fashion flashback, and lust for a hat

I have been hankering for some personal style for a while now (since, like, around three children ago). I, who once upon a time was quite daring and, um, unique in fashion, now tend to be on the frumpy side. At least I know I'm frumpy--I have no illusions. But that does not mean I like it.

High school was the height or my fashion awareness and creative self-expression through clothing, before college when grunge was cool and all I wore were ratty flannels and black. At 16 I would see a top, for example, and see in my mind's eye what jeans or skirts or shoes or earrings would "make" the outfit. Even if I could not afford to buy it, I knew what was "in" and what would look on me the way I wanted*.

I used to love clothes. When I was in middle school, a lady for whom I had a regular babysitting gig would give me her old Vogue and Harper's Bazaar and Women's Wear Weekly. The ads in those magazines alone were fascinating, and I literally papered my bedroom with them (or at least my half, my sister Rebecca using her half to illustrate her love of horses and Mitch Gaylord).

Then when I had just turned 16, I got a job at a high-end locally owned department store, working in the "Working Woman" department. The clothes were not quite what I was interested in as a sophmore in high school, but OH the accessories! OH the store discount (or should I have said, uh-oh)! OH the fun of putting together complete "looks" for women, grown-ups who trusted ME for fashion advice!

From that point on, until a few months before I married, I worked various clothing retail jobs, ending up being groomed as a manager for Casual Corner, if you remember them. In those years I spent a lot of time being around clothes and thinking about clothes and spending my hard-earned money on clothes and really, really liking clothes. So much so that I entertained thoughts of applying to the prestigious Rhode Island School of Design for college--until I saw all the chemistry required for a textiles design major (who would have thunk it).

All those years in fashion now seem like another life. I don't regret falling out of trendy fashion, necessarily, because trendiness does not fit with my life values. And I certainly don't regret leaving the world of retail--those were some of the most pointless and soul-sucking jobs I have ever had (and I have had a lot). What I miss is just simply knowing what is considered stylish this year. Even if I can't afford to buy it, or choose not to buy it, I wish I could still evaluate with a glance of the eye what is "in" and what will look on the me way I want.

One of my favorite outfits back in h.s. was a mauvey knit long turtleneck sweater,** which I wore over ratty old cream thermal underwear of my dad's, with brown boots and a denim jacket which I had embellished. It WAS the 1980's, but believe me, no one else was wearing that exact same "look," at least in my h.s. The ripped long johns gave the chunky sweater an edge--I felt slightly daring, and yet I was completely covered, and best of all, warm on the long walk to and from school (3 miles in the snow. . . ok, ok, three blocks).

When a certain v-neck sweater from The Limited was THE hot sweater, I liked it so much I broke down and bought one--rose colored--but refused to wear it like all the other girls frontwards, instead wearing it backwards, with no shirt or bra underneath to spoil the dramatic back. Again--daring, a little edgy, not quite so modest, but comfy and easy to wear.

Another favorite look of mine was a short, tight black knit mini-skirt I wore with a loose, colored top and black lace Calvin Klein leggings and black patent flat sling-backs and of course my embellished denim jacket. Yep, a little daring, a little edgy, but believe it or not, pretty comfy--since the loose top ensured I did not have to walk around all day sucking in my tummy.***

Hmmmmm, I am seeing a pattern here. Slightly on the daring, edgy side of fashion. But comfortable. And I see in these ensembles glimpses of an almost unbreakable rule of fashion, wise beyond my years: my top half could be baggy or my bottom half, but either way the other half had to be form-fitting. Otherwise I was either too body-conscious and uncomfortable, or I looked like a bag lady.

In my fashion self-assuredness, back at 16, I looked at "older" women who did not seem to "get it" and thought with distain, I will always keep an eye on what is "in" so I don't end up one of those middle-aged women who don't "get it."

And now, of course, that is exactly what I have become.

And I don't really know what to do about it. It seemed like for several years the "in" colors were the absolute worst ones for a "winter" complextion, and I would walk into a store and everything just looked hideous--too ugly, or cheap, or boring, or unflattering to even the models wearing them. And then I discovered--faux-reverent whisper--Anthropologie. And eBay. And that combination provided me with a couple of cute summery outfits, just enough to get me by for warmer weather.

But I can't really afford Anthropologie for my whole wardrobe, and would not want to wear those looks just around the house doing laundry and changing diapers anyway. Slightly daring and edgy--you betcha! Practical, not so much.

At least in the past year it seems like I am seeing some more cute looks that I can wrap my brain around and actually like. Some of the "in" styles kinda make sense to me, and so I can once again somewhat "see" in my mind's eye what I need to "complete" the look of a new sweater, etc. But I fear that the finer-tuning of fashion is still beyond me--that I can't picture the "right" accessories; that my lack of a cool hair-do pretty much invalidates whatever "look" I may successfully make; that I don't even WANT to have the "right" shoes, I just want to wear what I already have and not add any more frivolous stuff to my wardrobe or spend any more money or too much thought on what does not ultimately matter, but then will wearing the shoes I already have end up making this cute new sweater look silly on me?

I used to be much more creative in my fashion choices, and was great at making do with what I had:

My favorite belt was a nice black faux-leather luggage strap. Actually, I still have that too, but it no longer fits around my waist. (I guess, then, I'm saving it for the girls?!)

My favorite top senior year was a black Land's End turtleneck--turned upside down. So that the neck was around my waist and the "bottom" made an across-the-shoulder look that was totally "hot" at the time. I wore it with my black mini-skirt, and black sheer pantyhose, with a chunky black and silver belt around my waist. And I wore it to work there at Robesons for the Working Woman and received lots of compliments and queries about where I got it. ; )

In college I was voted by my floor-mates the woman "Most Likely To Buy Her Wedding Dress at Goodwill." (And it was did turn out something like that--another story for later)

So I used to not only have much more fashion sense, but used to be much more creative and confident in my wardrobe choices. I can tell I still have those urges--but don't trust my instincts anymore.

But now I am tired of being a frump. Well, of feeling like a frump (since they are not at all the same thing, and it is the latter that affects me). So last weekend, I actually went shopping. . .

And then, I saw a hat. . .


to be continued!


Yes, once again, this post is way too long (I do go on!) and I am out of posting time. So come back after the weekend for part 2--with photos!



*notice I did not say "what would look good on me"--I am sure Susan or Mina will come up with examples of things I loved that they thought were hideous. ; )

**I still have the sweater, can you believe it? It was nicely made and was not uber-trendy then, and so has aged well! It's just not easy to nurse in, so has been put away for the past, oh, ten years!.

***sucking in my miniscule tummy. Looking back, what horror, that a 16 year old who was too underweight to give blood at the school blood drive would be conscious of having to suck in her tummy. I never had any eating disorder, or major body issues, thank the Lord, but believe it or not, I never realized I was slimmer than most, and not just "normal" until long after I was married. How can we raise our girls with more confidence in their bodies, just as God created them? Well, no TV should help. ; ) And I guess it is a good thing I don't read those fashion mags anymore.