Guess This is Not the Time to Sit and Blog

From a health e-newsletter DH's grandma sent me today:


Don't Take This Health News Sitting Down
-- by Jeff Jurmain, MA

This is a story about hidden causes of illness that is best taken, well, standing up.

A new study from the American Cancer Society has found a twist on the idea of exercise keeping you healthy. It isn't all about how much physical activity you get, but how much time you spend sitting that can affect your risk of death.

Researchers say time spent sitting was linked on its own with all-cause mortality, regardless of physical activity level. The study appears early online in the "American Journal of Epidemiology" and is important because sitting isn't talked
about as much as it may need to be. Everyone knows of exercise's health benefits. But few know of sitting's detrimental effects.

Higher and higher levels of obesity in the U.S. have major public health consequences. The larger frames of Americans have been attributed in part to reduced overall exercise. And, while several studies support a link between sitting time and
obesity, type 2 diabetes, heart disease risk factors, and unhealthy dietary patterns, very few studies have examined time spent sitting in relation to risk of death. This means time spent sitting gets swept aside, its effects unknown.

That is, until now. Researchers analyzed survey responses from over 123,000 people with no history of cancer, heart attack, stroke, or lung disease. They examined the amount of time spent sitting and physical activity in relation to death between 1993
and 2006. They found that more leisure time spent sitting was associated with higher risk of mortality, particularly in women.

Women who reported more than six hours per day of sitting were 37% more likely to die during the time period studied than those who sat fewer than three hours a day. Men who sat more than six hours a day were 18% more likely to die than those who
sat fewer than three hours per day. The interesting point is that these numbers stay the same even after adjusting for exercise levels. The links were stronger to deaths by heart disease than to those by cancer.

Women and men who both sat more and were less physically active were 94% and 48% more likely, respectively, to die compared with those who reported sitting the least and being most active. Researchers believe sitting can exert changes in metabolism, affecting cholesterol, blood sugar levels, blood pressure and triglycerides.

It just doesn't pay to stay sedentary.

Sigh. And I was having so much fun catching up on blogs today! But seriously, it is something for us bloggers to consider!

So, here I am at my parents' house in Champaign, IL. This is the house I grew up in, and it contains so many good memories. And whenever I get back to the Midwest I discover all over again how peaceful and slow-paced life is (I am not sure Chicago and its suburbs count as the Midwest in this regard, however, but even Indianappolis has a slower feel). I wrote some about all this last summer when we did our big roadtrip from CA to IL, sharing the way I feel about this house, and the neighborhood, and the food, and the strange realization that hits me when I am here that DH and I are really Californians in our thinking and living, even if we were reared in the Midwest.

Slow and peaceful is good this week. I arrived tired and wrung. The velvety warm air, the quiet rooms, the walks alone around the neighborhood, the fireflies and streetlamps--I have stepped into another world, and it has been a little melancholy, but so serene. I did not come here for respite, but I think that is what I needed. So while I am very sorry the kids cannot be here with me (and I'll write more about that later), I will appreciate and enjoy this time for what it is. My first vacation without children!

Tomorrow will be a whole 'nother story--no more solitude and reflection, but friendship and laughter.

May your weekend be filling with the same! : )

Prom, 1989

Me, Susan, Mina.

They arrive Thursday, 20th High School reunion festivities start on Friday night--but seeing them (and hanging out in my parent's basement to boot!) is what I am most looking forward to.

(Thanks for the photo, Susan! And FYI, we each DID have dates, but we took this pic of the three of us that was an instant classic. We even got photos of the same pose at both Susan and Mina's weddings--I am thinking it is time for another version!)

a few days of silence

I wrote that title to tell any of you that care that I will not be posting anything new until next week at the earliest. But then I realized that it also explains why I'll be "quiet"--getting ready to take an 8 day trip, starting this weekend. Without children.

Loads of meaning in those last two words.

You all are used to me writing overly long, overly analyzed pieces here in this blog, and know I am quite comfortable being honest with writing about my life, my feelings, things I am working on, things I am struggling with, etc. So please don't think I am being tight-lipped now to build drama. Not at all, it is just that I have been running on adrenaline since Sunday, and not sleeping, and feeling completely emotionally wrung. I hope I will get the chance to write some next week, because I think I will need some bloggy catharsis.

The trip should be relaxing and fun--flying back home to Illinois for my 20 year H.S. reunion! Getting a "sleepover" at my folk's house with two Best Friends, just like in olden days!--and the three girls will have a ball staying with DH's parents and attending VBS at their church. But I was not prepared for being without Smiley, which was a decision made just a few days ago. So if any of you praying women think of me this next week, I would really appreciate it. : )

Hope you all have a great rest of your week!

purging, again

Today's mission*=

Get rid of FIFTY things.

Ready, set, GO!




*should you choose to accept it with me

Speaking the Truth

There are many ways that title can be interpreted, depending upon who you are talking with. Esp. in "Christian" circles there are too many people who believe in "speaking the truth" as an excuse for gossip or cutting someone down.

In my own life, ever since getting married I have been working on recognizing truth and lies when they are spoken to me, or when I find myself saying them to myself. Earlier I shared one example, about how a few years back, I had been listening to my MIL tell me, in so many words, what a terrible person I was (I am fallen and far from perfect, but not as bad as you would think listening to her at that time), and was starting to believe it--lie. But then God showed me some truth to counter it: that my MIL was speaking from a position of hurt and insecurity, and her words said more about her than they did me.

The Truth really does set you free.

I feel at times like there is a Deceiver whispering in my ear, telling me lies, tempting me to serve myself at the expense of others, inciting me to heart rebellion against those I love. The only counter for lies is Truth, so I have tried to train myself to hear the untruth spoken aloud or in my head, and immediately counter it with truth.

And I counter it with truth spoken aloud--there is something powerful in the spoken word, so even if I am just whispering it to myself, I make the truth audible, tangible. Here is an example: for many, many years my relationship with MIL was so poisonous, and we saw DH's parents so frequently, that I lived with negative words in my head. Specifically whenever I cleaned I would find myself imagining what my MIL would be saying at that moment about how I was cleaning, or the general state of my house, etc. And for some reason dish-washing was the worst. For YEARS--seriously--every time I washed dishes (so at least twice a day) I would find myself having these imaginary conversations in my head, with the imaginary MIL saying critical things about my house, my kids, my kitchen, my cleaning skills, etc. and I would be mentally formulating snappy responses back. Sad. Even when I realized what a hold all that negativity had on me, and chose not to engage the mental dialogues anymore, I would still find my mind wandering in that direction every time I did the dishes.

So one day I decided to start speaking truth. Whenever I would get a lie in my head, like "My house is filthy and I am a terrible housekeeper," (which has a lot of truth to it, by the way!) I would say aloud some truth, something like, "I am a mother of four small children, who do not yet help much in taking care of this home, and certainly not without my effort. It is against the laws of mathmatics to expect that one person can herself completely restore what six people spend all day undoing. I used to have a clean house, and I will have a clean house again. This is just a season of life. I will not obsess about the dirty house and will try to enjoy this season for what it is. When my children are all grown and gone, I am sure I will have a clean house, and I am also sure I will miss them being home." Loads of truth in there, that immediately helps me shift my thinking to something more positive, and healthier.

It is a little bit like purposefully "looking on the bright side"--it is a conscious choice to change the way I see the world and people around me, refusing to let go of what I know is real and right no matter what is happening around me.

I have recently begun applying this idea to my parenting as well. My dear Sunny is a delightful girl--bright, exuberant, self-motivated, a ray of sunshine--but I sometimes call her "Mini-Me" because her faults are mine too, mainly being selfish, and not self-controlled, and talking too much. (Sigh! Oh, my Sunny girl, I am so sorry I seem to have given you all the worst parts of me--May the Creator who made you just the way he wants you help me delight in you as He delights in you. May He grow your heart to be as bold and beautiful as the rest of you, and give you compassion to temper your strong sense of justice, and help you learn to use your words as powerful tools for His good purposes. And may you always radiate Love through that gorgeous smile.)* In particular, Sunny is struggling with self-control, and seems to be constantly using her mouth in negative ways: tattling, complaining, fussing, bossing her siblings, talking back to her parents. But Merry had a long, dark spell of the same behaviour earlier this Spring, and Happy will surely have her moments too, as she gets older. So I decided to use the Speaking Truth with all girls too, as a tool to help them get their hearts right when they are struggling.

So this means that, for example, if one of the girls is mad about a consequence she has just received and starts mouthing off untruth--like "You're a mean mommy!"--I stop her and say, "Wait a minute, is that really true? If it is, I'd like to talk about it." And when she grumbles, "No," I'll say "Then now say something true." And she will grudgingly change her words to something like, "Ok, you're not a mean mommy, but I am angry and don't like what you are telling me right now!" Which has the benefit of being closer to what is really going on inside her, and which then helps me respond in a caring way: "I hear that you are angry" and maybe even, "You know that we don't do ____ in our home, and so there is going to be a consequence for that choice. Why should I not give you the consequence?" or something like that, and it can actually lead us to dialogue about choices, etc. and end on a positive note.

I am not saying this is a great example of parenting--you may read the above and pick out all kinds of wrong things I am doing in it. ; ) But it feels like it is a good thing, and it seems to be working. Certainly it at least helps keep me sane when the kids are mouthing off.

Anyway, I had been thinking about sharing this idea with you all for a while, and knew it was time when I read this post yesterday. Please take a moment to go read it--it is short and sweet. : )


----------------------------

I wrote the first part of this post yesterday afternoon during quiet time, when Smiley was napping and the girls were playing outside. In the mini-van, actually. The sun had come out, it was a nice afternoon, and they were voluntarily cooped up in the car (keep in mind it was a chilly, foggy day and our driveway is in shade--they were in no danger of baking in the heat. Ironically, I think they wanted to play in the car because after driving around town a bit the car was warmer than our house). But they were happy, I got lots of quiet, so even if I thought they should be running around in the yard, I decided to let things be.

But when I finally called the girls to come in and start getting ready for dinner, the day took an unexpected turn that seemed to make what I had been writing real, and tangible and important.
Because Sunny chose to rebel. She had been having fun and did not see why she had to stop and come in, and even interrupted me when I tried to give good reason. This kind of thing has been happening a lot the past few days (probably rebound behaviour from being with the grandparents for an extended visit), and I have started to tell her to take the yuckiness outside and not come back in until her heart is right. Fresh air and running around in nature always help one's spirit, and in our tiny house with no interior doors, it is just not possible to cordon off a child acting ugly and keep it from negatively affecting everyone else too. And I am a firm believer in giving angry people the chance to be alone, to work through feelings and vent to the heavens if needed, something else that is not possible in our house. So I banished Sunny outside--but when she mouthed off even as leaving the house, I lost my cool and stormed out after her and took her by the shoulders and said right to her face, forcefully, something to the effect of, "It is NOT okay for you to vomit your ugliness out into the house. You do NOT have to respect me, but you DO have to talk to me respectfully. You are NOT welcome in our house until you have that mouth under control!"

Yes, she is nine and a half. Yes, I was coming off a little strong. It had been building for days, and I was letting it out. But I did not shake her (which I admit I wanted to do) and I did not yell. So, actually, restraint-wise, this was one of my finer parenting moments. (And no, physically lashing out at children in anger is NOT ok. I am just talking about momentary, sinful, angry heart urges--not our normal discipline choices!) But I stalked back into the house and left her out there to feel sorry for herself for half and hour, which is what she normally does in such situations.

I started preparing the kitchen for cooking dinner, and as I stood at the sink doing dishes and grumbling in my head at my daughter, I caught myself thinking that I did not like her very much. And then thinking, of course that's not true, it is her mouthiness and bad attitude you don't like. And then thinking about how much recently I have not liked her behavior, and thinking about how it feels like recently I am always down on her for said mouthiness and bad attitude. And realizing that from her perspective, I might truly be acting as if I don't like her. And wondering when was the last time that I let her know I not only love her, but like her?

And at that moment, in the middle of my frustration, I suddenly cared immensely about my daughter not feeling like her mother does not like her, thinking that my love for her is somehow contingent upon her behaviour, that because she is experiencing a consequence for bad behaviour that she is somehow not deserving of my love. I rushed outside and called for her--and when she came walking around the corner of the house, I was amazed to see her smiling. I was expecting her to still be pouty, maybe crying in that manipulative, pity-party way that I can't stand and that makes it hard for me to offer her sympathy; instead, with almost beatific gentleness and peace in her face, she came to me and smiled up at me, and I took her face in my hands and I don't remember at all what I said, but it was essentially, Let's make up--I love you too much to be mad. Let's start afresh.

And she said back, in that strangely peaceful and unselfconscious way, "Actually, I was just listening to some Truth."

And I said, "Me too."

She knew nothing of what I had been thinking or writing--her words, our sudden heart changes were a clear, amazing manifestation of the Holy Spirit.

And we hugged and bonded in a way I have never felt before. It was a true spirit bond, of person to person more than mother to daughter, and yet it was sweetly that too. She asked then what she could do to help me, and I said I was making dinner. So she asked if she could help, and without hestitation I said "Yes, that would be great." And so we went in and made dinner together, which is new for us. And the peace lasted the rest of the night, and into today so far. . . .

And looking back, I am just so, so thankful that I was standing there at the sink focusing on truth, so that when God whispered in my heart, I heard and acted without hesitation. What if I had been standing there mired in self-pity for how yucky parenting is some days, wallowing in the negative--could I have heard Him then? Or what if I had chosen to stay mad and ignored the prompting? What it I had left her outside for the usual length of time and missed that precious, God-breathed moment?

I am awed and full of thanks.



*Writing this just now, I wondered when was the last time I prayed such words with each of my children, giving them a specific picture of the people they can choose to be? I need to ponder on this some more today. . .

oh, boy

Guess who snuck a bar of organic extra dark chocolate with orange off my desk right before bedtime? And ate a quarter of it?

And who hopefully will not be riding high in his crib for much of the night?

I find fault in his timing more than his taste. If he has a penchant for the good stuff, he comes by it honestly through bloodline--and daily through breastmilk!

Just a little catchin' up

We have been up visiting DH's family for the past 5 1/2 days, and it was fun. And tiring. And painful at times. But overall good. : ) Hope you all had a really great 4th of July!

I can't believe it is July, though! I'm suddenly all in a panic that all the things I wanted to accomplish this summer won't even get started (notice the passive voice there) . . . well, cause, it's a kind of panic that makes my heart race for a moment but does not actually get me off the computer chair to go start something. Hey, I'm still recovering from the long weekend. (And what creative excuse will I come up with tomorrow?)

What I still hope to do this summer:

1) Some fun school projects and field trips like visiting a few more California missions, exploring our village on foot and making a map of what we discover, finally updating the Flat Sisters Blog (they got all the way to India and back!), and working with Happy on reading. Oh, and focusing on math basics, like memorizing the numbers that add up to 10, and at least half of the multiplication table.

2) swimming lessons for the girls, after we are done travelling later this month.

3) finally figure out how to get a daily time when I read to the kids worked into the rhythm of life, and then do it.

4) It's time to give the house another all-over drastic clean. This is really the one way in which I am envious of everybody out there with "normal" houses, that aren't heated by a wood-burning fireplace, that don't have a dirt driveway, and that are well-sealed and are not always damp. Because I have never lived in a house that gets so dirty so fast. I am really glad it is this small when it comes to cleaning--how could I keep up with it otherwise? For example, how many of you have had to completely empty and vacuum out your closet this year? I've had to do it twice already, and am about to do a third today. There is grit everywhere, spiders trying to take up residence, moths are trying to eat my clothes (so I need to go through them and make sure the good winter stuff is packed away with cedar), and I opened the shoebox with my year-old Steve Madden pumps to discover them covered in fuzzy green mold. This is my life. And this is just one example--basically I have to "Spring Clean" my entire house at least three times a year, or it looks like I have not cleaned in ten years. Sigh.

Of course, it would be easier to keep clean if we did not have so much stuff. . . so I guess #3.5 should have been keep purging!

5) Then there are the house projects I really, really want us to finish this year, and summer/fall will be the only times to do them: the bathroom remodel, the kids' (and only) bedroom re-do--which includes building beds for them that fit the room--and finishing the fireplace surround and mantle. Oh, and then there is putting in the stone steps in the backyard from the top level to the lower deck, and DH said the lower deck needs to be rebuilt. Oh, and one of these days I want us to fix the leaning fence in the front yard and gate the driveway entrance, so Smiley can run free in the yard. And since most of those things are doing to take DH's time and labor much more than mine, and since I need something productive I can do on my own so I am not frothing at the mouth when all the above mentioned projects are not getting done, I was thinking about painting the house. Dad came out one summer and helped me shore up and paint two sides (the ones you see from the street and front yard) but I need to paint the other two sides, and thought while I was at it I would change the color. Bone white is a lovely, classic color--but I had not reckoned on it always looking filthy from dirt and debris dropped from all the trees above. (Although I have often wondered, how DOES dirt get into those trees anyway!)

6) And after reading #5, if you are like me, you just want to go lay in a hammock and read a book. So that is another goal for this summer--have a summer! ; )

Actually, summer here looks a little different than what you are probably experiencing. I mentioned in an earlier post that I was wearing wool socks. Actually, I am again this morning, although I really could take them off since DH made a fire this morning before he left for work and I think the house temp is up to 72 degrees. Seriously, when you live on Monterey Bay, summer is chilly and damp and foggy. See, as the interior land gets heated up by the hot summer sun, that hot dry air meets up with the cool, moist air blowing in from the ocean, and makes fog. So, ironically, the hotter it is inland CA, the cooler it is here on the Bay. And our little cabin was build not as a year-round residence, but as a summer cabin, and was brilliantly situated under redwoods and over a creek, so not only do we have the whole fog thing going on, but we also have cool, moist air coming up from the creek and being trapped by the redwood canopy--which makes our yard/house a natural icebox. Which was fantastic for its owner/builders, who were baking in Fresno during the week and could come to their cool cabin for a weekend respite. It is not quite as refreshing when you live in it year round, but we have all acclimated--I just wear cardigans year-round, and the two girls who were born in CA are naturally-hot blooded and run around in sleeveless sundresses even when it is 60 degrees, which it is many mornings. So summer on the Bay is a great time to get projects done--not too hot for manual labor and not rainy--but is not all that summery.

Fall is when we really have summer. To prove my point, I hope we will get to finish our California history studies this fall with a trip to Disneyland! I have extended family who lives there and who graciously offer us a place to stay whenever we get down there--still, the tickets are expensive, so we may not get to do it. . . but if you ever have the flexibility to do it, Fall is the time to visit Disney in CA! No long lines for the rides and the weather is perfect.

OK, enough blabbering for one day. What are YOU planning on doing this summer? Work? Fun? Travel? Or you could always tell me what unbearable heat you are having where you live or what house cleaning issues are native to your area, and make me feel a little bit better. ; )

And hey, is no one really interested in those cassettes of international lullabies? It seemed like my sister and Early Modern Mom, the only two to reply, were just being friendly. ; ) I'm not hurt at all if no one really wants them, since I am making another freecycle box of all things baby I can stick them into--but if you are interested and just thought it was too late, NO, post a comment to that giveaway and they're yours. : ) I'll extent the "deadline" for another day just in case. (And Early Modern Mom, if you really want them, they are so yours! And my leather skirt too, if your daughter is still interested! Let me know and we can work out how to get it/them to you!)

Oh, and very last thing, I promise: shampoo bar update. This past visit up to family I did not take our own shampoo bars but just used the regular shampoo that was there for guests. And my hair was AWFUL all weekend! I had a hard time getting my scalp feeling clean, so some part of my head always felt greasy underneath, the rest of my hair felt stripped and was frizzy and shapeless, even with conditioner. Coming back home, I found my head must have started producing more oil again, since my first shower and good head washing yesterday left the ends feeling much better, but my scalp is still totally greasy. Ugh. So I am now an official no-poo convert and will be taking the shampoo bar with us on our next visit to family.

There you have it! The random thought round-up.

Hope you are having a great day, wherever this post finds you!