ramblings--the best my brain can manage

Editors note: don't expect correct spelling or proofreading or even coherence as you approach this post, for reasons to be explained. you have been warned.

I am still processing what I wrote about the other day--but do you ever get a huge idea like that, and then you just feel like you don't have the resources to figure things out right away, and just need to let it simmer in your brain for a while? That's me this week. I did not sleep well for a few nights in a row, for no apparent reason, and I can tell I am not eating right, since I have been feeling low blood sugar almost constantly for a few days too. SO I just don't seem to have the brain power required to think about what I am supposed to do with this idea, how to apply this knowledge to improving my life, bettering my spirit.

As a side note: I'm not eating junk, just too many carbs, I assume--it is hard when no doctor has ever taken my self-diagnosis of hypoglycemia seriously and so I am just trying to figure out what is wrong with me by listening to my body and doing lots of web searches! And according to most medical websites, hypoglycemia does not exist except as a side-effect of other issues, like diabetes. I certainly am not diabetic--or at least I don't fit the profile. But I am starting to wonder if there is some underlying pancreatic issue I should have checked out. . . or maybe I just need to get hyper-vigilant about what food I put into my body. . . which I know is what I should do, but honestly, I have not been good about cooking at all recently, and so the thought of going to the opposite extreme of being organic/vegan/raw. . . ugh, I just don't have the mental energy to think about it (see above).

And by the way, what I consider not eating well/not cooking does not mean buying fast food. We just don't do that very often at all. And the Friday before Mother's Day I made a pact with some of the women in my blogger village not to buy take out/fast food/suggest to husband to go to a restaurant when I am not feeling like cooking for one month. I did make the caveat that if DH suggests eating out, then we can do it, but I should try to have foods ready/on hand so that if he suggests it I can/should suggest we eat at home instead. So of course for Mother's Day DH suggested we get food after church, and I was happy to oblige. Mmmmmm, Thai vegetarian Panang curry! But then the next Sunday when he nicely asked if I wanted to pick up food on the way home, I said no, I would cook. : ) The idea behind the pact is 1) frugality, 2) healthy eating, 3) breaking bad habits (in my case, not wanting to cook these days).

So when I say I am not eating well, it looks something like this:

breakfast (eaten while kids are doing morning routine, around 8 am):
multi-grain crusty bread toasted, with butter, organic no sugar added peanut butter, and great-grandma's peach jam. Big cup of black tea with lowfat milk, no sugar.

lunch (around 11-12):
bean dip (1 can of fat free refried beans mixed with 1 can organic chopped tomatoes and about 3/4 cup shredded cheddar cheese, microwave until hot through), eaten with low salt corn chips, and fresh chopped avocado and/or tomatoes. Usually with glass of fat-free milk, but sometimes with a decadent full-sugar, caffeinated Coke.

pre-dinner cooking fortification (around 4 pm):
small plate of roasted pecans, sliced cheddar, and some kind of dark chocolate, which MUST be accompanied by a big mug of black tea, with lowfat milk, no sugar.

dinner (eaten with DH after the kids are in bed, so around 8-9 pm):
tortellini soup (saute onion, carrot in olive oil, add little water and cover to cook, add zucchini, frozen corn, whatever I have on hand that fits, add more water and canned tomatoes/tomato sauce, when veggies cooked toss in frozen or fresh spinach and turn off the heat), usually with milk to drink. And this past week Baskin Robbin's Jamoca Almond Fudge and Peanut Butter and Chocolate. One scoop of each.

So it is not the worst food in the world. But some of you will notice not much protein, a lot of carbs, and no raw fruits/veggies.


Some clarifications, in case anyone cares:
--I used to have breakfast and then have my tea and snack as "elevensies," a nice little quiet break around 10-11. But these days I don't get to enjoy my tea if I try to have it at that time--there is just too much going on, it always ends up cold. So my chance for quiet tea time is first thing in the morning. Also, after I was pregnant with Smiley and really noticed the blood-sugar havok, I realized I was treating tea as food, but then would be all shakey and cross with the children shortly after my elevensies--that little snack was not enough. So I started to eat lunch at that time instead, and have my little break later, during nap/quiet reading time. But then I naturally find myself going for two cups of tea a day instead of just one, which means . . .

--I used to limit my caffeine intake to 1 serving a day, but some days I have been shocked to see I am up to three! It does not seem to affect Smiley through the breastmilk, but I try to time my caffeine intake so it will have the least impact (such as drinking it right after nursing him before naps, so that it will hopefully be mostly out of my system before he nurses again before bed).

--I try to vary the foods the kids and I eat in a day, so if I have bread (toast) for breakfast, then I will try not to have it at another meal. But I am not so good about balancing carbs. Even milk and beans, which I ate as a protein when I was pregnant, a friend told me the body reacts to as carbs.

--I feed the kids more fruit and veggies than I myself eat, since I am allergic to most of these raw. : ( So the kids will have raw carrot and apple with their lunches, for example, neither of which I can eat.

--Sometimes instead of black tea I squeeze half of an orange into my mug and add hot water. I started doing this when I was going without tea for Lent, and really liked it, esp. at breakfast and in the evening. Very refreshing!

--If I have dinner food available at 4, then I will eat that, and it is much better for my energy and blood sugar. But these days I don't ever seem to have many leftovers, so am always scrounging for food.


So there you have it. A whole lot of words and not much substance. Hey, kinda like my eating habits these days! ; )

I see the holes in my eating. I know what would be most healthy, but I just don't have the mental energy to do it. Which is probably because I am not feeling well from the way I am eating--vicious cycle.

I have fallen so far from cooking the way I used to that I feel like if I have to retrain myself to cook more healthy, then it would be logical to retrain myself in even more healthy methods.

Again, that makes sense. But I just can't rouse the interest to act.

Lethargy. Disinteredness. Discouragement. Inhibited concentration. Crankiness. Chronic malaise.

Hmmmm. I wonder if there is more of a connection between that last post and this one than I started out aware of. If this too is part of what God is trying to show me this week.

Bah! No brain to think about it now--the tip of my tongue is getting numb and I am finding myself prickly with Sunny. Time to go eat!