on Balancing

Thank you, those who left you own "priorities" lists to my post a few back.  It was interesting, because our lists really do say a lot that we might not have thought about before, and I felt like I got an insight into your hearts and minds and lives.  But it was also encouraging, because of course we all want to feel like we are not alone in the struggle for figuring out how to live life well.

Lorraine over at "All Are Precious In His Sight" wrote a post today that addressed the exact same thing in her life, but she came to it from a Scripture verse that I would never had thought to put with it.  So if you are still pondering that issue of balance and priorities, you might enjoy reading it too.


Hope you all have a great Friday!

can't get this k-pop out of my head

I highly recommend you double-click to view on youtube.  Full screen.  Sound up.

Ok, this post falls entirely into the guilty pleasures category.  Or perhaps confessions. 

Yeah, both. 

Remember this post I made, about a video I stumbled upon on youtube while researching for our homeschool "Korea camp" last Spring?  I had never seen ANYTHING like it, and was mesmerized by the crazy outfitting, the Asian eye-candy, and everything about the video that boldly declared its Epicness.

Um.

I found myself going back and watching it again.  And again.  And clicking on other songs by this band (and its many spin-off bands!).  And realizing that this song and video are excellent representations of a whole genre of music that a large percentage of the world listens to, that I never knew existed. 

It's called "k-pop," and I am sure you can wiki that if you really want to know more.  I'm not here to enlighten you, just to tell you it is highly addictive.  Once you start, you can't stop.  Now, I don't spend hours watching k-pop on youtube, but let's just say I have spend at least a handful of evenings browsing.  And I don't like all of the k-pop out there, but I have watched a good sampling of it, and really like Super Junior, the band at which I was first poking fun in my earlier post. 

I was totally wrong--they ARE really good dancers; the heavy, chopping editing in that first "A-cha" video just made it hard to tell.  They are really good singers; the video I have linked above uses some auto-tuning for effect, but these guys don't need it, because they sound fabulous live.  (Or at least in live recordings on the web. ; )   The guy I mentioned thinking was the cutest in the "A-cha" video has the most gorgeous voice, and I now have a little crush:

Kyuhyun! (dreamy sigh)

(And while he's the youngest member of the group, none of them are as young as they look--he's 24 I think I read somewhere.  This may be a weird 40-year-old mom crush, but I'm not robbing the cradle!)

If you want to hear more of his voice, he has some solo songs on youtube.  They are in Korean and Mandarin, so I have no clue what he is saying, but I don't care--the sound of his voice melts me.

(I'm embarassedly grinning the whole time writing this, just so you know.  And humming "Super Girl.")

Ok, so I did look up some English subbed versions of their songs, just to see if they were as harmless as I imagined, and yes, they are.  They are just as pointless as every teenage pop song, so I think I might enjoy them more for just being able to listen to the sounds of the singing and music and not be distracted by the lyrics.  But if you want to find the lyrics, they are easy enough to find--for example, here is an impressive English version of the first linked song, "Super Girl."

Go ahead.  If you like contemporary pop, you must listen to that first video.  And tell me it's not one of the most catchy songs you have ever heard.  It's become one of my favorite cleaning songs--gets my feet moving!  Only downside is that the girls beg to watch the video whenever I play it, which slows us all down. ; )

Another very cute and catchy song I get in my head is from an all-female k-pop group called Girls' Generation--Here's "Gee":





Tell me you don't want to bob around with a dustcloth with that song going!

The girls' dancing in the video is suggestive, but somehow innocently so, and just so over the top adorable that I don't mind my girls watching. 

(If you want an English subbed version just to see what bubble-gum teenage love lyrics they are, here you go.) 

So there you have it--confessions from a new k-pop fan. 

And now you are more than welcome to tell me you have a secret crush on Justin Bieber or something. 

the video I wish I had seen earlier this week

My Dear Readers,

All of you, in lieu of reading whatever I might have said tonight, please consider going over to watch this video, a short film about Gratitude.  It is one of the most beautiful, meaningful bits of truth and perspective I have ever come upon. 

with much love,

blessed

prioritizing energy, time, service

I'm still trying to work through some of the issues I raised in my last ultra-long and boring post--you all know you never have to read the posts in which I am thinking out loud, right?  I write them because they are such excellent ways to work through whatever it is I'm thinking about, and only post them because sometimes one of you emails or comments that you have been thinking about the same things and it was helpful.  Great!  But the rest of you--no offense taken if you wait for photos or humorous out-takes on life in the Little House in the Little Woods. 

So, the issue I was last working through was how God wants me to spend my time and energy right now, here at the start of a new school year, and in this season of my life.  With Smiley now suddenly a little boy and no longer a toddler (seriously--last Spring he was a toddler, and even before we started the trip back from my parents' I noticed how he had grown and matured while we were there!), and with my other girls getting so big and so much more helpful (and even pretty happy to be helpful, when they feel like it ; ), I am feeling bright-eyed and clear-headed and pretty energetic, and even though I have a LOT of things around here I want to do, I am also feeling like I have some wiggle room--and am thinking God might want to use me this Fall semester to serve him in new ways.  I don't mean full-time committment stuff, like joining a choir or heading up a committee, but just having the resources in a week to help and love and support the families he puts in my path.  Things like having some of our friends over for school once a week, or once every other week, so their moms can have time to work, which would bless their families through a time of transition.  Or to make an organic, raw, vegan meal for a family who is facing cancer (and who are using those dietary choices to help fight the cancer)--they have so much to bear, and I can be a blessing to them, even in a little way.  Or to give a date night to a friend who says she and her husband desperately need one.  All of these specific needs are real ones that have come up before me in this past week, things I will try to make happen, to bless these women, these families with that little extra bit of resource I'm feeling I have right now. 

But of course all things need to be in balance, and that's going to be the struggle for me. 

Case in point--I was asked to give announcements yesterday at the 9 a.m and 11 a.m. and 7 p.m. services at our church worship gatherings.  Being momentarily full of energy and optimism, and a desire to serve the Lord wherever He can use me for this season, I said yes.  I was doing annoucements at the beginning of the service, praying before worshipful giving, and then at the end of the service coming back up and inviting people to come pray with someone at the prayer cove, telling visitors where to go if they want more information about our church body, and giving a benediction.  Now, our church is no mega-church with thousands of people, but it is also not small, so of course you can imagine  how doing that might make one's stomach churn a bit.  On one hand, getting up in front of a lot of people is no big deal for me--I was a theatre major, after all, and have taught university students and MC'd film screenings and hosted the SoulKitchen "Conversations," and have even been up in front doing this same thing at least twice before.  But on the other hand, it does not happen so often that it is easy, and the whole time I'm waiting to go up and while I am up there I am really focusing energy to not forget all the things I am supposed to say, and when, and how to say them to sound easy and welcoming and not completely petrified.

And really, it went fine yesterday.  Well, it had its moments: at the first service I started to introduce myself and then all of a sudden the microphone went out and music from some Christian CD filled the air (I think it was the music that had been playing in the sanctuary before the worship music began) and no one could hear me so I stopped talking and just looked up at the sound booth (in the old choir loft) and waited for them to resolve the problem, and when it did not immediately I just smiled and looked at the congregation and started to sway-dance to the music, and when it stopped and the mic came back on, I just said, "Well, that was fun," and they laughed and I launched into the annoucements.  At the second service I realized I had forgotten to say something at the beginning, so I just added it to what I said at the end of the service.  And then at the last service, someone walked off with the hand-held mic I was supposed to use during the service (probably our pastor, who had introduced the guest speaker--thanks Dan Kimball!), so I had to scoot the worship leader aside and strain to use his mic on a stand (I tried to adjust it down, but it was hard to move).  All in all, enough little flubs that I could have been easily flustered and thrown off and not able to speak easily and with confidence. 

And see, that is one reason why I am glad they asked me.  Maybe there are only so many people who are comfortable getting up and speaking in front of large rooms of people, and maybe there are only so many who can do it with seeming ease to help everyone in the room feel comfortable, and maybe there are only so many who could do all that while little things are going wrong to slip them up and make it that much harder.  But that's where my theatre training comes in hand--the show must go on and all of that.  (Once when performing my senior showcase piece there at Taylor University, the powerful, climactic scene from "The Children's Hour," a junebug flew in through the open stage door and right up my dress, with a loud buzz.  I loathe junebugs--strange since I rather admire beetles in general--and immediately screamed and stomped and beat at my skirts until I was sure it was gone--and then took a deep breath and resumed the scene as if nothing had happened. ; )  So if there are not really that many people who could serve in our church body like that, then I am happy to be of service.

And yet. . . doing that one bit of service really wiped me out for the whole day.  DH had to work in the middle of the night (of course they do computer updates on their system when the least number of people will be wanting to use it, usually 3 am on a Sunday morning) so I got all the kids ready and to the church by 8:30, which I am pretty sure is a record for us.  We were there until 1 p.m. and then headed back home, where I rustled up lunch for my crew and then crashed and napped and then laid and read most of the afternoon--I just felt weary to my very bones!  I was reminded yet again that I am at heart an introvert, and get energy from being alone and quiet; being around people--much as I love it--drains me completely.  Then I made dinner for everyone and headed back out at 6:30, made it just in time, and got home a little before 9:30.  And so, that was pretty much my whole day. 

(It really makes one thankful for the people who do this every Sunday, there for all three services every week, doing what needs to happen to create our worship gatherings!)

So I had to wonder--ok, so I can do this in service for the Lord.  But should I? 

Was serving in that way a good use of my time and energies?  The fact that I alternated between stress and collapse throughout the day seems to indicate maybe not.  (But yet, if I only do it once in a while, it's ok to spend the day like that, right? It is a day of rest, after all, which is exactly what I spent much of the day doing.)  And the fact that it was harder to take care of my family--but not impossible in the least, so better planning (like having food made ahead of time) would solve that.

But see, I don't imagine that I will be doing this particular service all that often.  (Except several people in charge said I was a natural. That could be dangerous.)  This was just an example of how I need to evaluate how I think I should be spending my time and energy this Fall. 

So I sat down to try to figure out what the hierarchy seems to be--what makes sense to do, with all my given resources?

And I came up with this prioritization:

In my day:
--first, pay attention to God (read His word, ask Him to make His plan for me clear for the day, bring into my path the people He wants me to love on.)  My spirit needs this for wise mommying and homewifery as much as my body needs food and water.  How will I make good decisions with my time and energy if I am not asking the Holy Spirit to help me distinguish between wise and foolish choices?  Something can look good and wise from the world's view, but not be what God wants me to do, and He's the one who knows best.

--second, self-care.  This one seemed at first like it should be at the bottom of the list, since it felt selfish to put care for myself above caring for my family.  But then I remembered the old comparison between effective mothering and the first rule of airplane safety, which is put on your own air mask before helping others, so that you can help others.  Also, I made the important distinction between self-care and self-soothing.  Tea and chocolate are not self-care, they are my escapes, so they do not take priority over my family. But being wise to eat and get myself ready for the day so that I am ready to take care of my kids--that is necessary self-care, and if I don't do it, I am a much worst mommy, a much poorer servant of the Lord.

--third, my husband.  I know, this is another one that did not feel like it was in the right order.  It seems natural to put the children first, since they are the ones who actually depend upon me for everything.  Ok, sometimes it feels like my husband depends upon me for everything, as I jokingly posted on facebook last week:
DH: So, what is there to eat?
Me: Did you not see the food on the table?
DH: Was it covered?
Me: No, it is sitting there waiting for you. You know, you have the worst foraging skills. I'm doubting this whole Eagle Scout thing.
DH: Well, I found you.

But really, we all know that a good marriage is the foundation for a strong, happy family.  So, it is logical that he should come first in my attention on any given day.  And yet, how often do I actually live this out?

--fourth, my kids.  And this includes cooking nutritious meals for them, clothing them, making sure they get rest, etc. as well as listening to them, helping them learn whatever they need to know to mature into their best adult selves.  They are my most important mission field, and deserve the best of my time and energy.  So taking care of the first things on this list is essential to being the best mommy so that I can love and serve and rear them as I know I am supposed to.  Isn't that something--to think that there are three steps of priority before them, but which all lead to them?


--fifth, school.  Homeschooling is important, and is one of my main jobs at this stage in our family life, and I want to do a good job at it.  This was a good one to get into its proper place on the priority list, because I tend to give other things (like playdates and my own home projects) priority over school.  I mean we do school, but I allow these things to keep me from schooling them my best.

--fifth, home maintenance.  Taking good care of my home is not nearly as important as the other things, but still needs to happen on a daily basis or our home quickly slips into CHAOS (Flylady speak for "Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome").  It is another kind of care for my family and for me, really, and I can't effectively teach or minister to others if my house is wreck.  I need to give home-care it's proper care and attention in order for us to thrive as a family.  But it is not more important than other things, so this seems to be a good place for it in the hierarchy.


So, that is how far I got with the list.  So where does service fit in?  Seems like it must come below all of these--that these items are pretty non-negotiable in their placement.  And where do special projects come in, like my eBay clothing listings, online research or house projects?  And where does blogging fit in? ; )  So this is where I need to ask God to give me wisdom is knowing how to plan my days and weeks and even months, to show me how and when to serve and love--when to make dates to spend time with friends, when to offer my help to friends, when to say yes to requests for help at church. 

But two things I did figure out with this helpful exercise:

1) Self-soothing is at the very bottom of the priority list.  But I need to mentally distinguish between it and self-care better in my mind so I neither neglect myself nor focus on myself to the exclusion of my other priorities. 

2) If I can't do the things on this priority list well, then I really have no business adding to it. 

So, there are where my thoughts have led today.  I would love to know if any of you are working through similar things, and coming up with your own conclusions about what you are supposed to be doing at your particular season of life.  Let's share our wisdom with one another!

more rejoicing! (link fixed)

Do you remember Elijah, the sweet boy who I wrote about and asked for your prayers for? 

His mom Julie just wrote an update for his one-year post-bone marrow transplant anniversary.  It is amazing, joyful news, so please jump over to her post to read!

May God be working wonderfully in your life this season!

pondering stuff

Oh, if you needed a good happy cry this morning, please go read this post by Julia. 

And then go read this update by Lorraine.

I cannot think of better "stories" to read than real-life stories of people saying "yes" wholeheartedly to love.  And I cannot think of a better way to start my day than seeing the happy faces of children who will no longer be cast-offs: unloved, unwanted, unworthy.  Their lives will be forever changed for the better--and so will be the lives of their new families.  And to see a little boy who is sick, but learning even in the midst of it that he is loved, that he is protected--oh, so wonderful.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

On my own home front, I am feeling a tad overwhelmed.  In a good way.  Well, in a "still managing to tread with my head barely above the water" kind of way.  It's all of my own doing--just too many things that I want to do that my perfectionist side won't let me do differently than the most involved way.  And my Dear Husband feels the same as I do, which is the clincher, and so I need to make time for these various projects.  Like selling old clothes on eBay--good stuff of the few brands I buy for the kids that have good resale value.  Hanna Andersson, Oilily, Matilda Jane.  Most old clothes I donate to Goodwill or freecycle, depending upon their condition, but last time I went through the closet and sold the clothes of these brands on eBay, I made $300!  Not bad considering I bought them all on eBay at great prices to begin with, they were usually worn by all three girls, and then I sold them again.  So, it seems like a worthwhile investment of some time--and I would likely be done with the project now, except for our camera breaking this past summer and my husband getting a new, fancier camera that now I have to learn how to use!  So have to figure out how to use the camera.  Then steam all the clothes so they are ready to be  photographed. Then lay them out and photograph them.  Then upload those photos to the computer, resize them, and upload them to eBay.  Make the listings for each item of clothing, with detailed descriptions.  Keep the clothing items sorted neatly so they are ready to be sent out when they are bought.  Then actually do the packaging, labeling and mailing (good thing at least the post office is right down the street from me).  Whew!  That's a lot of work. . . would be so much simpler to give them to Goodwill and list them for a tax write off. . . but that's also a good chunk of money, more than we would get for the write-off. . . So here the school year is beginning, people are buying their kids clothes now, if I'm going to tell them, as both DH and I want me to do, I must get them listed quickly for ideal bidding prices. . . .

Or the bedroom lighting fixture which I need to finish researching so we can order it.  I realize most people would just run down to their local big-box store for a light, or at best go to a local lighting store.  But DH and I can't do that. First of all, we try to be really careful to get well-made stuff--we have no tolerance for crap.  Zero.  If we're going to spend money on it, it's going to work well and last a long time.  Second, we try to be really careful in choosing beautiful things for our home--things that will help elevate it from "shack" to "cottage."  There were el crappo h*me dep*t lights in here when we moved in, and they really looked horrible.  We are slowly replacing them, with things that not only hold up better to lots of use, but which improve the look of our house. The bedroom one was the most decent of any of them, but with the faux ceiling down we can't hang that style of light back up, so need something different.  Well, we figure if we are going to buy a fixture, get one we actually like.  Makes sense, right?  But then there are so many things to consider as I search:  do we want another ceiling light or try wall sconces, the right mounting and how we will hide the wires, what is a safe design for a small children's room with a low ceiling, can we use energy efficent bulbs with that design, what light will complement the overall room, where can I get the light for the best price online, etc. 

So, those are just a few examples of the good, fun projects that should benefit our family, and which DH and I want to do "the right way."  Not really big deals in themselves--but they are just two examples of many things I feel like I need to get done, and as soon as possible.

But then real life is getting in the way!  Our charter school officially started up on Monday, so we're supposed to be jumping into school.  I spent all day yesterday trying to sort out the calendar for the next two months, and being appalled at how quickly days, weeks, weekends are filling up!  I'll spend most of today doing the same kind of thing, and finishing the mountain of dirty clothes and bedding from our camping trip this past weekend.  And this week we have been trying to get in as many martial arts classes as possible for today's testing, and we have been trying to see the friends we have not seen all summer which is so fun but does take a huge chunk of time out of the week. Oh, and I would love to blog about all KINDS of stuff, but seem to only have about 15 minutes in the morning to do it, and sometimes that is even hijacked by kids' needs!

I am NOT complaining--not with the whole first world problems post still fresh in my mind, and with the daily blog-reading reminder of what's REAL and what matters, children suffering, people listening for God's call and then whole-heartedly and joyfully saying yes to being servants of Love--I am instead feeling so aware that here as I start a new school year I need to weigh these kinds of things as God would.  It's not wrong to spend time listing clothes on eBay--and maybe it's the right thing to do, to be a good steward of our material blessings.  It's not wrong to spend time finding the light fixture that will meet our needs best and be even beautiful as well as utilitarian--and maybe it's also being wise with our home improvements.  But then again, I need to manage my time and energy as God-given resources too. 

What does God want my days to look like?  When I spend too much time and effort on things that--in God's big picture--don't really matter, what does that tell me about where my values lie?  Since my husband wants me to do these things too, I am honoring him when I do them, so that's something of which God will approve.  But knowing a wife is an influence on her husband, how am I subtly encouraging our (marital, life) focus to be on things that untimately don't matter much?  How much harder is it for me to be the best mommy I can be when I am immersing myself in what I tell myself are time-sensitive projects and then get short-tempered with the kids for constantly interrupting them?  (please tell me I'm not the only one who struggles with this)  How do projects like these keep me from being the best mommy, the best home-maker, the best homeschool teacher, the best wife, the best steward? 

Feeling like I am putting regular demands on hold for a short time is ok, for good reason--but when this becomes the pattern of my days. . . !  Yet this too easily happens to me, and has been happening a lot since our bit roadtrip, as I get into huge purging  modes, or house projects. . . .

OK, those are my thoughts for this morning.  My kids have also been a MESS emotionally since the weekend camping trip.  Just when I think I am denying them the fullness of childhood by being too much of a homebody and focusing too much on school and homelife. . . we go and give them fantastic experiences, which they love, but which they seem to have trouble recovering from.  It just makes my job as a mom so much harder!  Esp. after a weekend like this past one, where I spent days getting ready for the camping, and then am spending days cleaning up the mess from it and getting everything back where it belongs.  Honestly, it makes me never want to go anywhere.  And this week, when I went out of my way to schedule playdates and fun things to make the most of this last week of summer (I love homeschooling--how else could the first official week of school be the last official week of summer?), I keep grinding my teeth at the irony of how much "reward" they are getting over and over for so much terrible behavior.  (I know, that's not the right way to look at it, but that's the way I feel about it--normally if they can't control themselves I don't let them have a playdate, for obvious reasons, but the playdates this week I set up with the specific purpose of reminding our friends that we love them and are thankful for them, so I did not want to cancel them--that would be the opposite of showing our friends how much we value them!)

Hmmmm. You know, writing this all out has really helped me get Perspective.  My children clearly are in a needy place.  My job is to patiently and lovingly guide them through this needy place back into a place of wellness, whatever that looks like.  And since I don't actually know what that is, specifically (I was trying to come up with a word to describe the psychological and emotional state I want them to be in, but was stumped. Peace? Contentment? Unity?  Confidence? Self-control?  I need a good term for this state, because it encompasses all these things, and more), I won't be able to guide my kids directly there, but I can at least walk along side them and keep them from falling into potholes.

So, I guess they are once again my main and most important project for today, for this week. (Maybe for this month! Sigh.)  But it is good to mentally realize that, and to let that knowledge settle in my spirit.  It IS productive if I am *just* a good mommy today.  It IS the right thing to have at the top of my daily "to-do" list.

Well, after blogging my parental and life wisdom angst that is.  Because clearly I needed to blog this morning to get the ideas processed!

Monday #1: crying and praying (will you join me?)

Dear friends and readers, if you are praying people, would you please consider these needs that are breaking my heart this morning?

Fellow blog mom Julia just wrote about three needs, the first of which I had been following, but the last two new to me, and so grievous.  The first is little Connor, recently adopted by Lorraine over at All Are Precious In His Sight, who was rushed to the hospital last week and who has finally been diagnosed with salmonella in his bloodstream.  This poor little guy, who was so neglected in the orphanage, has finally found a loving family and is starting to grow and thrive, but now is in dire physical state. 

Second are things happening involving orphans in a part of Easten Europe in a region where the officials are corrupt and hard-hearted and don't want the children to be adopted.  Julia's post gives some details, but the bottom line is that the immediate fates of three children now hang in the balance.  One is a little boy whose family is there to adopt him--and might be turned away!  The other two Julia advocated for in this post.  Please follow that link to see the faces of the sweet boys who are so adoptable, that desperately want families, who have a good chance of getting them, unless the officials in charge of adoptions in their regions refuse to let them go.  Friends, I am so not someone who sees Satan lurking behind every misfortune or hindrance, but there are times when evil forces seem to be so apparent, I can almost feel them or see them at work.  After reading so many adoption stories over the years, there are so many times when it seems like Satan is viciously, creatively, methodically at work.  Esp. there are areas of the world that seem to be more prone to evil forces, places where humans do everything in their power to mistreat unwanted children and keep Love from coming in and changing lives for the better.  Places Christians come home from and tell about a spiritual heaviness and best-laid-plans continually, perversely going awry.  The trouble is so prevalent, so consistent in different families' stories, that patterns seem to emerge.  Parts of Eastern Europe--and other places in the world--seem to be under darkness, and for whatever reason God is allowing evil to rein for a short while. 

Third is a tragedy that just befell the son of a woman who is devoted to helping rescue those same orphans--and the timing just does not seem a coincidence. How thorough and creative Satan can be, in his efforts to tear apart families and thwart the spread of love.  This is from Julia's post:

From my friend Renee EMERGENCY PRAYER REQUEST: Please repost- we need every prayer warrior we know praying- our very wonderful facilitator, who has been helping us navigate this tricky adoption and fighting for our ability to adopt C in addition to M & R- her only son, just a preteen, fell out of a tree yesterday in a remote village in our region and was knocked unconscious- it split his head open. He was transported to the hospital here in region- very very bad, the only decent hospital is many hours drive away across bumpy bad road to the capitol city- here in region he had a "Craniostomy" if I heard correctly- some type of brain surgery. He has not still regained consciousness and the doctors can not say at this point if he will even live, much less if he will ever regain full function. It is literally life and death!!!!!! The hospitals are so bad here that the US EMbassy recommends an emergency evacuation to Germany if you get sick- yet this boy had surgery here in region :( :( :( It literally will take a miracle for this child to live- please please please join me in prayer, call your churches, call your prayer chains in your school groups- his name is Nikita- he is their pride and joy, a wonderful young man. We were with them all day yesterday, it happened while he was at a relatives. I just got a call from our sweet facilitator from Emma's adoption begging us to pray- they know our GOD works miracles.

HELP HELP HELP!!!!!!!

Oh, but Lord, please raise up your body of believers to cry out against evil, to raise up those who are trying to be lights in those dark regions.  Please let yourself be glorified through the miraculous overcoming of evil--do not let those corrupt officials  have their way and keep these children doomed to a life of neglect and imprisonment.  Please do not let the Deceiver use this young man's life as one more tool to thwart the rescue of these and other orphans.  Please save his life, and prove that it does not matter how badly one is hurt or how terrible the hospital is, that YOU are the Great Physician and can overcome anything to heal, to repair, to restore.  We have seen you work miracles over and over to rescue children in your name--I plead with you to not let these children be casualties of Darkness.  Please change the hearts of the officials to make them set these children free, and the other children under their "care" in this region.  Please heal this damaged young man, completely.  Please do these things in such a way that everyone who witnesses them and hears about them sees fully that you did them--that you stretched out your hand and acted according to your unfailing love and mercy and justice and goodness. 

Friends, I know these things about God are true--I have seen over and over in my life that He is real, He is active in the world today, He hears, He cares, He responds to the prayers of those who love Him and call upon His name.  I know we cannot comprehend His ways, and so how He chooses to heal, to save, to redeem might not look good to us--might not be the way we want it to end up.  But this morning, I am praying for how I do want it to end up, trusting that He will allow it if it is Good and will do otherwise if His way is Better.

Oh, Lord, show  yourself in these stories!  Pour out your love upon these people, who spend every day working for love, sacrificing for love, trusting you in everything.  Please hear our prayers and answer out of your Might, your Grace, your Faithfulness.

sitting at the computer all day (yay!)

That's not sarcasm in my header.  I confess I am a wee bit addicted to sitting in front of the computer. I know this because if I have to share the computer, I get antsy, even a little irritable.  It's not like I'm on all day--no, there are plenty of other things that need my time and attention, but anytime I take a break from the usual parenting/housewifery/homeschool stuff I want to spend it at the computer.  I do lots of necessary stuff here on the computer every day--emails, research, etc.--but I also do plenty of unnecessary stuff, just because it is fun and relaxing and a nice mental break.  And plenty of stuff that could fall into the unnecessary category, except that it is good for my mind and my spirit--like recent political readings and my favorite blogs--so I think it's time well spent. ; )

But today, sitting down to make my list for the day, I realized I have so much to do online that I'll likely be spending most of the day sitting in front of the computer.  And I feel a little glee about that.  You see, the girls were at a birthday slumber party Sat night, and were a little crabby after I got them home yesterday (understandable--just part of the fun of such kid adventures!).  And while we started our transition back to school last week, and the kids were doing great with getting back into some semblance of routine and diving into the hard stuff like math, our computer disc drive crashed on Friday--such a drag, because the math program I love uses discs, which means we won't be able to do math today.  So I had already decided this morning would be an alternative homeschool morning--mainly a DEAR (Drop Everything And Read) day.  We'll read and practice instruments and do more reading and do some things on our "finishing up the summer goals" list and do more reading, and I'll consider that a good day of homeschooling.

As for me, I'll make a cup of tea and

[total irony--as I was about to write about how I was planning to spend all day in front of the computer, Happy was reading aloud to Smiley but kept getting stuck enough that I left typing and made myself available to her. Then while I was listening and helping, I figured my hands might as well be busy, so I stripped and remade my bed with clean sheets and washed much of the huge front living room window.  Then after she finished the book, I vacuumed behind my bed, made Smiley a snack and started rice for lunch.  See--THIS is really what a day at the computer looks like! ; ) ]

get myself cozy and sit down for some serious "work" at the computer:

--saw today that our fitted bedsheet has finally worn out and ripped in the night.  We have one other set, so I could remake the bed, but time to find new sheets!  The best deals (and best pattern options) are available online, of course.

--have to finish tweaking and resizing the photos from our trip that I'll upload to facebook for my family members to see.  I uploaded a bunch last night, but have a lot more to do.

--I need to finish researching windows so we can get one ordered for the kids' bedroom.  It was so fun getting going on that project during the Week Without Children, and I want to keep the forward momentum.

--I also need to finish researching lights for the bedroom, since we had to take down the old one when we dismantled the ceiling.  At the moment there is no light in there, and bare knob and tube wires (we put caps on the ends of the wires for safety, but it still makes me nervous having wires where kids could reach them if they really had a mind to--good thing my kids are overall good about that kind of thing), so for logical reasons I want to get that ordered.  Again, you get the best selection and best prices online, even if you figure in shipping costs. (But I always check locally to see if they have what I want before buying--sometimes I find a local place can offer me a price close enough to justify supporting local businesses.)

--and while I am researching lights, OH the pretty things I want to show you!  So I might compile my findings into a blog post.  Or two.  Just for organizational purposes, of course.  (Actually, it would make it easier to compare lights and decide if DH and I could see them neatly lined up, so I might decide to blog about lights.  And maybe elicit a few opinions!)

There are other things I could do online too, but those are the ones that actually need to be done soon. 

So, I'm settling down for a long day of lazy productivity! 

Uh-oh.  The sun is shining this morning--the first morning sun we have seen in what seems like weeks (heavy fog this time of year for us, this past week lasting all day long!).  A beautiful day just might put a wrench in my plans. . . ; )

Ah, who am I kidding.  There's no such thing as a list completed around here--or a day completely wasted.  Whatever we do, my main goal is to love my children fully, and to use my time wisely.  Whatever that ends up looking like.

May your day be beautiful and productive and full of love too--whatever that ends up looking like!

more fun with English

from No Agenda Homeschool on facebook.

(And look--they made "Homeschool" a compound word! I guess I'm not the only one who thinks that is logical.  What does it say about homeschool parents that we decide when we can override Websters.  Wait a minute. . . (googling) hey, it looks like homeschool IS an acceptable spelling, and according to Merriam-Webster, the preferred spelling!  And, hey, they say the first known use of "homeschool" was in 1980--it's literally a word created for my generation!  So I guess it's just the spell-check on DH's touchpad that is behind the times.

In briefly looking that up, my eye caught the online dictionary's suggestions for words that rhyme with HOMESCHOOL: ampoule, babul, befool, carpool, cesspool, Dame school, faldstool, gene pool, hangul, Kabul, misrule, old-school, self-rule, tomfool, uncool, whirlpool.  That's just a sampling of the words, but doesn't it read like a poem in itself?!)

Ah, a little word-nerd fun on a Saturday morning. : ) 

blessings this Friday

Ohhhhhh, how hard it is to blog now that the kiddos are back and life is full-speed back into normal!

So, I'm going to make the goal of just posting little tidbits--not make myself try to write full-fledged posts that will take days to write in snatches here and there, if they get written at all!  And what better tidbits to write about than blessings!

#1
This first one is something that is a little deal, but a big deal too.  In my "end of the world as we know it take 1" post last year I confessed that I had been worried for years about various lumps and spots all over me and DH, but seemed to always forget, or procrastinate, or flat-out avoid to call a dermatologist to get checked out.   I did not think about it most of the time, but whenever I would touch or see certain parts of me or DH, I would get a cold wash of fear down my body--worried that since both he and I are at higher than normal risk for skin cancer that we were like ostriches sticking our heads in the sand.  Part of why I had been worried was because the last time DH and I saw a dermatologist, he wanted to cut out about 8 things off of me, and more off of DH, but without giving us reasons for understanding his rationale for doing so, what he was or was not concerned about, etc.  I mean, I can appreciate an ultra-conservative approach to such things and how some doctors would want to be safe and remove anything that was the least bit worrisome; but that doctor had not seemed concerned, more overly casual, cavalier even.  His plan of (literal!) attack did not sit right with me or DH, and so we never followed up to make an appointment for removals.  But then, those lumps and bumps and spots were all still there, and some changing, and more coming. . . my fears were understandable.  My reticence to make an appointment to get checked out by a different Dr. was not.

Well, I not only finally made the call, but I went to the appointment this morning.  What a difference!  The doctor was a youngish man, like the last one, but in practice was so opposite!  He listened to my brief explaination of the prior visit and what I was there to learn today, he looked me over carefully but not obsessively, he was confident in describing to me what he saw with his professional eyes, and he did not find one single place on my body he was concerned about.  I could not believe it.  He named the different spots as various benign things that come with pregnancy and age, and said we would keep an eye on them.  He also confessed that some of his colleagues in the field have been known to be a little "cut-happy," since there is financial incentive for being "proactive" (i.e. there's more money to be found in cutting than consulting).  So, I'm fine.  And I did not even realize how worried I had been until I felt that incredulous joy come over me as I left the office.  Whoo-hoo!  I'll be making an appointment for DH soon!

#2
I got up early this morning to shower and of course had to shave my legs while in there, and then rubbed a little coconut oil over my skin so it had a healthy glow, and selected to wear a modest but nicely matching and fairly new black bra and panty set--nothing motivates such feminine rituals like knowing a strange man is going to be checking you out intimately!  And so when I was in the room with the doctor, sitting there in that faded blue cloth gown, and then pulling it away from various appendages so he could inspect my skin, I was feeling pretty confident.  Even when I had to show him a potentially troubling spot on my bikini line and was sitting there drawing attention to my 4-baby silver-stretchmarked belly. . . I felt oddly really good about myself.  And when he asked to see the backs of my legs and I just stood up without the drape, in my full 40-year-old glory, and he said behind me, "Looking good!" and was of course talking about the lack of potentially dangerous spots on my legs, I smiled in my head, thinking, "And feeling good!"  (Even wearing the coverage equivalent of a bikini I was essentially bared--because even a bikini at the beach is waaaaaaaaaay too much bare skin, too much exposure, not only showing skin but suggesting you think you are attractive in it, which is more emotionally naked than I care to go.)  I have shared with you all before about my insecurities about my aging postpartum body (if any of my lady readers with similar struggles were not here for this post, please feel free to read and know you are not alone).  So it was such a strange, unexpected little bit of liberation this morning to be literally exposed in such a cold, unflattering environment, and in such an emotionally and psychologically vulnerable state--and be completely at ease.  To not only not be embarassed by any of my physical imperfections under such scrutiny, but to even feel good.  I don't mean I felt attractive or beautiful--good gracious!--but just to feel so fine with my own skin was meaningful to me.

Those are the first two!  Hopefully there will be a chance to post more blessings tomorrow!

(This is one of those times when I just don't have time to proofread well before I post--please overlook the errors, and know I value my movie-download-date with my husband more than my own author's ego. ; )

Blessing to all of you tomorrow!