Auf Wiedersehen, O Tannenbaum

When I was a girl, our family Christmas tree always came from a large country tree farm; Thanksgiving weekend we would all pile into the old Suburban and drive out to a snowy conifer "forest"--at least the closest thing to one in the flat farmlands of central Illinois. We would tromp around through the trees--probably in circles--until we found the "perfect" one, and after Dad cut it down and secured it to the top of the Suburban we would sing Christmas carols acapella all the way home.

When I was a young married, D and I would go with his parents to get our Christmas tree from the forest around Colorado Springs. Anyone can purchase a permit for cutting down a tree in the National forest around Pikes Peak, so for $10 we could get a beautiful 8 or 9 foot blue spruce, our favorite. To find the "perfect" tree we hiked through the forest for hours, so long that my toes would be numb from cold and we were all ready to drop from hunger. Luckily D's mom, who is a stickler for doing things "right," always had thermoses of still-hot cocoa for us and snacks to tide us over while D and his dad secured the trees on top of their van.

When we moved to CA, we had to find a new tradition. Fortunately, we live near the Santa Cruz "Mountains" (how could I not use quotation marks after just talking about cutting down our Christmas tree previously in the Colorado Rockies?!) and we found the cutest tree farm up there near the summit, where we hike around on the tree-covered hills looking for that "perfect" tree, albeit no longer in snow but often in 60 degree sunshine. The farm even has a hot cocoa station, charming little wooden play cottages, and Boy Scouts to cut down the tree for you. So that has been a fun and special new tradition for getting our family Christmas tree.

Last year's tree-hunting excursion with our good friends the Rosas, and the Santa Cruz Mountains spread out behind us. This was the first year it was really cold! Maybe in the upper 40's with a biting wind--for us Californians, that's COLD!

This year, in the spirit of frugality and resourcefulness, we decided not to go cut down a tree, which costs at least $50. This year our Christmas tree came from our own backyard! We have small redwood suckers growing up all over the backyard, so at my request, D cut down three of them that were roughly the same size and bound the trunks together. We ended up with a Christmas tree of, uh, un-traditional shape--but with lots of special meaning. In fact, D said it was probably his favorite of all the Christmas trees we have ever had. I especially liked the fact that most of the branches began higher than little E's reach, so we were not having to worry so much about him reaching ornaments.

None of the photos turned out all that great, since I was always shooting at night when the light is not good, but they give you the idea of what may be our new favorite Christmas tree tradition!

D on the back deck with the first redwood sucker cutting, which he offered up as our Christmas tree. I had not laughed so hard in a long time. As you can see, it needed trimming and some more branches, which is why we had the idea of binding three cuttings together.

The finished tree in the living room, nestled where our antique bench normally lives. We realized the week before Christmas that, um, it would have been a good idea to give our tree some water.

Because our mantel is tucked away under the house while we work on the fireplace surround, we hung the stockings up higher. This also kept them nicely visible on the days when I have cloth diapers or other laundry drying on the line above the fireplace. Which is actually most days.

These fuzzy and off-color photos are not impressive. Neither is our tiny house, most of which is under renovation of some kind. But esp. the last photo still makes me smile; I had such a hard time getting my heart in tune to the spirit of Christmas this year, and that night--only a few days before Christmas--when the living room was finally bedecked and the stockings were hung "by the chimney with care," I found myself singing "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. . . !" I was happy. At peace. Eager for what Christmas Day would bring.

I would never have imagined how much that funny, makeshift tree would lift my spirits and help me prepare my heart for Christmas.

Now the tree is down, the decorations are put away, but the good Christmas feeling is lingering. May it linger in your heart too, as a beautiful, encouraging start to the new year!

our Day of Peace is over. . .

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Silly, shoddily-done, but gave the girls lots of giggles.

a moment of Peace

Who blogs on Christmas Day? I guess I do--I am having a rare treat of a quiet house, and am enjoying the moment so much, it inspired me to write. Baby E is napping (for a few more minutes, I hope!) and D just took the 3 energetic girls out for some exercise and fresh air, while there is still some warmth and light to the day.

It has been a lovely day:

Stockings. I posted a while back about an idea for frugal and meaningful Christmas stocking idea for me and D. Well, in addition to the things I had gotten for my own stocking throughout the year, this morning I also found a spoon, D's black dress belt, a Native American leather hair ornament that was mine as a child, a colored pencil. They each represented something D loves about me or is thankful for. How I keep the family fed. How I keep him clothed in things he likes and get his clothes ready for work during the week. How we share a fondness for quality, natural things--and nostalgic ones too. And apparently he likes my artistic side, even my little doodles he finds all over the desk (which my hands just naturally do when I am on the phone). D said he could have put so many more such things in my stocking, and thought this was a great new tradition.

I agree. What better way to start Christmas Day, than with warm fuzzies from my life partner.

Kids. This week, as always after visiting family, the girls went through some pretty trying rebound behaviour. Yesterday there was a point where I stood in the kitchen wanting to cry, thinking, "I don't want it to be Christmas tomorrow. We're not (heart) ready!" So what a wonderful treat today that the girls are back to their sunny selves! That is the best Christmas gift a mom could ask for from her children.

Gifts. When we were kids, my parents tried to purchase Christmas gifts for me and my sisters to give us:
*Something for the body
*Something for the mind
*Something for the spirit

And just the other day I heard someone say that every person in her family receives a total of 3 gifts, because if that number of gifts was good enough for the Baby Jesus, then it is good enough for them. I have been wanting to keep the # of presents to a comfortable limit, and this makes the perfect rationale. Well, it just so happened we ended up with three gifts for each girl from D and I, and they perfectly met the criteria listed above. There was something very satisfying about that--feeling like we did not do too little or too much, but just the right amount.

And then my mother-in-law sent some wrapped gifts home with us from their house, and they show she listens to our needs and requests and truly wants to give us gifts we will enjoy. So I opened a new rice cooker which I had really wanted (mine broke 6 mo ago), a new vegetable scrub brush which I had really needed, and I wore a new cardigan she bought be on Black Friday. And they showed AMAZING restraint with the children, and the amount of gifts were just right! In fact, the best gift from Oma and Opa were a pair of adjustable wooden stilts handmade by Opa--at my suggestion--that they gave the girls last weekend. What is not to love about a gift like that?

(The box of gifts from my parents has not yet arrived--but I know it also has something handmade with love for the girls, which I will just have to share later!)

And this is the first year the girls thought about their own gift-giving. I have never liked the idea of taking them shopping and giving them money to spend on each other--too artificial, and potentially a mine-field of pink plastic princess crap. ; ) But this year with all the creative thinking we have been doing recently in the arena of gift-giving, they each cheerfully and excitedly gave their own things to one another, in love and Christmas spirit. The cutest thing was listening to them today as they opened each individually wrapped piece of leftover Halloween candy, exclaimed with pleasure and said,"I know who to hug!" and went to give that sister a big one.

My gift to myself:





Yes, it did take that long to get my kitchen under control. It is just so hard when every day I am messing it up all over again. So, this is my antique, under-construction, redwood cabin kitchen, on a great day.

And it's not over yet. Still to come: the cozy Christmas story reading in new pj's, and vintage Christmas specials with a side of cocoa and candycane!

Merry Christmas, dear friends and family.

The Paradoxical Commandments

The Paradoxical Commandments
by Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.


Written in 1968. Found and copied from Antique Mommy.

On Tantrums and Grace

My dear readers, please take a moment when you can to visit the blog of an amazing young woman who lives in Africa as the mother of 12 little girls.

Seriously--you will not regret it.

Especially if you have kids acting up! ; )


(When you get to the blog, you will have to scroll down past the adorable girls spelling out Merry Christmas, and the entry I want you to read is dated Tues. Dec 15.)

No Regrets

4 generations at our house last Fall: Baby E, his Daddy, his Opa,

and his Great-Grandma (Oma's mother)

This past weekend we spent up at D's parents in Chico, to help celebrate his Grandma's 90th birthday! She is a wonderful, spry old lady who has always been nothing but nice to me. We were glad to go up (5 hour drive) and it was nice to see two of D's 3 cousins and their families--lovely people. We all partied at a local Chinese restaurant for Grandma's B-day lunch, later on we had an early Christmas gift exchange, since we were all gathered. It was a fine weekend.

Except for one thing, which weighed on me over the weekend. Overall D's mom, "Oma," continued her amazing effort of being positive and overlooking so many of our faults while we were staying with them. But first thing Sat morning she made a point of telling D and me that we had ruined Christmas for her, forever, because of how we did not graciously receive gifts from her in the past.

This whole topic is one I really want to visit in this blog, because it is important, and is something I am still trying to process--but I will wait until next week, because this week I want to focus on the Good, True, Right and Lovely, the Excellent and Praiseworthy. I want to get my heart ready for Christmas!

So let me say now that Oma's feelings are valid, and I can honestly see why she feels as she does, and confess that I have in the past wronged her and inadvertently rejected her efforts to show us love. Even so, we are not responsible for her feelings--she will have to work through them and chose to move on in relationship with us however she sees fit. We cannot ruin Christmas for her--she can chose to believe that, but it does not make it true. I am praying she realizes this, and is able to forgive us and move on. Truly, I ache for her when I consider things from her perspective--she sees that we have purposefully hurt her a lot over the years, and really and truly has to forgive a lot of us. Our being innocent of any intent to ever hurt her does not lessen the reality of the hurt she feels. We have not done anything wrong--but that does not change that she believes we have, on purpose, and is hurting from it.

So what does love look like, in this case? How do we respond to that information--that she believes we are responsible for ruining Christmas for her forever--and move forward to help heal those wounds, with love?

We had an opportunity, she would say, this week. Way back when we saw D's parents for Thanksgiving weekend, Oma came up with an idea that started off sounding quite possible: we would drive up for Grandma's b-day and stay until Monday. Then D and I would drive back home, since he has to work this short week, but leave the three girls up there in Chico with his parents. Of course baby E would come back home with us. Then Thursday, Christmas Eve, when D gets off of work we would drive back up to Chico and spend Christmas weekend at his parents' home.

D and I were considering that as Option A for a couple of weeks. But then I had such a rough couple of weeks with the kids here at home, and I was really feeling disconnected with them, and with D who was working a lot. So the thought of not getting any time for just our little family unit to be together, celebrating our love and enjoying one another in the spirit of Christmas was such a bummer.* I started to wallow in some serious melancholy. We normally spend Christmas with D's family, so that was not the issue. But usually we spend the weekend before Christmas doing our own special family celebrations (which of course this year we spent in Chico for Grandma's b-day) and so it seemed like we were losing the chance to have any kind of special family time at all this year, just when I thought we needed it the most.

There were lots of other more practical factors involved in making the decision of whether or not to leave the girls up in Chico this week and go back Christmas Eve. Things like how we already celebrated Christmas with everyone in D's family this past weekend, except his parents; the cost and wear (on the car and us) of driving so much in a week's time; like the thought of arriving at 2 in the morning Christmas day (which is what happened this past weekend, since we could not leave until D could get home from work) and then being too tired to be fully present (no pun intended!) for the day's activities; like the fact that the girls would be babysat by other relations during the days because Oma would be working. . . Option A was no longer looking like the most logical one.

Ultimately, the only reason to go with Option A was to please Oma. So we knew that if we decided differently, we might be upsetting and hurting her one more time. Of course we didn't want to do that, esp. right before Christmas, and so I thought maybe we should make Option A one of our Christmas gifts to Oma. Of any gift we could give her, that one would definitely be self-sacrificial, given out of a true desire to show love, and would be what she really wanted for Christmas. It would be a gift truly worthy of honoring Christ on the day we celebrate his birth.

And yet, that is not what we decided to do. My husband, I think ultimately as a gift to me, finally decided we would go with Option C. (Option B was a compromise--doing A but then coming home the day after Christmas so we could squeeze in a little family time.) I was glad that we would get to have that special family time I cherish, and yet sorry we could not give Oma what she wanted too. So all this past weekend up in Chico, I was feeling a little bad about our decision, esp. when Oma mentioned several times how she really wanted us to leave the girls. When we said goodbye yesterday afternoon, she politely let us know she was feeling wronged and hurt, and it was sad to drive away knowing this time we did purposefully chose our family over her feelings.

So I was struggling a little last night and this morning with conflicting thoughts and feelings--are we being selfish? Are we unloving? Did we choose poorly? Will feelings of guilt hinder our enjoyment of our family celebration?

But then this morning, as I thought about our plans for today, I started thinking of my friend with stage-four cancer, the one who I will be taking dinner to tonight (hopefully it will turn out much better than it did last time!). I thought about how it is easy to forget what a serious thing her condition is, how it is possible that the chemotherapy may not work, that the cancer may not go away, that any Christmas could be her last with her family. Seriously, we never know what the future holds, for any of us.

And I thought to myself, "If I were to die soon, what would I regret?" The very first thing that popped into my mind was that I would regret not having been more patient and gentle with the girls. Alrighty then--instant decision for more regret-free mommying in the future.**

And then the very next thing that popped into my mind: I would NOT regret choosing to spend this Christmas with my family, here in our home. On the contrary, if something devastating were to happen to our family this year, I would be forever glad we did.

And so, that is that--no guilt, no regrets. The questions in my heart still remain, about how to continue to build our relationship with Oma and how to be purposefully loving and gracious and selfless in the future, and I guess we will just muddle through those landmine-studded fields as we get to them. But for now, I know this choice for this week reflects a desire for greater love this Christmas, and not less. And I will not have any regrets about that.




*Just to clarify, when we are with D's parents things are usually so busy that we don't get to spend time with each other, or the kids. A whole day can go by without me connecting with my children at all, even if we have been in the same places all day! So that is why celebrating Christmas at D's parents' house is fun, but not exactly a family bonding time.

**And let's just say, it was good that I had that realization this morning, since they have already been challenging it quite a bit, as they are doing that whole re-entry yucky behavior thing. again. but it has been much easier than usual to be patient and gentle. Thank you, Lord, for this morning insight, for helping me at break of day.

Yep, that's pretty much what happened

Yesterday, Holy Scripture. . . today, irreverent cartoon. I guess this blog is like Forrest Gump's box of chocolates--you just never know what you're gonna get. ; )

my strength for today

First, a proverb that I sometimes find myself saying in my mind as I go about my daily business, esp. on tough days:

The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

--Proverbs 14:1


Second, my all-time favorite bit of the Bible, which I read not only as gorgeous poetry, but also almost like a love letter from God to me, in which I imagine I am that city, and the Holy Spirit is that river:

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the
earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
Selah

There is a river whose streams make glad
the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells,
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

--Psalm 46: 1-6



P. S. Just an FYI for those readers who have been following my recent struggles with kids--they have responded really well to my crackdown on our timing of the day and their heart lessons, and so have been acting just fine this week, and were great today! No, today was not harder than usual, I just had a headache and was feeling down and didn't get accomplished what I needed to today. Such is life! So everyday, but especially the days that feel rough, I need to remind myself of beautiful Truth. That, like the first verse reminds me, I can choose to build up or tear down my home. And that, like in the second selection, there is nothing God cannot do to meet the needs of the one who calls upon Him in need.

Tuesday blog hop--my favorite Christmas photo, so far

This photo might seem like a nice family portrait, but nothing special. Except for me, it is--because it is the ONLY nice photo we have of our entire family. I don't just mean since E was born--I mean EVER. We've just never tried hard enough to make it happen.

We usually celebrate the holidays with extended family, and there never seems to be time for a nice portait of just our family. And of course the more kids you have in the picture, normally the more photos you have to snap, in the hopes that one might turn out decently (you know, with all the kids' faces visible, and none of them looking doped or crying). So this photo, while a wee bit blurry, seems like a mini miracle. It is so good overall I can even overlook my "haven't been to the hair salon since before the baby was born" stylin.'

We were visiting D's parents in Chico and were just coming back from church. I had wanted to try to take a family photo that morning, but we were out of time--D's mom was already in the house getting lunch on the table. We only had a few minutes, and I asked D's dad if he would take a quick photo just there in the front yard, and--on a whim--suggested we all sit in that tree, mainly because it was convenient and the grass was wet. He only took TWO photos--and they both turned out GREAT!

I hope we can get another great family portrait like this some other time--without waiting another 8 years!

she makes me feel SO much better

I have just recently discovered the writings of Antique Mommy. Huh-LAIR-ee-us! If you need a good laugh today, go read an entry she wrote back in 2006, "Ode to Mary Tyler Moore."

If you need more laughs, go to the best of Antique Mommy page and start clicking on links. My other favorites so far: "How to Be a Rock Star in Tuna" and "Advanced Groccery Shopping."

a good example of what drives housewives to drink

This was my kitchen Thursday morning.

Why, yes, I think that IS every dish in my house, displayed in full squalor.


Oh, wait, it looks like there were a few hiding out in the cupboard. Hey, we could have gone for at least another meal without washing the dishes. Maybe longer, if we had eaten off of napkins and Tupperware storage lids.

Back story: Tuesday night I was cooking dinner as a love offering for a friend who is undergoing chemotherapy. I did not make it to the grocery store that morning, and so was trying to cook with what was already in the house. Which was not much. So I was being creative, and thought I could just pull the meal off, when things started to take a turn for the worst and my omelet with kalamata olives and roasted red peppers turned into scrambled eggs. I was hoping it would still be elegant enough to serve a friend, with a little mozzarella melted on top, and was chopping up cheese sticks for this purpose (the only cheese in the house), when D said something funny and I laughed. . . and just about sliced my thumb off.

So, with a deep flap of my thumb compressed and lots of mental swearing (which in my case amounts to "dang it,"or, if things are really bad, "crappity crap crap!"--this occasion warranting the later), I had to make the most pathetic phone call to my friend, explaining that I could not bring dinner after all. Luckily, it turns out they had not realized anyone was bringing dinner that night, so were set and did not need my lame offering. But the bleeding didn't stop for a while, and it was throbbing so badly--and there was the whole psychological factor of having a big flap of my thumb ready to flap open at the slightest bump--so basically there was no stinkin' way I was going to do dishes and clean up my cooking mess that night.

So we ate dinner. And breakfast the next day. And lunch. For almost two full days. And because I was not washing dishes, well, the dishes were not washed. My husband is high on the list of Excellent Husbands in several categories, such as Reliable Emptiers of Trash and Encouragers of Buying Expensive Shoes--but has never chosen to compete for high rankings in the kitchen arena. In fact, two of his lowest husband rankings overall occur in the kitchen, specifically in Washers of Dishes and Procurers of Nourishment from the Refrigerator for Himself and/or His Progeny.

So, Thursday around lunch, when I had taken off the bandage and then super-glued the edges of the thumb flap safely down, I was ready to face the wreckage. A lesser woman would have cried. I, not being that woman (for once) and being fortified by Earl Grey and chocolate, set about the task briskly. Two hours (also making dinner and feeding baby E in that time) and six basins of hot soapy water later, it was much, much better. But there was still much to be done. . .


to be continued!

loving little men

I was just clearing off the camera card from Thanksgiving weekend, and could not resist posting this pic of baby E, taken at Great-Grandma's house. He is 15 months old today.

I love the little guy! For anyone who did not know, E was our "bonus blessing"--definitely God's idea and not ours. But that makes him all the more special. God clearly thought our family was not complete without him.

And writing those words makes me doubly aware of how blessed we are to have him, since there are too many other families who feel like their families are incomplete, who wonder what God is doing to them, because they have lost a child.

My dear sister-friend Susan just blogged about her own little man, Nathan, the other day. Nathan died July of 2007 of a childhood cancer called neuroblastoma, just about a month after he turned 7. Even writing this, I cannot imagine the pain they feel constantly, as they long for their family to be "whole" again. I do believe it will be--if not whole of heart here on earth, then whole in person in heaven. But in the meantime, I can only imagine, what sweet pain of being glad you have been your little man's mommy even if just for a while.

Here are two pictures I love:

Nathan Gentry, at 7 mo.

Baby E, at 9 mo.

This past summer when we were visiting CO, Susan gave me a gift for E of this adorable hoodie that had been Nathan's when he was a baby. It is a gift I truly treasure--she was giving us a part of her own precious memories of Nathan. We got pics of E wearing it there at Susan's house, on the same sofa that is behind Nathan in his pic. Susan generously sent me the pic of Nathan and gave me permission to blog about him. Look at those bright eyes! Look at those chubby cheeks! Look at that baby red hair! (Nathan's got more blond as he got older--I hope E keeps his!)

I know E will bring me pain too--you can't be a parent without it (see my previous post!). But so far, in his babyhood sweetness, it is just joy.

I'll take that as long as I can.

Blessing of the Week: Love Art

Ok, so I blogged yesterday about the frustration of feeling like such a Grinch during this holiday season in regards to my kids. Those delightful creatures who make up pretend games when they are supposed to be doing their morning routine; who draw when they are supposed to be doing school; who whisper and giggle in bed at night long after they have been told it is time to be quiet. Who are doing cute, sisterly, fun things--and which it feels like I am always mad about and giving consequence for.

It is just not fun being the mommy these days. (I'd LOVE to let them play all day and giggle all night! Heck, I'd love to play all day and giggle all night. Can we swap?)

Anyway, I have been feeling like mean mommy a lot, always "spoiling" their fun, always "making" them work, etc.

So I really need to be thankful for these demonstrations that all is not lost, that even when they sass me and let me know I am mean mommy for giving out negative consequences as freely as prizes at a birthday party, they must still deep down know I love them and want the best for them. And that even when they are so flagrantly disobeying and sulking and mad at me, they must still love me.

I think I need to put these up where I can see them, to remind me why I am being "mean" mommy. Because I love them. And, clearly, I am not truly ruining their childhoods. (I think this drawing was made while M was supposed to be doing school. Sigh.)

This one was made on our magnetic drawing toy by G. This was on a day when I made a drawing for each member of the family trying to predominantly use the first letter of their first name. G responded back with her own version. I am cooking, with love, obviously. Do you see the little hearts popping up from each child holding out his/her bowl? Do you see Daddy's hands with bowl reaching into the frame at left?


I wish this had not been done on the drawing toy--I would have wisely framed it to hang over the stove. To remind me why I am cooking. Because I love them.

And M gave me the sweetest words last night:
"Mommy, how lucky you are to be so successful in your parenting."
"What do you mean by successful?"
"Well, you handle so many things."

Thanks, Middle girl. I needed that.

I am the biggest grinch

Editor's note: I started writing this piece last Thurs, but have not had time to finish writing and posting it since then. So while it is written in present tense, it is really talking about what happened last week. I started to go back and change all the verb tenses throughout the piece--but that takes time, and frankly, I would rather have this blogging time to work on my next posting! So just imagine that you are reading this last Friday. : )

I am really struggling as a mom this week. I am also struggling as a home executive, efficiency expert, mistress of my domain. I feel instead like the desperate ringmaster of a three-ring circus made up entirely of housecats. Try to picture that for a moment, and feel what I feel.

The struggle is rooted in two things this week: first, that my kids always have terrible rebound behaviour for several days to a week after we visit family, as we did this past weekend; second, that for the past several months we have had no consistent, working daily routine for getting our schooling and housework done in a logical, organic, stress-free way. Ever since I posted a month or so ago about our weekly routine, I have been working out the logistics of our daily routine, trying to figure out why things have not been going well and what we could do about it. I have come up with a plan, which I will share in another post. That was the easy part! The hard part is re-training the girls--and myself--to stay focused and on-task with this new routine, so we make sure to do what needs to be done when it needs to be done.

In other words, I have been in survival mode all week.

So every day since Monday, when the children were so high-maintenance and earned negative consequences all day from poor choices, I have been cracking down and attempting to orchestrate almost every move of five people in the family throughout the entire day. Trying to keep them on task and stay focused, encouraging them to consider the rewards that come with the good choices, being firm with the negative consequences when they still choose poorly, always having an eye on the clock and the timer in my hand, setting a good example by working hard throughout the day. . . .

Trying to teach housecats new tricks.

Anyway, it has been a tiring week, but a rewarding one too, as each day got better and better: more accomplished each day than the day before, more good behaviour and good choices.

Telling you all this is just giving the background for what I really wanted to say, which is that the hardest part of the whole week for me was not being grumpy about everything. And I think several days I was failing more than I was succeeding! And it is because of the children. My dear, sweet children whom I love very much, and who know how to purposefully push my buttons better than anyone else. (Even better than D, since he only does it on accident ; ) The children who, when they receive a consequence they earned fair and square, have started saying things like, "If you really loved us you wouldn't ______ " or "A nice mommy would ______ ." The best one: "Mrs. Kimball doesn't ______."

But I admit, I was actually wounded every time they said something like that, mean, on purpose, to hurt me because they were angry. I guess it is good to get a little practice in dealing with such words now, before they are teenagers young adults and get really vicious. I was one of three girls. We get vicious. (But we turn out ok in the long run, right Mom? . . . Mom?)

And then, several times this week I would specifically instruct them to do something in the other room while I was busy in the living room, and a while later I would discover they had never obeyed me, but instead spent the time making a fun surprise for me. Grrrrrrrrrrr. As a mom, what the heck are you supposed to do at that moment? Your darling children are standing in front of you with a "present" they made for you, beaming with excitement for you to open it. And you are sitting, inwardly fuming, because they should not have been doing anything but following through on what they were told to do, and you are really cracking down on them listening and obeying this week, so there should be a consequence for this direct disobedience, but you don't want to dash to pieces this moment of sweet daughterhood.

Let me give a very specific example:

G brought this to me the other day. Which she had made while she was supposed to be doing her math in the bedroom (where she would, theoretically, be less distracted):

Read the note:


Is your heart melting? Mine wasn't.

She had taken gift tissue from my collection in my closet and wrapped up her personal treasure box AND her personal candy jar. She had noticed I was a little cranky that day, and was offering that I could chose something from each container to help make me feel better. I took a deep breath and withheld the lecture on my tongue. The one about their cheerful and willing hearts being the gift I truly desire. About how listening to me and obeying me are showing me that they love me.* I chose to be gracious and accept the gift offered, to give weight to the thoughtfulness behind the offer. I opened her treasure box and admired some of the junk treasures and finally told her I wanted her to keep her treasures. I opened the candy jar, and decided I was probably a little low blood sugar right then and it would be appropriate to take her up on that offer. I looked and said to her, "Oh, you do have my favorite kind of candy bar." (A bite-sized Snickers left from Halloween. Technically my favorite before I discovered the world of dark chocolate.)

She looks at the jar and the candy bar. Then she says, "Well. . . you could have a Jolly Rancher. I have two of those."

And with that last little bit of her childish "giving" rescinded, the last vestige of my tenuous goodwill crumbled inside. I wanted to cry. I held it together and just calmly said, "Well, it's ok. I don't need any candy right now. But thank you for offering." And then bade her return the things to where they belonged, throw away the tissue she had wasted used and finally go do what she was supposed to do forty-five minutes ago.

ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

How can I love my children and be so mad at them at the same time?! How can such truly adorable creations from their minds and hearts make me so frustrated?!

Advice/perspective welcome. Just be gentle--like I said, it has been a hard week.**



"Coincidentally," I have also been thinking a lot about God as our Maker and Father this week. Think He is trying to teach me something?

**And after taking off Sunday, now we are two steps backward, and this week is not starting off any better! Sigh.

this i want to see

The preview alone made me cry. Ok, ok, that is not hard to do, esp. on the amount of sleep I have been getting for a few months now. But still, please watch and enjoy the beauty, the potential.

(This narrow format cuts off a bit of the picture, so I suggest you double click on the video and it will take you to the official video on youtube, where you can see the whole image)

One of our favorite, free Christmas traditions

When I was a little girl, my parents started a simple, but very meaningful tradition to take place all through the Advent season. Dad built a wooden manger, about 9 inches long and 6 inches high. He just used old 3/4 inch thick scrap wood, and stained it dark brown. Mother bought fat yellow yarn and cut it up into 6 inch lengths. They put the yarn into an old coffeecan and placed it and the manger under the Christmas tree. Each time someone in the family did something loving for someone else, he or she could then take one of the pieces of yarn "straw" and put it in the manger. The goal was to have a soft, welcoming bed for baby Jesus by Christmas Eve.

Each Sunday of Advent we would draw a family member's name from the hat, and that is who we would focus our acts of love on for the week. So I remember having my little sister Allison's name, and doing things like setting the dinner table for her when it was her turn, playing with her (when I would not have otherwise), or letting her use my favorite toys. Each time I did something loving, I got to put another piece of "straw" into the manger--and we all did the acts without announcing them, and tried to slip in the straw when no one else was in the room, to keep the game a little secretive (and more selfless, now that I think about it).

Every Christmas Eve we would have a full manger, so ready and inviting, symbolizing our excited anticipation of Christmas morning. But the best part, of course, was practicing choosing to love one another in tangible ways throughout the Advent season.

A few years back when I was visiting my folks in IL and helping sort the junk treasures in the attic, I found that old manger we had used when we were kids. I cleaned it off, and--with my parents' blessing--brought it back to CA to continue the tradition!

So each year we get out the manger and "straw" (except I really need some new yarn--I could only find regular weight yarn the first year, but it takes SO many more loving deeds to fill up the manger! And the fat yarn just looks so much softer, like you might really lay a baby on it. : ) and start looking for tangible ways to love on one another. We don't draw names like my parents did, so anyone can do anything loving for anyone else in the family and get to put a straw in. (With little ones you have to guide a bit until they understand the concepts, encouraging them to put in a straw when you witness them sharing a toy with a sibling, or when they give someone else the first turn. Let them put in a straw anytime they give a hug or kiss or say "I love you!")

I love seeing the children thinking about how to put love into action. I love having an Advent focus that involves the whole family, keeps our focus on what really matters during the holiday season, and builds our familial ties.

The thing I love about it most, though, is the beautiful allegory of how we can actively prepare our hearts to receive Christ anew each Christmas season. We can choose to keep our hearts full of love, soft and ready to receive whatever God has in store for us. We can choose to keep our eyes open for opportunities to love others tangibly, just as God gave the world the tangible sign of His love through the gift of the baby Jesus. We can choose to view our families and loved ones as outlets for lovin', instead of focusing on what we want to be receiving from them. We can choose to focus on love and joy and peace and forgiveness and goodwill.

And there is always the hope that practicing these choices during the Advent season will help us keep our hearts soft and ready the rest of the year as well!





No photo of our manger yet--we have not yet gotten out the Christmas decorations, so I am running behind! I'll add one when we unearth everything, hopefully this weekend. : ) By the way, starting to fill the manger late in the Advent season makes it harder to get it soft and cozy by Christmas Eve, so I encourage either using a small manger or starting at the beginning of the Advent season.

And for those of you wondering, I am trying a new thing called a "Blog Hop," where blogs can write on the same topic and you can "hop" from blog to blog to read everyone's ideas on the same topic. They were having the blog hop on topics I was already going to write about, so I thought I would join in. Could be fun! So if you are interested in seeing other people's Christmas traditions, click on the MckLinky link above, and it should take you to the list. . . if all works well my first time trying this!

the Thanksgiving wrap-up

There are SO many things on my mind at the moment that I really, really want to write about. My brain has still been expanding with new learning, with renewed vigor and still feels crazy wide open! I hope I have enough time and mental energy this week to get down some of the ideas that have been with me since last week. But for starters, I thought I would share some of what we did over Thanksgiving weekend. (kinda mentally get it out of the way, ya know?)

We spent Thanksgiving Day with D's dad's family, who were gathered this year at cousin Vernon's house near Sacramento. D's folks have not kept up much of a relationship with that side of the family, but started joining them every three years or so for Thanksgiving after they moved back to CA about ten years ago. We were invited to join them all too when we moved to CA, and went three years ago. This year cousin Vernon had a new house that had plenty of room for everyone, including a huge table they made out of their pool table for the Thanksgiving meal. It was a nice time, if a little awkward since we don't really know any of that side of the family and know we will not see them again for another three years or so! But I can sense that some of D's dad's relations genuinely like us, which is always a nice feeling. You know how some people bring out the best in you (and others bring out the worst!); well, at least one of the uncles was so gracious to me and I really enjoyed talking with him and even getting to wait on him a bit, as he has MS and is starting to experience some physical limitations. Which made him even more gracious, which led to me happily looking for other ways to serve him--it was like this little positive cycle of grace in action. Hmmmmmmmm. Now how I can I translate that lovely experience into my life as parent and wife. . . .

When we left Cousin Vernon's house Thurs. evening, we headed straight up to Chico, where D's parents live, and we stayed until Sunday afternoon.

It was overall a really good visit. Those of you who know our history know that things have been rocky with D's parents ever since we first became engaged. It is due to lots of things, and manifests itself in many ways, but let's just say the problems all boil down to the need for more selfless love all around. : ) We have not spent much time with D's family this year, surprisingly, but--in my case--gratefully. It has been nice to have such a breather from negativity and family stress. We saw them this summer in CO for the wedding of D's sister Auntie N--but purposefully chose to be with them as little as possible, knowing it would be a stressful and hectic time, which can lead to unhealthy outbursts in the most healthy of people. So this past weekend was the longest we have been with D's parents since last Spring. While there were still some tense and painful moments, everyone was on their best behavior this past weekend, and D's mom in particular was clearly making good effort.

I am truly thankful for that. Other good bits of the weekend, for which I am thankful, many of which had to do with the excellent effort on the part of D's mom to be gracious with me:

--D's mom taking me shopping Black Friday but not giving me a hard time about us not getting up at the crack of dawn, and keeping her patience and goodwill with me most of the excursion.

--D's mom announcing that none of us need any junk, and so allowing (nay, encouraging!) me to pick out presents for G's birthday (the 28th) and Christmas. (She and I might not necessarily agree on what is or is not junk, but I am thankful for that starting point!)

--D's mom actually giving me TWO compliments, and once acknowledging I was right and she was wrong! Ok, not in those exact words, but close enough! I do not think either of those things have happened to my face for years, if ever. What a surprising blessing!

--D's mom suggesting we be facebook friends. ; )

--all the yummy, old-timey food that I ate all weekend that I did not cook a whit of. ; ) Okay, I did help peel and chop a little, but not much!

--a fridge full of goodies D's parents and grandma generously shared from their kitchens and gardens, and for which I am being genuinely grateful. Esp. the TWO homemade pumpkin pies. Mmmmmmmm.

I hope all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!


image is of the famous painting Freedom From Want by Norman Rockwell, one of the most amazing realistic artists ever. This painting is one of four in a series, called "The Four Freedoms," all of which make me cry with patriotic thankfulness.

A cute and cozy give-away contest!

Once more, my blog bunny trail has led me to something fun: really cute quilts you could enter to win! Here is one of the quilts you could win:

The winner gets to chose one of two quilts, each with a different pattern. If you are interested, please visit the marie-madeline studio and enter! You can get there by either clicking on the link in the previous sentence, or clicking on the button on my right sidebar.