on Hot Mom Syndrome

I read a very interesting blog article today, linked from one of the blogs I read, on what the blogger calls "Hot Mom Syndrome."  (And as I typed that my fingers slipped and I ended up with "Sindrome," which is in itself food for thought!) 

I used to be much "hotter" than I am now, and remember being aware of men's occassional looks, and wanting those looks.  Very occassional looks, but hey, you take what you can get. Even after having my second baby I was lookin' pretty good--at least with my clothes on.  But then baby #3 seemed to be the one that tipped everything over the scale, and esp. after baby #4 (and now at 40 years old) I have gained lumps and bulges where we think there shouldn't be, and I've lost a few pretty lumps where we think they should be.  I'm a thin woman, yes, but thin does not = sexy.  No, I can't pretend any more that I am anything but a thin, middle-aged frump, who can sometimes dress up real nice, but is what she is.  I have no illusions.  I like dressing to feel good about myself, so do enjoy chosing comfortable but hopefully flattering clothes, and accessories to help me feel a few years less than ancient.  But never do I fool myself nowadays into thinking that any man finds me attractive--including my husband, which is why that post from blogger Christine hit me so hard.  (And why I also appreciated the beautiful follow-up to that post a few days later on her blog, that is well worth reading.)

But really, being completely insecure about my aging post-partum body is just the flip side of the same issue those self-proclaimed "Hot Moms" are working through.  They are trying to get a grasp on their sense of self-worth, and are using the values of the world to determine it.  I have done this same thing at different times in my adult life, through taking pride in being "sexy" after having two kids (it was a very short-lived phase, by the way), and through wearing my uber-cool job of teaching film studies as a badge to somehow prove to anyone I met that I was more intelligent and interesting than I seemed otherwise. ; ) 


So just because I have no illusions of being a Hot Mom, and tisk tisk at the whole Hot Mom Syndrome, I know I am no better than they are.  I am still struggling with discovering/being content with my identity as me, the Blessed created by holy Design.  Jesus Christ is the core of that--without Him, I would be a very different person, and could not even come close to claiming the fullness of Self that is only possible in Him, and through the redeeming work of the Holy Spirit in me.  But that does not mean that I, myself, somehow get swallowed up in some corporate Christian identity, and have no worthwhile identity outside of that.  No, God made me, His unique Blessed creation, just the way He wanted to.  There is value in me, just as I am created.  There is beauty in me, just as I am, and in my worn body that reflects a bounty of life-giving.  There is intelligence and creativity and wisdom in me too, that is hopefully seen in my life, in how I respond to the challenges of daily living.  (Notice I did not say perfection--far from it!  But all these things are growing in me, daily.) The world does not see these things the way God sees them, and certainly cannot value them as God does.  So I need to keep working on seeing and valuing the way God does--only then can I really see myself, value myself. 

Looking up old posts to link while writing just now, I was surprised and a little chagrined to remember one of my very first posts on this blog, which perfectly demonstrates that looking for and finding my identity and sense of self-worth through God's eyes and not the world's eyes will be part of my life's journey. 

Then again, there's nothing wrong with receiving a well-intentioned compliment, and letting the warmth from any positive human interaction to spread to your soul.  : )  If it is a sin to need so badly to be a sexual object for self-worth, then it is surely an equal sin to denounce my physical self as worthless, as unsexy.  It's a sin against God, against my husband, against femininity, against motherhood, against myself. 


That's what Christine's posts were about--why her posts were encouraging women to see ourselves as sexy, as Smokin' Hot Mamas.  There is beauty, healing, grace in claiming that title when the world (and that little demon of sneering self-doubt in our minds) says we should not.  This is not vanity--this is another form of laying our selves on the altar for Christ.  Another way we give over living lies and instead claim Truth.  Another way we accept His redemption for our bodies/spirits.  Another way we embrace life fully, being content and thankful with what we have been given, and using whatever we have been given to bless others.

(No, really, me embracing my Smokin' Hot Servant of the Lord side has huge ramifications.  Sure, it blesses me and my husband.  It has resulted in four kids, who will hopefully be a blessing to the world. But even the way I view myself will affect my three girls, and the way they view themselves--a view which they might then pass on to their daughters!  The way I view myself might affect other women, who read this blog, or who are friends IRL.  I can easily believe that our distorted view of the world/ourselves in the world's eyes can have a ripple effect, spreading out and very subtly damaging so many aspects of our lives and ministries.

My heart goes out to those Hot Moms.  There but for the grace of God go I.