can't. get. them. out.

Of my head, that is.

This past week I was browsing home blogs getting ideas for continuing some of our home projects this summer, and one of the blogs linked a couple of videos. I don't even know why I clicked on them, but I did. And instantly got the best music kick I have had in a long time:



(The videos are a little crazy--but the music I like!)

I don't really ever listen to the radio or any music streaming from anywhere and we don't have TV, so my only place to hear new music in the last, oh, several years has been the compilation CDs my sweet friends Susan and Rosa have made me! (LOVE me a "mix tape" from a good friend!) Actually finding some new music and immediately liking it was very fun.



I am sure you have already heard them, Susan, as you are always way ahead of me in such things! Carrie, if you are still out there reading, I thought of you when I heard this last one (not quite A Flock of Seagulls, but very Modern English, no?) : )



Now I have new songs for doing the dishes, dusting and folding laundry!

Recipe: Shera's Simple and Savory Black Bean Soup

UPDATE 2/19/13:  Not only have I made this soup many times since the first post, but it is SO yummy, and SO easy that it is one of my favorite recipes.  You must use fresh salsa, not canned, to get the real flavor of the recipe, but of course do what you need in a pinch. 

I make it often, sometimes with my from scratch beans, sometimes from cans.  It's terrific either way, so do it the way that seems prudent for your family (and cooking ability Jen ; ). 

And I don't blend the soup.  I know most people would like the texture, but I am just too lazy for that, and my family scarfs it down as is. It might even look prettier in the bowl.

We don't bother with the limes (again--lazy) but sour cream really is good on this soup. And my family believes that blue corn chips are another must on the side, instead of bread. 

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   . 
ORIGINAL POST 5/30/10:

Ok, full disclosure: I have not yet tried this soup. But my friend Shera emailed it to me when I started writing here about dinners, and it sounds so easy and yummy that I have decided to make it tomorrow night for dinner. I am going to be good and soak the beans tonight and cook them in the crock pot tomorrow.

Here is her email:

"I figured I should tell you one of my favorite go-to recipes that's gotten me through those evenings when I panic with "OH NO!! IT'S ALMOST 6! WHAT SHOULD I MAKE FOR DINNER?????" I am also of the "fake it don't make it" club since I struggle with procrastination too (and a hint of laziness to be quite honest)! So, anything with 5 ingredients or less always catches my eye.

It has good protein and fiber in it and it's relatively cheap. I hope you like black beans....


Black bean soup

1 cup fresh salsa (like the tubs you can buy in the refrigerated section, or you can make your own)
2 cans of black beans (TJs has organic ones, but I look for them on sale too, or if you have the time, you could make them from dried!)
2 cups chicken broth (or veggie broth, but I find the chicken is a little more savory)

Sour cream
limes
(for garnishes)

In a saucepan, heat the salsa over med heat for 5 min to let the onions, tomatoes and herbs get fragrant and meld. Add the bb (drained of course) and chicken broth. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer 15 minutes. Then, this part is somewhat optional, but I like it: after letting the soup cool a bit (10 min?) put half of it in a blender and blend, then return to the original pot. That way, it's a "black" color and you still have some whole beans in there too. Serve with a dollop of sour cream and a good squeeze of lime.

I usually serve this soup with yummy bread (I have a weakness for the artisan stuff too!), all warm and crusty and a good raw lettuce salad (which can be prepped while the soup is simmering."


Thanks, Shera! We LOVE black beans around here, and can't wait to try it!

Quick! It's Dinnertime!

Ok, ok, I just hate the feeling of a post hanging over me, like a dead weight. So, because I promised it, and because I really truly want to be accountable to all of you, here is this past week, dinnerwise:

Saturday
Complete misunderstanding with DH led him to order barbeque without me knowing. I had asked for a break after a very long day of being out and about with kids (including a birthday party), he thought I meant I needed a rescue, and so he was providing one. But when I realized what he was doing I threw a little temper tantrum in the driveway, "NO! I didn't mean for you to get dinner, I just meant I needed you to keep the kids off me for a few minutes so I can take a break, drink my tea, and get my energy back before making dinner!" Too late, my knight in shining armor informed me, the order had been placed, and he drove off with all the kids to pick up dinner and give me a quiet home for a few minutes.

So, MAJOR frugal fail there, and complete dinner fail--but ain't my Dear Husband sweet? He brought home pork barbeque sandwiches (with extra sauce--a must) and pulled pork sandwiches you dip in what they call a molassas wash. Ohhhhhhhh, it is good. Sides of coleslaw, barbeque beans, and potato salad. All much better than KFC.

Sunday
Still eating pork sandwiches tonight for dinner, reheated in the oven until warmed to perfection, the bread almost better toasted than fresh. Mmmmmmmmmmm. Love being "flexitarian" at times like this.

Monday
Gone all day on a homeschool adventure with my two oldest and my dear Becky and her two girls--a live Science performance (awesome!) almost two hours drive from home, and then stopping by the Mission San Jose on the way back. (And thank you so much, my dear Rosa, for adding my littles to yours for the day!) Get home around 6:30, just fed the kids sliced garlic bread with cheese toasted on top (with tomato and avocado, yum)--can't recall what else I might have served with it, probably pear or apple, milk to drink. Oh wait, I think I served some of Great-Grandma Paulene's home canned plums.

Well, not a great meal, but not devoid of nutrition.

Tuesday
Finally made the dinner I was going to make Sat. night: one of my favorites, vegetable chowder from scratch. I vary the veggies used depending upon what I have on hand; this time I used fresh staples and also cleaned out the freezer of leftover veggies and so the soup had sauted onion and carrot, potato, zucchini, green beans, broccoli, sweet corn, canned kidney beans (drained and rinsed), kale and green peas, all in a milky broth thickened with shredded cheddar. No need for additional broth when you have so many good flavored things in it! I did add lots of pepper, dried basil and parsley. (If anyone is interested in a soup tutorial, just let me know. : )

Served with toasted garlic bread and milk.

(You may notice we don't eat a lot of fruit or raw veggies at dinner--we eat that mainly at breakfast and lunch/snacks, so don't get scared here by lack of such mentioning! Except you can tell we had a special on tomatoes and avocado here this week.)

Wednesday
Beans and rice are oh so nice. Canned black beans (did not think ahead to cook dry, too bad), rinsed and drained, served over rice, in today's case basmati. Topped with shredded cheddar, sprinkled with a little pepper and cumin, and fresh tomato and avocado. Eaten with corn tortilla chips and milk on the side.

(Can you tell I am into one-pot meals? Forget the side dishes, just toss your salad/veggie in with your main dish! ; )

Thursday
Decided to declutter some old squash (something like pumpkin) out of the freezer, and made it into a soup (can you tell soups are my fall-back dish when I need to clean out the fridge/freezer? That and they are really good for you--since you drink the broth no nutrients are lost in the cooking--and they are frugal and so easy!). Sauted onion and garlic in olive oil, added thawed and pureed squash and a can of organic tomato sauce, as well as the leftover black beans and rice from night before, let simmer for a while. Added lots of cumin and oregano and some tobasco-ish sauce. Tasted and decided it got too spicy, so added some milk and the last of the cheddar (not enough to taste it, but added nice body and toned down the squash flavor). Ended up pretty good, not amazing, but I found myself going back for seconds.

It was just Mexican-ish tasting that it tasted great with those tortilla chips again. ; )

Served it to the kids with a side of Great-Grandma's home canned cherries (can you tell I am also cleaning out the pantry?).

Friday
Finishing up the leftover soup and chips and home canned cherries.

So, there you have it. Not the best week for cooking dinners, and yet I did not feed the family complete crap. And like I hinted yesterday, my brain and blood sugar really liked that pork.

And I love having leftovers around--so awesome, esp. for that 4:00 low-blood-sugar daze when I need to eat something hearty to give me the energy to make dinner, which is of course so ironic and my major stumbling block (can't cook until I eat, but can't eat until I cook). This part of the cycle is when I can usually be found without energy and therefore hanging too long on the computer, which then makes dinner all that much harder to make, and all that much later to the table. . . which is why I meant to tell you the time I had dinner on the table each night too, but this far into the week I just don't remember anymore. But it was better!

I am amending my ways, ladies! Thank you for helping me get healthier cooking habits into gear!

Snippet = blessing = joy

Ok, this has been the fastest week. Actually, the fastest two weeks. And for no apparent reason, either!

So while I really want to keep posting about my dinner challenge successes (and major failures--betcha can't wait to hear about THAT), I have had almost no opportunities to write. This time the issue has not been so much my lack of mental ability (that has been much better this past week, although I must give pork much of the credit--betcha can't wait to hear about THAT ; ) as it has been lack of time at the computer while I am without children talking to me, needing me, being always at my elbow, being cute in my lap. . . you get the idea.

To bad I can't somehow type on the computer by the power of my brain alone, because I have been doing a lot of blogging mentally while standing and washing dishes.

Which is actually good, since it means I have been standing and washing dishes. During this past Purge of May I got to see my home with renewed eyes, and have been tackling some of the unsightly "hot spots" around the house, one of which is the counter of the kitchen hutch, which is my depository of all things kitchen related, esp. when I am clearing the table and/or cooking.

ANYWAY, I really, really don't like going so many days between postings. I'll admit, one reason is that all nineteen of you who read this blog are so sweet to still keep coming around (hi Alberta!), and I feel like a bad hostess if there is nothing new for you to read every few days. And for my part, I get thoughts built up in my brain that desire, nay, demand processing through writing. Even if they are nothing all that exciting, they just keep bouncing around up there until I let them out.

That was actually the hardest thing about giving up blogging for Lent--those ideas that kept circling, circling, like buzzards hovering patiently, confidently, over the last of my sanity. . . .

Huh--kinda like the kids around the computer this week. ; )

ANYWAY, since I don't seem to have the ability this week to make posts that require mental skills, I hope you don't mind me posting some more random snippets of things that have been part of my life or thoughts recently. The dinner follow-up I will just have to save for another day!

So here is today's snippet, my blessing of the week:

I love, love, love my baby boy.

I may have mentioned (like, in the sidebar!) that Smiley was a "bonus blessing." We had not planned on having another baby, and were even--ahem--taking precautions against having another baby. But yet, I did not have any peace about the more permanent birth control solutions; neither did DH. For me, it was partly a spiritual issue--wanting to be fully submitted to God about the whole thing, He who is the Giver of life, and the source of all good things. And it was also just, I don't know, a feeling that even though we did not necessarily want another baby, our family might not be complete.

(here he is, with me in my little garden, all fragile after a late nap)

And to be honest, when I found out I was pregnant, I was upset. Because just then DH and I had gotten into a horrible downward spiral in our relationship and didn't even like each other very much at that time, and the thought of all the work it would take, and heartbreak, to take baby steps back to right relationship, to drag ourselves back up that spiral a little at a time. . . ugh, it seemed so hard and almost impossible. I even thought he would be upset that we were pregnant and would blame me (which tells you a lot right there about the way things were!).

And then, the miracle happened. Because when I told DH, he was completely positive and supportive. And right then, because of the baby, we suddenly had a reason to make a complete switch in our bad ways of relating with one another. None of this baby steps towards a better relationship thing--nope, by God's grace and perfect timing, we went cold-turkey. From that moment on things were not perfect, but we were nice to each other. We made choices to love one another again (because, remember, love is comprised of feelings, but actions). We did not look back, but just looked ahead.

It felt like we were rescued from the pit. Anybody know what I mean?


So of course Smiley felt like a Good thing even in the womb, because of how God used him to heal our marriage. Even his name, Evan, means "God is gracious." Which was a bonus blessing too, since we chose the name because it fit our girls' names and because we liked the sound of it.

But all that is not why I love, love, love my baby boy. I love him because of who he is, so mellow and sweet natured. The older my other kids get the more I appreciate the baby stage and how quickly it passes. Knowing that now he is most likely the last one--now the family feels complete--I can't get enough of his baby hugs and kisses, his downy soft hair, his chubby cheeks, his belly laughs when I kiss him under the chin. He surprises us with how much he has figured out--like bringing toys to show our homeschool liason, Terry, at our last meeting, since he noticed that everyone else was showing her things (artwork, completed projects, etc.). : )

And so as I was walking towards my car the other day, on a rather glum, tired day, I was thinking of him, and I realized: he brings me joy.

I am not sure I have felt that about anything else in a long time. Something else to consider, to pray about. I love all the members of my family, very much--but no one and nothing has brought joy to my heart for a long time.

I think it is a sign of the long spiritual weariness I have felt for the past several years, which I think I am starting to come out from under.

And I know it is a sign that I need to start focusing more on my blessings--finding joy in the other people and things in my life!

--------------------------------

(Wow, I actually completed a thought! This is because I took rare evening time to blog, something I don't usually do when DH is around. But he is crashed on the bed, all warm and mellow after we took the girls down to the neighbor's hot tub for a soak, so he does not mind. : ) The blog says I started writing at 10:46 this morning--so it only took me about 12 hours to write this post!)

If any of you want to share, I would love to hear what brings you joy. It may help open my eyes to the potential joy around me!

Dinner, Friday

Thank you so much for the encouraging and helpful comments on yesterday's desperate post, ladies. I appreciate it!

Susan hit upon a point that is truly central to my problem, and which I have been attempting to remedy for a loooooong time: starting the "evening routine" at 4:00. I used to do this, from about seven years ago until sometime in the past year, and it worked out great, just like Susan's comments demonstrate. I don't know when I stopped or why--although I am sure I have not resumed that good lifehabit because of that big ol' PROCRASTINATION--and that is one HUGE part of my current unhappy daily state.

Stacy, in case you did not figure it out already, you are one of my inspirations for doing this!

And everyone, it really is working--this whole accountability thing. Because I SO did not feel like cooking tonight, being lazy and thinking of all sorts of things I could be researching online instead of cooking, and not feeling well to boot, even though I had eaten less than an hour previously. But knowing I would have to confess to you all what scrounge food I gave my children to approximate a meal got me up off my butt and into the kitchen.

So, tonight I came up with:

"homemade" tomato soup (I use an enormous can of tomato sauce I can get at Costco for something ridiculous like $1.88 and then add lots of lowfat milk, a little organic cane sugar--not nearly as much as most people use--and lots of pepper, and sometimes a little dried parsley.)

served with garlic bread (not whole grain, but the artisian kind with cloves of roasted garlic throughout--just spread with butter and toast openface in oven--mmmmmmmm)

and a romaine lettuce salad with fresh tomato (sadly redundant, but tasty) and cucumber and one of the only salad dressings I ever buy at the store, Newman's Own Olive Oil and Vinegar.

and milk.


OK, so again, not great--lots of carbs and little protein. But I managed a lettuce SALAD, which I have not done for months. I know, you think so highly of me now, but after I spend all my time chopping veggies for the main course, I usually so not interested in chopping up a salad.

BUT I COOKED.

AND there was a SIDE DISH!

AND part of the meal was RAW!

And the kids had fresh pear at lunch, so don't think I am neglecting fruits. (And hey, tomato is a fruit after all!)

Can you tell I'm trying to pump myself up? Sheesh!

But there you go--two days, two dinners.

Oh, and in case anyone was interested, last night's asian-ish soup was spicy and yet did not have enough body--It was probably fine until I added the extra water with the rice, but the rice absorbs so much broth even when it is already cooked. . . So I should have put in some veggie bullion when I added the water to the sauted veggies. And I did not put in enough kale--I forgot how much it cooks down!

And on a final all-things-about-cooking-at-home note: today's post over at Fake Plastic Fish mentions a book some of you who are on the same frugal/healthy cooking challenge might find interesting, and they are giving away a copy!

Bon Appetit!

after that last post, admitting i need help

dear friends and blog village:

i am really pathetic. this, you know.

thanks for letting me be "real"--as much as possible given the abstract and often disconnected virtual realm--here in this blog and maybe even caring a little bit.

so, while i was using what miniscule amount of gray matter was functioning this afternoon to get the day over and done with (DH just got home a few minutes ago, as the kids were getting into bed, so it was not only me not at my best today, but solo!), i thought about some of the things i have been reading in the blogs of some of my online village. and a lot of those women are ready to make changes too, and are being transparent about their flaws, and asking for accountability.

and it occured to me that i could do the same.

so, i am going to try to post what i am making/made for dinner every night for at least the next week! and i am going to tell you what time i had it on the table, since that is a related problem. hopefully knowing i have to confess these choices/actions daily to all of you will hopefully get me motivated to make them good ones!

tonight:
started to make beans and rice, 'cause its easy and pretty healthy.

got to cupboard and realized no canned black beans. d'oh!

so immediately switched gears and came up with a kind of asian-ish soup from what i had on hand:

saute'd onion, garlic, carrot, then added some water and brought to boil.
added 2 "tubs" firm tofu, chopped
and one can of those little asian baby corns, cut into thirds
simmered for about 10 min while adding to taste: sesame oil, soy sauce, schezuan sauce, fresh finely grated ginger
added some finely torn fresh kale and turned off heat
added some more boiling water from the kettle because I also added a bunch of cooked brown rice

because of the menu snafu, i did not have dinner on the table until after 7. : (

so, there is hopefully the beginning of a better trend! getting back to my creative cooking, cooking with variety and lots of good stuff like kale which i have not been keeping on hand (this past month i went on one of my semi-annual groccery store boycotts, and we ate out of the cupboards and freezer with only DH stopping at Costco for bread and milk for at least 3 weeks--i lost track).

i don't normally beg for comments, but please consider commenting to my future meal postings at least once, just so i know someone is paying attention. that will really help me force myself to plan ahead and cook!

thanking you in advance,

blessed
('cause i am)

ramblings--the best my brain can manage

Editors note: don't expect correct spelling or proofreading or even coherence as you approach this post, for reasons to be explained. you have been warned.

I am still processing what I wrote about the other day--but do you ever get a huge idea like that, and then you just feel like you don't have the resources to figure things out right away, and just need to let it simmer in your brain for a while? That's me this week. I did not sleep well for a few nights in a row, for no apparent reason, and I can tell I am not eating right, since I have been feeling low blood sugar almost constantly for a few days too. SO I just don't seem to have the brain power required to think about what I am supposed to do with this idea, how to apply this knowledge to improving my life, bettering my spirit.

As a side note: I'm not eating junk, just too many carbs, I assume--it is hard when no doctor has ever taken my self-diagnosis of hypoglycemia seriously and so I am just trying to figure out what is wrong with me by listening to my body and doing lots of web searches! And according to most medical websites, hypoglycemia does not exist except as a side-effect of other issues, like diabetes. I certainly am not diabetic--or at least I don't fit the profile. But I am starting to wonder if there is some underlying pancreatic issue I should have checked out. . . or maybe I just need to get hyper-vigilant about what food I put into my body. . . which I know is what I should do, but honestly, I have not been good about cooking at all recently, and so the thought of going to the opposite extreme of being organic/vegan/raw. . . ugh, I just don't have the mental energy to think about it (see above).

And by the way, what I consider not eating well/not cooking does not mean buying fast food. We just don't do that very often at all. And the Friday before Mother's Day I made a pact with some of the women in my blogger village not to buy take out/fast food/suggest to husband to go to a restaurant when I am not feeling like cooking for one month. I did make the caveat that if DH suggests eating out, then we can do it, but I should try to have foods ready/on hand so that if he suggests it I can/should suggest we eat at home instead. So of course for Mother's Day DH suggested we get food after church, and I was happy to oblige. Mmmmmm, Thai vegetarian Panang curry! But then the next Sunday when he nicely asked if I wanted to pick up food on the way home, I said no, I would cook. : ) The idea behind the pact is 1) frugality, 2) healthy eating, 3) breaking bad habits (in my case, not wanting to cook these days).

So when I say I am not eating well, it looks something like this:

breakfast (eaten while kids are doing morning routine, around 8 am):
multi-grain crusty bread toasted, with butter, organic no sugar added peanut butter, and great-grandma's peach jam. Big cup of black tea with lowfat milk, no sugar.

lunch (around 11-12):
bean dip (1 can of fat free refried beans mixed with 1 can organic chopped tomatoes and about 3/4 cup shredded cheddar cheese, microwave until hot through), eaten with low salt corn chips, and fresh chopped avocado and/or tomatoes. Usually with glass of fat-free milk, but sometimes with a decadent full-sugar, caffeinated Coke.

pre-dinner cooking fortification (around 4 pm):
small plate of roasted pecans, sliced cheddar, and some kind of dark chocolate, which MUST be accompanied by a big mug of black tea, with lowfat milk, no sugar.

dinner (eaten with DH after the kids are in bed, so around 8-9 pm):
tortellini soup (saute onion, carrot in olive oil, add little water and cover to cook, add zucchini, frozen corn, whatever I have on hand that fits, add more water and canned tomatoes/tomato sauce, when veggies cooked toss in frozen or fresh spinach and turn off the heat), usually with milk to drink. And this past week Baskin Robbin's Jamoca Almond Fudge and Peanut Butter and Chocolate. One scoop of each.

So it is not the worst food in the world. But some of you will notice not much protein, a lot of carbs, and no raw fruits/veggies.


Some clarifications, in case anyone cares:
--I used to have breakfast and then have my tea and snack as "elevensies," a nice little quiet break around 10-11. But these days I don't get to enjoy my tea if I try to have it at that time--there is just too much going on, it always ends up cold. So my chance for quiet tea time is first thing in the morning. Also, after I was pregnant with Smiley and really noticed the blood-sugar havok, I realized I was treating tea as food, but then would be all shakey and cross with the children shortly after my elevensies--that little snack was not enough. So I started to eat lunch at that time instead, and have my little break later, during nap/quiet reading time. But then I naturally find myself going for two cups of tea a day instead of just one, which means . . .

--I used to limit my caffeine intake to 1 serving a day, but some days I have been shocked to see I am up to three! It does not seem to affect Smiley through the breastmilk, but I try to time my caffeine intake so it will have the least impact (such as drinking it right after nursing him before naps, so that it will hopefully be mostly out of my system before he nurses again before bed).

--I try to vary the foods the kids and I eat in a day, so if I have bread (toast) for breakfast, then I will try not to have it at another meal. But I am not so good about balancing carbs. Even milk and beans, which I ate as a protein when I was pregnant, a friend told me the body reacts to as carbs.

--I feed the kids more fruit and veggies than I myself eat, since I am allergic to most of these raw. : ( So the kids will have raw carrot and apple with their lunches, for example, neither of which I can eat.

--Sometimes instead of black tea I squeeze half of an orange into my mug and add hot water. I started doing this when I was going without tea for Lent, and really liked it, esp. at breakfast and in the evening. Very refreshing!

--If I have dinner food available at 4, then I will eat that, and it is much better for my energy and blood sugar. But these days I don't ever seem to have many leftovers, so am always scrounging for food.


So there you have it. A whole lot of words and not much substance. Hey, kinda like my eating habits these days! ; )

I see the holes in my eating. I know what would be most healthy, but I just don't have the mental energy to do it. Which is probably because I am not feeling well from the way I am eating--vicious cycle.

I have fallen so far from cooking the way I used to that I feel like if I have to retrain myself to cook more healthy, then it would be logical to retrain myself in even more healthy methods.

Again, that makes sense. But I just can't rouse the interest to act.

Lethargy. Disinteredness. Discouragement. Inhibited concentration. Crankiness. Chronic malaise.

Hmmmm. I wonder if there is more of a connection between that last post and this one than I started out aware of. If this too is part of what God is trying to show me this week.

Bah! No brain to think about it now--the tip of my tongue is getting numb and I am finding myself prickly with Sunny. Time to go eat!

Speechless. . . sobered. . . is this me, Lord?

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."

~CS Lewis, The Four Loves

Just came across this on another blog, and immediately felt as if I had been slapped. Which makes me think there is something here, some truth that God wanted me to consider.

Is this a clue to why I struggle with being a mommy and wife the way I think I should? I have long recognized I need to live, and esp. to love much more fully. I have too much of a continual urge to not engage fully. . . some of which manifests itself in what I have written about here as my daily desires for psychological escape. Is my disengagement a form of self-protection? If so, why?

I have been feeling God nudging me for a long time. It has taken years to move from being continually spiritually downtrodden (stemming from painful emotional event about 4 years ago) to this point of feeling ready for whatever adventure God has in store for me, for my family. In fact, I have had lots of posts floating around in my head, which describe some of the things God has been showing me, things I have been reading, fascinating ideas that, now that I think about it, are all about getting past hovering on the shore with the occassional toe in the water, but about getting ready to jump in.

Sunday morning, crying as usual

When I did my list(s) a week or so back, of things you might not know about me, I should have mentioned that I cry. I cry whenever I am moved,* or when God is moving in me. Which is pretty much a given any Sunday morning.

This morning it was while singing this song:

In Christ Alone

Lyrics by Stuart Townend and Keith Getty

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fulness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.


I tried to find a youtube version to share, in case some of you don't know the melody, which is really beautiful. But, frankly, most of them were just too cheesy to bear. I wish I could share it with you the way they play it at Vintage Faith--no embellishments, no forced emotive surges. So the best version I found online has weird images from The Passion of the Christ, but straightforward singing--so if you want a full church version, turn off your monitor and just listen. : )



And if you ever visit Vintage, look at the back of the sanctuary for the tallish, brown-haired woman crying. That will be me. Stop and say hi! ; )



*no, really, it is not just at church. I cry pretty much anytime I am in a good conversation with women too. And when I'm swaping God stories with women--there's no hope. Can any of my friends IRL gimme me a witness?

The Great Purge Pt. 3

OK, things have slowed down because we have been busy, but the Purge continues:

To be tossed/recycled:
1 stained, torn pillow used for the past several years as a booster seat by Happy, but which I found on the floor one too many times
2 bags of junk mail purged from the closet!
AND 1 plastic storage box full of old papers that no longer fit into the filing cabinet*

To be returned to family:
1 18 mo raincoat
1 18 mo long sleeved snap shirt
1 18 mo vest
1 12 mo coat
1 12 mo hoodie

To freecycle:
1 package of new but unused lap harp music (so sad to discover too late it does not fit our lap harp!)
1 old but still useful baby sleep positioner
1 pair little girl pjs
1 white little girl top
1 little vintage paperback entitled "Mixing and Serving Drinks" (c. 1963--given to me by my MIL when she was purging before a move, which is actually pretty funny, as that was the same time she gave us a bottle of rum she uses for making rum cake but could not take with her--and gave us the strictest instructions not to drink it)
1 white/gold little girl top
1 knitted hat made by D's cousin, which I accidentally washed and shrunk. : (
1 plastic plate an acquaintance sent home with me holding leftovers from a birthday party--I have been holding onto it with guilt for FOUR years. We only see each other by accident anymore (you know, in the groccery store once a year, that kind of thing) and I think it is time to LET IT GO. I have a feeling I cared more about getting it back to her than she cared about me giving it back to her.

To be given to friends:
1 pretty headband (sending to the missionary friends because it matches the dress)
1 gorgeous smocked dress my mom made
1 child's magazine
1 adorable pair of baby shoes that Smiley never wore

To be donated to church:
1 little bag of foam stickers, leftover from a project

To be put away for nostalgia sake:
1 adorable vest knitted by my sister for my little girls

To sell on eBay:
1 pair Oilily corduroy capris
1 women's Oilily top (turns out I don't care for that look on me!)

To give to Goodwill:
1 adorable little white girl top
1 very nice iron and rattan in/out paper box, which I love but have not had a use for in about 6 years. Out!
1 very nice Land's End raincoat (if my little sister does not need it for her daughter)

To make into rags:
1 pair old, baggy pajama bottoms!


Which is 29 items!


Which brings the total up to: ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY SIX!


In case anyone is wondering how I determine what goes to whom:

--Designer label clothes--in my case Hanna Andersson and Oilily, which are generally very well made--I will try to resell on eBay, because the things that are in good condition will usually sell. Even things with small flaws I should be able to sell in "play condition" and get a few bucks, if they are sought-after items. And just to clarify, I bought them all on eBay, for a fraction of their retail price, and most of them have been worn by all three girls and still look great! Sometimes quality really is worth the money.

--Clothes that were special to me or my favorites I give to friends or other families at church. It is fun to see them again every now and then, and feels better than just giving the stuff to Goodwill.

--Clothes in good condition but not special go to Goodwill, because DH likes to get the donation credit for tax time.

--Clothes with stains or needing mending, etc. I gather into bags of like things (for example, toddler girl, baby boy, women's size S) and put the whole bag up on freecycle. I usually have several people interested in each bag, and I pick whomever sounds like a good recipient.

--Misc. toys and random things, like socks or hairthings, etc. I put together in a "treasure box" for a certain age/gender child (for example, Toddler, baby girl). Those are very popular on freecycle, and also usually have several interested people emailing. And what could be better than getting rid of a whole box of misc stuff at once?!

--Even if you have stuff that you think no one would want, be creative and you might be able to give it a second chance at life before the landfill. For example, a few months ago I gathered a bunch of really cool vintage or handmade things that had holes, stains, etc. and which I could not or knew I would never repair. The beautiful cardigan my sister Rebecca knitted for me before I was married, which moths got into this past summer while we were gone and ruined. : ( Some unfinished hand-sewn craft things I took after my Grandma Betha died, not knowing what to do with them, but not wanting them to be tossed, since they were pretty and her hands had stitched them. Some tattered doilies I bought 10 ago at an antique store just because they were pretty and inexpensive. And I bundled up all these things and through freecycle found a local artist who "upcycles" such things. She sent me a link to her etsy page, and she makes gorgeous stuff! (Of course I saved the link--somewhere--and of course now cannot remember where, or what cryptic filing system was in my head at the time.) So now these seriously flawed but still so cool textiles will hopefully find new life in the hands of this artist!





*This item sounds so unimpressive, but it was such. a. big. deal. I had to take a whole bunch of folders of papers--old bank statements, credit card statements, etc.--out of our one filing cabinet to make room for school stuff, and all this homeless paper has been camping out in this plastic bin on the floor of our shower room. It has taken me DAYS to sort through it all, and I have been shredding documents until the shredder literally smokes! My butt and back and knees are stiff from sitting on the floor hunched over piles of papers. My living room floor has been perpetually spattered with paper bits. So to write it here as I did brings to mind the scene in The Return of the King when in the midst of battle Legolas single-handedly brings down a ginormous Olifant and its whole murderous crew, and as he leaps from the wreckage, Gimli looks and says, "It still only counts as one!"

speaking of free stuff and fun stuff. . .

Several of the blogs I read are having giveaways this week, but these two made me smile, so of course I am sharing them with you!

The first is over at Walk Slowly, Live Wildly, where you can win one of two works of art, by the artist featured above, one for your wall, one for your neck! I just love the colors the artist uses in her work, and when I realized she incorporates bits of her faith into her art, well, that turns beauty into blessing.

The second is over at Paisley and Lace, where my friend Tina is offering a chance to win one of two absolutely adorable aprons she made out of vintage fabric. Just look at one of them:


A cup of strong black tea with milk and a bit of something sweet.
A really good, old book borrowed from a really good, not so old friend (I'm reading I Capture the Castle, Rosa!)
A handmade apron of vintage fabric.

These are a few of my favorite things.

fun stuff, free stuff!

This is going to be a post about almost nothing important. I just had some fun, surprising freebies in the past few days that I thought some of you, esp. my frugal/fit minded blog friends, would enjoy hearing about!

*Saturday I went to get my hair cut at the local cheapo place, maybe a Cost Cutters--can you tell I don't care?! Hey, when all you need is your bangs cut straight across and your ends trimmed, it is so not worth paying salon prices. But it had been so long since I had my hair/bangs cut--Thanksgiving? Seriously, those bangs were ok for quite a while, since I just wear them differently depending upon how long they get--but they stopped looking fine about two weeks ago, and did nothing but hang in my face. So it was about time! Imagine my pleased surprise to walk in and find they were having a special that day, so a normally $15 trim only cost $8.00! Whoo hoo! I could tip the stylist generously and still walk out ahead.

*Then after the haircut I tried to go to the mall across the street--hey, I was without children!--to look for some new pajama bottoms (my old ones were a gift from when Sunny was born, and they are wearing thin and hang like old man pants. So not fun to wear, and now part of the Great Purge!). Unfortunately, I was reminded of the many reasons why I so, so do not like malls, and ended up with nothing to show for my hour there except low blood sugar and light-headedness from all the formaldehyde in the air. So I stopped for a chai at the nearby Starbucks, since I still needed to stop for grocceries on the way home, and needed sustenance. I ordered my usual--grande, two pump, no water, nonfat chai in my very own stainless to-go cup, thank you very much--and for a special treat also selected a really yummy dark chocolate brownie. But a moment later I overheard the woman making the drink ask the cashier who had taken my order about the written instructions:"Is this a 2? I thought it was an 8!"

An EIGHT pump chai? I was going into a sugar coma just thinking about it. But I hate waste, so I told them not to dump it out, but just give it to me and I would take it home and add (like a gallon!) more milk. The woman was apologetic, and not only then gave me some plain steamed milk to have with my brownie (which goes much better, actually!) and a glass of water, but also gave me a coupon for a free drink next time I come in, to make up for the mistake!

So not only have I been having like two big chais a day here at home since then (and my travel mug is still half full!!!), but I have another free drink whenever I want one!

Which, honestly, will not be for a looooooong time. There can be too much of a good thing, I am learning. ; )

But still, whoo-hoo!

*Then yesterday we had a fun day out, me and the kids and my dear Becky and her kids--meeting up to go see the just released "Babies" in the theatre. It was the first movie my children had ever seen in a theatre, and they loved it, even Smiley! He stood on my lap and watched mesmerized for a great deal of the movie--and when it no longer had his full interest, my assortment of carefully doled out snacks and then nursing kept him good until right before the credits, when he finally decided he had been sitting long enough. Perfect! It was a very good film, accessible to the kids on one level, to the discerning adult on other levels--I recommend it.

Afterwards my little troop headed a few blocks down from the theatre to get bagels, and I was surprised to see such a low selection of bagels, until the guys behind the counter pointed out that, it being 4:50, they were closing in ten minutes. Ah. (I don't get out much.) But because of that, and probably because they felt sorry for me for having so many kids, and because they heard my kids excitedly asking about all the food for sale, they stuck in about 5 extra bagels and some cinnamon/sugar bagel bite things. For free!

Whoo-hoo!

*And then afterwards I took Sunny and Merry to their Korean Martial Arts class, and DH gave up his own participation (he started taking classes there about two months ago, when he started carpooling. By carpooling he has to go to work earlier, but then gets home in time for the 6:00 class, and he is paying for the class with the money he has saved on gas--win win!) so that I could take advantage of the "Moms train free in May" promotion going on this month, and join the cardio kick boxing class.

Yes. I spent an hour doing cardio-kickboxing. And there were two good things about it:
1) it was free
2) I was not as out of shape as I had thought!

Way back, two children ago, I took a cardio kick-boxing class for a month, and really liked it. It was a killer for the first two weeks, but then you get used to it and it is fun and makes you feel really, really good. And DH said I got a butt. Which I guess is a good thing in this case. But one day while in the class I got so lightheaded and weak I started to pass out and had to go outside for fresh air and then was so shaky I drove immediately over to some deli and wolfed down a huge meat sandwich and a big orange juice.

Which was how I found out I was pregnant with Happy.

And which was my first experience with low blood sugar. (Oh, the days before the daily psychosis of blood sugar issues!)

And which was why I quit kick-boxing.

SO anyway, last night I was completely shocked that it all came back immediately, and I was not at all pushing myself, but was keeping up and only had to take a few ten-second breathers here and there. I felt like I belonged there, not like some pathetic, out-of-shape mom who is about to die. Hmmm, ok, well maybe that is what I looked like, but it is not what I felt like, and that is what counts.

So, WHOO-HOO!


Such little things, but they still brightened my days. : )

for all you mothers, but most of all mine

Super Green Soup

For Desiree--may you get all the way better ASAP!

Super Green Soup
(Split-Pea and Herbed Greens Soup)

This soup sounds like more work than it is. But the flavor is divine, and I just love how it makes me feel when I eat it--I know every delicious bite is chock full of antioxidants and other good things!

1 C dried split peas
7 C vegetable stock
2 T white rice*
1 bay leaf
3 small zucchini, quartered lengthwise and sliced
2 T olive oil
1 large onion, chopped
2 ribs celery with leaves, diced
2 carrots, scrubbed or peeled and sliced
1 lb. assorted fresh greens (I use spinach and kale), rinsed well and torn (remove tough stems)
2 cloves garlic, pressed
¼ C fresh basil, torn
¼ C fresh Italian (flat-leaf) parsley
pinch dried oregano
salt and pepper
juice of one lemon

In a large soup pot, combine peas, 4 cups stock, rice, and bay leaf. Boil, then simmer on low, covered, for 45 min. to 1 hr. Meanwhile, heat oil and sauté onion, celery, carrots and zucchini for 6 minutes or until tender. Add greens, cover, and lower heat slightly to steam veggies about 4 minutes. Try not to overcook at this stage, to keep in as many antioxidants as possible. Stir in garlic and remove from heat. Puree greens mixture with herbs and scoop of pea soup. Return to pot with remaining stock and heat through. Stir in lemon juice just before serving.

Lovely with freshly shaved Parmesean or Romano added to each bowl, and served with hot garlic bread and a big green salad.

*This is actually a great way to use up leftover brown rice, for even more nutrition. Just mix it in well with your veggies before you puree.

The Great Purge of May Pt. 2 (and a wee little stuff rant)

ROUND TWO:

To toss/recycle:
A whole bunch of beautifully painted paper towels left over from our recent watercolor spree. (They had been used just to wipe up spills, blot art, etc. but were so pretty that I carefully line dried them to reuse for some later art project of some kind. . . sheesh! This is when urges to reuse get out of hand)

To give to Goodwill:
1 men’s cords
1 men’s T
1 striped top
1 cute but too small pair of gold sandals
1 girl denim jumper
1 baby onesie and 1 matching leggings

To sell on Ebay:
1 velour Hanna Andersson top with 1 matching tights
1 Oilily boy cord overalls

To give to friends/church:
2 baby long sleeved onesies (puppy themed, so cute)
1 adorable matching baby hoodie
2 pair baby socks
2 wooden baby puzzles
1 new “Adventure Bible!” New Testament (freebie at Easter at MIL’s church—we “won” FOUR, I gave 3 away already, this last one is also going, seeing as how we have a whole collection of Bibles already)
5 beanie babyish stuffed toys (the kids had to choose a couple of toys to let go, since our “soft toy basket” is overflowing. This is just the tip of the iceberg, but the rest of the toys the girls were special and could not be parted with.)

To donate to the public library for their annual book sale:
2 young adult paperbacks (did not earn a coveted place in my collection)

To freecycle:
Set of 3 never used fingerpaints (who knows if they are really child safe? Creeps me out)
1 baby shape sorter toy, with 6 shapes
1 shape sorter plastic car, with 5 shapes
1 baby toy
bag of about 20 misc. little plastic toys
1 weirdly shaped metal cookie cutter (is it a giant rosebud opening? A Dali bunny mid-leap?)
2 plastic insulated sippie cups (these were our favorites. . . until we began studying plastics. . . ) 1 plastic slide whistle
1 pair green girl shorts
1 white girl top

To return to family:
1 pair baby sandals
1 green baby hoodie

This is approximately SIXTY items, which means a total of:

ONE HUNDRED and SEVENTEEN!


And it feels so good.

And the really sad thing—there is still a lot to go.

Now, don’t get me wrong; it’s not like I am a pack rat and there is stuff falling out of every closet and every surface area is stacked a foot deep, etc. No one could make an interesting reality TV show out of my clutter. ; ) I am really, really good about de-cluttering as a lifestyle—I have to, or our house would quickly become completely and totally unlivable, not just embarrassing.

But when you live in a teeny, tiny house with this many people, there is always something new coming in the house, which means something else will have to go to make room. . . . And for some reason people LOVE to give us things. Not just at Christmas or birthdays. And not just family members or good friends. I mean people I barely know will offer us stuff. And it's weird--some of these people have never seen our house, so aren't assuming small old shack = poor, and I am usually picky about how my kids are dressed in public, and have really expensive tastes in little girl clothes, so its not like I think we look poor. I think it must be the number of kids we have! But whatever the reason, people give us stuff all. the. time.

But don't get me wrong--I like it! Because it is fun to get "new" clothes to try out and see if they work for me. It is fun to get hand-me-down toys that the kids can play with for a while and then pass on to others. The problem is just if the things are not truly given to us--if they are given with the expectation that we must keep them, and if the giver will be offended if we decided we can not use the item and need to pass it on. So it is actually nicer sometimes to get things from acquaintances than from family members--the things are truly given with an open hand, so we do not have to keep stuff around by obligation that ends up just being a burden.

I know I sound really ungrateful as I write this. No one gives to us to put a burden on us, they give to us out of love or concern! But yet, too much stuff is a burden--and not just for us, I believe this is true for every person on the planet--and the hardest part of purging is worrying about the feelings of people whom we love and have concern for in return.

As I have come to realize over the course of living in this house, just because something is nice and has value (practical, monetary, etc.) does not mean I can/should/want to ultimately keep it. I love nice things, and think I have an eye for good stuff. But if something does not fit our needs or values or available house space, then it has to go. We cannot allow STUFF to take center stage (literally!) in our home. And we certainly cannot let STUFF affect how we love or don't love people--an important lesson I am still learning.

Because I am still learning how to be gracious when given stuff that has strings attached--meaning I know we don't want or need it but will now have to hold onto it for who knows how long so the giver knows we appreciate it. Because, by the way, I ALWAYS appreciate it. Or at least I always appreciate the generosity and care for us that is behind it! But too much stuff makes me feel overwhelmed, overburdened, struggling to feel at peace in my own home.

To cope, I have two strategies:

1) Embrace the crawlspace.

Bins under the house make things so much better. Out of sight, out of mind. But what do you do when the bins are full, as they were a couple of months ago? You decide that there is nothing to do but begin the purge and hope your loved ones who gave you the things you no longer need or have room for will be able to accept your reassurances that your need to give things back or pass them along has nothing to do with your appreciation of those things or your love for them.

2) Trust God to give me peace, when I cannot control the amount of stuff in/under my house.

A few years back I was really getting upset with some of the things being given to us by loving, well-meaning family members (note to family: perhaps a puzzle that is labeled "Giant Floor Puzzle" should not be given to people who live in a house with a very itsy bitsy floor. And if you try to convince us to let you buy us a travel storage container for the top of the car so we can get all the Christmas presents for the kids back home, well, might I just suggest that if the presents don't fit in the car that they are not going to fit in the childrens' one closet?! pant, pant).

See--I get all worked up and most decidedly UN-peaceful and UN-grateful when we have too much stuff.

But God kinda asked me around that time when I was so frustrated if I would choose to trust Him and be thankful if we had nothing. And without hesitation, I thought, Of course! And then He kinda asked me, so why would I not choose to trust Him and be thankful with having too much? Wow. Ok, Lord, I hear you.

And there is even a beautiful piece of Scripture that addresses this, and--woudn't you know it!--ends up with a verse that a lot of Christians know and can recite, but maybe have not thought about the context of:

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."--written by Paul to the Phillipians in Chapter 4.

And I so needed to hear that. To keep my heart from being hardened by stuff, by allowing it to affect my spirit. It does not matter how much stuff we end up with--what matters is how we handle it. And most importantly, how we chose to love, no matter what.

Time to go de-clutter some Earl Grey and bittersweet chocolate!

The Great Purge of May, Pt. 1

So far:

To toss/recycle:
3 paper girl-decorated Egyptian masks from an awesome B-day party
1 necklace made in kindergarten
1 prewriting from our completed poetry books (lots of pages I won’t count individually, although I could)
1 old broken computer monitor that has been sitting by the front door for weeks, needing to be taken to the e-waste collection site
1 bag of computer parts also needed to be e-wasted

And I tossed at least 8 things into the trashcan meaning to go back and write them down later but forgot to do so before DH emptied all the trash last night, so you’ll just have to trust me on this one. ; )

To give to Goodwill:
2 baby sleepers
1 pair baby pjs
1 green baby GAP turtleneck (worn by all 4 kids!)
1 gray mohair cardigan (hand-me down this winter, too itchy)
1 white girl summer top
1 box of CD’s (if I get desperate to make the 100 I will go back and count each individually!)

To share with friends at church (favorite/special things):
2 pair baby socks
1 pink top
1 pair yellow/white handmade bloomers
1 cute flower top
1 girl dress and overapron made by Mom

To Freecycle:
1 worn out ski goggles (and they already have a taker on freecycle!)
1 plastic soap holder
1 exersaucer (been in the kitchen for a year!)
1 navy pair girl tights
1 striped girl dress with 1 matching tights
1 play dress with 1 matching leggings
1 pair boots
2 pair girl pjs
1 pair brown girl capris
1 pair red girl jeans
1 girl turtleneck
1 pair girl socks
1 vintage girl sweater
1 girl cropped hoodie

To give back to family:
1 cute but impractical winter jacket
1 cute but impractical boy winter jacket
1 vintage toy that I am too scared to let my kids play with

To sell on Ebay:
4 pair girl Hanna Andersson and Oilily tights
1 gorgeous Oilily girl dress I am so sad to part with!
3 Oilily girl tops
1 gorgeous red girl top

To give back to our school charter:
1 Lewis & Clark game
1 large bag of posterboard we don’t need anymore

And I am FINALLY mailing mom a box of clothes needing her expert mending that has been sitting on top of The Pile for months! So sorry, Mom!

And I have a bag of toys waiting to be counted, but it is all crappy stuff I snuck into the bag without the kids seeing, and I can’t spread it out and count it without them seeing until I get them all playing outside! ; )

So, the overall total so far:

FIFTY-SEVEN!!!!

I am a little over halfway to my goal already!


All the clothes listed are too small for Happy, or there are two things that still fit Merry but we are choosing to share them with a Missionary family in China who we are friends with who just emailed saying they need clothes in Merry’s size for their own 7 yr old daughter. But I have been weeding out the clothes, so we don’t have practically anything we are not going to need for Happy. . .

OK, I know selling things on Ebay does not technically count as getting them out of here, since it really means I will be sticking the things into a bin under the house until it is the right season to sell them. But they are out of the house proper, and that counts for now!

Mom, don't read this post.

Hey, I said Don't!

; )

Ok, everyone else: one of the blogs I follow, on the right sidebar, is called Sarah's Covenant Homes and is a group of orphanages for abandoned special-needs children in India. Just this past Christmas they rescued 43 children who were languishing in neglect in a state-run institution, doubling their number of children overnight. Most of those children were in dire physical health, and the people who run the orphanage have worked hard to restore them to health; without the rescue, some of the children probably would have died within days or weeks. But when you take in so many desperately sick kids all at once, not knowing their medical history or needs, there are so many ways things can go wrong. So the orphanage has suffered losing two children recently, children who might not have died if there had been emergency equiptment available (Sarah's story of arriving in the "ER" of the nearest hospital is so appalling--no doctors on duty and the attendants there did not know how to help the dying child).

So now they are trying to raise money to purchase emergency equiptment for the orphanage, as well as some medical machines for their special-needs orphans that are not available at any hospital in their area. And they have had the brilliant idea of offering photo "cards" featuring the children who will benefit from this equiptment! As you help improve the lives of children in need, you can thank your mom for how well she raised you! ; )

You can read the original announcement here and if you think your mom would appreciate this loving gesture in her honor, be sure to read this post to find out about the last call for card "orders" in time for Mother's Day.

You know, personally, I think Mother's Day is overrated. I mean, I am a mom every day, and I sure wish my family would show me love and appreciation every day! ; ) BUT I am also all for using any excuse to shower others with love, so if setting aside one day a year to honor mothers gets us motivated, then Amen!

May is all about Making Space, Making Peace

I've been bitten. By the de-cluttering bug. Big time.

I have written before about how I think we reached maximum capacity in our house last summer; since then it seems like we always have a pile of boxes and misc. stuff sitting in the living room right by the front door--ARGH! Sometimes it is stuff I am in the process of finding a new home for, sometimes it is new stuff we need to find a "home" for in our house. . . I have been de-cluttering since last Fall, getting rid of loads of stuff through Goodwill and Freecycle, but we have also accumulated more stuff in that span of time, what with birthdays and Christmas and the generosity of friends, etc. Which means the pile waxes and wanes, but never completely goes away.

I am SO DONE with THE PILE!

And its not just The Pile--it is stuff laying on the top of the rolltop desk, on my kitchen hutch, on pretty much every available surface. Some of it is there because I have not been good about staying on top of things--like the junk mail I have twice taken off the pile on my dresser (right next to the front door) and stashed in bags in my closet because we had company coming. And which are still there, months later. Some of it is there because it is only in the house temporarily and so does not get a permanent home--like the big Lewis and Clark board game that belongs to our homeschool charter that has been living (mostly unused, I should point out!) on the top of the desk.

All this stuff sitting around makes it hard to clean. It makes me feel overwhelmed, and not at peace. And worst of all, I realized that all this mess has led to true CHAOS--in FlyLady parlance, that's Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome. In the wee hours one Sunday morning a couple of weekends back, there was an accident a little ways down our road--someone, who had most likely been drinking, ran into and knocked over a telephone pole, and there were live wires in the road--and so traffic was stopped all morning as the power company put up a new pole. Local drivers knew the long winding backroad, so we got to church and back. But when we got home and walked down to survey the work, a car drove up with a young Korean woman at the wheel. She lives in San Jose and had just been visiting the area overnight and was trying to get back home. Since she did not know the area and was, in her own admission, not a good driver, we advised her to just wait for the road to be cleared, which only took about 30 minutes at that point.

And I was completely chagrined and humilated that my house was such a wreck that I could not invite her in. Yes, it was that bad. Not only was there the usual stuff everywhere and dirt, but we had rushed off in such a hurry that Sunday morning and so there were dirty breakfast things filling the kitchen and clothes strewn everywhere.

Look, our house is old and miniscule and an obvious "fixer-uper." So it shocks people even when it is clean and tidy. No one ever has a neutral reaction to it--they either like it right away or are horrified. So to invite a stranger into this house at its worst--I was not just being prideful, I sincerely did not want to make that woman freaked out and uncomfortable.

So I apologized for not being able to invite her in, ran inside and frantically tried to clean things up, and finally gave up and went out to offer her a cup of tea outside with me. But right as she said she would enjoy the tea, the power company trucks started to leave, and so she could go on her way. She was a lovely person and, Mom, you of all people understand how much I enjoy hosting international people, and so you can appreciate how upset I was at the CHAOS I had let pervade my home to the point where I could not even invite this woman into my home.

In retrospect, I should have just sat outside and chatted the whole time. But I was so embarassed and flustered that I did not think clearly.

That was a turning point in my mind. I don't want that to happen again! So, OUT, OUT, OUT with WHATEVER we do not LOVE, USE, or have a home for! I always say I am happily brutal in my "flinging" but now I am really tossing down the gauntlet.

OUT, DAMNED STUFF!*

As FlyLady would say, you can't organize clutter! It just needs to be released to the world, where hopefully it will go on to find a home where it will be used and loved.

So it was very timely to visit the Happy Atheist Homemaker last week and see a post in which she said she was committing to purging FIFTY things from her home. I felt the rush of adrenaline immediately; I was excited, emboldened. I determined to do the same.

I vowed to de-clutter 50 things last week. So I started to go through drawers and closets and baskets and boxes, and it has been so successful that I am upping the ante.

I will get rid of ONE HUNDRED THINGS this week.

And I will tally them for you. Just so that you might be inspired to do some de-cluttering yourself, and encouraged that you may well have stuff in your house like mine that you had kind of forgotten about, but which it might be time to release. : )

I have two bags full so far this morning!

It feels so good!!!!



When I first told DH about my goal of 50 items out of here, he got this panicked look in his eyes and he snapped the rubberband he had been using. I gently took the rubber band and reassured him that it would be ok: "See, honey, this counts as one!" ; )

*It does not count as swearing if you are playing with the words of Shakespeare, right?

Like a warm "welcome back!"

So, Easter--and, more to the point, the end of Lent--was a while back now, but life has been so full that I have not yet gotten back into the blogging groove. This is not a bad thing, at all, on either count! I would rather be out doing life with my family than just sitting here blogging about the life I would like to be living. ; ) But yet, writing--as Sunny so eloguently demonstrated in my last post--is cathardic, and is an excellent mental exercise. And let's just say my flabby brain needs all the exercise it can get these days! Yes, the days have been full and so I am more tired at the end of them, but recently I have been foggy-headed even in the middle of the day. . . Do I need more sleep? Probably. Am I eating well? No, not really. Clearly I might want to amend some of the brain-draining ways I am living these days. . .

ANYWAY since I have not had the mental energy to write much, I have spent my computer time recently reading blogs--namely going back and catching up on what my favorite bloggers had written while I was abstaining from blogs during Lent. And as I read back to just before Lent in two of the blogs I "follow," Moderate Means and Zero House Payment Forever, I was shocked to see that both of those bloggers had "nominated" me for two more blogging "awards"! So sweet of them! I was touched. . . and then I panicked. Oh, no--they posted about this so long ago, do they think I don't CARE?! So, Stacy and Nydia, I hope both of you remembered that I was off the radar for a while. Now that I know, I thoroughly appreciate your kind gestures!

(Um, if anyone else has written anything else you want me to see anytime soon, would you please let me know? Otherwise it might take me a while to find it!)

So according to Stacy, for this first one, I am supposed to tell you 10 things about myself that you don't know (Mom, my sister Rebecca, and maybe Susan excepted ; ).

Piece of cake! (i.e. very little mental thought required ; )

1. My eyes are hazel, which means they are a mixture of blue and brown and look green in some lights

2. We are mostly vegetarian--more "flexitarian"--yet I am allergic to most raw fruits, vegetable and nuts. Wait, have I told you that before? Ok, then my favorite category of vegetarian food to cook is Middle Eastern. But my favorite vegetarian food to eat is Ethiopian.


3. My favorite actor (in the can't take my eyes off of him category) has always been Aidan Quinn. OK, ok, he's aging like the rest of us, but still. . . dreamy. (If I were not embarassed about drooling over a man much younger than me, I would have said Orlando Bloom. Esp. as Legolas in LOTR. Mmmmm.)
4. Speaking of which, if Smiley had been a girl, he very well might have been named Arwen. (All our kids have Welsh names, to compliment my husband's surname.)

5. My favorite flavors of ice cream: peanut butter and chocolate, bittersweet chocolate, licorice, anything minty, anything flavored like liquors or coffee (Jack Daniel's whiskey raisin--only available in the town where JD is brewed; Baskin Robbins' Kalua-carmel-praline; frappaccino chip)

6. which is interesting because I don't at all like to drink coffee or anything alcoholic except champagne, but any dessert with those flavors I love.

7. I live by the ocean, but my heart is in the mountains. Around Crested Butte, Colorado to be specific. 8. I have mentioned my absolute favorite flower is wild chicory, but my next favorite flower is blue hydrangea. Which means whenever the local nursery has a sale I can't resist buying one and planting it in my garden, where the blooms promptly turn to pink. (I know I need to amend the soil, and will once I figure out what it needs. . . someday. In the meantime my pink hydrangeas make me happy too)(I said this would be a piece of cake, but have already resorted to asking my husband for ideas. Sheesh)

9. I love 80's pop/rock. Esp. when house cleaning. Give me Rosanna or Walking on Sunshine or Right on Track" or Freedom (or Funkytown or When the Heart Rules the Mind) and a dust cloth and I'm good to go.

Believe me, I showed a lot of restraint just now limiting that list to six. Youtube and 80's videos are a dangerous mix.

10. Back to Tolkien--I don't remember when I first read The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, but I do remember reading them back to back at least 4 times in 6th grade. I would mix it up for fun--this time I'll read all the Sam and Frodo parts first, then go back and read the other threads. Those are some of the best stories ever written.

So now we're at ten. . . but we're just getting started! Because now I am supposed to tell you 7 more things about me, for this award:

(And now DH is not being as helpful with the ideas, suggesting that I tell you I love to exercise, which he knows full well would be lying. Thanks, hon!)

11. I love good pastry, but will probably not eat it if I don't have a cup of tea with milk to accompany it.

12. My favorite colors are grey and green. Just not necessarily togther.

13. For a loooooong time I have wanted to adopt from Haiti. DH does not (yet) have the same desire, and it has been moot because we have never had the means. . . but I must say that when I saw the photos of Haiti after the earthquake, I really, really, really wanted to go over there and bring home a couple of kids.

14. Someday I would really like to tour castles in Europe with my DH.

15. Someday I want to quilt. (And if I lived closer to you, Mom, maybe I would be by now!)

16. I love to make art, esp. watercolor and handbuilt pottery, but don't have an outlet for it, and was surprised when I started homeschooling by how much fun it was doing some of the art assignments I came up with for them. Two years back I made the most awesome tactile picture of a raven out of black wild rice, tiny black lentils, and other grains and legumes. It took me several hours after the kids were in bed, meticuously lining up the grains just right, and I got so much satisfaction when it was done. I was proud of myself! And then I realized, well, who could I share it with besides my immediate family? So, a couple of days later, it went into the trash. That made me sad, but what else to do? Now I wish I had at least taken a photo of it!

17. For my Master's of Humanities project, I adapted Alice Walker's novel "The Temple of My Familiar" into a screenplay. It was over 200 pages. (And you might not know that one page of script is approximately one minute of film. So let's just say the screenplay needs a little editing. But I secretly dream of it being a movie someday. . . )

18. I miss my Grandma Lager, my mom's mom. She died about 10 years ago, but she and I had only started to know each other as people, if you know what I mean, and I think we were becoming friends. It makes me sad that she never got to meet any of my kids.

19. I love the smell of garlic.

20. I always wanted a nickname. Ever since I was a little kid. But I guess I was not the kind of kid who inspires others to give her a nickname (since it does not count if you give yourself the nickname, it has to come from your family or friends). The closest I came to a real nickname was being affectionately called "Er" by a boyfriend in college. Long story, not worth explaining, but I had so longed for a nickname that I even liked "Er." So one reason why I love this blog is because I finally have a "nickname" that I love, that did not come from me, technically. It came from God. I love being known as Blessed.

(And just in case I haven't mentioned it before, that's BLESS-ed, not BLESSD. The first feels so much better in the mouth and sounds so much better in the ear ; )

Stacy, I don't know what comment I left that encouraged you on a rough homeschool day, but I am glad it did! Nydia, thank you for sharing the photo of your kids with me--they are adorable! I wish both of you a prosperous year of laughter, family joy, and lots of blogging.