adding to my taking away

This post is way overdue, for those of you interested in/participating in Lent this year.  Because remember on my last post how I said I was giving up those two things (sweets and grain-based carbs), but would gladly add more to the list if I felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit?

Well, the very next morning, I read something my blog-friend Jessica wrote, and the H.S. didn't nudge, so much as smack me upside the head.  Jessica wrote that she was giving up sweets too--and giving up yelling at her kids.  Oooooooohhhhhh.  Yes, that is the perfect thing to give over to God, and something I have been doing all too much recently (for about a week and a half).  Well, I've been doing a little yelling--but plenty more growling and scolding and fuming and lecturing and generally being a mother who is more than likely inadvertently propagating the whole negative home environment that she is upset with her kids for (supposedly) creating.

My wonderful kids, who have been so amazing in attitude since the New Year, have now for some reason fallen back into some of the negative patterns of last Fall (ugh) and one daughter in particular is all of a sudden being so rude and disrespectful, with her mouth especially, and so self-focused that she does not seem to see how she is treating me and others in our family.  And I have been reacting instead of responding, and it is just not pretty.  Basically it's like I have been on one big pity-party, because how can my darling children treat me like this, after all I do for them, wah wah wah.  I can get over the self-righteous pity part fairly easily--but seem to struggle with what to do instead.  It's like I am having a hard time knowing what a just yet loving, grace-filled yet firm response even looks like sometimes.

Here is a prime example, of a kind of situation that happens sometimes multiple times a day with that one child:
--we need to go somewhere.
--I give the certain child a friendly heads up a few minutes in advance, since she is happily engaged in some activity.
--I usually even give her a minute or two more than I said I would.
--I tell her nicely, "Ok, it's time to stop."
--child immediately starts whining and grumbling about having to stop, and complains I am making her stop at the absolute worst place (in the book, the game, etc.).
--I cheerfully remind her she knew she had to stop in a few minutes, so she could have chosen a better place to stop.
--she continues to fuss
--I firmly but still gently remind her of our family values in how children talk to parents.
--she interrupts me to argue back that she is not doing anything disrespectful, while the whole time her facial expression, body language, and tone of voice are distinctly telling me what she really thinks of me and what I can do with my family values.
--I gently remind her of whatever Biblical principles we are working on living out this week (from verses which I have carefully selected to fit the heart issues we all seem to need to work on), such as letting our gentleness be evident to all, speaking truth, honoring parents, being wise women/girls who build up their homes. 
--she interrupts me to continue arguing and fussing.
--I get firm and say, well, it does not matter if you feel like obeying, we have to be somewhere and if you do not get going you will end up with _______ negative consequence (natural consequences, such as missing breakfast, not having work done, etc), so time to hear me and obey even if you don't feel like it.
--she argues and fusses and insinuates that I am the one causing the problem, because after all she was perfectly happy doing her activity until I came along and spoiled everything.
--now she has pushed one of my buttons--I HATE being held responsible for something that was not my choice or that I had no power over.  Seriously--makes me all wild inside.  So I snap, and start the lecture about how disrespectful she is being, how she needs to take responsibility for her own choices and choose well, how it is NOT ok for her to treat her mother like this, how she is creating a negative environment for everyone and setting a terrible example for her younger siblings. . . you get the idea. 
--at this point typically she either starts pouting or flailing around in a fit of self-centered frustration and even yelling back at me how I don't understand. . .
--at which point I am likely to yell and give her a consequence, like a time out until she can change her bad attitude and turn things around.

Yes, I know: Teenagehood, here we come.

And yes, I am sure this kind of conversation (or breakdown of one) is very common in homes of pre-adolescent girls.  But it is quickly becoming a negative pattern that is played out over and over, just with different things setting off the problem, but always the same dynamics escalating it.  I want to get a grip on it now, so we have a better way of working through these conflicts before the adolescent hormones REALLY kick in.  I know parents have all kinds of different approaches to parenting teens, but one thing I have come to believe (and other parents of teens have confirmed): the whole rebellious teen thing is real, and is likely going to be a struggle, BUT all teens don't have to talk back, be disrespectful to their parents, etc.  Parents have a lot of choice about how they deal with such issues and what expectations they set, and how they walk along with their teens through their growing and learning without letting the teens fall into poor behaviours as a way of life.

From my perspective, as the parent I need to:
--hold her accountable to the truth of her actions/choices (such as not letting her speak lies)
--help her see the likely outcomes of both the wise and the foolish choices
--remind her of our family rules and expect her to follow them
--allow her to experience the negative consequences (both natural and logical) of bad choices
--model grace even under fire
--model self-control (and how to keep control when you are getting mad)
--model forgiveness, and how to seek restoration of right relationship, even if you don't quite feel like it

(And other things I am sure I will think of later that I will wish I had written)

But the ways I have been trying to do these things just don't seem to be working--or maybe it's just that I let them all fly out the window as soon as she pushes my button.  It is just hard for me in this particular kind of conflict respond with wisdom and grace all the way--because even when I start out all patient and firm and loving and just, she just argues and fusses and will. not. stop. until I start "making her" stop by fussing and arguing louder and stronger than she is!  I need to learn a better way of handling it, so that I am truly part of the solution and not part of the problem.

So, anyone who feels like they can offer advice, please feel free!  Um, please model gentle correction, though, ok? 

ANYWAY, I did not sit down to write that whole thing, because actually the girl in question was much better yesterday, still sassing with her body language and attitude at times, still not obeying well, but overall being a pretty nice kid to be around.  So this is really not a rant, but just a spelling out of something specific I am needing to work on--and can really, happily give over to God for Lent.  Even if I still struggle, I can do my best not to lecture or scold or yell.  I want to "Let my gentleness be evident to all [for] the Lord is near" (Phillipians 4:5)  And I want to be "The wise woman [who] builds up her house" and not the foolish woman who "with her own hands tears hers down" (Proverbs 14:1).  And I want  live out "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Proverbs 15:1).   All the verses the girls and I are trying to live out these past two weeks--but I can't expect them to, if I don't!

Lord, take this offering of my own self-focused negative words and teach me as You see fit this Lenten season!

That's it for now.  I'll let you know how it goes. ; ) 

And now I feel compelled to wrap this up with how much I love my kids and am so blessed by them:  the other night we went to a church event with a lot of families we did not know.  It was actually one of the most fun events I have been to in a long time, and it was at this HUGE house, and DH and I pretty much let our kids have the run  of it, and they played nicely with other kids, and were overall respectful of the home and safety and the toys and things there), and they spoke nicely with the adults and they ate the food that was before them, and they smiled and didn't make messes and didn't fuss, and overall made me SO HAPPY.  Not that my happiness depends upon my kids' behavior (ok, that's another concept I'm still working on), but when you have a "large" family and homeschool, people are always looking at what your kids do and judging you.  (Ok, at least I am sensitive to this.)  And that night, our kids made us look GOOD.  ; )

Hope you are all having a good start to your week! 

1st Day of Lent--let the withdrawl and worship commence

This is the very first year I have actually looked ahead on the calendar and tried to think ahead for my participation in Lent.  The first few years I would plan on doing something, but never quite thought through that approximately 40 days before Easter means Lent would begin around the end of February.  So every time, I figured out it was Lent sometime about a week (or more!) into it, and would jump in feeling more than a little pathetic for being so late. 

Last year I found myself looking forward to Lent, but even then, I forgot to actually write down Ash Wednesday on the calendar, so it was the first day of Lent before I realized it!  But hey, there's spiritual significance even in procrastination and negligence. ; )  Here's what I wrote then:*

I love Lent. I have actually been anticipating Lent this year, knowing I sure needed a really Good reason to shake some bad habits that have been creeping upon me this past year, but not quite able to make myself start sooner. In fact, I was not even able to make myself start on time. Yesterday, Ash Wednesday, was actually the first day of Lent, but I used it to pray about what I was really supposed to be giving up ('cause as a Christian, if Lent is not about renewing the dialogue of faith between me and God, then something is wrong). . . and to gorge on chocolate, you know, in preparation for giving it up for the next 40 days. Eh, my imperfections and His grace are what this is all about, so it's ok. ; )

No, really, Lent is a human tradition, not some holy sacrament, and I actually enjoyed starting the official first day indulging in something I was "supposed" to be abstaining from as a way of reminding myself that giving these things up are my choice and the more I enjoy them, the more of a gift they are when I give them over to God. And I liked starting out "fallen," so there was no urge for self-righteousness, or the legalistic (and self-elevating) pride in deed that would make Lent about me and not about God. I mean, it is about me, and what God wants to do in me, and me stripping down and saying, "Take whatever pleases you, Lord, and just fill me with You." But the reason for the giving, the beauty in it, the trust and love and freedom through it--those are all from God, and will ultimately have nothing to do with what I do or do not do for the next 40 days.

That's pretty much where I am again.  I have really been looking forward to Lent this year, and even had it on the calendar, so I'm here and ready!

On the altar this year:

--All sweets, yes, including my beloved dark chocolate. 

--Just like last year, I am going to be avoiding carbohydrates as much as I can.  So, virtually no bread or pasta or white rice for me for the next 46 days!  I'll let myself have a little brown rice and quinoa sometimes, but mainly will rely upon veggies for my starches (like potatoes, sweet potatoes).  In fact, most of my diet will be cooked veggies, in various yummy forms.  Veggies and lot of dairy.  And the occassional foray into meat.  

From my gluten-free/ultra-low-carb Lenten experiment last year, I know it is really, really hard to go totally wheat free when I am also mostly vegetarian and--the hardest of all--when I am allergic to most raw fruits, veggies and nuts.  So, when you get those allergies into play, and realize I can't just eat an apple or carrot when I am hungry like most of you can, you understand why I am not being militant about this low-carb thing.  I am still a busy homeschool mommy, and I need some foods I can eat without a lot of preparation!  So one Lenten indulgence will be whole-grain rye crackers.  Those are fairly good for you, and are also fairly low on the glycemic index, so they will be fine for my blood sugar.  Another will be organic white cheddar popcorn--another semi-healthy quick and yummy snack that has some protein to offset the carbs. 

The goal here is to give something up that I have grown to depend upon--in this case, too many carbs--that I know are not good for me, but which I don't feel like going without.  So, giving it up as a gift to God at Lent gives me a really good reason to be purposeful and strict with myself.  Choosing to give up things that are bad for my body has spiritual significance, as our bodies are God's temple.  And since I WILL be going through withdrawl, and will want those carbs (and those easy meals!) and those sugars (farewell, peanut M&M's for breakfast) very much, I will be CONSTANTLY reminded of all manner of spiritual things, like the bounty of foods that surround me here in my home, in my groccery store, in our nation--an overflow of blessing.  Like how I am dependent upon whatever I tell myself I need--so, what do I really need?  (And what am I unconsciously elevating in status above God?)  Like how I desire to be at peace no matter what, and want to be able to say, with the Apostle Paul, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" (Phillipians 4:12). 

In the past, I have given up way more things, but this year I know this will be about all I can handle (and the real things I sense are altar-worthy).  But if there is more (i.e. if I get nudges in my spirit that I am just transferring my food compulsions to a different outlet), I will let it go too, willingly.  Gladly.  I am ready for my seasonal renewal! 

Anyone else celebrating Lent this year?  Let me know what you are doing in the comments!



*Those of you new to my blog, I did not grow up practicing Lent, but LOVE it--not just for the awesome right-with-God things that come out of it, but for everything it does for me. I give up good and major stuff, and so when Lent comes around, it is a game changer. In such a good way. If you want to know about why I started doing it, or what I have done in the past few years, please feel free to visit the "Labels" list on the lower right-hand sidebar, and click on "Lent."

peanut butter pops

The other day I needed a quick snack for the kids that would not take them long to eat, wouldn't be very messy, and would give them some good energy. 

Voilà! 

I know some people give their kids "peanut butter spoons," but I had never tried (and to be honest, I am wary of giving the kids too much pb, since I am mildly allergic to it, so we only have it at most twice a week).  But on a whim, I made generous scoops of peanut butter on individual spoons, and then rolled them in a mix of raisins and shredded coconut (leftover from our holiday baking) in a little bowl.  The kids LOVED them, and licked them down in a flash, and they were so easy, and since the tasty tidbits stuck to the pb they did not even make a mess. 

You could make a mix of almost any chopped dried fruit, seeds, nuts--whatever sounds good. (I also stuck a couple of chocolate chips on the spoons too--not as healthy, but a little sweet surprise. ; )

So, just thought I would share the idea! 

hibernating

After the holidays are over, I start my winter hibernation.  It is a subtle thing--I sit more, I stay inside more, I talk to friends less, I initiate less, I do less to improve my home, I get out and do less.  I think it is partly a psychological response to the busyness of Fall and the holidays.  And also because with the Fall usually really busy we end up doing what I call "Bare bones school"--what some would call "school lite"--and so come Spring we all need to really buckle down and dive into our schoolbooks for a few months of real focused learning.  And then too, this time of year is about when the rains come, and when it pours here, it pours bathtubs, often for days on end, which means even if it not currently raining, it is really wet and muddy outside.  It's logical to stay indoors more.  And the STAR testing is coming up in March, and I always want to get as much review/learning of the core standards in before then, and so usually start "teaching for the test" around this time of year.  And it used to be that we had school activities in the Fall semester that we did not do in the Spring, so Spring has always felt just quieter and less stressed--to my mind, more a time for being still.  I think too the allergy thing has a lot to do with my tendancy to hibernate in winter.  It makes sense--you don't feel good, you certainly don't feel like being out and about if you don't have to be. 

I have noticed that I am definately hibernating, right on schedule.  BUT it is a little strange, too, because I don't have nearly as many reasons to.  The weather has been gorgeous this winter so far--very little rain.  My allergies let up sometime this past week, and so I have noticed I have renewed energy, am sleeping well (although not necessarily feeling rested, since this past week I have not been getting to bed nearly as early as I should), and am clear headed.  Thank you, God, for the trees that bloom, but mostly for all the months in the year when they don't. ; )  We are much better prepared for STAR testing than I felt like we were last year (and even then, Sunny did fine and Merry did very well, but less than the highest scores feel like a bad grade on my homeschooling.  And I think it is only fair to my girls that if we are going to take the test--our public charter requires it, which I don't mind because I am so happy with the opportunities it affords us, literally--that I prepare them to do well on it).  We did not do one of our big Fall classes this past year, so I got to do lots of good schooling all Fall, so don't feel like we are lacking much. 

But I am still sitting a lot.  And staying inside.  And not talking to friends as much.

Hibernating can be just part of a normal year cycle for me.  There's nothing wrong with it, and there are usually understandable reasons for it. 

BUT.  I am really trying to be good about Living Fully, and this year while I needed the usual post-holiday/fighting allergies slump, it feels like it is over much sooner than usual.  I have noticed that this past week, the first week of normalacy after the annual allergy attack, I have been waaaaaay less contented with hibernating.  It feels like it is time to Get Up and Get Out. 

--Which means making a point of getting us all out of the house for fresh air and exercise, so I have been purposeful about that this past week, even when I didn't feel like it (because it's hibernation time, doncha know?).

--Which means planning social/academic special activities for me and the kids, even if they are a lot of work.  Like planning TWO homeschool parties for our church homeschool group, and planning two more just for us and some friends!

--Which means getting busy problem solving some of our design issues for upcoming house projects.  (this is actually fun, now that my brain is functioning well--it's basically lounging and thinking creatively with pen and paper, and looking up stuff on the web.  I could do it for hours! ; )

--Which means actually starting to implement some things around the house that I have been thinking of/wanting to do for the past year, at least.  No time like the present!

The main thing I have noticed I am not ready to do is reconnect with people. 

I know everyone thinks I am really outgoing and social--and I am, but that does not make me an extrovert.  I realized that one time while talking about the Meyers-Briggs personality type tests with my sister-in-law, and we were comparing how similarly we scored, even though we don't seem very similar on the outside, mainly because I'm a talker and not at reserved.  So we started looking into what--according to that test--makes a person an introvert.  I'll never forget when she read aloud that an extrovert gets energy from being with people, while an introvert gets drained from being with people and has to be alone to recharge.  THAT IS ME.  Yes, I am talkative, friendly, social, love being with girlfriends and doing fun activities.  But it drains me completely.  Even the other night, I was at a Soul Kitchen meeting (the ministry for women at Vintage Faith), and got to hang out with amazing women, including my dear Becky, for over two hours, talking about all kinds of important and good stuff.  And when I got home, I was absolutely wiped out.  DH had been taking care of the kids all evening (he even let them stay up to make valentines, so really was on-daddy the whole time I was gone), and commented that I should be refreshed from my evening, that HE was the one who should be complaining of being tired. ; )  And that would be true if I was a true extrovert and was filled up in energy from such an event.  I was refreshed in spirit, yes.  But my body and mind?  All extroverted out. 

So, it is interesting to see how that is the one part of me that is still hibernating.  It's like the holidays take so much more out of the physiological batteries than the rest of the year, so it takes me longer to get back into the full social swing of things.

So, if you have not heard from me recently, please don't take it personally!  I have not forgotten you, and will be getting more social one little playdate at a time. : )

Hope you have all had a good week so far!

my fantasy

and now, laughing

From the new little humor blog Homeshool Ryan Gosling

No, really.  If you homeschool, go look. A couple of those almost made me spit out my tea.

I am not really in the whole pop culture realm, so did not realize there was any meme going around--but it does not take a PhD to figure out it's all about the fantasy of a smokin' hot husband encouraging our worst best homeschool urges. 

Oh, wait.  Some of us don't have to fanticize.*





*giggle, snort, snort, giggle-giggle, snort, wiping eyes, sigh.

crying #3

#3
So, this one probably makes much more sense with the understanding that a) I cry at the drop of a hat, and b) yesterday I was unusually tired and emotional.

I have been researching potential materials for our Korea studies for a few weeks, and have became fascinated by North Korea.  I mean, the whole idea of that country is fascinating, esp. to us Americans--not only because we are all about freedom, and they are a completely closed-off totalitarian police state, but also because we Americans are their sworn enemy.  Hatred of American devils is part of the very core of their nation's ideology. 

So I have come across quite a few interesting materials on the topic of foreigners in North Korea in the past month. 

 This one did an excellent job of conveying subtleties of culture and thinking that kids would never appreciate, so don't be misled by its graphic novel format. 

A National Geographic special "Inside North Korea" was very powerful and--literally--eye-opening.  I highly recommend it.  (It's available as an Instant Viewing selection on Netflix--bonus!)


And then there is The Pyongyang Concert, also available through Netflix but only as a DVD  mailed to your home.  It was made to document a momentous occassion--when the New York Philharmonic was invited by the North Korean government to perform in its capital city.  The DVD has two parts--the full concert, and a documentary made about the overall experience of the concert.  (Be sure to select "english subtitles" on the documentary--you don't want to miss what the North Koreans are saying.) I watched the documentary a few days ago, and did not think I would watch the concert, since the documentary would likely give the highlights.  But after the documentary was so good it made me cry--several times!--I thought I would give a listen to the concert as well. 

So, yesterday morning while I ate breakfast, I was having such a hard time waking up without being cranky that I thought it might be a good time to watch some of the concert.  I thought the kids might like to listen to the music while they were doing their morning routines, and I would wake up more fully and be soothed by something beautiful. : ) 

And, once again, I found myself crying.  Oh, goodness--The Star Spangled Banner has never sounded so glorious, even after the Philharmonic did a beautiful, strong and respectful rendition of the North Korean national anthem.  And the faces of the people in the audience--I was riveted.  What are they thinking?  What are they feeling?  Is it safe for them to show pleasure, or is that dangerous?   Are they seeing something attractive in this presentation of their "enemies"?  Are they searching for meaning in the faces of the musicians as much as I am in theirs?  Why did they give a standing ovation for that one song--because it sounded warlike and proud, like the music of their own regime?  But then what did they make of the gentle and stirring traditional Korean melody that was presented so specially for them?  The young North Korean man up in the very back, who stood when no one else did, who clapped and waved all alone--what moved him to such recklessness?  Has his enthusiasm for this American spectacle hurt him or his family?

Anyway, it was all really good.  If you are interested in the topic, these are all very accessible things, and I think I appreciated the concert all the more for understanding some things I read in the book. 

---------------------------------------------------------
So, there you have it.  The big three reasons why I was crying yesterday. 

Who knows what will set me off tomorrow.  But I am sure it will not take much.




 

crying #2

#2: (which I mostly wrote yesterday)

So, this part is for the ladies, my sisters in spirit, my girlfriends. Gentlemen, please excuse us.  Thank you.

  Christine over at "Welcome to My Brain" does this annual event that she just this year re-christened "Sexuary." It is something that is so bold, so amazing, so sister-strong, and I am totally convicted by it. Last year, when I stumbled upon her series, I was in a heart-heavy, romantically dead place. Hey, it happens. My emotions are just too tied up with my body, and with my spirit, and it is almost impossible for me to separate them. Maybe I'm not supposed to. But then if one part of me is hurting, it affects everything else, and sex with my husband--the way God intended, a full joining of body and spirit and heart and purpose--is impossible. Now, I know most of the time sex is nothing like any ideal, and partners are often tired, out of shape, incommunicative, complacent, insensitive, stuck in a rut. . . whatever. Basically, our sex lives are no different than the rest of our lives, and while we all have our fantastic moments, usually we live in some range of pretty good to just ok. And that's ok.

But last year, even though my heart did not feel like it, I closed my eyes and jumped into it, and DH and I "participated" in the celebration last year, in our own way. And it was really good--yeah, yeah, that way too, but I'm talking about for my heart, my spirit.

Then, since I turned 40 last Fall, I have been really wanting to shake things up a bit for myself, choose to make the last half of my life even better than the first. I am still the same flawed person I was in my 30's, but hopefully a little wiser. I see so many ways I am not living life well, living fully, and I want to change those things. I want to live life to its fullest, and am targeting specific things to do differently this year. I hope to blog about some of those ways as I grow and stretch this next year.

Now, this topic of sex is one that, as you can imagine, is a little too personal to actually write about. Except it is really not about sex--it is about loving fully, accepting my sagging 40-year-old body fully, shedding past hurts fully, trusting God fully, submitting my fears and pride and heart fully, embracing Truth fully. Those things I can write about. ; ) And those things were all in my head and heart when I read the first "sexuary" post weeks ago--and I cried. God is talking to me, sisters. He has Good things in store for me, and this is clearly one area in which He wants to heal my wounded spirit and lift me up. (And now I'm crying again. But it's ok--better to be crying than to be closed off.) And read this post today--and cried.

So, ladies, sisters, girlfriends--if you are a married woman,* I strongly urge you to jump over and read those posts, and consider what's going on with you and your man.  And let me just suggest, that one's sex/heart/spirit life is never too good for a fun boost (esp. to marital morale).  Conversely, if you are feeling the least bit threatened, sad, scared, heart-heavy or heart-hard after reading those posts, you are not the only one, and this might be a time for you to stretch yourself and consider what's going on.  You might find the experiment growing, healing, liberating.  At the very least, your husband will likely be really happy, and you might be able to milk that to your benefit.  ; )



*Christine's posts are so honest, so true, and she has created a space in which women are encouraged to be vulnerable, to speak freely--which makes these posts so good for women, but inapporpriate for young'uns.

Monday morning, crying

I don't know what is wrong with me this morning.  All I know is I woke up tired, but that's nothing unusual.  I was getting Sunny ready for her Monday school class (yes, this year she actually goes to "school" one day a week, with other 6-8 graders, from 9:30-2) when my sweet friend Sara called and offered to pick her up and take her to school, as they also go to Monday school, and had an appointment right down the street from us beforehand.  Wow, what a treat!  So, I did not have to rush, and could make a cup of tea and toast and sit down for my favorite morning blog read while the other kids were doing their morning routine. 

And pretty much from that moment on I have been crying. 

It's so odd, too, how completely different the things are that are hitting me so hard today: orphans, sex, and the New York Philharmonic.  Let's see what I can get time to write in the moments I have. . .

#1:
I know I have mentioned the amazing, heartbreaking story of Katie before.  Her mom's blog, The Blessings of Verity, over on my sidebar, has been one of my favorite reads for the past several months.  With every post it's like I get to (virtually) hang out with a smart, wise, spiritually-mature woman who shares her insights about things that Matter.  And every post that is about Katie is such a blessing--the photos and stories are the very process of Redemption. 

This morning's post was powerful in itself, but one of the stories to which it linked just had me bawling.

And if that is not bad enough, another post by the same author is just so heart-breaking.  I confess to you all that I can understand why the orphanages in Eastern European countries hide away their Down Syndrome and other mentally handicapped kids and adults in institutions.  They have never seen a healthy DS adult, and so only see mental disability and think that means the child is "broken," "defective," and somehow thus unworthy of love.  Well, somehow this diminishes the personhood of the child/adult, and it is easier to then stick them away out of sight, out of mind (out of conscience), and everyone assumes it is perfectly ok to do so, since the child will never understand what he/she is missing.  Because how would a child/adult with mental disability know what love is, what care is, what healthy human interaction is, what their value is?   And what they don't know won't hurt them, right?

So, I totally get the (flawed, sinful, and tragic) logic behind the way children with mental handicaps are stuck away in institutions, even as I am so thrilled when big-hearted people go to such lengths to rescue them and show the world how wrong it is when it evaluates people so coldly.  BUT the thing I don't get AT ALL is children who have NO mental delays, who are cognizant, fully intelligent, personable, but who just have some physical handicap.  Children who have physical needs, but who are psychologically and mentally perfectly normal children trapped in problematic bodies, but who are STILL stuck away in mental institutions, for lack of better place to put them!

See, I can get how it is easy to stick a child in an institution who you don't think can understand what is happening and why, and who you don't think is capable of any other living.  It would be much easier to pretend that child is not a person, a soul, just like you.  But how could anyone stick a child in such a place who can look you in the eye and reason with you, who is fully aware of what you are doing to him?  I just can't comprehend it.


And yet, there is always hope for the hopeless.. 

Ok, I have written more, but it is not done, and all the while I have been helping kids with school, parenting a very three-year-old. . . I'm out of time sitting down.  So consider this part one, and hopefully I will get to finish later!

Smiley's big-boy haircut

I cut all the hair in our family, except my own.  (For me I splurge on the quarterly CostCutters visit--it is just too obnoxious trying to do a decent job on my own bangs.) Smiley has had two haircuts from me previously in his life, the first I think just over a year ago.  That first "real" haircut happened by accident; his bangs were in his eyes, so I intended just to trim them, but then had to trim around the ears too. . . but I hated to cut off the adorable curls in the back. . . and when it was all said and done I stepped back and gave a horrified cry, "I just gave my son a mullet!" 

After the shock wore off, he started to look pretty darn cute in it, actually.  Like an adorable little two-year-old boy should look (at least to my Central Illinois late 70's-early 80's memories of childhood ; ). But, alas, I am pretty sure this happened a year ago, at the same time that our computer crashed, and as far as I can tell, any pics of him in his first mullet are part of the data that was lost. 

Then I meant to give him a haircut this summer, before my family came out, and it just did not happen.  I was so crazy busy trying to get stuff done before they came, and the haircut was in the category of "would like to happen," and to be honest, I never quite made it out of the "I'll just die of embarassment if that is still like that when they get here" category.  (Thank you, family, for politely averting your eyes from some of the things that you would think any decent housewife/daughter/sister would have taken care of before such a monumental visit.  Sigh.)

My little tousled surfer boy.

But when my cousin Stacia's wedding came up in the Fall, I had to do something, and kinda just grabbed locks of hair and cut them off while we were walking out of the door.  Yes, it was that good.  But at least his hair was out of his eyes again (and I cut off some of the back, so there was no more outgrown mullet, blech) and so he did not look terrible for the wedding (and Disney!) photos:

But by the time the holidays came around, my little guy was looking pretty shaggy.  Below is the day we went to cut down our Christmas tree:

He's still so cute, of course. ; )  But I'm not a fan of long hair on boys, and had previously only been hesitant to go short for two reasons:  a) I had not wanted to lose the adorable baby curls at the back, and b) I did not want him to all of a sudden look like a big boy.  Yes, I confess, I did not want to lose my little  boy any sooner than I had to.  But with the pre-wedding haircut I had finally trimmed the curls in the back off, and it looked like they were not going to be growing back (sob), so there went that reason.  And he was looking like such a mophead, I knew it was time for the "big boy" haircut.

You're going to do what with those scissors? 

Just kidding.  Could not resist sticking in a random but adorable pants-on-the-head-while-on-the-potty pic.

And so, the day before we went up for Christmas with DH's parents, I cut Smiley's hair. And I was so pleasantly surprised to find that he did not look less like a toddler, but did look oh so much cuter!

Not bad for a scissor cut on a wiggly three-year-old.  Mom and Dad, these are the pics from when we were talking on the phone together, and I told you that Smiley got his phone and was pretending to talk to you too, next to me on the bed.  It was over the top adorable. 

Ohhhh, I love how his haircut shows off his sweet, oh-so-kissable cheeks!  And his hair off his forehead brings out his bright brown eyes. 

Mmmmmmmmmmmm.  I just can't get enough of my boy, and his haircut made him all the yummier.  : )

He is a blessing to my heart, even when he is being VERY "three," as we say, and I am always mindful to enjoy every moment I get.