Still Here in the New Year!

Apparently going private has been the death knell for my blog. 

Well, this Fall was extremely busy--more than usual, and Fall is always our busiest time of the year, as most of you with kids can relate to.  This of course means less time for blogging, and more of an urge just to mindlessly troll youtube instead of blogging when I do have free time.  But I think it was more than that--somehow going private felt like closing a door.  I mean, I knew it would feel like that, but thought it would feel more like being inside a cozy room with a warm fire and hot tea and crumpets on the table, and welcoming friends in and shutting the door against the cold.  But it has ended up feeling more small and claustrophobic and. . . alone than that.  As if I'm the only one in the room with the fire and tea with the door shut, just sitting by myself in the warm quiet, staring at the dying embers. . .

Ok, melodramatic.  I was just trying to come up with a picture to go along with the feelings. : )  But this feeling of being more alone is not unfounded; at least one of you few readers contacted me to say you were having difficulty (perhaps still are?) figuring out how to access the blog.  Maybe there are more of you who have not been able to figure it out. 

And if the whole password thing makes it harder or feel like more of an effort to get into the blog, maybe some of you will just stop coming by. . .

And now that it is private, I know updates don't show automatically in feeds and sidebars (or am I wrong about this?) and that too makes it just that much easier to forget to stop by and read.  (In fact, I know some of you have subscribed by email--did this post show up in any feed or email? I would love to know if it did, so you are getting some notice when there is something new here to read.)

And finally, I really liked the blog being public because I harbored the fantasy that God could lead anyone here who might need it--who maybe could use a friendly word, or some encouragement, or to see they are not alone in feeling the way they do about parenting or whatever.  Does that sound egotistical?  I just enjoyed feeling like this blog could be used by God, if He wanted to.  It actually feels more self-indulgent to me to write in this closed circle of safety--where I know I am loved and supported no matter what I write.  I have learned as I get older that it seems like God rarely puts us in safe and cozy places when He desires us to serve Him fully.  So, I'm not saying He was using my blog--but occasionally it seemed like He did, and I loved the thought of it being in His service.

But ANYWAY, it's done, we're private, and it's a brand new year, so I figure I'll just make the most of it for now--which means write about all the things I would want to while it is private, and then always leave myself the option of going back to public down the road. : )

And in the meantime, there is SO MUCH I would love to share with any of you who do stop by.  So my one and only New Year's Resolution this year is to write more again.  Try to make it short and sweet--easier to write, less daunting/snoozeworthy for you to read. ; ) 

(That does not mean I don't have other goals for this year--but they are so much more of the bigger picture that God is showing me that I don't want them to feel like things I'm flippantly resolving to do for a year.  And let me tell you, God has been showing me SO MUCH.)

So I hope you are all doing well, and have started your New Year with fun and family and health and safety and meaning and love and peace.