WWC--back to reality, one day too soon

Well, so funny how life can change so quickly.  Or so depressing.  But I'll go with funny, because by golly I am going to choose to look on the bright side and enjoy this last day in the Week Without Children 2012. 

Yesterday started out slow but fine; DH ended up working from home, which I was selfishly a teeny-tiny bit bummed by, just because I had seriously wanted that hour of quiet repose in the house all alone--don't know why, but I did.  The being bummed only lasted a few seconds, because overall I was glad DH got to have a day at home too.  But other little selfish bummed moments crept in throughout the day, like when I could not just sit down at the computer when I wanted to, or when I could not stream a movie during my tea break like I wanted to (because of not wanting to disrupt the bandwidth DH was using to work on his laptop remotely).  And let me be clear: DH was being very accommodating, and I did get to watch a few minutes of a movie, and I did get to use to computer, and he also was really sweet and played DJ for me while I painted in the bedroom, pulling up songs on youtube that I had a hankering to hear.  There was nothing to be bummed about.  But since he was originally supposed to work yesterday from the office, and so I had gotten a picture in my head of what my last day of "freedom" was going to look like, I was just a little bummed that I did not get the day of solitude and free reign I had been looking forward to.

I know, wah, wah, wah.  This isn't just First World Problems, this is a ridiculous, self-focused pity-party at its worst. 

Turns out, I was not the only one feeling that way.  DH suddenly blew up in the early evening over a misunderstanding--and when we talked about it later, it turns out he too had something he had looked forward to all week and was hoping it would happen yesterday, but since I did not have the same expectation I did not understand and so he felt rejected.  We worked it out by nighttime, but for a few hours there I was really stinkin' mad at him, and he was mad at me. 

In retrospect, I think there are several elements that were at play that are worth considering.  At least, I know this was going on with me:  First, the Week Without Children has gone so quickly, and it almost does not even feel like they have been gone more than a day or two.  So this means psychologically I am not yet ready for the "vacation" to be over--and so am experiencing a version of "post-vacation blues."  But what this really means is that I had subconscious expectations for this week that have not been entirely met, in my mind.  Expectations not grounded in reality--or Truth.  For example, maybe last year's fantastic melding of body and mind and spirit with my husband set up an expectation of at least harmony with him this week--in both our minds--but it has not been quite the same, so that could be a little disappointing.  But the Truth is we are different people who sometimes think differently, and there is nothing wrong with that, and the important thing is that we demonstrate maturity and grace and some small amount of wisdom in how we deal with such misunderstanding and disappointment, and that we resolve them with the intent of better loving.  Which is what we ultimately did. 

And too, I think the WWC allowed me to set up a subtle expectation in my mind about getting to do whatever I wanted for the week, since this time DH would be working from the office most of it.  So while I was glad to share my quiet time at home, when I did not get all that I had wanted and psyched myself up for, I immediately fell into Satan's trap of sinful self-focus:  that I deserved the last day of time all to myself, that I needed one last day of quiet before getting the kids back, that I, I, I. . . .

(facepalm)  I need nothing more than to get those stupid self-serving, joy-sucking thoughts out of my head, and spend the last day focused on my blessings, including the time left to me today, a husband to share it with, and the children who I am so thankful have survived the week (literally--don't forget the unfenced pool at Oma and Opa's) and who will fill our home with their excited voices and eager limbs tomorrow.

Finally, I am getting spirit-nudges that this feeling of let-down is another manifestation of my normal, sinful desires for escape from my life (which I have written about before, like here).  At times in my life this urge to escape the daily drudges of routine life has really had a bad spiritual hold on me, because I find myself then living/parenting as if waiting for something better, and just doing whatever is necessary to get through now.  As if "real" living is yet to come, and not right here in front of me.  But the Truth is, my life *is* work undone, and children needing my time and attention, and occassional misunderstandings with my Dear Husband, and not always getting what I want, etc.  That is why I left the C. S. Lewis quotation up at my blog header for so long--I need to be reminded of this daily:

The great thing is, if one can, to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions in one's "own" or "real" life. The truth is, of course, that what one regards as interruptions are precisely one's life.--C.S. Lewis

So, now it is Saturday morning, in our Last Day of the WWC.  After DH and I resolved our misunderstanding last night, we fell asleep to the sound of our  neighbor screeching at her live-in boyfriend.  Her yelling and the banging around woke me up this morning early too.  (They fight occassionally like most young couple, but I've never heard them go at it this badly before--was all that slamming the sounds of one of them moving out?  Is there something in the air or water all of a sudden causing such relational strife in our two homes?  Still, their strife was oddly reaffirming of me and DH--that we have learned much better ways of handling strife between us over the years.)  And the day is grey and gloomy outside, and DH is still in bed and so the house is very cold (yes, we have been making fires every morning this week--it's 62 degrees inside the house as I type this! Sometimes I make the fires, but he is better at it, and recently it has been so damp that the wood does not like to light easily, which is why I'm not trying this morning).  I need to get going and finish my painting in the kids' room so it can be aired out and everything put back in when we get them tomorrow.  It feels like there is plenty I *could* be glum about this morning, could allow to feed a negative trend in my spirit--but instead, I am choosing to be joyful.  No matter what happens today, I'm going to keep my mind set on the things above, and look for things to be glad, even joyful about.  More of Him, less of me!   I will choose to have hands that are quick and capable and celebrate how much we are blessed. Eyes that delight in the potential around my house, and don't despair in the decrepit.  Thoughts that dwell on what is good, true, right and lovely, excellent and praiseworthy.  Words that affirm my husband and root myself in Truth.

May you all have a weekend filled with the same!