God breeze

God will gently nudge my spirit through many different means--often through the casual words spoken by a friend, or through something I read or see (often in the most unexpected places, like the Muppet Christmas Carol or a newspaper article about strippers--I can never anticipate how He will whisper this time, but am always humbled and grateful when it happens). FlyLady (wise woman of the web) calls it a "God breeze," which I love because of the imagery, which reminds me of the passage from I Kings chapter 19, when Elijah is fleeing from those who had vowed to kill him, and is hiding in a cave.

And the word of the Lord came to him: "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

Elijah replied with a little pity party of one, and in response, God said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood in the mouth of the cave. . . .

I have heard that whisper several times, almost audibly--hearing words in my head that voice ideas not from my own heart or mind! calm, gentle words speaking truth that at that moment I was not capable of formulating on my own, but which I clearly needed to hear. I hope to share some of my cherished "God stories" in this blog, when I get the chance. But today I just wanted to share an excerpt from a work of fiction I am reading, that God used to convict me about a heart issue of mine, finally giving me words for describing and thus acknowledging my deficiency.

From "The Lost Princess" (also published as "The Wise Woman") by George MacDonald

By this time her old disposition had begun to rouse again. She had been doing her duty, and had in consequence begun again to think herself Somebody. However strange it may well seem, to do one's duty will make anyone conceited who only does it sometimes. Those who do it always would as soon think of being conceited of eating their dinner as of doing their duty. What honest boy would pride himself on not picking pockets? A theif who was trying to reform would. To be conceited of doing one's duty is then a sign of how little one does it, and how little one sees what a contemptible thing it is not to do it. Could any but a low creature be conceited of not being contemptible? Until our duty becomes to us common as breathing, we are poor creatures.

Another conviction that I am not parenting as I should too often. If I am proud at the end of the day because I did not yell at the girls, it is a sign not of what a good mother I am, but of how much I have yet to be reformed into one. Same with the dishes, with cooking, with all the duties I tend to procrastinate away, justifying quite well with tiredness or baby needs or something why I had good reason not to do my duty. I tend to live in that cushiony realm of self-allowance. And it is true that I do not have to keep my house spotless to meet some worldly Marthaish ideal, and it is ok to leave the dishes overnight, even for no good reason other than I don't feel like doing them! But when these actions that lead to crumbling apart become habits--the norm!--then I need to consider what deeper heart/mind/body need I am not addressing.

Today it is a reminder of what duty is. and how far I am from living a dutiful life. If doing my duty here at home became like breathing, how free my mind and hands would be! lifted up from the mundane labor itself and released into the creative, contemplative act of worship! my daily life would not be a chore, as I too often see it, but the moment by moment manifestation of my blessings.

something beautiful.

forgive my fumbling words--the idea caught at me so much that i struggled to convey it! but this blog is NOT about me saying everything right, in the most accurate or poetic way, so don't expect it of me. : )