

Never, that's when.

I mean, they're called Easter lillies for a reason!  And while this year I had the most gorgeous proliferation of blooms in the Spring, and enjoyed them immensely, they died over the course of a couple of months, just like always.

Why would one start to bloom right then, at just when my heart would so appreciate it? 

The view from my bathroom window

Ah, I know the rain we had a few weeks ago must have had something to do with it, and we have had a gorgeous Indian summer the past two months (I keep telling you all, Fall is the time to visit the Bay!) which I am sure the plants loved, and clearly they must sometimes bloom in the Fall. . .

Doesn't matter.  God knows what beauty would minister to my crushed spirit.

I'm fine now.  My heart is good.  And now there are two stalks in bloom.  And I am making a point of looking at them out the window whenever I'm washing my hands at the bathroom sink, to keep the gratitude for blooms and heart healing fresh in my mind.

Blessing of the Week: Best Friends FOREVER

Once again, I have gone way longer than I intended to without blogging, once again for the best of reasons:

My dear Susan came for a girlfriend visit!  It was truly a lovely time--tea and treats and chatting and walking around seeing things and eating delicious food (we had opportunity to eat out several times during her stay, and we chose well).  DH's parents' motorhome is still here from the summer, so Susan and I had a three-day slumber party out there--even just the pleasure of a good book and good companionship while you are settling down to sleep is so wonderful. 

(And Susan was such a trooper, even though she froze all night long the first night in the motorhome because neither of us would have imagined that all the vents in the motorhome were OPEN, and the little space heater's efforts were pretty much being sucked out to the cold night, and I had given her the "nice" blankets and taken the "old and funky" afghans for myself, and so she was an icicle all night and I was close to warm and toasty--she has forgiven me, I think, because that's what Best Friends do.)

(Oh, and Susan, I realize I kept introducing you to people as "my best friend," which is true, even if several amazing women share the title, and I hope that was not awkward for you, but I could not resist letting people know that this was a *special* visit.  Oh, and every time I did, I thought about how my MIL once lectured me for telling someone in her hearing that you were my best friend--because she thought it was rude to the person I was speaking to, implying that woman was not my best friend, even thought I had only known that woman a few months and she would never have assumed best friendedness--so I also felt a little rebellious every time. ; ) I'm claiming you, woman, for what you are!)

One of the best parts of Susan's visit was how I had opportunities to mix her up with other dear friends in ideal girlfriend situations!  First there was a mending party, and Susan and I got to hang out with my dear Rosa at the home of another lovely woman, sipping tea, sewing buttons and chatting like old biddies, and every time one of us completed a mend, she would hold up her victory and the rest of us would admire it and applaud her accomplishment.  And then one evening my dear Becky came by and the three of us lounged in the motorhome and snacked and laughed.  Doing such pure girlfriend things with these lovely friends was like the beauty of tea and dark chocolate together--the combination just brings out the tastiest things about each, making the experience of them even more enjoyable.  In other words, I was in girlfriend heaven.

(Oh, and just so you all know, when I was growing up my earliest best friends were boys, and I valued my boy friend relationships more than my girl friend relationships, probably because I had sisters and no brothers, so somehow the boy friends seemed more special.  And I thought girls were meaner than boys, and often less interesting in the things they wanted to play.  I always did have at least one female BF, though, and then all of a sudden in high school I ended up with three BFF's--Susan, Mina and another Susan.   And then in college I was in a co-ed dorm that arranged the rooms in "suites" and my suitemates became my great friends, so much that we managed to live together in some fashion all four years.  And then as a young married in CO I met a fabulous group of other young married women, and then when we moved to CA God gave me a smaller but even more fabulous group of women. . . . And somewhere along the way, I went from not valuing girlfriends much to being a huge champion of them!  And somewhat of a connoisseur.  ; )

The long weekend with Susan ended with a day and overnight in San Francisco--which took the feelings of girlfriendhood and being a grownup and freedom to a whole new level.  And it has been amazing this week to notice how much I am rejuvinated in spirit, being a patient, purposeful mommy and a much more content wife.  When I spoke with Becky for a few minutes by phone yesterday, and said how great my spirit/mommying/wifery was this week, she pointed out that the time away was obviously good for all those things.

DH, take warning note.

My fellow moms, you all have a special place in my heart, and I am praying for you all this week, that you would find peace and contentment and refreshment this week however you can; that the Good Lord would surround you with life-giving relationships; and that you would be encouraged in your mommying and wifery as I have been.  I am so, so blessed, ladies, and I pray for your own blessing and renewal.  Much love to you all!

shopping for Steampunk--and succeeding!

Two weekends ago I had a fantastic day with one of my favorite women in the world, my dear Becky.   With the gift of a child-free day, we went shopping up in a part of San Jose (anytime we go "over the hill" to SJ it automatically feels special*) with upscale stores and charming (i.e. expensive and really good) restaurants.  In fact, the first thing we did was eat--we knew we would need all our strength for shopping. ; )  Becky knew of a little Mexican-ish place on the main street, and it was sooooooo goooooood.  We ordered only two things and split them:  carnitas, and guacamole.  The guacamole was made from a tray of fresh ingredients by a handsome Mexican waiter right there at our table.  It was served with little flour wraps, which were perfect for the carnitas too--and that dish was also so tasty.  Even though pork is my meat of choice, as a mostly vegetarian any flesh flavor still grosses me out just a tad, so I prefer my pork with some kind of sauce, or cooked in combination with other things.  This was just a bowl of seasoned and cooked shredded pork, without any sauce, and was so good on its own!  Really delicious--paired with the fresh guacamole, it was seriously a bit of heaven.

No, really, that simple meal was the first of many perfect things that made the day so fun and memorable.  And afterwards we were well fortified and ready to do some serious clothes hunting.

The last time I bought clothes (which I blogged about here and here) I was getting new winterish things; this year I needed some new short-sleeved things (and yes, I needed them all summer, but what's a girl to do if she doesn't have time to shop?).   And I figured, hey, if I am going to buy some new clothes, why not see if I can hunt down neo-Victorian/Steampunk pieces?! 

So I was thrilled to see that this year the trends in coats and jackets and blouses work really well with Steampunk! 

For example, in the Free People store, I found the most amazing coat EVER:

heritage wool coat, by free people

These pics cannot do the coat justice.  It had a beautiful, antique woven texture, and little black cloth buttons not only down the front but also on the sleeves, and it fit me like it was made for me, and looked fabulous on me, and it is neo-Victorian, which is the foundation of Steampunk clothing--and it was also something around $300, so I just modelled it wistfully for Becky.

(And look at the adorable skirts the model is wearing with it above! Also totally Steampunk in potential!)

I did, however, find some really cute and practical things that were a wee Steampunk and affordable too!

origami stretch shirt, by The Limited

I bought this top, in this color--looks so good with black jeans and these earrings that I bought this past summer at the Trade As One store!  And while I did need a little color in my wardrobe (black and grey and chocolate brown still being my wardrobe staples, by happy choice), I still don't feel myself in colors that are too bright or saturated.  This blue is perfect, and I wore it to church on Sunday and felt just right, and prettily me.

Raw Edge Ruffle 3/4 Sleeve Jacket, by Ann Taylor Loft (follow the link to see the back--sooooo cute!)

This jacket I immediately fell in love with, and it looked so good on me that while I was trying it on in front of a mirror at the store, two different women stopped to ask me where it was located in the store. : )  Ok, maybe that's a stretch, maybe it was the jacket and not me, but either way, I decided it was going to be my splurge for the day--luckily at an additional 40% off!  But I have a feeling I will get a lot of use out of it--it is compatible with almost all of my tops, short or 3/4 sleeve, it is my favorite color, it is casual but can dress up nicely for church, it makes me feel pretty, and here on the Bay I usually need to grab a jacket when I am leaving the house, so this will be a good to-go staple.  AND it too is a wee-bit Steampunky!  (The shape, the color, the distressed texture around the lapels.)

Seamed Denim Jacket also by Ann Taylor/LOFT (this store really needs help naming their clothing)

There was also a more tailored denim version at the store, pictured above, but I did not have use for more than one jacket, and the first one was just so much more "me."  It is very similar in style, though--click on the link to see the back. 

(Oh, and anyone interested, the sale at Ann Taylor/LOFT is still going on)

Then I also got an adorable black short sleeve top with white swiss dots and a drapey neckline--but strangely, even this was the only non-sale item I bought that day, it is not pictured anywhere on the Banana Republic website.  So, I can't show you, but you will just have to believe me that while this top was not the least Steampunk, it is cute and flattering and practical and looks great with bluejeans and is perfect under a black Steampunky jacket I already owned. 

So, a very fun day, and very rewarding, in so many ways!

I don't want a lot of clothes, and now with the addition of two short sleeved tops and the grey jacket I am pretty much set.  The fact that I can make these pieces subtly Steampunk is the icing on the cake! 



*insert church lady voice here

the love nazi?

One of the blogger moms I read daily is Dorothy, who just wrote today a post that I needed to read, because it directly addresses an aspect of mommyhood that I have been aware of, but which I am still learning to recognize and change. . . .

There are not many authors out there who are sharing the message that our relationships should not be based on the success of behavior modification and a punishment/reward system. I'm all for consistency - my kids with FASD's thrive under it - but I need to be super careful I am not taking the same punitive system we use for housework into my relationships with the kids. Which sounds horrible to write here but I was doing it far more than I want to admit.

Some of it was subtle - just an emotional distancing. Some of it was not subtle - letting them know that they had disappointed me and now there was a cost. Remember the Soup Nazi's famous phrase "No Soup For YOU!" I had the same heart attitude as that character and it wasn't pretty. Nope. It was all about setting up some weird sort of conditional-love based on behaviors and me as the controller of the standards. It was wrong and I am sorry that I manipulated my kids in that way.

Thank you, Lord, for brave and honest and introspective mothers who blog!   

I feel like I need to state--in light of my post about a rough time last week--that my kids are really great kids.  Seriously great.  They are overall obedient, even compliant.  They are creative and enthusiastic and overall positive.  They are so great that their friends' moms tell me how wonderful they are to invite over, and one friend even borrows one of my daughters when she needs to get work done, because she knows that daughter will be an engaging and trouble-free playmate for her daughter.  My kids are overall easy-going, and content with life. 

Well, until they are not.  And for some reason, we seem to go in phases, and the past two weeks have been just downright hard, and while my kids would never let anyone outside the family see this behaviour, with me they have been slow to obey, sassy and argumentative, downright rebellious and throwing little temper tantrums, not choosing well and then not accepting the natural consequences. . . .

In other words, my sweet children are currently really testing my parenting skills, and while at the beginning of last week I was just too wounded and weary of spirit myself to handle it well (due to conflict with someone close to me), by the end of the week I was feeling strong and determined to enforce our household standards of acceptable behavior and ways we treat one another. 

Which means I have been really firm and yet trying to walk alongside them.  So, sometimes lecturing, sometimes offering hugs, always reminding us all of what is right.  And it is kinda, sorta working--and also not.  The behavior is not changing, even though I am being really consistent and making consequences that are fair and as frequent as the offending behavior.  For example, letting the kids know I expect them to comply the first time I give them a directive, and then being sure to help them turn it around immediately if they don't comply, or doling out an appropriate consequence--which is essentially the familiar behavior-modification form of parenting with which we are all familiar. 

But I have to admit, I struggle in my heart with fully loving the kids on hard days, and not withdrawing from them emotionally.  I love Dorothy's analogy of the Soup Nazi (which is a Seinfield character, based upon a real-life New Yorker who some people say is the meanest person in New York, even if he makes the best soup and people line up our the door to be served), and hope I will think of that when I am feeling hard-hearted myself towards my kids on their rough days--since humor goes a loooooong way towards helping me see my flaws and then tempering them with greater honesty and humility. 

My love for them should not be based upon how they act--and isn't, really. But how often do I let myself slip into the subtle lie of acting towards them as if my love for them must be earned by good behavior, and maybe even subtly withholding love because their behavior displeases me?  (shudder) 

Ok, that's enough about the kids and tough times for one week.  Next up on the menu--Steampunk and new clothes!  Oh, yeah. 

i'm following

And following Him doesn't make me a "twit," which is a bonus.

the song that I can't stop listening to this week

one more for the fridge