Better Mommy Blogs #2: welcome to my brain

My so thoughtful sister sent me lots of great photos last night--yay!--and so with those and mom's I will work on the family fest wrap-up later today.  Betcha can't WAIT for that.  Well, betcha you can't see what I look like when I'm cold and worn out and my hair is a billowing mess, like in too many of the photos mom and Rebecca gave me.  Well, I still love the photos, for the slice of life they represent, and the good family fun they show we had!  But they may not make their appearance on this blog.  But they just may show up in the annual Christmas calendar Rebecca makes and gives as gifts every year, so my pride may yet take its fall. 

(Jessica, if I post one of the hair-mess photos, you will immediately be even more content with your hair-covering. ; )

But in the meantime, I wanted to share a couple of more recent posts from some of the blogs that help make me a better mommy.  Today's two posts are from the blog Welcome to My Brain, at which author and "Trauma-Mama" Christine writes about everything from healthy food to hoola-hooping to RAD to adoption to choosing to love those the world tells us are not worth much.  That last category is probably the one that God has used to nudge my spirit most often this past year, but her parenting tips are also invaluable.  Now, keep in mind these blogs I am featuring are by parents who are trying to nurture children who have been traumatized by early abuse and neglect, by adoption, who have Reactive Attachment Disorder and/or Fetal Alchohol Spectrum Disorder, Sensory Processing Disorders and who knows what else.  So to parent their kids in the best way to address those issues, they do things that don't fit what most of us would consider a normal parenting paradigm, like what Lisa wrote about in the post I linked to yesterday.  Some of what these parents do is so heart-wrenching in how they keep extending love and grace even when the kid is doing everything possible to twist it all back into hate and ugly that they then use as self-defense against the parents' love.  That's the heart of RAD--the more the parent loves, the more the kid is threatened, so the more the kid lashes out to hurt the parent.  (Here is an article Christine linked from her blog recently that explains one aspect of this well.) But some of these parents manage to keep on giving the love, and some of their kids start to heal.  Most of these parenting tips I have found to be just as applicable to my own kids, and they help remind me to engage with my child, not just react to the behavior I don't like. 

And then some of the other parenting strategies I have learned about this past year go the other way--not extending love and grace in a gentle theraputic way when the kid is hurting, but using humor and light-heartedness to help keep the trauma in control and in perspective.  As Christine says, they often have to "out-crazy the crazy."  And these are some of the BEST parenting ideas--useful to any of us mommies of neuro-typical kids when it is late in the day and the kids are crabby and start whining and fighting!

So, two pieces from Christine's blog.  First, a piece she shared the other day about something pretty much all moms struggle with--the balance between being "selfish" and giving priority to ourselves, esp. taking necessary time out for ourselves:

I'm happy to be teaching my kids such a valuable lesson, and living out how to make that possible ... and good:

I am important. My passions, my interests, my thoughts, my creativity, my doubts, my answers, my desires, my growth, my fun.

Important.

Vital.

Not more important. Not more vital.

But certainly not less.


What a lie we tell ourselves, and let our current parenting culture tell us, that somehow we are being a bad mommy for wanting to be away from our kids sometimes, and for taking time out for ourselves, even daily.  I remember reading somewhere years ago about how we mommies need to take care of ourselves before (i.e. so that) we can take good care of our families--like how the airline safety demonstrations show parents to put on their own oxygen mask before putting them their kids.  Why?  Because if the parents' aren't breathing, the kids are pretty much screwed.  When I first read that anology, it made perfect sense--and yet over the years I have still struggled with the guilt of being "selfish" in taking time out and treating myself.  There is a balance that is heathy and good--and telling myself/my family that my needs don't matter is certainly neither healthy nor good.
 
Second, one of the "out-crazy the crazy" posts, that made me LAUGH.  I am SO trying this at home, kids. 

It's Like Love Incarnate

(you MUST listen to the music to get the full effect)

And it works. The kids are gearing up and getting whiney and fighting, this is in my head, and my heart finds a chuckle and that helps me help the kids move past the yucky with grace a humor!  My kids listen to and respond to a mommy who can laugh.

Hmmmm. Now I am thinking I'll have to post one of those terrible-hair photos, just to prove I can laugh.  : )