Lent: release and receive

I mentioned yesterday that a lot of bloggers I "follow" made New Year's Resolutions this year; it was inspiring to read their original goals, and has been encouraging to hear their updates on how those resolutions are playing out in real life.

Well, interestingly enough, some of those same bloggers are also participating in Lent this year. This is something like my third or fourth year of participating in Lent, although last year did not work out as well in practice as in theory. I learned an important lesson--that the core of Lent really does have to be giving up, taking away, in order to open up a new, purposeful space in our lives in which we can engage with God in a new, meaningful way.

And so I was planning to this year "do" Lent the way I had in the past, by giving up (completely, none of this you can do it on Sunday compromise) the things that I don't need, and which I too easily--routinely!--turn to for comfort and escape:
*sweets
*pleasure reading
*movies

And this year I am feeling I need to up the ante--and give over to God the two things that I look forward to most in my day, and which thus have the post potential for being benign addictions, and distractions from righteous living:
* tea
*blogging

Yes, you heard me. I am not going to indulge in any dark chocolate, Marco Polo, or Cake Wrecks until after Easter.

And you know what? I am not at all sad about it--I am actually looking forward to it. I will miss all those things, and expect the first week without to find me walking around restlessly, distractedly, as jittery as an addict in withdrawl. But when that week is over, I think I will feel strong of spirit and clear of mind, and will find myself more productive and creative in the kitchen (good for my goals!), and will be looking at my children in the face more, and hopefully feeling more in tune with myself, my family, and God.

That is what I love about Lent--in my mind there is nothing negative about it, only potential for more experience, more growth, more wisdom, more love.

Now, I am starting Lent a little late this year, as I had not actually marked its beginning on my calendar and so did not realize it had arrived until Scottish Twins blogged about it Weds. night (and her reasoning for the season is worth reading). So I gave up everything but blogging Friday, and made a point Friday and Saturday of wrapping up and publishing all the posts I had been working on, so I could completely let it go for the rest of the 40 days. So that explaines the sudden glut of postings, and why you will not see any more until after Easter.

I will not be checking my comments--oh, that will be hard!--but please still say anything you want to say to any of the posts I made this weekend. I will be reading your comments with eagerness and savor after Easter, and will so gladly respond to them then. : )

I also will not be reading other people's blogs. But again, I will look forward to catching up with your lives after Easter (in fact, the hardest part about this giving up will be the restrained getting back). In the meantime, may you each have a really good, healthy, affirming, life-embracing Lent, however you choose to practice it--or not.

So, how are those New Year's goals coming along?

It seemed like all the bloggers I routinely read decided to make New Year's Resolutions this year. But that makes sense--most of the blogs I read are about living more frugally, or purposefully, or naturally, etc. They are written by women who see themselves in transition to better, healthier ways of living, and are constantly challenging themselves to keep moving forward; the New Year is a logical time to "up the bar" on better living. That is the spirit in which I made my own Goals for the New Year.

Then it seemed like around the end of January/beginning of February the bloggers I read started to give the honest appraisal of how they were (or were not) meeting those goals. Sure, some of them were already falling off the wagon after less than one month trying, and they were frustrated and discouraged by it. But all of them are determined to keep working on those goals and just keep getting on the wagon--and that is why their lives will be better this year. It does not matter how many goals we make for ourselves, and whether or not we are perfectly meeting them; it really just matters that we don't stop trying to improve ourselves, to better our lives, to grow, to stretch, to learn, to live.

Since I am always the late one to the party, my New Year's update has been in the works (well, in my head, that is) for weeks. But it is still worth writing down--some of you may be interested in how I am doing on my goals, and some of you might need a little encouragement/inspiration to keep on struggling with you own!

So here is where I am, now, in my efforts to Live More Purposefully, Healthily, and Fully in 2010:

Goal 1--not living in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) anymore!

Well, the good news is I finally got those piles of stuff out of the living room, just in time for Merry's birthday this week. Whoo-hoo! The bad news is that I still have loads of miscellaneous stuff crammed into bins under the house waiting to be dealt with. The two biggest things to deal with are outgrown children's clothing (is it really safe to get rid of those last few favorite things? Do I try to sell on eBay the designer stuff, or just give it to Goodwill for the tax deduction?) and papers (our filing cabinet is finally full, and while there is a little wiggle room, there isn't much. Which means lots of sorting and shredding ahead).

The bad news is that I am discouraged by the state of our house, which has SO many projects needing attention. It is hard to get motivated to wash all the windows when all I see are the rusty frames and find myself thinking why bother, it is still going to look crappy anyway. Yes, self, but it will at least be clean, so we will still look poor and in over our heads, but at least not like complete pigs.

The other discouraging thing is that my schedule for keeping the house running smoothly has derailed. So cleaning and all my normal household chores have seemed harder, since they are not happening in the most logical, disciplined, timely manner.

The bright side: Now that the piles are gone and I have freecycled most of the unloved stuff around here (for now!), I have more space to think and work. I loved having the house looking nice for Merry's birthday dinner, and so hope that ideal will get me moving to a regular rhythm of home maintance again.

Conclusion: Things are better than they were before the New Year, so I might be moving slowly on this one, but am not at a standstill!

Goal 2--cooking with more raw foods (specifically daily smoothies and a once-a-week raw dinner challenge!)

Once again, not going the way I had hoped. I did start out well, but our blender was just not powerful enough to really puree the fruits and veggies into a smooth texture, so the girls were not crazy about the green smoothie we made. Then the second week of the New Year I came down with a horrible allergy attack (to something in the air? I still don't know) that lasted several weeks and just completely drained me of energy. It was hard enough just making food for my family, let alone trying new things. That and the fact that--sadly--I am allergic to so many raw fruits, which made me not want to try more raw meals/smoothies and potentially exacerbate my allergic reactions. So, this goal had a great start, but then had to be put on hold. I am much better now, though, so now just need to get up the impetus again for starting over!

The bright side: the smoothie challenge will be all the more easier thanks for my Valentine's (so she says) gift from my Mother-in-law: one of those horrificially large and expensive Vita-Mix blenders currently being demonstrated at Costco. Yes, MIL shows love through buying stuff, which can be frustrating for people like us who live in such a small space, and even unloving at times if control issues get in the way--but she and I are learning how to communicate, and to channel her buying/giving urges into healthy, affirming purchases, which make both of us happy. This blender does not fit our kitchen, or our budget, so I would not have bought it. But from all the reviews I have read it is a fantastic machine, and so I have decided to be grateful for MIL's urge to love on me with it, and to make the most of it! Green smoothies all around!

Conclusion: Hey, a stalled beginning is still a beginning! And since I will soon have a behemoth blender taking up permanent residence on my counter, I am sure I will be motivated to make it worth the real estate. The smoothies are just one aspect of eating more raw foods, but I am still gung-ho about improving our eating and just need to be more disciplined about 1) getting to the groccery store for that good, fresh, local, organic produce, and 2) starting my evening routine on time so that I have plenty of time to cook. Because when I don't follow the schedule, then don't allow myself time and mental space for experimenting with foods.

Goal 3--baking my own bread and making yoghurt

Um, these are the two things I have not even started. I keep meaning to, and I *will*--but I need to work time for doing these things into the weekly routine, because at the moment I think that is the problem.

The bright side: the longer I procrastinate, the more inspiring bread recipes and methods I learn about! In particular I am very excited about checking out the bread book recommended by Susan--sounds easy and looks so yummy!

Conclusion: Still two goals I care about. Let's see if I can make a purposeful effort to start this in the next month.

Goal 4--trying new "green" and frugal products and lifestyle changes
and Goal 5--trying to cut out some of our plastic intake/outtake

These two I am still very excited about. I am almost out of shampoo, and when it runs out I plan on trying a shampoo bar, to cut out our chemical use and our plastic intake. Same with the laundry detergent and dishwashing liquid and hand soap--so at the moment I have been researching potential replacement products. When I have been using some of those new products for a while I will let you know how they work compared to the usual kinds.

I am also implementing a few other changes for the better--but I will blog about those specifically later on.

Conclusion: A good start so far!

Goal 6--flossing my teeth nightly

Well, since gums get sensitive when you first start flossing I have ammended the goal to every other night. But I usually remember every night, and that is half of the battle! (i.e. if it is a natural part of the routine, it will happen!)

Conclusion: Another good start!

Goal 7--attending the early service at Vintage Faith once a month, so that our girls can experience the"adult" gathering while not missing out on their Sunday School classes.

Yep--so far so good!

Goal 8--starting a price book, so I can know where to buy what for the best local deals (and doing it with the girls as a homeschool project)

Well, Sunny and I have gathered the information from one groccery store at which we routinely shop--but we have two (maybe three) more to go. It is hard getting this one done, because it does not work to do with all the kids (Sunny is doing great at recording the info herself, but is not exactly fast about it, and the little ones hanging out in the cart get impatient, understandably), which only leaves the evenings and weekends to do, and we have been busy.

Conclusion: At least it is started! Need to plan when we will do more stores, making a realistic goal of one store per week. I want to get it done so I know where the best deals are--all this time I have been pretty much guessing.

Goal 9--visiting the same local beach every Friday morning at the same time, to experience the changes in the ocean and weather over the course of a year.

Yes, we have actually been doing this, which is a major deal for lazy homebody me! Ok, ok, we don't get there at exactly the same time every Friday, which messes with the "scientific" data gathering aspect. But my goal was just to get there and get them observing, and THAT we are doing!

Yay for me!

Goal 10--making home schooling more structured, so we get our goals met, but have plenty of time for fun and play

This started out really well, with me cracking down hard on the girls and the daily schedule. For some reason I noticed last week that things have started to slide again, so I just need to stay positive and utilize more tools to help the girls be more self-regulating about the daily routine, like charts on the fridge.

Conclusion: The foundation has been laid, and now I just need to formalize the routine and then be a stickler about staying with it!

Goal 11--parenting with more patience and gentleness and grace

This one is tough. Some days I have almost miraculously parented through really rough phases feeling like the goodness of God was flowing through me to the children. . . and other days I have been so irritable I snap at the girls for the least little infraction. Sigh. But I am being purposeful, if not perfect, and am communicating with the girls so they hear me apologize when I have been harsh with them, and hopefully am at least modeling how to turn things around. : ) But I don't mean to sound negative--I think I am aware every moment of how I am parenting, and that alone is helping me be a better mommy. I am also trying to be wise with how I schedule the day and when I do my own stuff so that I am not setting myself or the girls up for frustration and unrealistic expectations.

The bright side: Sunny has been so great recently, so helpful and cheerful in attitude. And I can tell when Merry is making good choices that might not be coming easily at that moment. And Happy has been so generous and quick to forgive her sisters when they fight. And Smiley is getting into everything, but at least is so cute about it. I have been noticing the little good bits of each of my children, and being thankful for them, and using them to build up our relationships with one another in love.

Conclusion: I'll take every day, every moment, as it comes, and pray that God will help me be the mommy He wants me to be.

The Big Picture:

So, looking over these, it really seems like firming up our daily/weekly routine and carving purposeful space in it for the things we want to add will be key to my achieving these goals. If I do not--in advance--set aside time to try new things, to enjoy quality time with each child one-on-one, to research green products, etc. then they just won't happen.

I have been feeling like this was true, and have really noticed how the days kind of crumple in on themselves when we are not staying on our planned routine. But it is good to see here, written down, how planning/routine are probably the most important thing I can do each week to help me meet my goals.

So, thanks for letting me write this all out! Not the most interesting post for you to read, but a necessary one for me to write.

So, how are YOUR goals for 2010 working out?

fashion quandaries Pt 3: the delights of etsy, for the neck

Editor's Note: I realize this series of posts is quite frivolous. But it has been so much fun looking at these beautiful things on etsy for the past couple of weeks (I have been doing the looking and image gathering and writing for that long--but am finally getting them all finished and posted. The looking is easy--all I need is one hand to "drive" the mouse while I am nursing Smiley. But writing is harder to work in, and so it takes me a while to complete a post when I only have five minute snippets of time here and there!).

But I realized while finishing this post this morning, and then seeing Aubrey's comment over on Pt. 2, that this is like virtual shopping with girlfriends! If you are going to shop, that's definitely the best and most fun way to do it! So thanks for joining me. : )


I mentioned in post Pt. 1 about how I got some new tops,* and want to build some more style around them. In particular, I would like to accessorize them a bit, but without buying junk jewelry or stuff that I don't like, like, like. So, keeping in mind my clothes shopping guidelines, and my desire for more color and flair in my life I wrote about in my last post, I now bring you my practical, versatile, colorful, soft, child-friendly solution--a scarf, something like this:

Summer Breeze Cotton Scarf by Beautiful Bridget

I'm thinking that cranberry would actually look pretty good with the new fushia (its not bright, more like a crimson pink) top I bought, which is the one item in my wardrobe begging for something to give it more style. But what do you think?

blue spring scarflette by Miss Lila Mae

I also really like this long, delicate scarf, esp. with the colorful brooch. The brooch does not come with it, though, so that would be another thing to find. (But I have seen plenty of cute ones on etsy already--I'll show you a few at the end.)

purple spring scarflette by Miss Lila Mae

Another one by the same artist. I love the pattern of this purple one, but not sure purple (while a lovely color and a good color for me) would compliment the tops that could use the accessorizing, esp. the fushia one.

green scarf with purple flower brooch by high note designs

But I LOVE the color of this scarf, and the flower brooch comes with it! But this is a shorter, heavier scarf than the others so far, and so would be more limited in the season in which I could wear it. . . but it is so pretty. . . Of course, I don't own any scarf at the moment, so could use a warm one (esp. on a morning like this, when it is chilly in the house and I am sitting still typing and D has not yet got the fire going. . . )

chocolate blue cotton scarf by Adrienne Kinsella

I really like the colors in this scarf, and it would look great with my multitude of black and grey tops, I imagine (esp. with denim jeans! or would that be too matchy-matchy?)--but since I most need the scarf to go with the fushia top, I am not sure this one would be the best choice. These are actually the exact colors of my new blue top and Free People tunic, but I don't think I would wear the scarf with that outfit--definitely too matchy-matchy, in my mind.

scarf offered by Angeneh

Then there is the whole other world of fabric scarves, but I just really don't want to go there. I am wanting casual, and silk scarves just seem more high maintenance. I do have some silk scarves, and actually do wear them sometimes--but usually only tied around a ponytail. ; ) But it is amazing how just adding that simple scarf to the ponytail immediately and effortlessly elevates the plain top and jeans to an outfit. So that is what I am going for with the knit scarf idea. . . But this particular scarf is sure pretty, and might look really cute with that fushia top and blue jeans. I can't tell that it is handmade, though--from the listing I suspect it comes from India.

boho hexagon scarf by the Madd Crocheter

THIS is the scarf I saw in the Garnet Hill catalogue two years ago that was $88 bucks and still sold out before it could go on sale. Sigh. I am entertaining the thought of trying to make one myself--something I like this much could be the project to get me off my duff and learn a new skill--except the lady who sells the pattern for this scarf says it is intermediate in skill level because of all the tying off and sewing together. So, probably not the best choice for a first foray into the craft. But oh, so gorgeous!!! If I was only going to get one scarf, that would be it. The scarf is not for sale, however--just the pattern for it--or I would be so tempted.

So as I mentioned before, the right scarf by itself would add a nice bit of style to my wardrobe; the right scarf with a high-spirited, beautiful brooch would be even more fun:

Blue Eyed Suzy Crocheted Flower Brooch by Bunny in Disguise

Your basic simple, but pretty flower pin, which would help any color scarf look good with my fushia top.

Lola Buttonhead Brooch by Jetta's Nest

Another cute flower brooch--cute, and a little edgy! (it also comes in red)

red crochet flower brooch by LaPerLaA

Love the black seed beads--and the chunky texture of the petals.

Blue Felted Brooch. No.010 by Hanne B. Designs

This one melted my heart: it is the exact look of the flower I had in my wedding bouquet, called Love in a Mist, which I chose because it is the closest cultivated match to my favorite flower, wild Chicory (which is too delicate to do well in a wedding bouquet).

And then there are the fancier ones:

Hand Stitched Owl Brooch by Little Canary Bird

That one is for you, Desiree! : )

Another one by the same artist

Red Felt Bird Brooch by Cheery Deary Designs

How can you be dark and broody on the inside if you can put something like this on your scarf? It makes me think of the saying, "Fake it until you make it"--if you don't feel like smiling, do it anyway and soon you will find you are smiling naturally.

Dove on a Branch Heart plush brooch by Accessoire

Another pretty and cheerful brooch. (If you haven't noticed, it appears I like fairly simple designs, solid worksmanship but with a homespun/imperfect look, and some texture, like beads, to create contast with the soft, fiberous materials. And who doesn't love birds? Cheerful but unpretentious--same with flowers.)

Little Felt Heart Pin by Skipping Stones

Oh, this heart is just too cute. And it comes in other color combinations too. . .

Anyway, you get the idea. One colorful, soft (no itchy wool, or acrylics--I'm a cotton girl) scarf; one colorful, delightful brooch. Just the right touches for giving my current clothes a little more personality and style, but without a lot of fuss.

Oh, and some of these brooches would be so cute on the side of that red on red cashmere hat--Aubrey? ; )

*I tried to take photos of my new clothes, but have not been able to get good enough lighting indoors to really show the colors and textures. So you will just have to use your imagination for this post. (And maybe I can add work out an outdoor fashion photo shoot sometime when the sunshine is more reliable. . . )

fashion quandaries Pt. 2: oh, that HAT

Ok, so after looking at clothes for a few months, and thinking about clothes, and even finally purchasing a few clothes, I was feeling pretty satisfied that I had some idea of what I was doing, style-wise. I was getting simple but nice and attractive things, that looked good on me and were comfortable and practical.

But remember my earlier post about my first, young forays into fashion? In that post I wrote about noticing a trend when I looked back on my fashion sense in high school--simple, comfortable, and easy to wear, but also slightly edgy.

Hmmmm. These new clothes have the first part down, but they are not yet giving me style. And I want style. Not fancy or frivolous or impractical or ostentatious style, but some bits of flair that make me feel, well, more like the me I am inside. Not just a mom but also a person. In fact, I think my somewhat shapeless, drab clothes (i.e. black and grey, the staples of my wardrobe!) reflect my inner tendancies recently to dwell on the grit and scour and gray of my days, and not the vibrant and shiny and rich of my days. My inner self is really comfortable in black and grey (grey is my favorite color), and in the past two years, dark brown. I like these colors, they look good on me, so there is nothing wrong with basing my wardrobe on them. But these colors are also very safe, and not at all creative, or free spirited, or celebratory, or liberating. And my heart, at its best, is all those things.

So, in the spirit of encouraging myself to embrace life more fully--which is one of my goals for this year--I want the colors on my outer self to symbolize the colors of my inner self. I want more color in my life, in my heart; so I want more color in my wardrobe.

And I want my clothes to be fun.

But I did not have all this in mind when I started looking at clothes this past Fall; the ideas and little revelations have sort of crept into my consciousness from various places. But I can tell you exactly where it started: with watching the movie Iron Jawed Angels, a work of historical fiction about the American women's sufferage movement during the 1910's. Hilary Swank plays the young activist Alice Paul, who pretty much gives up her entire life for the cause of women's rights--and who also practically lives in the most cunning hat:


In the movie, when Alice sees the hat in a shop window, she and her best friend and fellow activist fight for it. Alice won. As soon as I saw it on Alice, I wished I had one just like it. Seriously--I love hats. I used to wear hats. Ok, so I do wear hats all the time now, but they are all practical hats, weather-specific hats, hats that are great for what they are supposed to do, but which you take off as soon as you can. No, I am talking about millinery, which I have not worn for a looooooong time, and once I saw this hat, I realized I want a hat. Because a good hat--like Alice's--is fun, and unusual, but practical too. And a hat like hers--the idea of it, at least--fits my insides. : )

So, of course, where do you go when you want to find a vintage-ish, ecclectic hat? Etsy.

Flapper Style Cloche Hat by Creations by Gail

Cute! But not sure of that color on me. . .


Another adorable hat also by Gail. In fact, after scouring all the hats of this style on etsy, I can say authoritatively that Gail has the loveliest hats available on that site. Some of her creations were even more lovely than these--these are just the two I could actually see myself potentially wearing.

Knotty and Nice by If The Hat Fits by Jackie

It's very cute, and black, which is a safe bet for me ; ). But it is a bit too tailored, too upright. . . I am more, um, slumpy in my style.

pink cloche by McHats

This one is also tailored, but simple and nicely retro--and I like the pink, and think it would actually compliment quite a lot in my wardrobe, but if I was only going to get one hat, would this be the best one. . . ?

cashmere cloche in reds by The Alternative Design Studio

This one is more money than I would want to spend--unless of course I was completely in love with it! I do love the fabric (cashmere being the only wool I can wear), and love the colors (fantastic on me, too!) and love that the fabrics have been upcycled. It would be strictly for winter, however, but that is okay. . . but would it be too warm to wear indoors anyway? I am looking for a hat you wear comfortably as part of your outfit for the day--or at least out on when you go out and about. It comes in another color combination too:

Although maybe the red and black is not actually as versatile as the red and red.

Noir et Noir by Annie's Wearable Art

Then there are all the multitude of knit options. My first choice of a hat would be one of the more structured styles pictured above, but knit hats are easier to store and carry around with you. This one is a great color on me ; ) and has a little more millinery style to it than your average knit hat. Not for wearing in the summer, but cute for wintery clothes.

alpaca wool cloche by Annmag

One benefit of a tailored hat is that it does not smush your hair all awry and static-y. Flattens, yes, but that is workable. So I would only get a hat like this knit one if I was sure I would not want to take off the hat at any point. . . (but isn't it pretty?)

Amelia hat by Lindsey Ferguson

But while I am at it, might as well get some color into it!

So, my dear readers, sister-friends, fashionistas--please comment at will! I would love to hear your thoughts, what you like and don't like, and whether or not you think I am veering into dangerous territory. Because it all started with the hat, but goes on from there.

To be continued!


(And anyone already sick of this topic has complete freedom to ignore the rest of this series!)

fashion quandries Pt 1: ideology

Ok, so earlier this month I was writing about my history with the world of fashion--and my more recent 10-yr long sabbatical from it. Okay, maybe not quite that long, but it sure feels like it at this point.

As I said before, the main issue is that I do not trust my fashion sense anymore, so that even when I see something I think is totally adorable, I don't know if it is considered "in," or what to wear it with (or more specifically, what not to wear it with). The reason I even care: I feel like a frump--an old, out of date frump. Exercise will help me fight the frumpies, and so will taking good care of myself (you know, like showering ; ), but I also just want to get a few pieces of clothing that will not make me feel frumpish when I am wearing them.

I do have some cute outfits, and some are even new to my closet, thanks to hand-me-downs and my Mother inlaw's generosity last Black Friday, when she bought me two sweaters. But I also have had a lot of clothes begging for retirement--things that have been well loved and are now stretched out/shrunk/stained. So I have started letting them go (meaning they will either be shared on freecycle, or will begin new lives as rags!). Which means I have needed a few more items, particularly tops, to fit the wardrobe gaps. So last summer and fall I started looking around, to see how I could build my wardrobe back up and add some more current and upbeat style to my wardrobe.

But it took me until just a few weekend ago to actually buy any new winterish clothes. Why did it take me so long to get anything? First, because I don't get that many shopping excursions without kids. ; ) Second, because I am really, really picky about what clothes I buy.

Because just like in jr. high and high school, I still really, really like clothes. They are not just covering for the body; clothes can be artistic expression, cultural identity, self-indulgence, interpersonal communication, camoflage or spotlight, a form of rhetoric! I am fascinated by the psychological and spiritual side of how we clothe ourselves, and the pure aesthetics of clothing. But I am repelled by the uglier sides of fashion: the materialism, the envy, the overspending, the pride, the negative body stereotyping, the urge to conform, etc. So my enjoyment of clothes is balanced out by my ever-growing desire to not buy into the cultural messages of mindless fasion, esp. needing to have lots of clothes, and the latest styles in clothes, etc. Trying to stay on top of fashion does not at all fit my life values:

--it is not frugal to feel like you have to replace perfectly good clothes just because they are not the latest look.

--it is not green to continually "update" your wardrobe with things made in developing countries that don't have eco-conscious industry, and that might be exploiting their workers to boot.

--it is not moral either. That adorable beaded top at the mall isn't so cute when you think about the potentially six year old Cambodian hands that painstakingly worked each bead. On the other hand, she might be helping feed her family and be glad for the job, so I don't pretend to know what is right or wrong about buying clothes made in such countries, but I do know that treating clothes as disposable reflects our national penchant towards treating the third-world people who made them as disposable too.

--it is not space efficient to have a large, fully accessorized wardrobe (esp. the shoes!).

--it is not healthy for the spirit to care too much what others think about the way you look, or to seek attention/affirmation for your insides by what you do to the outsides.

--it is not ok to squander the monetary blessings God has given us on things that ultimately don't matter, and might even hinder our hearts staying in tune with His desires for us.

But with these values in mind, there is nothing wrong with buying new clothes when you actually need them, and there is nothing wrong with wanting those new clothes to be stylish as well as good quality. In fact, while I am by nature a bargin shopper, I would rather spend more money on just a few well made, good quality items that I really, really like than spend less money on a whole cartload (hello Ross!) of clothing items that are not going to last very long and might be cute but not thrill me to wear them.

Yes, I am a clothes snob. But I believe that buying fewer, but better quality clothes actually saves me money in the long run. Since I am not "flipping" my wardrobe every year, that is! Not everyone feels this way--lots of women would rather get inexpensive clothes every year and get to update their wardrobe more frequently, since the clothes will not last as long, or they can justify getting rid of them fairly quickly since it only cost ten bucks, so it's no big deal that it's not my favorite top, I'll just wear it a few more times to "get my money's worth" and then give it to Goodwill.

But I have learned over the years that the cheaply made things just are not worth it, no matter how "great" a price, or how "in" the look. This standard was reinforced for me this last summer when we went on our first road trip to IL and I had almost no clothing with me on the trip. Well, cute clothing--I had plenty of faded and stained camisole tanks and t-shirts! So when I was staying with my parents, I tried to do some shopping, and remember well going through the entire mall without any luck, trying on ten tops at a time in stores like Charlotte Russe and Wet Seal and Forever 21, and all the clothes that I liked color and style-wise were so cheap in fabric, in worksmanship, and so ill-fitting. So after exhausting all those kind of inexpensive stores, I went into Banana Republic, and the first black top I tried on was so lovely in fabric, and when I pulled it on and looked in the mirror to see me looking years younger and pounds slimmer, I literally moaned aloud in pleasure, Oh, yeah, baby, THAT's what I'm talking about. It was expensive, for a simple top--not even on sale!--but it makes me look and feel great. It was worth it.

So for the past few months I have not spent that much time clothes shopping, but I have just looked when given the chance, and have kept my eyes out for cute things when out and about. I have learned to be patient and wait for the right items, not just buy what is there at the store. I don't have a lot of money to spend or space to store things, and so I have learned to be very dilligent about only buying things that I like, like, like immediately. This means I that if I am not sure about it in the dressing room, I should not get it. Period. Seriously, if I have to stand there and evaluate it and think about it in front of the mirror, then that is a clear sign that it will most likely not be a piece I will wear with complete confidence and pleasure. So no matter how much I like it, I won't get it.

Other bits of life experience/values that creep into my clothes shopping: I really want to buy American made things. It only makes sense to put my money into our own industry, esp. given that I don't know how my money spend on foreign-made items might be harming the earth or its humans. Even better, I want to buy things made locally. Best yet, I want to buy things made by individuals, not companies. I don't know the best places to do these yet, but I am trying to learn.

I really wish I could sew and knit and crochet and do all those self-sufficient things that would not only be frugal and green but also give me another outlet for creative expression. But honestly I admit I do not wish it enough to make a real effort to learn at this stage in life. I am already working towards making my own bread, yogurt, and healthy meals from scratch--for now, with homeschooling and everything else, that is all I can realistically do. So for the moment, I will just try to shop carefully and be wise with the money I do have for new clothes and try to get things that I will wear and enjoy for a long time.

This is where you all come in!

I am looking for some feedback here, so please jump on in and tell me what you think I should do. When I finally got some clothes a few weekends back, the main thing I found were three 3/4 sleeve tops, one black, one blue, one fushia. They were from a local store (yay!) and nicely made (yay!) and made in the US (yay!) and were simple but just what I needed to wear under my new sweaters and replace some of my too-old tops. They were not cheap (oh, well) and only one was on sale. At the same store I found an adorable Free People tunic that looks great over the blue to--and it was on sale (although if you know the Free People label, you know that is not saying much). But I like, like, like all these items, and have worn them constantly since getting them.

But much as I like these new clothing items, they are only the beginning. I have the foundation--now I want to build some style into my wardrobe!

To be continued. . .


*Fashion paper doll images from the incredible artistry of Paperfashion. Gorgeous work throughout the website!

You Gave Me Wings, an original painting by The Little Fox

This is my Valentine to you all: to write something--anything--to get "driftwoody" off the front of this blog. ; )

I started to write about my morning, which had some lovely moments that I am still savoring. But I ran out of time. So, instead, here is a little pictoral homage to all manner of homemade loveliness, from etsy, the online shop I "heart."

Penguin with a warm heart, by Wool Crazy

How cute is that?!

Red Hood, by Afra

(The hood is not Valentine themed, but when I saw it, I blurted aloud, "I love it!")

Red Berry Heart, by Pink Marmalade

He says he can hear the Forest whisper, an original print by Hide n Seek

Maybe this is true for everyone, but my favorite art pieces are those that inspire a new thought in me, or turn an old thought on its head, and that make me feel.

And of course I cannot post about etsy without mentioning that Live Once, Juicy now has her own etsy shop! I am so thrilled for her, and hope this venture brings her contentment in her work, bliss in her marriage partnership, freedom in her place of work, and of course money in the bank. : )

Cherry Lime Rickey Scrubbie Set, by Live Once Juicy

Isn't it adorable? And practical!

Many warm wishes to you all today. : )

driftwoody

Today we made our weekly beach foray, observing the tide, the waves, the surfers, the wildlife, for educational purposes.

Some weekly visits are more educational than others.

What trip to the beach is complete without beachcombing? We found some pretty iridescent shells, Sunny found ten intact top crabshells, and Merry ran up with this:

"Mommy, look at this! What is it? It looks like some kind of bone!"

Er. . . some kind of bone indeed.

Let's get up close and personal, shall we?

Ummmmmmmmm, yeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.

Me to all the girls eagerly clustered around me (including Sunny's 9 yr old BF):
"It almost looks like some part of a . . . (mind racing) statue. . . what part of the body does it look like to you?"

"An arm!"

"A foot!"

"A head!"

They were really good guessers (esp. whoever guessed that last one ; ). But since none of them seemed to recognize the body part, I said, "I think it looks like a finger." And they all seemed satisfied with that and I nonchalantly pocketed the item (insert your own Mae West "banana in the pocket" variant here) and saved it. To show you, of course.

Don't thank me yet.

That's one dirty finger.

Ok, this has got to be the weirdest/grossest thing I have ever seen washed up on the beach, rotting seal carcases included. It is some kind of stiff (ha) molded plastic about the length of my index finger, but fatter, and as you can see, hollow. Because of the fragments of some kind of woven string left attached there on the underside, I think this was made as some kind of necklace. . . charm? A discarded favor from a frat beach party? Some modern witch doctor's potency charm? An overpriced souvenir from some "exotic" vacation package?

Whatever its origin, it is all the more disturbing for the bite marks all over it. Shark? Dog at the beach? (Maybe he thought it was a bone too.)

But it had clearly been long adrift, sterilized by sea and wind and sand, so at least I was not worried about it being safe to handle.

And now, to the rubbish bin. . .

Now you can thank me.

Help Haiti without spending a dime

Well, of your OWN money, that is. Emily over at $1,000 a month blogged today about some awesome, quick and easy ways that technology savvy people can donate funds to excellent charities like World Vision through corporate charities. Please visit her post and see all your options, and then please take a moment to make a difference!

Or for starters, you can click on the "button" I posted above, to take you directly to the facebook site for Hotels Combined, which is giving some serious payout for your few minutes of time. : )

Thank you readers! This is one of the things I love about the blogsphere: $5 does not seem like much from one person. But then you go to the Hotels Combined facebook page and see the number of people who have become a "fan" and had $5 donated for them--it totally adds up!

#4

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Stop for a moment and soak in the stillness. The serene beauty. The long-forgotten wonder of fresh snowfall. The quality of light so rare for my eyes, crisp and diffused at the same time--giving definition to the trees, branches, but soothing over what lies between. The snow as negative space, in which to rest the eyes--and the spirit.

Those of you who live in snowy areas may not be able to appreciate that photo. But keep in mind we are Colorado transplants who now live at the edge of the Pacific (see last entry). This past weekend we got to go stay with some of D's cousins up at Lake Tahoe (five minutes from Heavenly, if you know the area--the name says it all) so he could celebrate his 40th birthday with downhill skiing, something he loves but has not done since we lived in CO. We had a fantastic weekend--his cousin's sister and her family came up too, so we three familes under one roof enjoyed late pajama breakfasts, all-house hide and seek, lots of sledding, snowball-making, icesicle eating. My kids have never played in REAL snow, and I loved, loved, loved them getting the chance. These cousins are D's mom's second oldest sister's daughters, if you can follow that. We have seen them fairly often over the years, but only up in Chico when lots of family gathers for holidays and special occassions, and when we are all staying at different sisters' homes, and don't get to choose who we do what with. So we have never had more than fleeting moments here and there to get to know each others' families in any meaningful way. This was such an amazing opportunity to get to know one another away from family stresses and rigid expectations. Everyone was relaxed and without pretention.

The best part for me was Saturday afternoon, when the dads and older kids were skiing, the kids were all having quiet reading time or naps, and us three moms curled up with tea or Diet Coke to swap stories and do the female bonding upon which I thrive. None of us put on makeup--or even showered on Saturday. ; ) We were completely comfortable just being our unadorned selves, and spoke without adornment too, freely sharing stories about family that helped us understand one another better and encouraged one another.

And as we chatted, the snow silently fell.

The photo above somehow illustrates the stripped-down peace I felt that afternoon. I have not been in a snowfall for years, certainly not such a surreally peaceful wilderness snowfall. The house was at the end of a cul-de-sac and beyond the wide glass windows was nothing but trees and snow and steely sky. I had forgotten how beautiful is, how perfectly calm.

I was aware of being really happy.

We have all agreed to make this an annual gathering!

#3

The Flat Sisters prepare to take on the world

We just started a homeschool project--essentially "Flat Stanley" but with cuter flatties and without the copyright infringement--that I am very excited about. Anyone who is interested can read more about the project here.

I love homeschooling. Yes, I know kids do this project in public school, but we are getting to go all out with this in a way a public school teacher could not easily. And anything I am this excited about undoubtedly will be fun and educational for the kids. : )

#2

When I was getting ready to send the prizes from my bloggiversary (hey, I just noticed "give/giver" in the middle of that made-up word! Perfect!), I happened to see Mary at Owlhaven's post about upcycled mailing envelopes. That was just the right touch for packaging these little gifts--pretty, green, frugal, and slightly crafty. I save gift bags for regifting, and so had a nice selection to choose from--and as you can see, came up with some pretty girly (but not necessarily little girly) designs.

I'm not sure mine turned out as well as Mary's did. The big pink one with white flower was the first I tried, and if you fold the top of the bag under (where the holes for the carrying strings are) then you end up with a square envelope--was barely the right size for what I was mailing. So then for the next one, with the girl and dogs, I just left the string holes visible (I couldn't decapitate the poor girl by turning the top edges under!) and put clear packing tape over them. The last one--the iridescent pink!--I had to take apart to fit the book into. If you don't start out with a big enough envelope, then you have to undo the flaps that make up the bottom of the bag, and then that leaves big creases on your "envelope." So I think mine looked a little more makeshift than they would have otherwise. . . But still, the packaging fits the values and ideas in this blog, esp. being less than perfect! ; )

And the post office lady did not bat an eye when I handed them over, including the one going all the way to England.

Rebecca, Carrie, Nydia, let me know if they arrive safely!

Snippets and Snapshots #1

Seriously, there are way too many things I want to share with you all, and so little time to blog these days. So this morning I am going to post a few random bit of life that have been special to me, or that I think you might find interesting.

So, welcome to my life, in snippets!

So, starting last week:

Smiley is walking!

(and if you can see from the photos, he also got his first shiner! From losing his balance while sitting in the little baby rocking chair and falling forward)

(for those of you intersted in the layout of our house, this is in front of the back door, off the living room)

fashion flashback, and lust for a hat

I have been hankering for some personal style for a while now (since, like, around three children ago). I, who once upon a time was quite daring and, um, unique in fashion, now tend to be on the frumpy side. At least I know I'm frumpy--I have no illusions. But that does not mean I like it.

High school was the height or my fashion awareness and creative self-expression through clothing, before college when grunge was cool and all I wore were ratty flannels and black. At 16 I would see a top, for example, and see in my mind's eye what jeans or skirts or shoes or earrings would "make" the outfit. Even if I could not afford to buy it, I knew what was "in" and what would look on me the way I wanted*.

I used to love clothes. When I was in middle school, a lady for whom I had a regular babysitting gig would give me her old Vogue and Harper's Bazaar and Women's Wear Weekly. The ads in those magazines alone were fascinating, and I literally papered my bedroom with them (or at least my half, my sister Rebecca using her half to illustrate her love of horses and Mitch Gaylord).

Then when I had just turned 16, I got a job at a high-end locally owned department store, working in the "Working Woman" department. The clothes were not quite what I was interested in as a sophmore in high school, but OH the accessories! OH the store discount (or should I have said, uh-oh)! OH the fun of putting together complete "looks" for women, grown-ups who trusted ME for fashion advice!

From that point on, until a few months before I married, I worked various clothing retail jobs, ending up being groomed as a manager for Casual Corner, if you remember them. In those years I spent a lot of time being around clothes and thinking about clothes and spending my hard-earned money on clothes and really, really liking clothes. So much so that I entertained thoughts of applying to the prestigious Rhode Island School of Design for college--until I saw all the chemistry required for a textiles design major (who would have thunk it).

All those years in fashion now seem like another life. I don't regret falling out of trendy fashion, necessarily, because trendiness does not fit with my life values. And I certainly don't regret leaving the world of retail--those were some of the most pointless and soul-sucking jobs I have ever had (and I have had a lot). What I miss is just simply knowing what is considered stylish this year. Even if I can't afford to buy it, or choose not to buy it, I wish I could still evaluate with a glance of the eye what is "in" and what will look on the me way I want.

One of my favorite outfits back in h.s. was a mauvey knit long turtleneck sweater,** which I wore over ratty old cream thermal underwear of my dad's, with brown boots and a denim jacket which I had embellished. It WAS the 1980's, but believe me, no one else was wearing that exact same "look," at least in my h.s. The ripped long johns gave the chunky sweater an edge--I felt slightly daring, and yet I was completely covered, and best of all, warm on the long walk to and from school (3 miles in the snow. . . ok, ok, three blocks).

When a certain v-neck sweater from The Limited was THE hot sweater, I liked it so much I broke down and bought one--rose colored--but refused to wear it like all the other girls frontwards, instead wearing it backwards, with no shirt or bra underneath to spoil the dramatic back. Again--daring, a little edgy, not quite so modest, but comfy and easy to wear.

Another favorite look of mine was a short, tight black knit mini-skirt I wore with a loose, colored top and black lace Calvin Klein leggings and black patent flat sling-backs and of course my embellished denim jacket. Yep, a little daring, a little edgy, but believe it or not, pretty comfy--since the loose top ensured I did not have to walk around all day sucking in my tummy.***

Hmmmmm, I am seeing a pattern here. Slightly on the daring, edgy side of fashion. But comfortable. And I see in these ensembles glimpses of an almost unbreakable rule of fashion, wise beyond my years: my top half could be baggy or my bottom half, but either way the other half had to be form-fitting. Otherwise I was either too body-conscious and uncomfortable, or I looked like a bag lady.

In my fashion self-assuredness, back at 16, I looked at "older" women who did not seem to "get it" and thought with distain, I will always keep an eye on what is "in" so I don't end up one of those middle-aged women who don't "get it."

And now, of course, that is exactly what I have become.

And I don't really know what to do about it. It seemed like for several years the "in" colors were the absolute worst ones for a "winter" complextion, and I would walk into a store and everything just looked hideous--too ugly, or cheap, or boring, or unflattering to even the models wearing them. And then I discovered--faux-reverent whisper--Anthropologie. And eBay. And that combination provided me with a couple of cute summery outfits, just enough to get me by for warmer weather.

But I can't really afford Anthropologie for my whole wardrobe, and would not want to wear those looks just around the house doing laundry and changing diapers anyway. Slightly daring and edgy--you betcha! Practical, not so much.

At least in the past year it seems like I am seeing some more cute looks that I can wrap my brain around and actually like. Some of the "in" styles kinda make sense to me, and so I can once again somewhat "see" in my mind's eye what I need to "complete" the look of a new sweater, etc. But I fear that the finer-tuning of fashion is still beyond me--that I can't picture the "right" accessories; that my lack of a cool hair-do pretty much invalidates whatever "look" I may successfully make; that I don't even WANT to have the "right" shoes, I just want to wear what I already have and not add any more frivolous stuff to my wardrobe or spend any more money or too much thought on what does not ultimately matter, but then will wearing the shoes I already have end up making this cute new sweater look silly on me?

I used to be much more creative in my fashion choices, and was great at making do with what I had:

My favorite belt was a nice black faux-leather luggage strap. Actually, I still have that too, but it no longer fits around my waist. (I guess, then, I'm saving it for the girls?!)

My favorite top senior year was a black Land's End turtleneck--turned upside down. So that the neck was around my waist and the "bottom" made an across-the-shoulder look that was totally "hot" at the time. I wore it with my black mini-skirt, and black sheer pantyhose, with a chunky black and silver belt around my waist. And I wore it to work there at Robesons for the Working Woman and received lots of compliments and queries about where I got it. ; )

In college I was voted by my floor-mates the woman "Most Likely To Buy Her Wedding Dress at Goodwill." (And it was did turn out something like that--another story for later)

So I used to not only have much more fashion sense, but used to be much more creative and confident in my wardrobe choices. I can tell I still have those urges--but don't trust my instincts anymore.

But now I am tired of being a frump. Well, of feeling like a frump (since they are not at all the same thing, and it is the latter that affects me). So last weekend, I actually went shopping. . .

And then, I saw a hat. . .


to be continued!


Yes, once again, this post is way too long (I do go on!) and I am out of posting time. So come back after the weekend for part 2--with photos!



*notice I did not say "what would look good on me"--I am sure Susan or Mina will come up with examples of things I loved that they thought were hideous. ; )

**I still have the sweater, can you believe it? It was nicely made and was not uber-trendy then, and so has aged well! It's just not easy to nurse in, so has been put away for the past, oh, ten years!.

***sucking in my miniscule tummy. Looking back, what horror, that a 16 year old who was too underweight to give blood at the school blood drive would be conscious of having to suck in her tummy. I never had any eating disorder, or major body issues, thank the Lord, but believe it or not, I never realized I was slimmer than most, and not just "normal" until long after I was married. How can we raise our girls with more confidence in their bodies, just as God created them? Well, no TV should help. ; ) And I guess it is a good thing I don't read those fashion mags anymore.

Awesome, Creative, Crafty Mom

I wish I was talking about me in that title. But I am not THIS creative and/or crafty:

It's a FORT. That Scottish Twins made for her son's first birthday, with the help of his Nana. It goes over their kitchen table. I am absolutely in LOVE with this.

I am amazed at her creativeness and craftiness.

Even more, I am impressed with the idea of having a kitchen table and floor clean enough to ever put such a cover on and encourage kids to crawl around under.

Inspiring, I say. On all counts.

(check out her blog to see more pics of the various windows and doors and see her adorable kids in it!)

(and while we are on the topic of creative/crafty moms, check out the most adorable handmade T-shirts here)

Blessing of the Week: Friendships IRL

My dear husband is the BIG FOUR OH today!

And his mom just emailed me the cutest photo of the day he was born:

I love photos of our moms when they are so young, so fresh-faced. I can imagine the kinds of hopes and dreams they may have had for their babies--before those cute babies grew up into people, who would bring them happiness but also disappointment, grandbabies but also hurt.

Those of you who know our story can imagine that I am always fascinated by photos of my mother-in-law when she was a young mother, when she was in the same life-phase that I am now. I tend to think if we were mothers at the same time that we would not have naturally gravitated towards each other, that we would not easily have been friends. But knowing what I do now--that she has never experienced the depth of bond between sister-friends, that she resists opening up to others and making herself vulnerable in relationship, that her friend-love well has long been empty--I think I would want to be her friend. To encourage her, and support her. To be what all young moms need--someone who can commisserate and validate, but then lift up and bless. Someone who you can admit your failures (or perceived failures) to and not risk being judged by. Someone who will let you know you are not crazy for your feelings and frustrations as a mother/wife, and maybe even gently bring you back to Truth when you are momentarily mired in self-pity.

A blog I follow had a conversation about female friendships a while back--specifically about women who did not have female friends and wished they did. Some had moved to a new area and did not know anyone, some were newly married and their friendships were in transition. All said the same thing--that it was really hard to meet women, and especially women who you share certain life-views with, who you "fit" with. I was so amazed at the candor of the women who posted their brief stories, admitting their vulnerability and lack of friendships. They all wished they had just one good friend. And they were all grateful for the virtual friendships they were finding online, on blogs and in forums of like-minded people, as these virtual relationships help them feel connected with other women and sustain them until they find friends "IRL."

Me and "best friends" Susan and Mina

Reading their comments, I was also completely humbled. In the area of female friendships, I am truly blessed. I have never lacked for good friends. In high school I had three "best friends," all of whom I am still connected with, even if just by facebook. ; ). In college I lived with various combinations of the same six women, also still connected (fb). This past summer when I went back to visit my parents in IL, two of these women were able to come down from Michigan to see me, and we stayed up until something like 3 in the morning enjoying one another like it was college again.

Me with college "suitemates" Jackie and Dawn this past summer--the morning after (babies don't let you sleep in)

As a young married living in a new state, I had the amazing blessing of one of my "best friends" and her husband moving from VA to our town in CO, and we had the joy of face-to-face friendship again, and the even greater joy of having our first babies 6 months apart. As a young mom, I had an amazing circle of women to share the mommy adventure with, all of whom were in the same phase of life and who supported each other with child swaps and park dates and new-baby-casseroles--my first "village." And I had an amazing, slightly older wise and Godly woman as a friend and mentor. My life was brimming with life-giving female relationships.

When we had to leave Colorado and move to California, I was of course truly sad to be leaving all of this behind. I was not worried about losing those friendships--those that were strong would survive the distance, those that were not would become fond memories. God brings people in and out of our lives in seasons; we should embrace the season and all its goodness, but not expect more of it than was intended, or try to hold onto it past its time. So when we had to move, I was mourning the anticipated loss of my day-to-day interactions with friends, the loss of my village. Even then I knew how rare that all was, how fortunate I was, and I knew I would never have it that good again.

And then, one day before the move, God spoke to me. Seriously, this was one of the times in my life when an idea formed in my mind so specific, so clear, it was as if He had quietly spoken into my ear. And He said that He would give me even better friends out in California than I was leaving behind.

Woah. I could not conceive how this could be true. Esp. how could he replace the "BFF"?! but because the words had been spoken so clearly, I believed them.

I don't have enough time now to go into the details of how he first delived on that promise--that is another amazing story I will save for another post. But I will say now that He is so faithful that He started me on the path to one of the most amazing friendships I have ever known before I had even left Colorado. Before I took one step away from all my female friends, He was already making good on his promise.

Fast forward seven years (WHAT? Wow--it feels like two, three tops!): BFF is even more precious to me, if that is possible, and I cherish the time we ocassionally have together. There are many women there in CO I still call friends, because when I see them, it is like we have never been apart.

The parts of the village I miss most: Susan, Linda and Tonya, when I saw them this past summer.

But God made good on His promise, and has blessed me with more friends IRL--more good friends--than I left behind in Colorado.

Esp. Sara, Becky, Rosa, Cathy--the four clustered on my R and L in this photo, from the baby shower they gave me for Smiley--relationships that are not just life-giving but life support!

In particular, I have been blessed with true sister-friends, amazing women of spiritual and personal depth, who seek to live lives of creativity and integrity, and bless everyone around them with their being. Women who inspire me to be better than I usually am. Women who are so awesome I never would have expected them to like me, let alone want to be my good friend.

No one can replace BFF in my heart, or take the place of any of the wonderful women I have known as friends over the years. But they are not supposed to--they are meant to just be what they are, an enormous blessing directly from the hand of the God who knows, who cares, who loves and provides.

One time a few years back, when I had been listening to criticism from my MIL too much, letting it infiltrate my thinking and affecting my feelings of self-worth, God used these friendships to teach me a couple of things about myself, and my MIL. I realized, one day when my head was full of lies and I was being really down on myself, thinking what a terrible person I was, that--wait a minute!--if a woman as awesome as Becky likes me, I can't be all these terrible things! She would NOT be my friend if I was truly such an ugly, worthless person! I realized the depth and beauty of my relationships with other women were a sign of my own depth and beauty. That there was much to be valued in me.

And along with this revelation was newfound understanding of how Good God is, and how much He values me--enough to bless me so overwhelmingly with loving female friendship.

And through the same revelation, I realized that my MIL has never experienced this kind of sister-friend love, that exists not because of blood ties or duty or nostalgia for the good times now past but because of an inexplicable bond between women who then recognize and bring out to its fullest the best of each other. And since that realization, I have much more compassion for my MIL. I believe that God has chosen me to be her friend; that He will grow and mature us both in relationship with one another; that one day way in the future, she will look back over the course of our lives and see that I was there for her, not because I had to be, but because I wanted to be.

As a new mother, spent but joyous, her precious baby boy cradled in her arms, my MIL has an innocence and vulnerability to her in that photo above--and yet she still seems guarded. I hope someday she will let down her guard with me, and find me worthy of her trust, her friendship.

In the meantime, I wrote all this partly just because I have been wanting to for a long time (I'm all about celebrating my blessings!) and partly because I want to send some lovin' to these women I have mentioned (you all know who you are! I love you!). And partly in the hopes that this might be an encouragement to women who are currently without friends IRL--don't give up hoping! And partly as a little gift for my husband, my only non-female good friend, ; ) on his birthday--as I will never forsake you, so I will never forsake the relationship with your mom with which God has entrusted me.

**UPDATE: After I posted this, something was nagging me in the back of my brain. . . I could not quite pin down what about this post was somehow. . . wrong. Until just now, doing dishes, it struck me--I make it sound in this post like I am (or want to be) literally God's gift to my MIL. LOL! Those of you who are my friends IRL know that I am by no means the best person to have as a friend. I am forgetful, selfish, neglectful, prone to all kinds of interpersonal failures. Our friendship says WAY more about you (and namely your patience, perseverence, forgiveness!) than it does about me. THAT is why I am truly so thankful for you--I don't deserve any of you. BUT there are obviously good qualities to me too, and those must be what God wants to use for whatever His purposes are with my MIL. My job is just to keep showing up. ; )