struggling to keep my spiritual chin up (UPDATE)

I couldn't decide what to name this post, the first title that came to mind being "Crappity crap CRAP."  'Cause that's what I have been saying in my head since Thursday night at 10 p.m. when my in-laws called to say they wanted to come this weekend. 

crap.

My parents left Thursday morning.  I was babysitting all Friday afternoon.  Not much time to wash all the laundry, including the bedding from the in-laws' motorhome and get it cleaned and ready for them.  (My dad did a great job tidying up when they left--it looks great, but I need to vacuum and wipe things down and remake the beds so it is completely ready for them tonight)  And do all the cleaning here in the house that I have been letting slip while my parents were here, because a) who wants to be cleaning when you have company in the house, and b) my parents are so gracious that I knew they were not thinking bad things about me for not keeping up the housework perfectly.  But now it's all coming back to bite me in the butt. 

sigh.

Normally DH's folks would be arriving early this morning, but they emailed yesterday to say they will be arriving in the afternoon, and leaving Sunday afternoon--a short trip.  They are doing it because FIL had driven our Subaru up to his place to work on it, and now they want to return it to us, all working as it should.   a) SO thoughtful of FIL to use his amazing auto-mechanic skills on our car, which I guess had really needed it; b) SO thoughtful of them to want to bring it back down here so we can be using it (it's the gas-efficient car DH normally drives to work).

And yet, what a burden on them. Which MIL is sure to let us know about this weekend.

sigh.

See, this is the thing with DH's parents--they go incredibly out of their way to do loving things, to buy stuff, using their time and skills and money to support us in the ways they think we need to be supported.  This is, in its core, such a beautiful thing.

And it should be awesome all around--them using their gifts to love their son and his wife and their grandkids, us being the grateful recipients.  But the fact it, this is a fallen world, and sadly our relationship has traditionally been a reflection of that.   So all of that generous giving is not done freely--it feels like there is always guilt and condemnation attached.  We almost never ask them to do these things for us--they see a need, and they insist upon meeting the need.  That is truly rare, and amazing. But then the good of the deed is too often skewed, slightly, by negative words, and judgements, and ends up not feeling like the blessing it is meant to be.  And then we don't respond with the fullness of love and gratefulness that we should, which just continues the fallen cycle.
 
sigh.

Recently things have been really good with them--in fact, probably the longest "good" period we have ever had.  But when we last saw them, the weekend we drove up to drop off the kids for their week of VBS, MIL and I had a strange and disturbing altercation--something completely out of the blue, which hearkened back to the earlier days when we really struggled with one another interpersonally.  Unfortunately, it happened right before we parted, and so I don't think MIL and I had found complete resolution before it was time for DH and I to leave.  So Thursday night, when they called and said they wanted to come, I got this terrible feeling of dread.  We have had such a fun month of family and "vacations" of all sorts, but we have not been just our own family unit for a long time, and all the disruption of normality is finally taking its toll on us, esp. the kids, who are struggling with being their best selves this week (they even acted out in front of my parents this past week, which says something).  

So yesterday, I sent what I thought was a really friendly email talking about some of the things we had going on this weekend, and ideas for what we could all do together, but made sure to suggest some healthy boundaries that I think my family needs:

. . . So basically, unless you have a specific project in mind, we were thinking of making this a family fun weekend, : )



Whatever we decide to do, I do want to give you fair warning that we are all a little tired from our long adventuresome month, and so I think on this end we need to keep things lighthearted and positive. So we'll be avoiding all hot button topics of conversation this weekend--we just don't have it in us. ; )

Unfortunately, MIL's response was not good:

[first wrote about how exhausted they are from all their duties up there, and how hard they have been working]. . . Have no idea what you mean by "Hot Topics".  (The insinuations in that paragraph are rather offensive.)

sigh.

So I tried to give a positive, perfectly clear response:

Hot topics--you know, those topics that seem to naturally come up when we are together here in Santa Cruz but yet can easily turn negative if we are not careful.  I was not intending to insinuate anything; I was coming right out and requesting that we not talk about anything that sometimes ends up negative.  Esp. since we are all exhausted (for different reasons) and speaking for myself, I am finding today that I am depending upon good humor and God's grace. : )  We have been so blessed in our interactions with family this past month, and are looking forward to a good time with you this weekend.


Didn't work.  Next email:

We find even the topic of your sentence offensive 



crap.


This might just be a terrible weekend. 

BUT the good news is that I think God has a plan, and if I am listening for Him, and trying to hear him, and then trying to put into practice what He shows me, then this might turn out to be a great weekend after all. 

Only God knows.

He showed me back at the in-law's home that I think my MIL was hurt that I did not want to go to Kohls with her to pick out new dress pants for DH.  At the time it seemed like it was just was not the right time do be doing it--but afterwards, as I tried to process why things got strained between us, I wondered if MIL had been wanting girlfriend time, and felt like I had rejected her.  Oh, too bad--I am all for girlfriend time!  So, hopefully, this weekend we will be able to get past whatever new blockage we have between us, and move forward.

My sisters and sister-friends, would you be praying with me that God has His way with us this weekend?



UPDATE:

Late afternoon, they are still not here.  I have a feeling they are stuck in hot highway traffic. : ( 

So had a moment to sit down with this piece and a snack, and went back and reworded some things, so that hopefully it is clear that I am thankful for my in-laws and their amazing desire to help us, and also that whatever MIL and I have going on is really something we both need to be growing in.  She and I are going to be in relationship for a long time, Lord willing, and He has definitely brought us together for His good purposes--which includes this weekend! ; )

The first awesome thing God did today:  in the shower, He reminded me of how MIL really is exhausted, what with working full time (and a lot of overtime) and going to CO to help care for baby Sweetness twice now, and taking care of her elderly mother (including spending many nights at her mother's house every week) and taking care of a big house and garden. . . . She needs love and encouragement from me. 

And here is the second awesome thing God did today:  I stopped by at my friend Alberta's house to take Sunny for a birthday sleepover, and while she and I chatted for a few minutes I shared my struggle today, and she gave me the most awesome advice.  I don't think I can say it as well as she did, so I won't try to explain--but it ended with me saying that I feel like God has got my heart in the right place, and she said to let that heart shine out. 

Oh, yeah.  And now I can't wait to see my MIL and see if I can't share some of the blessings I feel with her.

My dear readers, please pray. . .

This is Elijah, a precious little boy receiving a bone marrow transplant in the wee hours of tomorrow morning, around 1:00 a.m. Central Time.  If you happen to see this, would you please remember him tonight and in the vitally important days to come? 

You can read about his recent medical journey here, at his mom's blog.  Julie, his mom, is one of my "sidebar sisters," someone I don't know in person, but who I wish I did.  Her whole life is dedicated to love and grace, and her writing is powerful and full of hope. 

They are in their second week in the hospital, and for Julie to be in the hospital with Elijah means being away from her large brood with special needs.  They could use prayer all around.  Thank you, friends.

Family Fest Day 6: San Francisco

There are not actually that many good photos I want to share from our last day together, in San Francisco.  We started the day late (letting everyone sleep in after our late night at the Boardwalk) so didn't get up there until lunchtime, where we started with lunch at a 50's diner and dessert from Ghiradelli's.  Then we headed over to the Exploratorium, a hands-on science museum--and it had worked out so perfectly that the day that was most logical for this SF adventure was also the monthly free day at the Exploratorium!  Yay for amazing free fun! 

The Exploratorium is housed in the wonderful Palace of Fine Arts, which was built for an international exhibition in 1915, and restored in 1965.

There are just WAY too many fun and interesting things to do and see inside the Exploratorium, and one reason we did not get many good pics is because all the camera holders were busy trying things and helping the younger ones try things!  Oh, and fellow homeschool moms, do check out the Exploratorium link above--there are lots of good science things you can learn about at home!

We shut down the Exploratorium too!  (But at a much more reasonable 5 pm) Then it was off to Fisherman's Wharf for sight-seeing. 

Too bad the fog was so thick there was not much to see of the normally beautiful views.  That is Alcatraz Island there hidden by fog behind Sarah and Emily--behind the ocean shipping liner too.

But with kids these cool, everythere you find yourself there is fun to be had.

We finished up the night with a late dinner with my cousin John and his fiancee Carmen--but by then we were just too tired to be thinking of photos, which means between Mom and Rebecca and me, we don't have ONE photo of our dinner with them!  Ah, well, we did manage to take pics of our last moments together--back at the cars, saying farewell.  My family was all going to stay in Oakland that night, since Rebecca and the girls were flying out in the morning, on their way back home to sweet home Alabama, where I hear the skies are so blue.

Oh, it was so hard for Sarah to say goodbye to her special buddy Merry--so all the cousins helped with one big cousin hug!

Emily with her special buddy Smiley. 

Alas, we did not think to get one last photo of me and Rebecca, or Mom and Dad and me and Rebecca--we were not the best photographers during this week together, but that just means we were all having too much fun, and were fully experiencing every moment together. : )

Rebecca and Emily and Sarah, thank you for coming out to see us!  Chris, thank you for making it possible for them to do so.  Mom and Dad, thank you for bringing them out and all the ways you helped make our time together so fun!  We love you all. 

Family Fest Day 5: hanging out in Santa Cruz

Our fifth day of the Family Fest was bittersweet--it was the last day my sister and her girls would be with us here in our own stomping grounds, as we were planning on spending our final day together in San Francisco.  So we pretty much relaxed that day, just enjoying being together here at the house.  But of course, while the grown-ups re-packed, I had to take the cousins back to the local beach for one last soak in surf and sun. 

And when it was time for our last local adventure, we headed out to the heart of Santa Cruz.  We stopped at the Trade As One boutique--nothing better than seeing in person the beautiful handmade things--and  Marianne's Ice Cream--really yummy local place with lots of great flavors (I love getting one bittersweet chocolate scoop paired with a scoop of either lavender or green tea--mmmmmmm).  Then we made the West Cliff Drive along the Bay from the Santa Cruz Wharf to Natural Bridges State Park, where we lingered a moment just for the views.

(No wonder surfing is so popular here--not only does Santa Cruz lay claim to Jack O'Neill, who first marketed the wet suit, but this is also where surfing was first introduced to the continental U.S.--as I learned from this sign during during our sight-seeing.) 

Our final destination that day was the Santa Cruz Boardwalk, made famous by this movie from my youth:

Oh, we thought this movie was so cool.

So, those of you who have seen The Lost Boys--all the amusement park by the water scenes were filmed at our very own Boardwalk.  And it seems the movie has remained popular with following generations, because my niece Emily had seen it with her friends.  This is a mild horror movie, for those of you not familiar with it, but even thought I have seen it a dozen times or more (yes, we thought it was that cool) I gladly confesss that I have never the scary/gross parts, thanks to a talent I developed during slumber parties--"selective screening" (i.e. knowing when to put my hand in front of my face and just watch the edges of the screen, since everything scary/gross typically happens right in the middle).  So, I admit, it was kinda fun to be able to say to Emily, "And this is where Kiefer Sutherland rode his motorcycle down the stairs!"  and "This is the carousel!" etc.

(In fact, the wonders of the Internet will allow YOU to have the same vicarious thrill!  Click here to see the first moments of the film, which lay the setting for the film and show you exactly what I am talking about--watching it just now I can't believe the movie is almost 30 years old--it is aging well.  Oh, and there is nothing scary or bad in this clip--just fun views of Santa Cruz, including the very Lighthouse Park where I took pics of that surfing sign.  Oh, and yes, Santa Cruz is weird, although not as overwhelmingly so as the movie clip suggests.)

So, here are the best pics from our evening, which was really, really fun.  The night we went was--not coincidentally--"cheap night," so all the rides were a quarter of the normal price.  Whoo-hoo!  We were only going to stay until about 9:00 p.m., because we knew we had a big day of sightseeing ahead of us the following day and wanted the little ones rested--but we were having so much fun and the little ones were so happy and acting fine that we shut down the Boardwalk at 11:00 p.m.!!!  I hate my kids being up late for no reason--but this was just the right kind of night to throw the normal parenting out the window.

I love carousels, and this one let me ride on the same horse as Smiley--this is just when I was getting him on.

The Pirate Ship ride--Happy's first time being tall enough to ride it.  The way she and Merry look in this photos would be traumatic to me as a mom if they were not so hysterically funny.  Don't worry--they came off the rides smiling and wanting more!

Look, Emily, it's the bridge from that one scene! 

Smiley still smiling at waaaaaaaaay past his bedtime.

It was sad to know this was our last night together in our town, but good that we had one more day of family adventures left. 

Family Fest D4: Old-Timey 4th of July

For our 4th of July celebration, there was no better place to be than Wilder Ranch, a local State Park and "living history" Victorian ranch.  Every year for the Fourth, there is an all-out Old Time Patriotic celebration, which I was going to attempt to describe, but which the official Wilder Ranch public announcement can do much better (augumented with photos from my and my parents' and sister's cameras):

Travel back in time a hundred years at Wilder Ranch State Park in Santa Cruz County on July 4, 2011 to experience an old-fashioned Independence Day Celebration 1911 style with patriotic exercises, a parade, music, and games. Free. Festivities run from 11:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.

1911 Historic Parade & Patriotic Music

At 11:45 meet at the apple orchard in front of the Highway 1 tunnel and join in the parade. Bring a musical instrument or noisemaker, dress in 1911 costume, or pull a decorated wagon.

Suffragettes are sure to be there.

Parade walks through the complex to front lawn for flag raising, speeches, and patriotic music. After the parade, watch the flag being raised, and listen to the Declaration of Independence, patriotic music and speeches.

(Raise the flag and say the Pledge--starting out the day with the right spirit in rememberance of what we were all celebrating)

(We the people, in order to form a more perfect Union. . . this part of the day always makes me cry--so wonderfully old-fashioned and patriotic!)

Fun & Games

Try the cake walk, historic lawn games, draft horse wagon rides, ice cream cranking, crafts to make, and listen to live 1911 music.

(Here in the littles tug-o-war, Happy demonstrated a remarkable ability to resist being pulled in the direction she does not want to go. Think this has anything to do with her place in the ranks?)

(Even Rebecca and her girls and DH got in on the "biggest kids" tug-o-war)

(The Littles' race--get ready, get set, go!)

(Smiley either did not know what he was supposed to do or does not have a competitive bone in his body)

(But with the proper encouragement from Sunny, he did the race all on his own. ; )

There is food and drink for sale; strawberry shortcake, dill pickles, watermelon, root beer and hand squeezed lemon aide, or bring your own picnic to spread out on the lawn. Bratwurst USA will be selling BBQ chicken dinners and other cuisine at family prices. Lily’s Roasted Corn and baked potatoes also available.

 

(My dear Rosa and her own Little, "Hecho"--part of our Wilder Ranch 4th of July tradition is picnicing with the Rosas on adjoining blankets, under certain trees beside the grandstand and the famous climbing tree.)

Wilder Ranch docents will be demonstrating 1911 dairy-ranch work. Walk through the newly renovated historic Meder Ranch house and visit the Ranch animals. Musicians include the Society Orchestra, and our own home grown “5 Ms Band” performing popular 1911 songs.

 

Also per tradition there was just no way to do everything fun offered in one day. 

Anyone who wants to come visit us, I'd recommend you come in the Fall to see the best weather, but come for the Fourth if you want the most wholesome family fun!