We have Winners!

Well, this has been an amazingly fun blogging week for me.

FIRST it was a blast to get real dialogue going here on this blog! Ok, I know it won't last, and now that my Bloggiversary week is through, you will all mostly fade away into readers-but-not-posters again. Don't worry, I understand--that is what I am too, most of the time. I read quite a few blogs while breakfasting or nursing, but don't get much blog time with both hands free to type, so I don't leave comments often. But I hope that now you have tested the water, so to speak, and hopefully found it comfortable, you will not hesitate to jump on in whenever you feel like it!

SECOND I just won a prize myself! Atheist Mama also had her first giveaway this week, although being a real blog, she actually got a company to send her products for the giveaway--Essential Everyday Minerals, the company that makes the all-time BEST powder (the kind you use as foundation--thick enough to make your skin look good, thin enough to not leave you looking makeupy). And I won some!!! Whoo-hoo!

THIRD I get to give stuff away now too! Ok, ok, my prizes were things I chose because 1) they are awesome (as long as you are not particular about things being, um, new); 2) they seemed to fit the "feel" of my blog; and 3) I thought you all might like them!

SO! Here are the three winners, chosen randomly. I did not employ any special online random number generator, just in case you are again confusing this with a real blog. I asked each of my girls to choose a number between 1 and 24 (there being 24 comments to the "party" post). And I have the video to verify the complete randomness of their choices, if you want to see it. ; )

Sunny came up with. . . Number 10! Yay, that's Rebecca, my big sis! See, aren't you glad you started reading my blog--and most importantly, ocassionally leaving comments. ; ) And your husband Chris wins too, as he was the only male with the unmitigated temerity to leave a comment. (Ok, I don't really mean to suggest it was at all foolish of you to post a comment--I am thrilled you did!--I have just wanted to use that phrase ever since college, when I was in To Kill a Mockingbird)

Merry thought long and hard and said. . . Number 20! Carrie, all the way over in England, that's you! So glad you de-lurked this week, and I am happy to send your prize over the water!

Happy paused and paused, and then listened to the whisperings of her biggest sister, and called out. . . Number 8! That would be the blogger known as "Zerohousepaymentsforever!" I am so glad I can send a little lovin' to a fellow mama. : )

So, my three winners, please send me an email this week to let me know two things:

a) your mailing address, and

b) the prize you would like best, and the prize you would like second best.

Rebecca, I know where to find you. ; ) You can all email me at blesseday at gmail dot com.

Thank you, one and all, for the smiles you brought me this week! I wish you many happy returns. : )

strangers on a blog

It has been really fun so far to see who occassionally comes by this blog. (And those of you who have not yet joined the party, please do!) This whole realm of blogging still feels pretty new to me; even newer to me is participating in the blogs of other people who I don't know IRL (that's "In Real Life," Mom). And so, as to be expected, I am really clumsy and insecure in doing it.

Those of you who know me IRL can vouch that I am quite sociable and not the least bit afraid to walk up to strangers and start a conversation. But not random strangers, on the street, out of the blue (unless I need directions, or its Easter or something). I do it in social settings where the stranger and I have a reason to connect, like in the foyer at church, or at the playground if our kids are the same age. I believe we are all made to be relational creatures, and have a built-in desire to know and be known. So it does not seem like a big deal to me to strike up conversation with a stranger--it seems pretty natural.

But I also do it purposefully, because I myself hate to be the uncomfortable outsider, the one who is feeling awkward and unsure. So if I notice someone who seems alone, momentarily adrift and casting for a line, I want to give it. Maybe I am not always right in assessing a stranger's desire to be noticed and acknowledged, but it is rare that the person does not seem pleased by the gesture.

Especially when they get a compliment--I really enjoy pointing out something lovely I notice in women I briefly meet, whether it be how the color of one woman's sweater brings out the color in her eyes, or if she looks fabulous in a dress she clearly took pains with that day. Everything I say is simple and true, but usually brings a smile. But again, it is really just me projecting onto strangers my own feelings, what would make my day--compliments from friends and loved ones are awesome, but generous words from a stranger sometimes seem to mean more, just because there is no alterior motive--like love--behind them.

I am also big on passing along any good gossip--by that I mean anything nice a friend says about another friend. You will be sure to hear that from me! Spread the love, I say!

Before you think I am talking myself up as this amazing interpersonal communicator, I should tell you I am also horrible for completely forgetting people I have met. I don't just mean forgetting names, which I do right about the exact second the person introduces him or herself, I mean actually not remembering ever seeing the person before in my life. Someone will say "Hi" at church and I can tell by her enthusiastic tone that she means it in a personal way--like we have met before--and I am sure I get a "deer in the headlights" kind of look while my brain scrambles to think, think, when did I speak to this person before?! It is so embarassing. I used to just fake it and try to remember later--these days I just admit it right off and say, "I'm sorry, I don't remember your name" and hope when they say it everything will come flooding back.

ANYWAY, talking to perfect strangers IRL is sooooooooo different than commenting to a blog. When I strike up conversation with the mom at the playground, it is mainly because it seems ridiculous for two grown-ups who have something in common to be standing near each other while pretending to not notice each other, when a hello and brief, friendly exchange of words would be so much more logical and positive. And maybe even beneficial! One of my closest friends out here in CA, Cathy, and I met when we struck up conversation in the nursing moms room at a church D and I were trying out. Another friend, Lisa, and I met when we started chatting while our girls were in the same gymnastics class.

Conversely, my dear Rosa and I realized after we became friends that we had been in the same place at the same time on two different occassions, years before we really knew each other. And both times we each did not strike up conversation with the other because we were feeling like the outsider at that moment. Oh, the wasted friendship time!

But IRL I have the benefit of trying to interpret and respond to the vibes of the stranger in front of me. If the person gives off the least inclination that she would rather I not be talking to her, I can politely and nonchalantly fade away. It is not nearly as easy in the blog world.

I summed up my feelings on the topic in a comment I posted a while back to The Happy (atheist) Homemaker:

It is also weird to comment to the blogs of strangers, esp. to "follow" them--feels a wee bit stalkerish. I found your blog because of your kind and intelligent comments to Emily over on her blog, and keep visiting because you keep writing about things that are familiar to my own experiences, and because you write with such gusto. I make comments to strangers' blogs sometimes because I love comments in my own blog, and are encouraged by them.

But sometimes I feel like an annoying second-cousin-twice-removed at a big family gathering who is always listening to other people's conversations and butting in, not noticing the patient expressions on the faces of those she is talking to, nor the rolled eyes when she has her say and resumes her prowl around the house. ; )

Specifically in reference to Atheist Mama's blog: when I discovered her blog and started commenting, I first thought she "liked me" but was worried I was coming off too gushy, too familiar; then I thought I had offended her--ok, I am pretty sure I did offend her, but also pretty sure she later forgave me; then it seemed like she stopped responding to my comments and I thought, oh, no, she just wants me to go away; but I did not want her to think I was flighty and shallow--and I kept making comments to show her no, I'm following your blog for the long haul, honey, I care about YOU! but trying to keep the comments light and as un-stalkerish or annoying auntieish as possible; then I wondered why the heck I cared what a perfect stranger thought of me and had just decided to politely and nonchalantly fade away--which would mean still reading her blog, since it is great, but restraining myself from commenting--when the very next morning she so generously "nominated" me for my first blog "awards" and made me feel like a normal, not annoying, not stalkerish, virtual acquaintance.

Oy vey! The psychological drama! (And now when Atheist Mama reads all that I'll be back on her stalker list. ; ) That whole thought process I experienced over the course of several weeks was pathetic, and yet, in retrospect, a little fascinating, too. Hers was the first blog I ever commented to as a stranger, and I did not know how to behave! I could not read the cues! I could not be sure how I was coming across, and how to know if she didn't want me hanging around anymore! Heck, maybe she still doesn't, and she is just too nice to tell me. The point is, while I generally have no problem talking to strangers IRL, I am interpersonally at a loss in the virtual realm--but hopefully will learn. Because I am "meeting" some very cool women in their blogs, and think I just might end up part of a small, friendly, online community. And that would be pretty awesome.

And the best part--I won't have to struggle to remember their names.

I raise my tea cup to all of you who have been brave enough to comment on my blog, esp. those of you who were--until this week--perfect strangers. Please comment away, or go back to comfortably lurking--but now you know I will never judge you either way. ; )

Readers and Lurkers: Come to my Party and win a Prize!

Images from Alice in Wonderland, by the wonderful artist Scott Gustafson

Today is the one year anniversary of this blog. It has been a really fast year! Thank you, all of you who keep coming back to see what's going on with me and my family, who encourage me in my efforts to stir up the sludge in my brain to think through and write about things. I appreciate you!

So let's have a party! (this is your cue to get up and get a cup of your favorite beverage and a treat. make it something decadent--after all, this is a party. Really. Go ahead--I'll wait. ; )

Ok, you got your party food, time for an ice-breaker! So here is your party task: please take a moment to leave a comment to this post, just quickly introducing yourself and saying where you live and how you are connected to me/this blog and what food you brought to the party! (I can't wait to see who comes. I hope someone brings dark chocolate. Mmmmmmmmmm.)

Great! Thanks for introducing yourself. And now, your party prize! In honor of my "bloggiversary" and to say thank you to all of you, I am having my first ever Give Away! The ice-breaker comment you posted was your entry ticket to the give away, so you are now eligible to win one of THREE awesome prizes:

1) A hardback copy of "Cold Tangerines" by Shauna Niequist (previously read by me! ; )

2) A cool bookmark embedded with poppy seeds; when you are done using it as a bookmark, you can actually plant it and raise your very own California golden poppies! (the state flower, in case you did not know)

3) Some really good tea! I can't send a whole package of tea, but I can send you a sample of one of my favorite Mariage Frères teas!

This is also the first day of Anti-Lurking Week! So anyone who has been dropping by to read but has never left a comment--now you have LOTS of reasons to leave a comment! Please do so, and welcome to the party! I'll randomly chose winners on Weds of next week. : )

Under Pressure--Bayou Black Bean Soup

So, this past fall my mother-in-law gave me an old pressure cooker, fixed up and ready for use. You see, she has started using one, and pretty much whenever my MIL gets a bee in her bonnet about something she thinks is great, she thinks I should be on the bandwagon too. Don't get me wrong--this can be great, and is the reason I have received from her my clothes steamer, bread machine, and black leather dress coat, among other things. And am going to receive local classes in Cooking Raw sometime in the next couple of months! (eating more Raw being one of my goals for this year, and luckily my MIL has gotten interested in it at the same time.) But sometimes I don't like the feeling of pressure (ha--cooker!) to be trying new things when I am either a) perfectly content in whatever rut I am in or b) thinking it would make sense to jump on the bandwagon, but not feeling like I have the time or mental energy to do it at the present time. The pressure cooker has been falling into the latter category. I have heard good things about them from MIL and SIL, about how much more quickly foods cook in them. I have also heard that if you are not careful the pot can explode.

I am not much into things exploding, esp. in my kitchen. (Oh, the mess! the horror! Forget the third-degree burns on whomever is nearby--what scares me is the thought of scraping lentils off the ceiling.) So I have been a little scared to try out the pressure cooker, even thought I understand that they are completely safe when used as directed. Slow cookers, like crock pots, seem so tame in comparison, so safe--you can't even tell they are working until you touch the side and burn your finger, like I did just this past Sunday morning.

But just the other day, my friend Alberta--my inspiration in many things healthy and frugal in the kitchen--bragged that she uses a pressure cooker to make up her dry beans, and she can whip up a batch in 30 minutes. Without soaking.

Those of you who cook with dry beans are now probably muttering skeptical things to your computer monitor. Those of you who do not cook with dry beans, well I have two things to say to you: First, you should. They are cheap and good for you. But second, you typically have to soak the beans overnight (or a quick soak method on the stove top that still takes several hours) and then you have to cook them for about 1 1/2 - 2 hours on the stove to get them edible--and if the beans are older and have lost more moisture, they can take even longer. (You do not have to soak lentils or dried peas.) So while dry beans are a great base for a mainly vegetarian diet like ours, they usually require planning ahead.

But I am pretty much a stand-in-front-of-the-open-refrigerator-at-4:00 p.m.-thinking "Hmmmm, what do I want to make for dinner tonight?" kind of gal, and so don't usually remember to soak the beans the night before. So I have been using canned beans more than I would like. But now, if I get up the nerve to use the pressure cooker, I can use dry beans and STILL make my dinner plans that afternoon!

So last night I decided it was a good night for black bean soup, and I only had time to make it if I used the pressure cooker, since of course I forgot to soak the beans the night before. I got myself all psyched up, read all the instructions, googled other instructions, got out the pan and set it all up--and then realized I was all out of dry beans.

D'oh! So, I made the recipe using canned beans and it turned out fine, of course. But next time, I will do it from scratch. ; )

Here are the reasons to use dry beans over canned:
*much cheaper (Mary over at owlhaven figures roughly 1/3rd the cost of canned)
*much tastier
*no additives in your beans like sugar and salt, which are common in canned versions

Here are the reasons to use a pressure cooker to make your dry beans:

*cooks in much, much less time (roughly 20 min. for black beans compared to 1 1/2-2 hours on the stove or even more for the slow-cooker)
*no need to pre-soak your beans
*uses less energy used than conventional stove-top methods (don't know how compares to slow cooker)
*supposedly retains much more nutritional value in the foods being cooked
*you can be lazy and not have to prepare for dinner the night before!

This posting is clearly part public-service announcement and part psyching myself up to try it again. ; ) But when you lay out the benefits like this--it seems like pressure cooking is a clear winner.

And now I cannot resist sharing what was originally the whole reason I sat down to type: an old family recipe that I will call Bayou Black Bean Soup. It is SO yummy--kids love it. The original version is for meat-lovers, and those not counting calories, and for feeding a small army. I'll share it and my own vegetarian version below:

Bayou Black Bean Soup (Original recipe--serves 20-24)

1/2 c olive oil
1/2 lb salt pork or bacon, diced
1 lb ham hocks
8 large onions, chopped
8 cloves garlic, minced
6 stalks celery, including leaves, chopped
2 lbs black beans, sorted and rinsed*
1/2 tsp. cayenne
4 tsp. ground cumin
6 quarts regular strength chicken broth
1/4 c wine vinegar
1 c dry sherry

In a 10-12 quart kettle, cook on medium heat the salt pork (or bacon), ham, onion, garlic and celery until all juices have evaporated, about 40 minutes. Add beans, cayenne, cumin and broth. Bring to a boil on high, then reduce heat, cover, and simmer gently 1 1/2 to 3 hours or until beans mash easily.

When soup is done, discard ham hock skins and bone. Let cool slightly, then whirl in blender until smooth. You can now either chill or re-heat (can be stored, covered, 3 days in fridge).

When reheating to serve, stir in vinegar and sherry. Ladle into bowls and serve at table with the following condiments to top:
--warm Polish sausage or garlic sausage, cut in 1/2 inch slices
--cooked rice (we actually heap a mound under our soup and then top with the rest)
--finely chopped green or red onion (we like red)
--hard boiled eggs, chopped
--lemons cut into wedges, to squeeze over top
--sweet pickle relish
--canned chopped green chilis

Yes, believe it or not, all those toppings actually taste really good on the soup--at the same time! But each to his/her own--my kids at the moment just like the relish, chilis and sausage** on top. Oh, and the lemon--they can't get enough of the lemon!


Bayou Black Bean Soup (vegetarian/easy version--serves a whole lot less)

About 2 Tablespoons olive oil
4 large onions, chopped
4 cloves garlic, chopped (or more!)
3 stalks celery, including leaves, chopped
1 lb black beans, sorted, soaked and rinsed
1/4 tsp. cayenne
3 tsp. ground cumin
3 quarts vegetable broth (I recommend "Better Than Bullion"--no MSG)
1/4 C wine vinegar
1/2 c dry sherry

Saute veggies in oil until translucent--about 10 min. Then follow rest of directions above.

If anyone out there is feeling adventuresome, please try this! My vegetarian version is frugal and good for you too!



*this original recipe did not say to presoak the beans, but it also requires you to cook the soup for 3 hours, and I found sometimes it took even longer than that.

**Yes, I do warm up sausage for our soup--one of the choices that make us more "flexitarian" than completely vegetarian--and found a great GMO/MSG-free fully-cooked sausage at Costco that was about as healthy as you can get with pork sausage and a good price too.

Voicemail from the devil and other bedtime stories, Continued

Ok, so to continue where I left off:

D was grumpy and I was anxious even just going to bed that night; neither of us said it aloud, but both of us were expecting a bad night of crying. So I went to bed praying, praying, praying. Asking God to please, please, please let E go back down without crying when he wakes at 3.

This whole letting the child cry himself back to sleep for a few nights to wean off that 3:30 a.m.ish waking may seem like no big deal to a lot of you, certainly not warranting major prayer. But please let me remind you that our entire house is the size of your family room. So there is nowhere to escape the furor of a baby shrieking in the middle of the night. The shrieking that is designed, by nature, to raise the blood pressure of any adult within hearing--and none more so than the one trying to sleep 4 feet away who is trying to be patient with his wife's fanciful notions of child-nurturing. It's not like D could choose to slip off to the living room and sleep on the sofa for a night and escape the worst of it. He already was in the living room, on the "sofa."

The girls sleep right through everything, just so you know. That is one benefit of raising kids in a small house with no interior doors--they get used to evening household noise and some light coming through their doorway, and sleep soundly through most anything. Including the only horrible lightning storm we have ever experienced out here in CA, about 3 years ago--the house was shaking and the windows were rattling with every lightning strike, as loud as cannon fire. The kids didn't stir.

In fact, our trust in the girls sleeping soundly would be why we were blessed with baby E to begin with. ; )

ANYWAY, D made a nice big fire so the house would be warm all night and we could at least rule out cold as a reason for a baby waking/not going back to sleep. We made a point not to stay up too late, so we could get some sleep before we feared the hour of crying might begin. And I was praying, praying, praying.

And God heard, and had compassion, and answered my prayers. The little baby who had been waking up faithfully at around 3:30-4:30 every morning SLEPT without a peep until 6 a.m.! Which, if you remember, was the time at which D and I had agreed I could bring him to bed and nurse him back to sleep so we could all get another hour (or maybe two, in my case!) of sleep. Hallelujah!

BUT, in case you are thinking either of two things: "Well, that's great, but why attribute to God something that was bound to happen naturally?" and/or "That's awesome, E slept and you got a good night's sleep!," let me finish the story. Because at 3:30 right on schedule, I was awakened--by my cell phone chirping and beeping. It seems my phone suddenly remembered that it had a voicemail that had been left over 10 hours before. So right at the point when E would naturally have been waking, I was up and fumbling around in the dark for that dang phone to shut it up (Because of course it is the kind of phone that does not stop alerting you every 30 seconds until you acknowledge it).

And E did not wake up.

I went back to bed, thanking, thanking, thanking God. And THEN at 4:30, was abruptly awakened by the clattering BANG of Sunny kicking the wooden "safety" rail off the edge of the top bunk and it dropping down onto the hardwood floor of the bedroom. So, again, right at the point when E would naturally have been waking, I was up and fumbling around in the dark to get that rail back up (of course tripping over it when I first walk into the bedroom, causing it to smack resoundingly against both the crib legs and dresser).

And E did not wake up.

And I went back to bed, thanking, thanking, thanking God, profusely.

'Cause the devil sure had his way with me that night, and did his damnest to wake up my baby and stir up strife between me and my husband. But God had compassion on my family, and against all reason, they slept. He didn't need to protect my sleep--I'm the mommy, so I have many years experience of going without. And I am honored to have witnessed God at work in my home, directly answering my prayers.

Since that night, things have been mostly really good! A few nights E did not wake up at the 3:30ish hour; the nights he did wake up he was quickly soothed by me picking him up, resting him against my shoulder without words, swaying and sometimes patting, and a few moments later just laying him back down and covering him up. He has never cried and cried again.

Twice, however, on nights when for some unknown reason he was up WAY too late at night--not managing to fall asleep until around 1o p.m.--he woke up even MORE in the night, adding 11ish and 1:30a.m.ish to the normal waking routine. Ugh. Which goes to prove the seemingly counterintuitive parenting adage that the more sleep babies get, the better they sleep, and the less sleep babies get, the worse they sleep. But still, even when he wakes up more, he still goes back to sleep without a struggle. I am so, so thankful for that.

Last night was one of those bad nights, where E woke up every two hours and required me to pick up and rock him and resettle him. So our bedtime woes are not over--but it really looks like the crying in the night thing is over. At least, I am praying that it is so.

give a little help to Haiti--for free!

Okay, my dear readers, here is one more blog stop I highly recommend (ok, beg) you put on your list today:

The lovely owner of the blog Confessions of a Pioneer Woman is having a "giveaway" today; two lucky winners will each get to pick a charity working in Haiti to receive $500.00. AND she will donate 10 cents to relief work in Haiti for every comment left to that blog post! Ten cents might not seem like a lot, but it will sure add up if everyone who hears about it takes a moment to jump over and comment. So please take a moment to leave your "ten cents worth"!

FRIDAY ONLY--still could win $100!

Okay, I realize this is a long shot, but I just heard about this giveaway from Tom's of Maine going on over at Owlhaven (which is also linked on the right hand sidebar). If you see this email and want to try, you have until Friday at midnight (I assume!) to enter to win a $100 Visa gift card.

Here's hoping some of you see this!

P.S. I am still working on part 2 of my "bedtime stories" post--just need more time to blog! ; )

Aw, shucks!

Well, I had the nicest thing happen to me the other day--Desiree over at The Happy (Atheist) Homemaker "nominated" me (with two other very cool bloggers who I am pleased to have been introduced to) for two blog awards, which I assume are being passed through the blogsphere at the moment, bringing smiles wherever they go. I gotta tell you, her cheery thoughtfulness was like an encouraging hug, on an afternoon when I could really use one!

So, here is how she described the first award:

"The first one is the Sunshine Award, pictured above left, which is given to someone whose positivity and creativity inspires you." (Sniff--dabbing eyes--so sweet of her!)

The second one is the "Happy 101" award. To claim this one, I am supposed to list 10 things that make me happy--and then pass both awards on to another deserving blog/blogger.

So, without further ado, here are 10 Things That Make Me Happy (in no particular order):
1. a baby reaching for me and hugging me tightly when I go to get him after a good nap (his, not mine, alas! ; )
2. my favorite mug, when the heat of the drink inside spreads to my fingers through its velvety texture
3. getting a good night's sleep
4. sunshine on the deck
5. my little garden, most especially when things are in bloom, or in the rain
6. my girls laughing together
7. a mug of good tea, most especially with some good, dark chocolate on the side
8. the arms of my husband around me in a hug, most especially after a long day
9. seeing the Big Dipper perfectly framed in my kitchen window when I am up to take care of a baby in the middle of the night
10. my house, when it is orderly and the afternoon light comes slanting in
11. the blessing of good friends
(because mine goes up to eleven.)

And so now, I am delighted to pass on the love to three of my personal favorite bloggers:

(drum roll please)

And while there were a LOT of nominees, since I read quite a few funny and creative and inspiring and meaningful blogs, I am going to follow Desiree's example and narrow it down to three (also in no particular order):

1. Rosa over at Rosa-Sinensis, who is not only a dear friend IRL, but who writes with such beauty and wordsmithing and humor, and always makes me glad I stopped by.

2. Joanne at The Simple Wife, who was a treasured friend in CO back when I was newly married, and who exemplifies gracious and graceful living IRL and in her blog.

3. Dorothy at Urban Servant, who I don't know personally but who is truly real and beautiful and inspiring. Since she is moving her family to Colorado Springs, our old stomping grounds, I just might get to meet her one of these days!

I purposefully chose three bloggers in different realms of the blogsphere, to spread the love that much farther. I hope you get a chance to pass them along!

(And if anyone wants to snag the buttons and "nominate" a blog of your own, go for it!)

Voicemail from the devil and other bedtime stories

Sometimes I am the source of my own discontent. Other times it feels as if unseen evil forces are conspiring against me and all I hold dear.

To illustrate the former: when I first started blogging almost a year ago, I would always forget to put labels on my posts. So that has always bothered me, but in a slightly nagging, annoying away, not in a way that inspired me to actually do something about it. Last week I figured that if I did not do it now, well, I never would. So I started using some of my normal blog time to go back and add missing labels, to get rid of a few labels that didn't make sense, etc. General housekeeping stuff. (Blogkeeping?)

It was fun to re-read some of the posts as I went along, seeing what was going on in my life one year ago. Until I read the following "draft" that I had started way back in Jan 09, and never finished/published:

So this morning I woke up at about 4:30 with full breasts; E has been sleeping through the night for a while now, but just last week stopped waking at about 6, nursing, and falling asleep next to me in bed (which I can't fully enjoy since I have to get up at 6:45 to get M ready for kindergarten). Now he is sleeping right through until 7:30 or 8! Again, which would be great except that I have to get up at 6:45 to get M ready for kindergarten. (I have been SO tempted to yank her out and just homeschool, but she loves it, and I want her to have the full experience G had.)

What?! ONE YEAR AGO E was sleeping from about 7:30 at night until 7:30 in the morning????!!!!!

Ok, let me back up. Each of our girls have been terrific sleepers--we have been really blessed in this area. They all started sleeping from around 7-8 p.m. until about 5 a.m when they were about 3 months old.* And when each previous baby woke at 5 a.m. I would always bring her to bed, nurse her back to sleep, and we would be cozily asleep until about 8 a.m. So sleep-wise, for mommy and baby, this has been a lovely pattern. Every now and then a baby would have trouble in the middle of the night, if teething or stuffy-nosed, but she would almost always be soothed with nursing and then go right back to sleep.

Nearly almost always.

So, maybe some of you will be thinking I completely deserve that which I am about to write.

Ever since our summer of travel, E has been waking up in the night multiple times, typically between 2 and 4 times. It all started with the traveling, when the poor little guy had his schedule all thrown out of whack despite my best efforts to keep some regular rhythm to it. For weeks at a time we were in different beds every night. Or we were tent camping, which is admittedly a bit cold and uncomfortable for everyone, but esp. for those who are too young to understand the helpful admonition to "buck up, camper!" And since we were always sleeping in spaces where a crying baby in the middle of the night would greatly bother people outside our little family unit, and since E and I were usually sharing a bed anyway, I pretty much chose to be E's pacifier every night. For a great deal of the night. And it usually worked--he would go back to sleep--for a few more hours--and no one was overly disturbed except me.

I really don't know what we could have done differently. And the resulting poor sleeping habits were really okay with me; I figured it would take a while for him to settle back down into good sleeping habits, but surely it would not take overly long once were home and back into the flow or regular life. Right? Esp. once he stopped teething, which he was doing this summer too.

Well, I guess I just got into the mommy-zombie state of thinking that this is just the way it is and forgetting that I had ever had a good night's sleep. Until I saw that blog draft and realized once upon a time I had had it really good. And now, I want that again. I want a good night's sleep--more than three hours uninterrupted. And since for the past few weeks he has been staying up too late,** and actually seems to be even more restless than usual at night, I decided enough was enough. I decided I would wean him off of his usual 3:30ish waking/nursing. So about 5 nights ago I mentioned it to D, and he agreed that it was about time and we decided to start that night.

But then, at 3 in the morning, when E was crying and D and I were arguing vehemently in the dark about the best way to handle it, I realized we had made a mistake. We should have gone into the night with a mutually agreed-upon plan. Ugh.

So the next night, D and I talked about it before bed, and we agreed on a plan. Which was that I would take care of everything if D could please just try to ignore the crying and sleep. Just for one night--we would take one night at a time. (Meaning I figured I would try to beg and plead to get my way again a second night. ; ) We had agreed that I could go ahead and nurse E if he woke up 5ish, as long as I put him back down in his own bed. And we agreed I could keep the 6ish-bring-the-baby-to-bed-so-he-doesn't-wake-up-the-other-kids-and-we-can-get-another-hour-of-sleep routine. But until 5ish I was not going to nurse him back to sleep. So we went to bed, D expecting the worst, me dreading the night. . . .

to be continued!

(yeah, sorry--this post is already too long and it has taken me about 5 days to get this far, and I am out of blogging time for today. I'm counting on that eye-catching title to get you to come back for part deux. : )


*I am thinking maybe even a little earlier than 3 months, but I would hate to be erring on the side of rose-tinted nostalgia--you know, how our children are always cutest right before our eyes, but are always best-behaved in our memories.

**no longer able to fall asleep with our normal amount of evening activity here in the living room/master bedroom suite--which means he really needs to be sleeping in the bedroom, which has its own set of complications, and which will be fodder for another post sometime soon!

the new bio, overanalyzed (Pt. 2)

Okay, so I wanted to follow up a little on what I blogged the other day about updating (lengthening!) my blog bio.

I said in the bio that I used to teach literature, film and writing. This may seem to some of you like a fairly innocuous detail, but trust me--it speaks volumes about my inner life, my weaknesses, my journey of personhood.

The same day I expanded the bio, I also happened to respond to a post on the Happy (Atheist) Homemaker blog, in which the author had explained the "Atheist" in her blog title. I'll share here some of what I commented there:

. . . Please do not change your blog title, unless you want to. People (and blogs) are made up of all kinds of lovely combinations, and yours is a refreshing one, at least for me. It reminds me of a delightful sign I saw on campus back when I was teaching at the U of CO Denver: Feminist Bake Sale.

I, being just a wee bit older than you (a-HEM), grew up hearing the "women can have it all" super-woman message of the 80's--as long as "it all" meant a full-time job and kids in daycare. Home-making was not considered something valuable. You only did it if you had no other options. So after my first daughter was born, and I realized I was a terrible mom because of having to put her second to my work, I had to kiss my academic career goodbye. I still taught online for several more years, part-time, but that was little consolation--for me to step out of the esteemed role I had been in to be a full-time mom was actually a hard blow for my pride and my self-esteem. So I started homemaking kinda late (as in after being married for 7 years and having 2 kids!!!!) and with battered spirits. Even now, after 4 kids, I am still exploring what homemaking can look like and all the possibilities and continuing to learn to recognize the value in it.

After I stopped teaching for the U of CO, I went through a serious crisis of self--I had not realized how much of my self-identity was wrapped up in my job as an online film instructor. (I mean, what is cooler than that?!*) So after I worked through those issues and started reconciling myself to being just a mommy and wife and home-maker--as if those are not enough! or not more worthwhile than being a pretentious academic!--I purposefully stopped telling anyone what I did in my "past life." What was the point? I was not that anymore, and there was no sense trying to stir up some self worth (or self-pity) from weak nostalgia.

But I have grown a lot since that crisis, and--years later--no longer feel discontented with who I am in the life I have. In fact, I recognize pretty much daily how fortunate I am, and never once wish I had chosen differently. What I do now is much, much harder than the rigors of higher education; home schooling is just another facet of being a mom, and all the ways I teach my kids take so much more patience, time management, creativity, enthusiasm, and genuine dedication to the long-term welfare of the students. And of course what I do now is so much more rewarding and important in the grand scheme of things. The impact I make here at home with my own children will have a much broader ripple effect than whatever I may have done for a random student years ago.

So when I had the first fleeting thought of adding my past teaching experience to the revised bio, my mental reflex was scoffing--c'mon, am I still so vain? Do I really need perfect strangers to be impressed with my past, when it has nothing to do with who I am now? But then I stopped and actually thought about it, what those words meant to me now. And realized I truly had no secret desires prompting the addition. I am truly content with being just a mom--a stay-at-home, home-schooling mom at that. That demon of nagging self-worth is no longer hanging over me--I am truly at home in my skin. Amen!

With that newfound freedom, I went ahead and put in that info. I thought it might be helpful to mention my past in education: first, because it gives people some reassurance that I have some higher education and "real" teaching experience under my belt and might not be completely deluded about my homeschooling abilities; second, because those fields of study say a lot about my intellectual bent and my pleasures. Namely loafing around with good books and good movies (and good chocolate).

And let's face it--I feel (and look) intelligent so little these days, it is good to remind myself that if I once wrote well-received papers by such titles as "Bloody Brides: Symbolism and Misogyny in Bram Stoker’s Dracula" and "Issues of Humanity in Tech Noir" and "Unlikely Christ: Grace and Otherness in The Crying Game and Dead Man Walking"** then there is still hope for my currently baby-addled brain. All those previously worked-up brain cells must still be up there, poised and ready for the day when I have use to flaunt them again, right?

So, there you have it--confessions of former sin of self-hood dragged to the light of day by a few words stuck into the bio of a blog.

--------------------
One time a loooooong time ago, I was talking long-distance with my parents and was bemoaning that I did not have any particular talent. You know, how some people can sing beautifully, or dance amazingly, or write with perfectly balanced language and cadence and humor. I really have always been more of a jill-of-all-trades and can do almost anything with some success--but nothing wonderfully well. (I am also really lazy and not highly motivated, but that is beside the point.) And my Dad, bless him, thought and then said something to the effect of, "You think well." I am sure I murmured something modest, but inwardly I was estatic--my Dad thinks I am a good thinker!

Then a few years later, we were again talking long-distance, and we were discussing childrens' books, and specifically how disturbed I was by a preschool age book we had been given called "The Rainbow Fish," because of its subtle underlying message of a girl having to give away her body to gain friends (Oh yeah--that, and Babar, and Curious George--don't EVEN get me started!).

And my Dad, darn him, thought and then said, "You think too much."

Yep, Dad, you've said it all.



*Ok, maybe D's job at the time--War Gaming. Yes, like in the movie. He even got to be there for a joint venture with the Russians one time, and after the week of simulated mass destruction they all went out for beers at Old Chicago. I think when he stopped working on that project he went through a little cool-job withdrawl too.

**Just reading those titles makes me smile. Yeah, I took myself pretty seriously then, as you can see--getta load of those colons! Now I'm addicted to the dash--the lazy writer's colon. That alone says so much ; )

a whole year (almost)

Wow--this has been a really fast year. So much going on! So much excitement and goings-on and goings-to! It has been fun to have this blog as a way to share our family happenings with you all, and also to give me a space to think and reflect as God has been getting my attention in all sorts of ways to continue to shape me into a better mommy, wife, home-maker, Queen, etc.

Maybe you have noticed some little changes to the blog, maybe not. For one, I added the photos and nicknames of the kids to the sidebar, after seeing the idea on another blog and liking the effect. I was getting tired of always just using the kids' initials to refer to them--I figured it was harder for people to keep track of who I was talking about, and I would find myself adding explanatory details, like "baby E" or "eldest daughter G," etc. just to get across enough information to make my point understandable. So this way not only do I get to show off my beautiful family--sans husband, that part of the story in a moment--I also am introducing the "characters" on the blog so it is easier for readers to understand who is doing what and to/with whom.

All the kids' nicknames came separately, which is what makes them so cool. G has such an enthusiasm for life and a huge, sunny smile, and I always called her "my ray of sunshine." When we first named newborn M, I knew her nickname would be "Merry," and she has grown into it perfectly. And then when B was born, she used to do the cutest little dance when she was bouncing in the exersaucer, rhythmically bouncing from one foot to the other, bonk-bonk, bonk-bonk, bonk-bonk. I started calling her "Happy Feet," which natually shortened to "Happy." And then when E was first old enough to start interacting with his big sisters, G named him "Smiley," which also suits him just right.

And I adopted "Blessed" for myself a few years back, and have really enjoyed the positive daily reminder of who I am in Christ. (That's BLESS-ed, in case anyone has been wondering.)

So I wondered if I should post a photo of DH (dear husband) D, with a similar nickname. Except that he does not have such a nickname. Well, except the one that came to mind almost immediately:
You see, D brought into the marriage an oversized 80's sweatshirt with "Grumpy" and this image. So I used to jokingly call him that sometimes when he was, well, grumpy. Which I am sure he appreciated, the humor and all. The sweatshirt did not make it through the culling of goods before our move to CA, but I guess the moniker lives on. Because that same night I had that thought about D's nickname, I laughingly asked him to guess the only nickname that had popped into my mind.

After a moment, he grudgingly offered, "Grumpy?"

And then the next day the girls admired the new look of my blog with their photos, and asked why Daddy's picture wasn't there. I explained, and then asked, "Well, do you think Daddy has a nickname?"

And G thought for a very brief moment, and then inquired with a little quizzical smile, "Grumpy?"

ANYWAY, pics are just one of the changes I made recently. I also added some new categories (which you can access under the "labels" section on the sidebar) for my blog posts, which reflect some aspects of our life that I will be purposefully blogging about this year. A couple of categories I am excited about: small space living, frugal living, green living. I won't promise to have all that much to say in these areas, but they reflect some of my purposeful lifestyle choices/changes/goals, so I hope you enjoy the new discoveries I make.

And finally, the last change is to my bio. As you may have noticed, it is WAY longer than it was. I realized, as I have done a lot of blog-hopping while nursing Smiley this year, that a brief, generic bio does not help give a reader an idea of what to expect from the blog, and it seemed like a good idea to give any newcomers dropping by (there have been a few) an immediate sense of who I am as the author, so they can pick up the gist of things before they start reading. In particular, I realized that it might be helpful to mention the size of our house because, well, like I said, it really does change everything. Anything I say about putting kids to bed (my next post!), or having company, or kids acting up, or homeschooling, etc. changes when you realize the space logistics we are working with.

It also seems like a good idea to have a really long bio so no unexpecting newcomer is overwhelmed when they delve into their first long-winded post. Lets 'em know right up front what they are getting into.

So, my dear readers, thanks for sticking with me this past year, and being so patient and supportive in this venture. The actual anniversary date of this blog is Jan. 21st, so please come visit that day, if you can, for a giveaway and my first official Anti-Lurker Day!

Tuesday Blog Hop: the best gifts are made with love

Well, it looks like I have reason to make that last Christmas wrap-up post after all! The late Christmas packages from Mom and Dad arrived last week, and it was of course like Christmas all over again. But the highlight of the Christmas boxes I made sure to save for the girls to open last:

The American girl dolls were presents from my parents and my older sister's family last Christmas. Mom is an artist with the sewing machine, and sometimes she lets me pick out the fabrics for her projects, like for these matching tops/dresses. If I do say myself, we make a kick-butt team. ; )

It was really hard to show off the clothes properly, Mom--the girls kept hugging their dolls to themselves in pleasure and hiding the ensembles. : )

And sitting like that is not ideal for showing off the clothes either--when it is not so muddy outside I will try to take some more photos, ok, Mom? But look at that smile!

Did I mention, Mom, that they wanted to wear the new outfits three days in a row? And I let them? ; )

Mom was not the only one to make gifts by hand this year. D's Grandma also made adorable retro aprons for me and the girls--which I think coordinate nicely with her vintage sofa and silver flossed tree:

And D's Dad made the girls adjustable wooden stilts, after I suggested the idea earlier this year. Almost everyone had to try them out, including Great-Grandma!

On her 90th birthday, to boot!

These were some of our favorite gifts this year, and some of our favorite Christmas moments. When gifts are made with such thoughtfulness, the warm loving feelings last as long as the gifts themselves--and thanks to photographs (and video), maybe even longer!

so far so good!

Well, so far 2010 is looking to be a good year. I shared the other day about my general hopes and prayers for this upcoming year, but thought you might like to hear some specifics. So I will share a few here, and more later on, after I see what I think is going to "stick." Normally I do not "do" New Year Resolutions, as they usually feel rushed and forced and not very meant. As if we make them because we feel we should, but never really expect to make any more than half-hearted effort to make them happen. Half-hearted is truly the right word--halfway to nevermind before I have even begun.

This year, I am all about new plans. And making them happen. And being whole-hearted in all I do.

And the areas in which I anticipate new growth are so varied--a few I can mention now and will certainly be writing more about later:

--not living in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) anymore!

--cooking with more raw foods (specifically daily smoothies and a once-a-week raw dinner challenge!)

--baking my own bread and making yoghurt

--trying new "green" and frugal products and lifestyle changes

--trying to cut out some of our plastic intake/outtake

--flossing my teeth nightly (got my first cavity since college just at the end of last year. : ( I thought flossing was just for gum health--didn't know it prevented cavities too!)

--attending the early service at Vintage Faith once a month, so that our girls can experience the"adult" gathering while not missing out on their Sunday School classes. I so value the girls growing up connected with the whole church body and that worship experience.

--starting a price book, so I can know where to buy what for the best local deals (and doing it with the girls as a homeschool project)

--visiting the same local beach every Friday morning at the same time, to experience the changes in the ocean and weather over the course of a year.

--making home schooling more structured, so we get our goals met, but have plenty of time for fun and play

--parenting with more patience and gentleness and grace

And so far, things are coming along! Teeth flossed, kitchen/house not out of control, bread machine used, homeschooling starting up for the first time this year smoothly and positively overall. Best of all, I am not feeling overwhelmed or discouraged by considering these changes--they have been slowly creeping into my consciousness for awhile, some I have been weighing and exploring for 6 months, so they are not spur-of-the-moment Resolutions, but serious, thoughtful determinations for this year. They encourage me, and excite me. Ok, so they daunt me a little too, but that is a good thing too--I have been too comfortably entrenched in certain habits that have been easy but not ideal. I need to stretch, explore, live a little more fully.

So it was just perfect to start out the first day of 2010 by jumping into one of my goals: the beach, every Friday for one year.

This is our local beach. So glad my friend Alberta called to let us know about the extreme low tide, which was at its lowest ebb at 4:30 pm, right around sun-down.

The angle of the fast-fading light gave everything in the surf a gold-flecked glow.

Including girl toes and starfish!

Family. Nature. Beauty. An excellent beginning. . .

new year, new hope

I would really like to have made one more Christmas-wrap-up blog post before the New Year, but didn't make it. I also would really like to have brilliantly wrapped up 2009 with retrospective photos and snippets like some bloggers have done. . . but didn't do it. I have finished this year feeling pretty wrung out, emotionally and physically and mentally--but not in a bad, depressed kind of way, but in a "whew, glad that's over--let's regroup and get ready to jump back in!" kind of way.

This past year was one of the hardest overall that I have experienced. Seems like in past years I have had rough moments, or relationships, or heart issues that I had to deal with but could then move forward from; this year the rough just kept coming, with my house/stuff continually frustrating me, my kids working through some yucky phases, our homeschooling seeming to peter out for no reason. . . Life for the past few months has seemed harder than it should be, and less rewarding and less fruitful.


But I am not so sure it has to do with my life circumstances as much as it has to do with me, and my faulty responses to the "hardships" of life. (And I must use quotation marks, because overall I have to admit I have a REALLY EASY life! with GREAT kids! and a SOLID husband! and a little house to manage pretty much AS I SEE FIT. And as I am always reminded of how blessed I am to have all these things--when so many people do not).

The charming work of artist Mary Engelbreit seems to perfectly sum up my feelings about this past year, and my hope for this new year. So here are some of my hopes and goals for this next year, illustrated:

I am the Queen of all I Survey--

may this daily truth bring me contentment with what is and inspiration for what might yet be

With wisdom and patience, may I help my daughters grow into their status and responsibilities as Daughters of the King.

May my home truly be a place of peace and joy and love--a comfort to all who dwell within, a refuge for those who visit. And yet may I be inspired to leave its comforts and seek adventure more often!

May I find joy in my daily labor, and humor in its daily futility.

May schooling my children be fruitful: to their minds, their hearts and their spirits.

May I dwell in this Truth daily.

May I learn to live more fully in the moment, and keep my focus on the positive.

May I be a tool for spreading love and encouragement in the world.

May I continue to be blessed with the love of others.

May I take the best care possible of my own little God-given sphere.

I am looking forward to 2010. How about you?

Happy New Year to one and all!