art photography by Jill Greenberg, found here.
It says on my little sidebar biography that I love serving women through SoulKitchen, the ministry for women at our home church, Vintage Faith. I have been thinking I should say something about that one of these days, part of a "The Things I Do" series.
(
Have y'all noticed I like to post things in orderly parts? It's just how my brain works. And the rest of my life is so disorderly that those neat "Pt.1" and "Pt. 2" labels make me happy--and even when I never get around the posting the remaining parts, the label is like a little sign that my brain has further depths to plumb, the hopefulness of which I find reassuring. ; ) Even if sometimes I never wrote "Pt. 2" because by the time I had the brain power and time to write it I had completely forgotten what the heck I had intended to say. Sigh.)
So, I have been on the SoulKitchen core team ever since its second year, I think. And there is a cool God story about that! (
But which I don't think I should get into now, with my limited blogging time and two posts I hope to finish today--guess that'll have to come in Pt. 2. ; ) The core team is just a group of about 7 women--it changes every year, as we make a 1 year committment and at this stage of life things can change pretty fast in a year's time (in fact, three of the women are expecting babies before the year is up!). I think I am the one woman besides
Shelley, who started SK, who has come to serve and has stayed. Being part of SoulKitchen just feels right, like where I am supposed to be, and I guess I will serve on the leadership team until God tells me otherwise, or the other women kick me off.
I have had different jobs through SK, at one point co-leading a One-to-One mentoring program for women, other times leading Bible study discussion groups, or a book club on the beach, and all the time helping to plan events and brainstorm ideas. That's actually what I think I am best at: generating ideas, and logically thinking through details and obstacles and solutions with the other SK women. Honestly, I am not the most helpful woman on the SK team--administrative jobs are NOT my strong point, nor is phone calling (to which my Mother can attest). There are two women,
Ashley and
Nini currently doing most of the grunt work, and I cannot express how thankful I am for them, that they are stepping up and ROCKING their chosen roles--which I just don't have it in me to do. (They are young moms too, the stress being on
young, and 10 years difference is likely one reason why they are SK superstars and I am contentedly staying more in the background.)
These past few years I just don't feel like I have the time or energy to commit to organizing and running the Big Things that SoulKitchen does, like the Bible study part of the ministry, called "SoulFood." SoulFood is HUGE. The women on the team have to choose what we are going to study--or, as we have for the past couple of years, write and edit the study!*--and organize its advertisement (announcements in front of the congregation and in the bulletin, sign-up tables after each service, etc.), arrange rooms for use in the church building, find and train discussion group leaders, assigning women to the study, and a multitude of other logistics from who has keys for what rooms to who will run the sound system for the weekly lectures. Oh. my. goodness. It is a great undertaking, and usually falls upon the shoulders of about 3 SK women. Have I mentioned these women ROCK? (And get burned out easily, which also accounts for the high turnover rate on the SK core team.) They do all this and more for at least two Bible studies a year.
If I don't have the time or energy to be one of the SoulFood leads, I do try to help out however I can. I am great with one-time events, and filling in wherever there is a need. For example, one time my dear Becky was in charge of finding childcare workers for the morning SoulFood gathering, and had such poor luck that she ended up doing it herself, and asking me to help. Since we would have our homeschooled children with us while we watched all the other little kids, we decided to make the most of it, and taught a 10 week unit on the human body to them all, culminating with adorable books the little ones could take home (and which Becky and I could use for Science samples for our homschool charter--win win!). (
Tried to find the photos of the books, to no avail--guess that will be Pt. 3. Or Pt. 1. of a separate series. ; )
But I don't normally do childcare at church, for anything. Nope, not even the occassional Sunday morning, unless I learn they are truly desperate for help. I really, really don't enjoy minding a large room of children. Nothing saps my
will to live energy more than babysitting.** And I have a theory that when you are serving God in the ways He has gifted you, in the ways He wants you to serve, then it might be hard work, but it won't be draining, but uplifting. Which means that if it drains me, it might not be what God intends. (
It's a convenient theory too. . . but all joking aside, I do think it is true, based upon my life experiences serving God in a variety of capacities.) I did enjoy doing the childcare with Becky that time, but a) we were homeschooling the kids, which made it seem more worthwhile, and b) it was with Becky. You can enjoy pretty much anything with the right friend at your side. : )
So, this week was the very first week of the new Spring SoulFood study, a "Fresh Ink" study on the Holy Spirit. That's my usual contribution to SoulFood--happily serving as a discussion group leader, because it seems easy and I get my study guide for free (
Frugal Tip!). No, seriously, I love sitting around with women sipping an Abbey mocha and talking about God. Sure, I have responsibilities, like keeping the conversation on track, encouraging everyone to contribute to the discussion, watching our time, heading off trouble (like when some women dominate the discussion, or want to argue, or start emphatically preaching what they believe to be true about the Bible, etc.), but it does not scare me, and while I come home tired, I am also uplifted (w
hich supports my above-stated theory on serving too).
But I was also asked to help with childcare for the first Tues. morning study this week (we usually have a morning session and an evening session to accommodate a range of women). Sure, I was happy to help--I know how hard it is to organize the childcare, and can help out to show my appreciation, as well as do my part. But when I got there--oh. oh. oh. oh. my.
nightmare. So many toddlers, several of them adorably high-maintenance, that it took FIVE grown women, sometimes SIX and some help from my two eldest girls just to keep things remotely sane. Oh the crying, the
crying.
And you know what? I found out that I was the one who serenely, quietly crawled around the floor putting all the Lincoln Logs back in their bin and picking up crayons over and over again, not because it was time to go but instinctively to keep the chaos managable (
me, who normally gets stressed out by huge toy messes and starts barking orders at the helper monkeys). I found that I was the one who could soothe a little girl who was almost inconsolable, because I was not freaked out by her wailing for her mommy*** and walked around for a good 30 minutes calmly distracting her and picking up toys with her on my hip (
me, who is not a "baby person" and who never carried my own babies unless it was dire necessity because I was too wimpy and lazy and my babies were pretty content without being attached to me). I found I was the one who changed all the poopy diapers--Smiley's being one of them--because someone had to do it and I'm good at not getting poop on the floor (
me, who is pretty darn selfish and certainly does not love babies enough to think their poo smells like roses). I found I was the one who could teach all the little kids a new song with fun hand motions that entertained the littles and even got the cryers to stop for a few minutes (
me, who abhors most little kid games and music and anything hokey. Goofy, definitely; hokey, no.)
To be completely honest, I
so did not enjoy myself that morning. But then again, the other women surely did not either, even the two sweet college girls who say they love kids. Tuesday morning was not about us doing what we wanted to do, it was about serving because there was a need and we could fill it. And even while I was not thrilled to be there, I was also glad to be. Because I realized,
hey! I guess raising 4 kids does give ya experience with kids in general, which comes in handy. And,
I guess learning to keep down the chaos with a lot of kids in my small house does give ya experience that is applicable to the larger childcare setting. And,
I might not at this moment be serving as I am naturally gifted, but I am being Supernaturally gifted at this moment to serve.
He's made me actually pretty good at this whole childcare thing. Wow--me! Ok, I realize that sounds so strange, seeing as how I do it pretty much day in and day out here in my own home; but a) it is different with your own kids, and b) just 'cause I do it daily does not mean I think it comes naturally or that I am doing the best job at it. It was like Tuesday morning was a little validation from the One Who Matters that I have learned some good things, and am doing some things well.
I still won't seek out volunteer childcare opportunities, still believing it's not where I am being called--but I feel newly empowered, trusting that when I do seek to serve God, He will honor it, and bless me through it. Which is good, since I have already committed to doing Tuesday morning childcare at least one more time over the next two months. ; )
*we are so blessed to have several talented writers and speakers at Vintage, and my own dear Becky came up with a beautiful method of approaching Scripture she named "Fresh Ink" that we have used for several studies, including the one we are doing right now.
**this is not the same as babysitting for friends in my own house, where I can sip tea and read blogs while they all play nicely beside me, or babysitting for friends in their houses, where I can sit on real sofas and walk on decadent carpeting and watch television, like a mini-vacation.
***
I'm one of those rare childcare workers who thinks it is good for the little ones to be helped gently past their fear of being without mommy--who, after all, is here to have the rare pleasure of spending time with other adults, thinking and discussing. In other words, as long as the kids are not totally freaking out or turning blue, let em' cry. If you do, and suceed in consoling them and getting their attention on something fun even for a little while, their separation anxiety will diminish noticable each following week. This is not the most popular opinion, though, and most of the mommies don't want their child distressed (or to distress the childcare workers), so ask for someone to come get them if their child is crying. There is definitely a time for that, but it won't help the child in the long run.
