Amelia update--UPDATED

Oh, friends, would you please pray, pray, pray for Amelia and her family? They are going to try to bring her home to the states, but oh, what a long and terrible journey they have ahead of them. Please pray that Amelia does not die on the trip home. I know there are other things that need our prayer, such as the other children traveling with them, but everything else seems just to pale in comparison--Lord willing the worst that will happen with the other children is they are unhappy and hard to manage, but at best they will be content and quiet--but they are not in immediate danger of not even surviving the trip. Adeye gave the most recent updates here and here. Would you please share these with whomever you can?

 God is soverign, and understands this horrible situation much more than we can.  It might be more merciful for him to take this little girl home with Him rather than put her through the overwhelming distress of the trip to the States. . . oh but Lord, would you please deliver her? Through her trauma, through her incomprehension and fear, despite her tiny emaciated frame. . . would you please bring her here safely?   You gave given her a will to live for this long, through this much--please strengthen her will for this journey into safety and love and care and family.  I trust by your infinate love and mercy that you now hold this little one in your hands, and that you will act out of your nature, and for the glory of your Holy Name.

UPDATE:  from this blog, quoting the words of Susanna (of "The Blessings of Verity") the mother of Katie, also from Pleven, who knows from their experience bringing Katie home what the dangers are and what this child and family are going through:

"[Amelia] is just so emotionally fragile. She has the ability to drink out of those horrid bottles, but is traumatized and refusing everything just like Katie did. Even with the extra pound she gained this past spring due to Tokuda, she still has so few physical reserves, and that’s partly what makes this stressful and scary for Jenny. (Not to mention that her three other new children are back at the hotel without her. What a nightmare of a week she is having. :( ) The orphanage diet has slightly improved, but it is still far from what it should be. Too little too late. Primarily, now that Amelia’s cut loose from everything that was familiar to her, she’s bottoming out because her emotional reserves are nil. Part of our praying should be that she opens up to Jenny emotionally and begins to find comfort from her, and attach to her, so she can heal. The lack of that bond and human contact is partly what caused her condition, and if her receptors have been so badly damaged that they aren’t working any more, well, let’s just pray that God continues to work His miracles in her. NOBODY is past the ability to learn to receive love, but it can be a very long process. Amelia is suffering the effects of 8 years with no baba, and then 3 1/2 years of a NOT-good baba. It is possible to roughly connect the condition of the children in Pleven with the factors that caused the condition they’re in. How old/how long in Pleven, their original dx or lack thereof, “cute” or “not-so-cute,” on the top floor or no, baba or no, good baba or bad, what percentage of the child’s life they had a baba—and from all this you could come up with a fairly accurate picture of the child’s condition without ever having met them. :(  "

I thought you all would like a better understanding of what is going on with Amelia, so you know  how best to pray.

The 3rd Annual Week Without Children

Oh, I was so looking forward to doing a lot of blogging this week, and here it is Thursday and I have posted more this week than in the past three weeks combined, but there are still so many things I want to share with you.  You might be wondering why I had such lofty expectations of my blogging this week--well, you see this is our annual Week Without Children.  Yes, the children are currently not with us; they are spending the week with their Oma and Opa up in Chico, attending Vacation Bible School at DH's parents' church. 

MIL was so sweet to send me some pics of their first few days away from us, including this one of their first day at VBS--silly hat day. 

It's something that MIL wanted to do for a long time, and we finally thought the girls were old enough two summers ago.  Smiley was not old enough, to my mother's instinct, but ended up staying with them too, which I was not at all happy about because it meant I had to wean before Smiley and I were quite done, but it just so happened to be the same week as my 20 year HS reunion and girl-friend reunion with my homegirls Mina and Susan, so there was reason to leave Smiley in Chico while DH and I traveled to my hometown in IL and did grown-up things with my growun-up friends who had also left their children behind, and let's just say it turned out fine in the end.  But it was actually a big deal to my spirit and my marriage, and my feelings were too raw to even blog about, which is why if any of you were reading then you did not remember me mentioning anything about it.  So the whole first Week Without Children had a lot of good in it, and fun, and building positive memories, but is still a little bittersweet to recall. 

Last year, the second WWC was the polar opposite.  I had planned a whole list of household projects that are best done without children that I was ready (albeit reluctantly) to tackle, but then in the car on the way home from taking the kids to their Oma and Opa's, DH surprised me with the news that he had gotten permission to work from home all week.  That was a huge shock, and a fabulous one.  I still remember feeling young and mischevious and free and daring all the drive home--we had a whole week before us, and we were fanticizing about everything we could do.  And it turned out to be the most over-the-top decadent week; sure, DH did work from home and I blogged and sipped tea and relaxed, but we remember the week for the Harry Potter movie fest (ending with seeing the last installment in the theatres) and the carryout (spicy Thai food mainly) and the sleeping in and the crazy fun and meaningful sex.  DH and I had never had that kind of completely relaxed week together--it was as good as being away on some lush tropical island, for what it did to my soul and our relationship.

(I remember MIL asking DH what we had accomplished that week when we met them to pick up the kids, and he said, "Nothing."  And MIL said what a waste that had been, to do nothing with a whole week without kids.  She was right--her idea of "nothing" would have been a complete waste of time; but our "nothing" had been exactly the best use of our time.  : )

One thing in particular that I remember doing that week--or not doing, as the case may be:  I barely ate.  I was hungry, and was completely content in it.  See, because of my wonky, unstable blood sugar, I find myself eating when I'm not hungry.  I do this because I am not a good mommy when I get low blood sugar, and sometimes I get unregulated without even feeling hunger.  So, to compensate, I admit a great deal of my day is thinking about food--what have I eaten, when did I last eat, when should I eat to make sure I'm not suddenly low-blood sugar while out and about, what should I eat to best keep the blood sugar consistent, what can I eat that is ready to go, good for me, and that I'm not allergic to, what crap am I tempted to eat instead even though I know it's not good for me, etc.  Not only do I think about food almost constantly, but I eat out of fear of becoming low blood sugar.  Hunger is my enemy in a normal day, because if I am feeling hungry, then my blood-sugar is likely already in a nosedive.  And when I was nursing Smiley I even had to eat a snack right before bed, because if I woke up enough to feel hungry in the middle of the night after nursing him and putting him back down, I would not be able to go back to sleep for the gnawing in my tummy until I got up and ate something.  So, to have a whole week where I did not have to go anywhere, where I did not have to eat until I was actually hungry, where nothing bad would happen if I got hungry and did not eat--very liberating.  And since DH and I spent much of the week in various states of undress, I have this memory of my body feeling so free, so light, so languid.  It is the memory of how my body felt, in perfect harmony--even if it was hungry, it was in peace with hunger--that I remember most.  That is now my mental idea of complete Rest. 

Thinking about it, now, I wonder if my spirit felt so much peace being hungry because food is too easily an idol for me, and by being hungry and unafraid I was breaking some kind of spiritual hold the fear of hunger had on me.  Huh.

ANYWAY, since the first two WWC were so different, it was interesting to anticipate this one, and wonder what it would look like.  DH and I are not the same people we were two years ago, or even last year.  Our relationship is different, our goals are different--so I really did not know what to expect for this week.  As it turns out, this has been a highly productive week.  DH had to work in the office, so I have been largely on my own.  And the freedom actually started last Saturday, since I had a multi-family homeschool garage sale at which I was selling a lot of books in the morning, and so DH took the children up to meet his parents halfway and make the exchange. After the sale, I got back from a hot morning of lugging around boxes of books in the heat and the house was so quiet.  So cool.  So messy from our respective hurried early morning departures!  So even though I really wanted a nap (perfect WWC activity!) I instead contentedly and unhurriedly picked up, did dishes, put away laundry, etc.  I relished in the bustle about my own little house, which was still pretty clean from the in-laws visiting the weekend before.  And then, when the house was tidy, I rested, just being still and letting my ears soak in the quiet.  And my eyes rest on the play of shadow on the ceiling or the soothing sway of branches out the window.  And my mind wander and occassionaly nod off for a moment.  I never did fall asleep, but I rested, and it was good.

The rest of the week, though, has gone so quickly!  So here are just a few of the things I have made a point of doing that are not as fun or feasible with kids:

--watching movies while I eat or have my tea
--DH and I watching movies while we eat dinner, with speakers instead of headphones.
--getting my hair trimmed
--stopping in a few consignment shops--and even finding two adorable but inexpensive new tops!
--matching and buying paint
--spending a few hours talking with employees at the Planning Office and Assessor's Office discussing permits, setbacks, legal nonconforming outbuildings, whee! (ok, a little sarcasm there, but doing it without kids--whee!)
--taking down the ancient paneling in the bedroom--essentially gutting the room to the bare boards and beams (The first step of our bedroom "remodel"--so excited!)
--and then today DH took the day off, and first we went to a dollar matinee of "The Adventures of TinTin, which we had not previously seen, and then we picked up a lovely healthy meal and ate it on our front stoop, and now DH is finishing the hard parts of dismantling the ceiling while I take my tea break.

Oh, but the week has gone quickly!  I had to do other things in there too, the usual dishes and making dinner and watering the garden and several hours of yardwork since we are trying to tame that backyard beast.  And there are other things I wish I had thought of earlier so I could have scheduled them for this week--a dental checkup, and that long-overdue visit to the dermatologist.  But at least I made the calls and scheduled the appointments, so that's a start.  But I still want to once again lay quietly in a quiet house before we get the kids back.  And I want to stop by a harbor and walk around the boats--I never get to do this with kids because I am always constantly watching the kids and don't get a chance just to admire the waves and boats and the color of the sea.  And I meant to take energetic, aerobic walks.  And I want to finish painting the ceiling in the bedroom, and should try to do the kitchen too.  And yes, Rebecca, I have been going through the photos from our trip to IL and plan to upload those to facebook this week.  And I was hoping DH and I could decide upon the new bedroom light fixture and window so we can get those ordered.  And I never did get a nap. . . ; ) 

Well, there's still the rest of today.  And there's tomorrow.  And there might even be Saturday--we're thinking of seeing if we can meet DH's folks halfway and get the kids on Sunday.

I'm thinking we need to squeeze this week for all it's worth. ; )

I hope you are all having a great week.  Please do keep praying for Amelia and her family--I'll let you know as soon as I know something.

The opposite of first world problems--urgent prayer need

Oh Dear Lord.

There is a little girl who is an orphan no more--now named Amelia, her adoptive mother has just claimed her, but this poor little thing has been so neglected, so traumatized for so long, she is literally hanging on by a thread.  She has been hospitalized and she could die--with a mother who is right there, waiting to take her home.

This little girl was just liberated from the terrible orphanage called Pleven in Bulgaria, which recently gained international notoriety for its inhumane treatment of the special needs children supposedly in its care.  Because Amelia has Down's Syndrome, she was treated worse than a criminal, and neglected to the point where this 12 year old girl weighs 12 pounds.  Yes, please read that again.  And then please visit this blog post to see photos of this poor child and wrap your head and heart around this pain, this need. 

There is more than just the life of this child that warrants our urgent prayer:  her mother and sisters have gone to Bulgaria to liberate three other children from orphanages, including at least one more child from Pleven who is 15 and in equally poor health from long-term failure to thrive.  I know they have claimed one boy; I do not know if they have claimed the other two.  So you can imagine how horrible it would be to have one child fighting for life--but to have three other children who have been neglected and maltreated their entire lives, who are now yours, who you just want to be with and care for, but not be able to because you cannot abandon the one in the hospital. . . I cannot know how much suffering that mother is going through right now, but I can imagine a lot.

Please, pray for Amelia.  Please pray for her mother Jenny, for the doctors, for her newly liberated siblings, for the family members who are there to care for the children. . . .  there is no way we can pray too much, people!  Please join me in lifting up these desperate souls before the all-merciful Lord.

To learn more about the family and Amelia, you can also read here and here.

Tuesday morning worship

These are all songs they play sometimes at our church during worship, which I'm singing and dancing (and just a little joyful crying) to this morning:

(Remember to double-click on the image to watch full-screen in youtube)

(ignore the cheesy images and just listen to the music)

This next one that God used to totally minister to me back on New Years when my in-laws were here and I was struggling and vulnerable. I shared it on facebook a short while back, but it has been my favorite song recently, and is totally worth sharing here too:



Ok, listening to this just now again while picking up the house, I was crying and literally jumping and dancing, unabashedly.  This song is where God has me!


These are all songs you might hear us singing at Vintage Faith church in Santa Cruz on any given Sunday.  And I just found on youtube a clip of Josh Fox, our music director, leading worship at a conference with a song he wrote that we often sing at church.  So, this isn't our church (you can find other clips of it on youtube if you are curious) but it is a good glimpse into my usual Sunday morning worship (except for the praying in a middle of a song thing--we don't normally do that).

Or Tuesday morning worship, as it might be.




I would absolutely love to know what music is stirring your heart this week.  Does not have to be a religious song--what is moving you, has meaning for you where you are? 

Blessings upon you, wherever life finds you this day.

First World Problems, and why I don't consider myself a blogger

Because then I would have much higher expectations for myself, such as, oh, blogging.  Instead, I sometimes say, "I have a blog," or "I blog," but I am not a blogger, which implies blogging is a strong part of who I am in everyday living, rather than an activity I occassionally manage to squeeze into my day week month.

sigh.

In my own defense, I really have tried blogging, twice last week sitting down and two-finger typing on DH's touchpad, which is not only tedious but also so annoying because the touchpad "auto-corrects" my words into other things--and not just typos, but real words I typed as I intended them, and the stupid machine thinks it knows better than me and changes them into something completely inappropriate.  Like turning the sweet Indian name of my niece S______ (known here as "Sweetness") into "Slasher" and DH's into "HE's."  Well, and it appears I have a little issue with making up my own compound words--like touchpad, and homeschool--which I guess are supposed to be touch pad and home-school, but I type them the way they look right, and since I'm not typing a dissertation or anything, and my modifications seem quite logically founded in standard rules for American English, and since I have spell-check turned off here on my computer when I blog so I don't see all those little red and green squiggly lines of disapproval, it all usually works for me.  Until I get on DH's touchpad and end up frustrated and offended from the automatic editing. Which of course I don't know how to turn off.

(original source someone named Jean Hall on facebook)

(And now that you know that I edit my blogging posts manually, you understand why little mistakes slip in here and there--but hopefully you are also impressed by how few mistakes there usually are!  I can be a little obsessive about proofreading.  Unless it's one of those days when I can't be bothered. . . which leads me to a ponder-worthy quotation I heard once: "When you can't be bothered, it usually means someone else will be.")

Anyway, both times I tried to blog on DH's touchpad ended with the durned contraption locking up and refusing to cooperate--it was not broken in any way, but was just being overly "touchy" (ha!) and downright cantankerous, stubbornly insisting it did not understand my poking and proddings.  (Yes, you could say that I was the one who did not understand how to properly use the thing, but nonetheless I refuse to absolve it.  It was created to be useful, and it refused to do my express bidding. Technology with an attitude is just too much for me.)

The whole reason I had such issues with a touchpad at all is because it suddenly seems as if all our usual, well-used bits of technology are reaching the end of their lives.  My phone can't seem to hold a charge anymore, and will randomly die and turn itself off, which I won't realize, since I think I *just* charged it.  Lots of missed calls result.  Please leave messages, friends, which I *might* receive in a few days after you call.  Sigh. 

Then our camera got sand in it on the last leg of our roadtrip, at the Great Sand Dunes--DH and I were being really careful with it, no one dropped it or handled it with sandy hands, but there were a few unexpected short gusts of blowing sand, and I guess that did it.  So, no working camera for our time at the Grand Canyon or Happy's 7th birthday when we got home. . . Sigh.

But the trouble most pertinent to this rant is with our computer:  our mouse freezes up, sometimes multiple times in one sitting, our keyboard batteries no longer want to hold a charge, and it just so happened last week our battery charger died at the same time the keyboard batteries did!  So, no charged batteries = no keyboard = me pecking away in frustration on DH's touchpad.

There are two conclusions to this rant:

1)  Thanks to my current 30-day Amazon Prime free trial, DH ordered a new charger and batteries which were delivered ASAP and as of Saturday morning TA DA I can type!!!! Yay!

2)  I am such the victim of FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS.  It was so good to keep reality in perspective through all this frustration--how completely over the top blessed are we, that these are the problems I am dealing with?

Source

In fact, I often find that the things that bug me in any given day are things that are really just reminders of my blessings.   The "First World Problems" meme is so funny because it is so pathetically true of most Americans:

this and following found here

 

Source

This and following images found here

Source

Oh, yes, I see myself in these. 

In a timely coincidence, one of my favorite bloggers, Lorraine from All Are Precious In His Sight wrote about this very topic this morning, sharing what Amy Block (from Building the Blocks) wrote about how her daily chores, needs, grumbles look so different now that God has her right where He wants her:

She writes:
He reminded me that the bathrooms I complained about cleaning were a blessing…That the dinner ideas I had so often whined about trying to come up with were a blessing…

And what I couldn’t help but to wonder was how many times in the past I had allowed Satan to distract me, to fill my head and my heart with my own shallow complaints, my own selfish wants, and my own agenda- that in the long run really don’t even matter. How much time had I wasted focusing on my own little world… when the world around me was crying out for [Jesus]?

The Blocks are a beautiful family, and their hearts are radiant with love for "the least of these" in Guatamala.  I encourage you to visit their blog and read the full post--the photos are what really give her words full meaning.  And would you please consider partnering with Village of Hope as they reach out to give real, hands-on help to a community in need?  

It could be somthing to do with all those linted pennies that are so annoying at the bottom of your purse. ; )

Seriously, I am so glad to be "back" and able to type, to share with you all what's in my heart and in my day.  I hope all of you have a great start to your week. 

the freecycle fairy

It starts like this:

Find stashes of still good stuff you don't really have a place or need for.  Grandmothers' attics are a great place to look.

Do you hear that, Smiley?

Saw them in concert there in at my hometown in Illinois in '87.  Now in California, where the actual Joshua Trees are. Small world.

You mean we can take Amanda the Honey Bear with us?  Yes, my dear girl, but only to find her a good home through freecycle.

And naturally leads to this:

Blessed
to Santa Cruz County Freecycle
OFFER: retro 80's digital clock--wor​king

A classic 1980's digital clock, with red luminous numbers, 2 alarms, radio, light, can run on battery or plug into wall.  ALL WORKS GREAT!

The only problem with this retro bad boy is that my husband just cracked the plastic front that covers the number display. : (  So, we decided to downgrade it from living room status (yes, we are that chic--it matched the boombox we use for a stereo ; ), but don't have use for it in any other rooms.

This clock radio would be PERFECT in a shop or garage or basement, someplace where you might want the radio and clock components and don't need it to look perfect.

Best of all, I will bring it to you!  Just tell me in your reply roughly where you are located and I will choose a recipient based upon the errands I will be running this week.

------------------------------------------------
Blessed
to Santa Cruz County Freecycle
OFFER: five wooden badminton raquets

raquets?  rackets?  you know what I mean.

Four vintage-feel wooden badminton raquets, some of which are slightly warped.  originally a very nice set--made in Japan.  warped didn't matter for my husband and kids and I to play with them in the yard--HYSTERICAL fun!  But now we have inherited another set and so want to find a home for these. 

If you are interested, I might be able to bring them to you! just let me know in your response roughly where you live.

--------------------------------------------------
Blessed
to Santa Cruz County Freecycle
OFFER: old but clean stuffed animals, including giant bunny

I have two medium sized stuffed animals from my childhood, recently reclaimed from my parents' attic in the Midwest.  They are in good used condition, and have lots of loving left in them--one is a bear, one is a dog.

The large bunny, Peter of course, is about 32 inches high, and is made for hugging.  All three stuffed animals smell and feel clean--just not new. My kids would love to keep them, but we just don't have room, so we brought them home from the grandparents' to freecycle.

Anyone have a home for them?

i will gladly bring them to you!  Just tell me roughly what area of town you are in, and I will choose according to my errands this next week.

----------------------------------------------------
Blessed
to Santa Cruz County Freecycle
OFFER: music, movie posters and art prints

I am hoping this offer makes somebody (or several somebodies) excited.  I just recovered all the posters my sister and I had up on the walls in high school and college.

music lot:
The Cure--Boys Don't Cry (the huge one)
Pixies
REM--tourfilm
U2--tour posted from the Joshua Tree tour
and a-ha!
 
art print lot:
2 Monet
3 M. C. Escher
1 Norman Rockwell

movie:
original Princess Bride poster (large)
original Willow poster (small)

i only ask that you take all of one lot, or take the whole lot! 

best of all, I will bring to you!  When you respond, just tell me roughly what area of town you are in, and I can bring by as I do errands next week.  I might be anywhere from Aptos to Scotts Valley, so never hurts to ask!


Which naturally leads to this:

Lynessa
to Blessed

I would LOVE that Princess Bride poster. It's my favorite movie.

-----------------------------
Brenda
to Blessed

Hello and good morning Blessed!

I would be delighted to receive the music posters. I'm a HUGE fan of The Cure and U2 and really like the Pixies, too. If these aren't already spoken for I would love to give them an honored space on my walls.

-----------------------------
Mary
to Blessed

Hi, i would love your clock, i have been looking for one for a while. i hope it has not been taken.

-----------------------------
Tehya
to Blessed

hi! we would love these! my daughter and i would have a blast on the beach..

-----------------------------

etc.

And ends up with:

me driving all over the Santa Cruz area in the dark tonight, dropping off goodies on people's doorsteps.  I was planning on doing it in bits and pieces, arranging my other errands and freecyling to be most efficient, but traffic during the day has been terrible (lots of tourist traffic as well as untimely construction on the highway) and my in-laws are coming this weekend, and I decided it would be well worth it to go out and about tonight after the kids were tucked into bed.

All the things I listed have new homes. And some of the things I delivered was to a family who are foster-adopting two little girls, and talking with the Grandma for a few minutes, I found out they homeschool, and do it through the same charter we do!

Freecycle is soooooo much fun.  You don't have to drop things off--most people just set them out and wait for someone to come get them.  But when I have things to go, I love just getting them gone, so I happily drive them to their new homes over the course of a week or so, as I do errands.

But tonight, it was totally worth the gas and time just to have them out of my life.

There will be quite a few people with surprises on their doorsteps in the morning!

Peter the rabbit is likely cuddling his new child, Brianna, tonight.  He and his other stuffed companions were delivered last week, left sitting on the porch of the interested family with a sign between Peter's paws that introduced them all by name and said they were so glad to be at their new home.  I got the cutest email from the mom later, telling me her daughter had decided not to change their names, since they had those names for so long, and that she loves them. : )

fun with attic diving #2

Me attempting to vamp in my bridesmaid dress from the wedding of my college suitemate Heather.  (It was such an elegant wedding, as you can see!)  By the way, I took pics of me in these dresses there at my parents' house because I was not planning on bringing them home to CA with me.  I just don't have room for everything (isn't that what Grandma's attic is for? ; )  And this dress was tailored to fit my newly married form; it fit like a glove even then, and a little more like a sausage casing now. . . (Heather, if you come by and see this, I realized I don't have ANY pics from your wedding!  If you have any extra, I would love to have one!)

I know, it is kinda a shame that I was modeling these dresses in my no-makeup, hair-not-brushed-cleaning mode, but I took advantage of the one chance I had to get a record of them before we gave them away.  This dress was my Grandma Evah's (my mother's mother) wedding dress, when she married her second husband.  I was in college, Grandma had just reacquainted with a man she knew as a child, who was now a retired veterinary doctor.  We called him "Doc." Grandma  was a widow, he was a widower, they reconnected and then married.  He was a really nice man, and she was a beautiful bride on her wedding day.  I am the only family member who is near Grandma's size (my cousin Katie and I take after her the most, but Katie is a petite little thing, while I am almost exactly Grandma's height).  I felt so tender for that beautiful dress, and it was a really tangible reminder of Grandma, who I miss.  So I could not give it away without one photo record of me in it.

(And by the way, the shoulder pads on that dress were enormous--I felt so silly in them--and yet look at what an elegant structure overall. Neo-Victorian, now that I take a second look, which is of course my favorite!)