much needed encouragement from Life in the Grateful House

Sometimes I step back and look at the strange predominance of adoption blogs/parenting trauma blogs on my sidebar and am amazed that such a focus of my daily "pleasure/escape" reading is on such serious stuff, which does not seem immediately to be relevant to the rest of my blog, my life.  My kids are all born of my body, have no unusual physical or emotional or sensory or medical or bonding issues.  And yet, as I have mentioned before, the parenting/marriage/life wisdom I find in these blogs is often not only relevant for my life, but even sometimes vital.  Sometimes one of these blogs will share something that just about knocks me out of my chair, that I desperately need to hear, to learn, to do.

So Monday, when I was still processing about the weekend and why I was so discouraged by it (by my own perceived failures), I read a new post from one of the blogs on my sidebar, Life in the Grateful House.  This beautiful post was about one mom's choice to articulate family values for her and her daughter, which they keep on the fridge for all to see.  Putting the list on the fridge not only helps people see and remember these values, and hopefully put them into practice, but also makes a more subtle statement in my mind--there will always be a fridge, and it is virtually unmovable, just like those values.  They are not optional, they are foundational. 

And they are exactly what I needed to hear Monday.  I needed to remember that there are values that we are attempting to live by as a family that are from a source bigger than us.  It is not ok to mess with them--they are not optional.  I should not expect others to live by them, but I do not have to back down from living them--or let my kids off the hook for living them--just because they will be sometimes unpopular.  

And you know, I think that was part of the unconscious decision to write that first email--to remind MIL that she and FIL are always welcome here, but to be prepared for spending their time here joining in our family's values, which try to live out Love and Peace and Joy and honoring God. (In other words, shrug off your worldly cares, all ye who enter here, and welcome!  Please let our Servant take your baggage at the door. ; )

The values on the below list are excellent ones.  I will have to think if there are some more specific to our family that I would want to use in addition to/instead of these on the list.  But in the meantime, with the author Lisa's blessing, I just think I might write these out for our fridge!


May I always remember:


To keep my side of the street clean.

Kindness rather than anger.

To be considerate of others.

There are lessons to be learned from everyone, even if it's "how not to be."

To stand for myself but not against my fellows.

To learn to say, "you might be right." Even if I don't agree because everyone has their own truths.

That I don't have to accept every invitation to a fight.

To keep an open mind and to not let the steel doors of my mind slam shut before I have considered all aspects of a situation.

It's possible to agree to disagree.

Being mean is never OK.

People that act very angry are usually coming from fear and insecurity. See the person. . . not the behavior.

To those who much is given, much is expected.

To be accepting of all others. Wherever they stand.

Be willing to look in the mirror and admit when I am wrong.

Just because someone calls me a chair does not, in fact, make me a chair.

Peace and love is grown in our hearts and we take it out to the world.

Give what you want to receive. Peace, love, security, kindness, forgiveness, acceptance, faith, hope. Especially when you perceive that someone has hurt you.

Enjoy the journey.

Progress not perfection.

Be grateful.