prioritizing energy, time, service

I'm still trying to work through some of the issues I raised in my last ultra-long and boring post--you all know you never have to read the posts in which I am thinking out loud, right?  I write them because they are such excellent ways to work through whatever it is I'm thinking about, and only post them because sometimes one of you emails or comments that you have been thinking about the same things and it was helpful.  Great!  But the rest of you--no offense taken if you wait for photos or humorous out-takes on life in the Little House in the Little Woods. 

So, the issue I was last working through was how God wants me to spend my time and energy right now, here at the start of a new school year, and in this season of my life.  With Smiley now suddenly a little boy and no longer a toddler (seriously--last Spring he was a toddler, and even before we started the trip back from my parents' I noticed how he had grown and matured while we were there!), and with my other girls getting so big and so much more helpful (and even pretty happy to be helpful, when they feel like it ; ), I am feeling bright-eyed and clear-headed and pretty energetic, and even though I have a LOT of things around here I want to do, I am also feeling like I have some wiggle room--and am thinking God might want to use me this Fall semester to serve him in new ways.  I don't mean full-time committment stuff, like joining a choir or heading up a committee, but just having the resources in a week to help and love and support the families he puts in my path.  Things like having some of our friends over for school once a week, or once every other week, so their moms can have time to work, which would bless their families through a time of transition.  Or to make an organic, raw, vegan meal for a family who is facing cancer (and who are using those dietary choices to help fight the cancer)--they have so much to bear, and I can be a blessing to them, even in a little way.  Or to give a date night to a friend who says she and her husband desperately need one.  All of these specific needs are real ones that have come up before me in this past week, things I will try to make happen, to bless these women, these families with that little extra bit of resource I'm feeling I have right now. 

But of course all things need to be in balance, and that's going to be the struggle for me. 

Case in point--I was asked to give announcements yesterday at the 9 a.m and 11 a.m. and 7 p.m. services at our church worship gatherings.  Being momentarily full of energy and optimism, and a desire to serve the Lord wherever He can use me for this season, I said yes.  I was doing annoucements at the beginning of the service, praying before worshipful giving, and then at the end of the service coming back up and inviting people to come pray with someone at the prayer cove, telling visitors where to go if they want more information about our church body, and giving a benediction.  Now, our church is no mega-church with thousands of people, but it is also not small, so of course you can imagine  how doing that might make one's stomach churn a bit.  On one hand, getting up in front of a lot of people is no big deal for me--I was a theatre major, after all, and have taught university students and MC'd film screenings and hosted the SoulKitchen "Conversations," and have even been up in front doing this same thing at least twice before.  But on the other hand, it does not happen so often that it is easy, and the whole time I'm waiting to go up and while I am up there I am really focusing energy to not forget all the things I am supposed to say, and when, and how to say them to sound easy and welcoming and not completely petrified.

And really, it went fine yesterday.  Well, it had its moments: at the first service I started to introduce myself and then all of a sudden the microphone went out and music from some Christian CD filled the air (I think it was the music that had been playing in the sanctuary before the worship music began) and no one could hear me so I stopped talking and just looked up at the sound booth (in the old choir loft) and waited for them to resolve the problem, and when it did not immediately I just smiled and looked at the congregation and started to sway-dance to the music, and when it stopped and the mic came back on, I just said, "Well, that was fun," and they laughed and I launched into the annoucements.  At the second service I realized I had forgotten to say something at the beginning, so I just added it to what I said at the end of the service.  And then at the last service, someone walked off with the hand-held mic I was supposed to use during the service (probably our pastor, who had introduced the guest speaker--thanks Dan Kimball!), so I had to scoot the worship leader aside and strain to use his mic on a stand (I tried to adjust it down, but it was hard to move).  All in all, enough little flubs that I could have been easily flustered and thrown off and not able to speak easily and with confidence. 

And see, that is one reason why I am glad they asked me.  Maybe there are only so many people who are comfortable getting up and speaking in front of large rooms of people, and maybe there are only so many who can do it with seeming ease to help everyone in the room feel comfortable, and maybe there are only so many who could do all that while little things are going wrong to slip them up and make it that much harder.  But that's where my theatre training comes in hand--the show must go on and all of that.  (Once when performing my senior showcase piece there at Taylor University, the powerful, climactic scene from "The Children's Hour," a junebug flew in through the open stage door and right up my dress, with a loud buzz.  I loathe junebugs--strange since I rather admire beetles in general--and immediately screamed and stomped and beat at my skirts until I was sure it was gone--and then took a deep breath and resumed the scene as if nothing had happened. ; )  So if there are not really that many people who could serve in our church body like that, then I am happy to be of service.

And yet. . . doing that one bit of service really wiped me out for the whole day.  DH had to work in the middle of the night (of course they do computer updates on their system when the least number of people will be wanting to use it, usually 3 am on a Sunday morning) so I got all the kids ready and to the church by 8:30, which I am pretty sure is a record for us.  We were there until 1 p.m. and then headed back home, where I rustled up lunch for my crew and then crashed and napped and then laid and read most of the afternoon--I just felt weary to my very bones!  I was reminded yet again that I am at heart an introvert, and get energy from being alone and quiet; being around people--much as I love it--drains me completely.  Then I made dinner for everyone and headed back out at 6:30, made it just in time, and got home a little before 9:30.  And so, that was pretty much my whole day. 

(It really makes one thankful for the people who do this every Sunday, there for all three services every week, doing what needs to happen to create our worship gatherings!)

So I had to wonder--ok, so I can do this in service for the Lord.  But should I? 

Was serving in that way a good use of my time and energies?  The fact that I alternated between stress and collapse throughout the day seems to indicate maybe not.  (But yet, if I only do it once in a while, it's ok to spend the day like that, right? It is a day of rest, after all, which is exactly what I spent much of the day doing.)  And the fact that it was harder to take care of my family--but not impossible in the least, so better planning (like having food made ahead of time) would solve that.

But see, I don't imagine that I will be doing this particular service all that often.  (Except several people in charge said I was a natural. That could be dangerous.)  This was just an example of how I need to evaluate how I think I should be spending my time and energy this Fall. 

So I sat down to try to figure out what the hierarchy seems to be--what makes sense to do, with all my given resources?

And I came up with this prioritization:

In my day:
--first, pay attention to God (read His word, ask Him to make His plan for me clear for the day, bring into my path the people He wants me to love on.)  My spirit needs this for wise mommying and homewifery as much as my body needs food and water.  How will I make good decisions with my time and energy if I am not asking the Holy Spirit to help me distinguish between wise and foolish choices?  Something can look good and wise from the world's view, but not be what God wants me to do, and He's the one who knows best.

--second, self-care.  This one seemed at first like it should be at the bottom of the list, since it felt selfish to put care for myself above caring for my family.  But then I remembered the old comparison between effective mothering and the first rule of airplane safety, which is put on your own air mask before helping others, so that you can help others.  Also, I made the important distinction between self-care and self-soothing.  Tea and chocolate are not self-care, they are my escapes, so they do not take priority over my family. But being wise to eat and get myself ready for the day so that I am ready to take care of my kids--that is necessary self-care, and if I don't do it, I am a much worst mommy, a much poorer servant of the Lord.

--third, my husband.  I know, this is another one that did not feel like it was in the right order.  It seems natural to put the children first, since they are the ones who actually depend upon me for everything.  Ok, sometimes it feels like my husband depends upon me for everything, as I jokingly posted on facebook last week:
DH: So, what is there to eat?
Me: Did you not see the food on the table?
DH: Was it covered?
Me: No, it is sitting there waiting for you. You know, you have the worst foraging skills. I'm doubting this whole Eagle Scout thing.
DH: Well, I found you.

But really, we all know that a good marriage is the foundation for a strong, happy family.  So, it is logical that he should come first in my attention on any given day.  And yet, how often do I actually live this out?

--fourth, my kids.  And this includes cooking nutritious meals for them, clothing them, making sure they get rest, etc. as well as listening to them, helping them learn whatever they need to know to mature into their best adult selves.  They are my most important mission field, and deserve the best of my time and energy.  So taking care of the first things on this list is essential to being the best mommy so that I can love and serve and rear them as I know I am supposed to.  Isn't that something--to think that there are three steps of priority before them, but which all lead to them?


--fifth, school.  Homeschooling is important, and is one of my main jobs at this stage in our family life, and I want to do a good job at it.  This was a good one to get into its proper place on the priority list, because I tend to give other things (like playdates and my own home projects) priority over school.  I mean we do school, but I allow these things to keep me from schooling them my best.

--fifth, home maintenance.  Taking good care of my home is not nearly as important as the other things, but still needs to happen on a daily basis or our home quickly slips into CHAOS (Flylady speak for "Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome").  It is another kind of care for my family and for me, really, and I can't effectively teach or minister to others if my house is wreck.  I need to give home-care it's proper care and attention in order for us to thrive as a family.  But it is not more important than other things, so this seems to be a good place for it in the hierarchy.


So, that is how far I got with the list.  So where does service fit in?  Seems like it must come below all of these--that these items are pretty non-negotiable in their placement.  And where do special projects come in, like my eBay clothing listings, online research or house projects?  And where does blogging fit in? ; )  So this is where I need to ask God to give me wisdom is knowing how to plan my days and weeks and even months, to show me how and when to serve and love--when to make dates to spend time with friends, when to offer my help to friends, when to say yes to requests for help at church. 

But two things I did figure out with this helpful exercise:

1) Self-soothing is at the very bottom of the priority list.  But I need to mentally distinguish between it and self-care better in my mind so I neither neglect myself nor focus on myself to the exclusion of my other priorities. 

2) If I can't do the things on this priority list well, then I really have no business adding to it. 

So, there are where my thoughts have led today.  I would love to know if any of you are working through similar things, and coming up with your own conclusions about what you are supposed to be doing at your particular season of life.  Let's share our wisdom with one another!