Snippet = blessing = joy

Ok, this has been the fastest week. Actually, the fastest two weeks. And for no apparent reason, either!

So while I really want to keep posting about my dinner challenge successes (and major failures--betcha can't wait to hear about THAT), I have had almost no opportunities to write. This time the issue has not been so much my lack of mental ability (that has been much better this past week, although I must give pork much of the credit--betcha can't wait to hear about THAT ; ) as it has been lack of time at the computer while I am without children talking to me, needing me, being always at my elbow, being cute in my lap. . . you get the idea.

To bad I can't somehow type on the computer by the power of my brain alone, because I have been doing a lot of blogging mentally while standing and washing dishes.

Which is actually good, since it means I have been standing and washing dishes. During this past Purge of May I got to see my home with renewed eyes, and have been tackling some of the unsightly "hot spots" around the house, one of which is the counter of the kitchen hutch, which is my depository of all things kitchen related, esp. when I am clearing the table and/or cooking.

ANYWAY, I really, really don't like going so many days between postings. I'll admit, one reason is that all nineteen of you who read this blog are so sweet to still keep coming around (hi Alberta!), and I feel like a bad hostess if there is nothing new for you to read every few days. And for my part, I get thoughts built up in my brain that desire, nay, demand processing through writing. Even if they are nothing all that exciting, they just keep bouncing around up there until I let them out.

That was actually the hardest thing about giving up blogging for Lent--those ideas that kept circling, circling, like buzzards hovering patiently, confidently, over the last of my sanity. . . .

Huh--kinda like the kids around the computer this week. ; )

ANYWAY, since I don't seem to have the ability this week to make posts that require mental skills, I hope you don't mind me posting some more random snippets of things that have been part of my life or thoughts recently. The dinner follow-up I will just have to save for another day!

So here is today's snippet, my blessing of the week:

I love, love, love my baby boy.

I may have mentioned (like, in the sidebar!) that Smiley was a "bonus blessing." We had not planned on having another baby, and were even--ahem--taking precautions against having another baby. But yet, I did not have any peace about the more permanent birth control solutions; neither did DH. For me, it was partly a spiritual issue--wanting to be fully submitted to God about the whole thing, He who is the Giver of life, and the source of all good things. And it was also just, I don't know, a feeling that even though we did not necessarily want another baby, our family might not be complete.

(here he is, with me in my little garden, all fragile after a late nap)

And to be honest, when I found out I was pregnant, I was upset. Because just then DH and I had gotten into a horrible downward spiral in our relationship and didn't even like each other very much at that time, and the thought of all the work it would take, and heartbreak, to take baby steps back to right relationship, to drag ourselves back up that spiral a little at a time. . . ugh, it seemed so hard and almost impossible. I even thought he would be upset that we were pregnant and would blame me (which tells you a lot right there about the way things were!).

And then, the miracle happened. Because when I told DH, he was completely positive and supportive. And right then, because of the baby, we suddenly had a reason to make a complete switch in our bad ways of relating with one another. None of this baby steps towards a better relationship thing--nope, by God's grace and perfect timing, we went cold-turkey. From that moment on things were not perfect, but we were nice to each other. We made choices to love one another again (because, remember, love is comprised of feelings, but actions). We did not look back, but just looked ahead.

It felt like we were rescued from the pit. Anybody know what I mean?


So of course Smiley felt like a Good thing even in the womb, because of how God used him to heal our marriage. Even his name, Evan, means "God is gracious." Which was a bonus blessing too, since we chose the name because it fit our girls' names and because we liked the sound of it.

But all that is not why I love, love, love my baby boy. I love him because of who he is, so mellow and sweet natured. The older my other kids get the more I appreciate the baby stage and how quickly it passes. Knowing that now he is most likely the last one--now the family feels complete--I can't get enough of his baby hugs and kisses, his downy soft hair, his chubby cheeks, his belly laughs when I kiss him under the chin. He surprises us with how much he has figured out--like bringing toys to show our homeschool liason, Terry, at our last meeting, since he noticed that everyone else was showing her things (artwork, completed projects, etc.). : )

And so as I was walking towards my car the other day, on a rather glum, tired day, I was thinking of him, and I realized: he brings me joy.

I am not sure I have felt that about anything else in a long time. Something else to consider, to pray about. I love all the members of my family, very much--but no one and nothing has brought joy to my heart for a long time.

I think it is a sign of the long spiritual weariness I have felt for the past several years, which I think I am starting to come out from under.

And I know it is a sign that I need to start focusing more on my blessings--finding joy in the other people and things in my life!

--------------------------------

(Wow, I actually completed a thought! This is because I took rare evening time to blog, something I don't usually do when DH is around. But he is crashed on the bed, all warm and mellow after we took the girls down to the neighbor's hot tub for a soak, so he does not mind. : ) The blog says I started writing at 10:46 this morning--so it only took me about 12 hours to write this post!)

If any of you want to share, I would love to hear what brings you joy. It may help open my eyes to the potential joy around me!