tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19213064728253914472024-02-06T22:16:40.546-08:00O Blessed Day!Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.comBlogger660125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-23285892709840136332020-01-22T10:57:00.001-08:002020-01-22T10:57:42.368-08:00Hey, 2020!Hey anyone who sees this!<br />
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This is really a non-post. Just wanting to keep this space mine until I figure out what I want to do with it. (Don't want Blogger to think it has been entirely abandoned)<br />
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I got an email from someone whose blog I used to follow, someone whom I had some nice real-person interactions with, even if just long-distance. She was fundraising for something, and the email made me realize how much of her life had changed since I had last read anything in her blog. So I came back here--wow, it has been a long time since I visited my own blog even!--and realized that she hadn't posted any updates in a year as well. And most of the blogs I used to follow are no longer updated.<br />
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So I guess that means that blogs are seasonal things, and right now most of us are in a season where we don't have time, or don't want to share, or have other outlets for what we do want to share. And that's ok. Except I found myself going back to blogs of families and wanting to hear how they are. Wanting to see more photos. Wanting to hear how the story has continued for them. The families I were following were interesting people who I actually cared about and would pray for. They don't owe me anything. But I wish they would post an update. : )<br />
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Which I guess means that I should do the same! But I don't think this blog has any followers anyway--at least, besides friends and family members who already know what I'm up to. ; ) But if you are an occasional reader and want a life update let me know and I'll willingly oblige.<br />
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But I do hope anyone who reads this is content with life, and learning and growing in positive ways, and is finding ways to be fulfilled, and hearing God (or at least listening!), and has something to look forward to this next year.<br />
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Still<br />
BlessedBlessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-42494804541711707852018-03-27T19:58:00.001-07:002018-03-27T20:00:00.127-07:00Planning some fun for 2018Starting with a new purchase:<br />
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<i>Apparently we really are tiny home people. </i></div>
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<i>A nice interior update to the 80s vintage of the trailer. Just needs some fresh paint and a few minor things and this baby is ready for adventure.</i></div>
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<i>Look! 4 bunks, each with its own window! This was probably what sold me on this particular trailer--each kid gets his or her own bed, which will probably be a blessing for the long adventure we are currently dreaming up.</i></div>
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<i>Yes, that is extra sleeping space up above the dinette. This trailer can sleep 8 people! We will mostly use that for extra storage while on the road, but this means we could also take a set of grandparents or a couple of friends along for bit of fun. </i></div>
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These are all the seller's original photos--but I will update with my own photos after we make a few improvements! </div>
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So that's it for now--just wanted to share a bit of excitement as it unfolds. : )</div>
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Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-44901725666111196252017-07-17T15:28:00.003-07:002017-07-17T15:29:12.465-07:00New blog headerHow's that for a blog post title that immediately piques your interest? ; )<br />
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I've been thinking about this blog a lot lately. This one and <i>Minnie Zephie's Steampunk Treasure Trunk</i>--that blog clearly not currently living up to it's awesome name. I've mentioned already several times why I don't blog much these days--so skip this part, it's just for my own thought process:<br />
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--my writing and thinking time ends up going towards the high school lit classes I develop and teach<br />
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--the things in my head for the past several years are too big or too private to write about here. I even started a hand-written journal last year to process some of it--and that is woefully neglected too. ; )<br />
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--blogging used to invigorate me, but now when I think about it I just feel tired & overwhelmed. It feels like one more area of my life that I'm "failing" in.<br />
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--facebook has taken the place of the funny quips and things I would sometimes post here.<br />
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--since I think only my mom and my dear Susan ever read it anymore (hi Mom! hi Susan!) it doesn't seem worth the effort. A phone call is better for catching up and actually building relationship than my blog navel-gazing.<br />
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--and on that last note--why bother? why would I think anyone is interested in my "deep thoughts"?<br />
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OK. Time for speaking some Truth:<br />
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--it's ok that I am not taking the time to blog. It may just be that the season has passed. That's not only ok, but good. The space in my life for blogging is now being used by other, way better things.<br />
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--I do still have thoughts that are better processed in writing, so I will probably always want to write in some fashion. But writing is a tool for me, but an end goal. I need to remember that, so I am ok with the process being what it is, however it is, and not worrying about what it looks like.<br />
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--I'm not failing at blogging. I'm just putting blogging in an appropriate ranking in my life's priorities. So I'll call that a success. ; )<br />
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--I do know my loved ones enjoy seeing pics of the kids, and maybe there are some that I would not share with the entire family on facebook. This could be a good place to supplement those phone calls!<br />
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--very few people are interested in my "deep thoughts." That's ok, and back to the point above--need to remind myself that that's not the point. It is the processing of ideas that is the point.<br />
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--And once upon a time I felt like I was sharing life with some of you, long-distance. Facebook is not currently doing that for me; it is great to know what people are up to, if their kids are sick, what dramatic weather is happening in their area, who's having a birthday and what kind of cake they had. etc. But it's not the same as hearing the thoughts and feelings of other people, and getting invited into their worlds, that I used to get from being in ongoing relationships with other bloggers. So maybe when I share here anyone still reading won't think I'm full of myself, but will see it as a longing for sharing live with you.<br />
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And speaking of that last, anyone who is getting these posts to your inbox but doesn't want to--unsubscribe! You have my full permission!<br />
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So, all that boring stuff said: new blog header!<br />
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It's not actually my choice. Apparently that adorable bird and notepaper image was from the web and not a photo; photobucket, which was hosting the image, decided I had to start paying for the privilege. Um, no. I'm just sad that I lost that sweet image--it spoke to my heart! And looked so good with this backdrop.<br />
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I tried to hunt it down with a few google image searches, but to no avail. Instead, bizarrely I found the image I am using now. Instantly riveting. I have a fondness for urban decay photography--it is so fascinating to look at such images and image the lives of the buildings before they fell into ruin, and the lives they live now. I love visual texture, and such buildings always have such awesome contrasts of worn paint, crumbling stone, nature encroaching, and eerie lighting through long-broken windows.<br />
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My brain wants to live there.<br />
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And, practically speaking, I knew the color palette of that image would be great with my own blog's colors--if the subject a bit of ironic melancholy in contrast to the cheerful print.<br />
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Of course with that new image I had to let go of the tagline: "facing each day with humor, humility, and hopefully a whole lotta love."<br />
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I tried instead "welcome to my world." But I can't figure out how to make the font fit the image, so decided just to let the image stand on it's own.<br />
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Seriously, though, the image fits my mental space. I only wish I could have fit the whole thing in:<br />
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If you double-click on it you will hopefully be able to see the whole thing in its glory. I not only love the balance of the composition in the full image, but I also love the juxtaposition of the light and peaceful left side of the image and the dark and brooding right. That's my mind all, right. ; )<br />
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We won't make any metaphors about the doorway inviting the viewer into a great big ol' black nothingness.<br />
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Here's to a few minutes of fixing something broken (even if it's just my blog header).<br />
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I just might update the images of the kids next. . . : )<br />
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Happy Monday, wherever you are and whatever you are doing!<br />
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Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-88228895572998924852017-01-02T22:38:00.000-08:002017-01-03T16:44:57.143-08:00The Best of 2016: TillyIt's been a looooooong time since I blogged. I'm so rusty at it, but I want to try today because a) I would like to share some things with you, and b) I'm concerned that if I don't, Blogger will sell this off to some foreigner who will take it over just for the few followers and turn it into an ad site. This is way too personal for me--even now--so I shudder at the thought! (And it also makes me wonder if I should preserve the stuff I've blogged somehow. . . but that's fodder for another day.)<br />
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I want to look back on 2016 and share some of the best parts of it. Partly just for fun, and partly because I want to remind myself of the good stuff. And there was good stuff.<br />
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So here's the first Good Thing: Tilly.<br />
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I'm using mostly the photos that the seller used in his listing, so it does not look quite like this now (it's nestled against a fence under our redwoods at the side of the front yard, and has different decor) but his photos were good and I'm lazy. Besides, it's fun to show you the photos that first caught my eye!<br />
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She is a 1951 Boles Aero. The outside is aluminum, which we could polish to a high shine like those fancy Airstreams--but we're leaving her dull. Both DH and I like the look, and also it makes her blend into her surroundings better; if we polish her up she might look like something worth stealing.<br />
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<i>The view from the front door (click on any photos to embiggen)</i></div>
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I came up with the idea of getting a trailer this past summer. I realized it would solve several problems we have, mainly the need for a space for guests and the need for quiet home office space for DH, who is now working from home 3 days a week minimum on the average week, and who was spending hours sitting out with his laptop in the car. (I booted him out there. It was just crazy making to have him home and working in the living room and then we all had to drop what we were doing and go into the bedroom and pretend we didn't exist whenever he had a phone meeting. I just asked him to do it when he had meetings but he would end up staying out there all day sometimes, and that's just not a good solution.) <br />
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<i>The dinette at the front. the table folds down and the cushions lay flat to make a bed. It's pretty comfortable--I've slept on it for one night! There's lots of storage underneath and behind that far back cushion. </i></div>
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So I started looking around the web at what might be available, first locally and then branching out to other states when I realized how few camper trailers would meet all our desires & needs. I wanted vintage because I wanted an interior of real materials that I could clean and might hopefully be healthier to be around than outgassing plastics. And of course because I wanted to actually like it. I am not such a snob that I didn't consider something less cool, and spent several hours looking at and considering more modern options. But even though there was an abundance of late 60's, 70's and 80's trailers, they were all so depressing. I realized there was no point in even considering a trailer that I would not actually want to be inside--and there were no trailers of those vintages that I could envision myself in that didn't involve "Jack and Diane" playing the background and me developing a drinking problem and wanting to grab a rifle and go shoot something. Possibly myself.<br />
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<i>The adorable kitchen. </i></div>
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So that vintage choice narrowed down the field considerably, since most older campers are either way out of our price range or are in need of complete restoration. So that was another determination--we had to get a camper that was usable as is. It was fine for it to need some work, but it needed to meet our basic needs immediately with very little cost or effort. But yet it had to be imperfect and in need of repair or we could never afford it! <br />
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<i>With surprising amount of storage!</i></div>
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I also had a specific layout in mind. I wanted a "real" bed, not a fold-down sofa, and I wanted it to be in the back of the trailer so there was a distinction between living and sleeping spaces. This was because I was envisioning a few years when we might have a college girl who needs a more independent but cheap space to live in.<br />
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Not only does this trailer have a little bedroom in the back--with another door for emergency egress, even--but it has a sliding wooden door so it can be closed off from the kitchen. <br />
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Ideally I wanted the trailer to have a tiny water closet--just a toilet, although a shower would be an awesome bonus.<br />
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A functional toilet/bedside table combo was not quite what I had in mind. </div>
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But a closet that can easily be build out to fit around a toilet? Yes. And in the meantime there's plenty of room for a camping toilet (in fact DH's parents left theirs after they visited and it's in that closet as I type). </div>
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For it to be a full livable space for a young person it would also need plenty of good storage space, and I was particular that it needed one full-length closet for hanging things. This trailer has two, so which means decent clothing storage even with one closet converted to a toilet room.<br />
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Of course to get the separate sleeping space the trailer was not going to be the teeny-tiny kind--but we also needed it to fit between two redwood trees at the side of our yard. That made another restraint on my looking--it could not be longer than approximately 22 ft, but shorter would be better. This one is 18 ft.<br />
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With all these specific desires and needs in mind I looked and looked. I found two possible trailers. . . in Michigan. Another cute affordable restoration. . . in Florida. (If a trailer was perfect enough we would have traveled to get it--but closer would clearly be better.) I tried to buy here in California but didn't win the bid. . . . By the time I found this one, I had looked enough to know that it was a real contender. And it was only 2 1/2 hours away from us! There were two other trailers we considered (one was so awesome--it had a toilet already and a working vintage pot-bellied stove! So sweet.) but had to knock out of the running for various practical considerations. So it ended up being this trailer . . . . or I'd have to wait a few months and start the search all over again, which I was not about to do (It took me several weekends of obsessive looking--because when you find a good one it is likely to be snatched up quickly, so you have to be thorough but fast). When I called to inquire about this one from the owner, he said there was someone else interested who was going to tell him yes or no after the weekend. I said we would be there first, cash in hand. So DH and I got up early and drove up to Sacramento first thing Monday morning to look at it, ready to purchase on the spot.<br />
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<i>(I had to take a picture for posterity, because we went to the bank and cashed in all the bonds my grandmother Evah had given me for important life events--birthdays, graduations, marriage, etc.--to pay for part of the trailer. I've been saving them all these years, and they are finally all completely mature. And I finally had something worth using them for.)</i></div>
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We had such a specific list of things we needed/wanted, and I still can't believe we got them all, in a trailer that was a "fixer upper" enough to be affordable but in good enough condition to be usable immediately. This trailer only has minor issues, mainly that the heater, fridge and stove all need maintenance, so they don't currently work. That is so not a big deal. I don't even need those things right now, and the seller was confident that they would be easily restored, and even updated from propane to electric. The other issues with the trailer are just that almost everything is original (he made new cushions for the dinette and his wife made the new curtains) and so looks worn and needs a tlc. The linoleum in particular has two damaged places--easily covered with those floor rugs and putting in new flooring is not a big deal when we want to do something about it. There's likely asbestos and lead in a few places, but if we leave those places alone it's fine for now. There's some hardware missing on the back window that needs to be replaced so it shuts properly. There's that whole toilet "improvement" someone made that will have to be dealt with. And we need to get new keys made for the doors. And of course we would want to get a new mattress. But that's it. Those are the "totally fine for now" flaws that put this trailer within our price range. <br />
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In person the trailer was just like it looked in all these pics, and talking to the owner we felt really confident in the purchase. He's a hobbyist, and car guy, and so when we realized there was a problem with the door handles not locking from the inside he just got his tools and fiddled with the handles for an hour until he got them working! The more we hung around and chatted, the more we liked him and his wife--and the more we realized we were buying the trailer from the best possible source. Because they are literally the people who wrote the book on vintage campers:<br />
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They also are the editors of the <a href="http://www.vintagecampertrailers.com/">Vintage Camper Trailers</a> magazine! The more we chatted the more we realized they are not only experts in the field, but are also a Christian homeschool family! Needless to say, the whole transaction was extremely positive and felt like it was meant to be.<br />
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We brought the trailer home, somehow wedged it between those two redwood trees, and immediately started using it:<br />
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<i>DH working and helping Merry with math. It's darker with the back curtains closed, but we're not crazy about the view of the neighbor's plastic fence. </i></div>
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And it has wonderfully met all our needs. DH moved his home office into it within the week. We bought a nice mattress for that back bed and when my parents came to visit us we gave them our bed (since it comes with a working bathroom!) inside the house and DH and I slept out in the trailer every night, quite comfortably. When my in-laws came this fall they stayed in it--warm and cozy, even if the rain is a bit loud on the roof. It's a great space for me to go and make phone calls of my own, or even to have the occasional quiet napping or reading space for a needed break. And the kids sometimes go out to the trailer to play or do schoolwork or practice music--or make a whole world for their Barbies.<br />
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But the trailer has been even more of a blessing that I had ever imagined.<br />
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For example, another practical need that I had was storage space for Costco and stocking up during sales. I realized the trailer would perfectly meet that need! So now the kitchen cupboards and drawers hold pasta and crackers and food stuffs, while the large cupboards on the fridge wall hold paper goods. I even use the fridge and oven for storage if I need it!<br />
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Other blessings that have come from the space is the ability to retreat into it when DH and I need to have a private conversation. We've really needed to have a lot of those kinds of discussions this past year, and somehow the trailer feels like a sanctuary. A safe space. I'm sure everyone else takes for granted the ability for parents to close a door and have a conversation away from child ears but we haven't had that for the past 12 years, and it was very much needed. <br />
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We've learned it is also perfect for one-on-one discussions with the girls--I've already had so many meaningful talks with them when things have been rough. So much bonding made possible because of that "away" space.<br />
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And then this holiday season I discovered another, wonderful blessing: a space for me to have just for doing Christmas things! In previous years I had bins under the house that I would stash packages and presents in as I gathered them--but it's no fun standing in a dirt crawlspace opening and sorting. Then I would have to wait until Home Christmas Eve when the kids were in bed before I could get any of it out and wrap presents, stuff stockings, etc. Which meant it has always been a super late night--which of course you all can identify with. But I've never even had a kid-free place to wrap presents in. This year the mysterious bubble envelopes from Ebay and brown boxes from Amazon were starting to pile up unobtrusively in the living room (awaiting me to go find them a storage bin under the house) when the lightbulb came on in my head: I could stash the things in the empty (well, except for camping toilet) trailer closets! So that's what I did. And when I got enough things amassed I used the bed as my space to sit and open packages and organize. I had light, a comfy seat, and even had a heater turned on! And the best part was when the box of Fannie May candies arrived and I decided one of the boxes of Mint Meltaways was for Santa. You can see it in the pic, the low white box on the back of the toilet/bedside table. That really turned the space into my private Christmas retreat. The only other thing I needed was music--and yet, the hours of quiet were music to my tired mommy ears too.<br />
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Not the best pic, being at night at from my cell phone, but this is where I spent many a happy hour this past month.<br />
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(You can see the vintage quilt I have on the bed too! That was another little piece of happiness, because two summers ago, when I was looking at vintage quilts on Ebay, I saw this one and for some reason decided I was going to bid on it. I have no idea why. I see so many gorgeous things and don't feel the need to own them. I didn't need it. It's adorably retro but not really the style or colors of our house. So after I bought it I immediately chided myself--why did I waste the money? It also smelled vaguely like mothballs--I forgot to ask the seller about such odor. Sigh. So I tucked it away in storage and decided not to worry about it for now. Until we got the trailer this past summer, and I realized the quilt's odd size is exactly right for the custom trailer bed! And the retro style is perfect for the vintage of the trailer! And the colors are so cute in that space! And the trailer has lots of healthy air exchange built in so the quilt is getting to be used but air out at the same time! So one more little thing about the trailer situation that makes me happy. It was almost like purchasing that quilt was foreshadowing for our purchasing the trailer. : )<br />
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So this past month the kitchen became the place to wrap presents (and store cookies to keep them cool when I didn't have freezer space! Sure, it gets nice and toasty in there when we have the space heater on, but otherwise food stays cold).<br />
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And on Home Christmas Eve, the dinette became the place to store empty boxes and things that were wrapped and ready to go. (It got more organized as the night went on ; )<br />
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So the trailer--which I dubbed Tilly when we were pulling her behind our car Lettie on the way home after her purchase--has been such a blessing to us this year in so many ways. Overall, I can't believe we got such a cute and functional trailer for the price we did. It was expensive still, but as my dad put it, it was the cheapest home addition we could have made!<br />
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And one of the most special things about it--while it was my idea, DH got behind it and supported me in it. It became something we did together in a year when we were really struggling to live in partnership because of all the family dysfunction we're finally seeing and trying to learn to deal with in healthier ways. This was something we did together, being proactive about our home needs, our family needs, our relational needs. It was totally worth it, and one of the best things that happened in this past year.<br />
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Thanks for letting me share it with you!<br />
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<br />Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-85495166135740751172015-11-21T19:18:00.001-08:002016-02-20T15:41:43.321-08:00Italian Quinoa BowlThis is the other recipe I came up with that is SO SO SO good. Please do try it sometime and let me know what you think. : )<br />
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I just cook quinoa in my rice cooker, using the prescribed liquid ration of 1:2. (That's quinoa to water) I like it best when I use chicken broth for cooking the quinoa, but water is also fine. </div>
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Then in my dutch oven on the stovetop, I saute 1-2 onions (depending upon how big they are) in oil, and then add thickly sliced & quartered zucchini and yellow squash and fresh green beans. I've sometimes added cauliflower too. Pour in a little chicken broth and let the veggies cook until just done. Turn off the heat and add lots of fresh chopped tomato, LOTS of fresh torn basil, and at least 2-3 big cloves of garlic, pressed right into the pot. Yes, that much raw garlic. Trust me. Stir it all up. Add pepper and sea salt and serve over the quinoa!</div>
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Again, it is really easy and it is SO good. Mmmmmm. I could eat it all day. Wait--sometimes I do. ; )</div>
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And it's SUPER healthy for you! </div>
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(You can also top it with feta or fresh shredded parmesan. Mmmmm. But the original recipe is vegetarian (easily vegan if use veggie broth), grain and gluten free, and full of anti-oxidants! And did I mention filling and comforting?)</div>
Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-25426580361996986902015-11-21T18:47:00.000-08:002015-11-21T18:47:29.671-08:00Super Good (for you) Cabbage SaladSo, one thing I didn't mention yet is that I've been in a healthy crisis for the past couple of months--since Labor Day weekend. I don't want to go into the story now, but the bottom line is that I developed really severe heart palpitations after I eat (among other symptoms, which all seem to be related to insulin, or the adrenal system. . .? I spent weeks researching and trying to figure out what it could be and decided to start with an elimination diet for candida (which does lead to many of the symptoms I've been having, and which I've suspected I have had for a few years--but not enough to actually stop me from eating sugar ; ). The diet is severe: no grains, no starchy veggies, no beans, no dairy other than plain yogurt and raw butter (both of which I already eat and enjoy), no fruit, no sugar, no processed foods or preserved meats, no tea or chocolate.<br />
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Yeah. You're probably thinking what I was thinking.<br />
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But I felt so horrible and at least once a day my heart felt like I was having a heart attack and my head felt like I was having a stroke--and when you feel so horrible, you just don't even want to eat anything anymore.<br />
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But I also decided to ease into the diet--partly because it would be easier and partly because I wanted to avoid die-off syndrome in my gut (when bad gut bacteria, starved of their normal diet, have a mass die-off and as your body expels all the dead bacteria you end up with symptoms like having the bad stomach flu.) So I figured I'd slowly reduce the colonies of bad bacteria while purposefully introducing plenty of good bacteria back into my gut through probiotics. I'm not going crazy--the probiotics I'm ingesting are through the whole organic yogurt with live cultures, and through these really tasty bottled drinks called KeVita--expensive, but they contain 4 live cultures, are super low in sugar (1g) and one way I can feel like I am "treating" myself through this process. Besides, one bottle typically lasts me for 3 servings. <br />
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Anyway, since I've been "cheating" on the diet a little, that means I've been eating a little grain, a little fruit. And yes, I've even tried the ocassional cup of black tea with milk. ; ) I even found some dark chocolate with stevia instead of sugar--no sugar added! the label pronounced. But my heart still races afterwards, so clearly I still should not imbibe. But I sometimes sneak a few very small squares. ; )<br />
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A typical day's diet might look like this:<br />
Breakfast = bowl organic whole plain yogurt (good) with small serving blueberries (cheating, but super healthy cheat--very low in sugar and very high in antioxidants and vitamins), sprinkled with ground flax seed, hemp seed, chia seed, and cinnamon (all excellent for me).<br />
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Lunch = bowl of cabbage salad (very good for me)<br />
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Lunch #2 = roasted chicken wing with grilled asparagus (both from a local deli--I sometimes pick up food and that's another way I "treat" myself while on this strict diet)<br />
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Dinner = Homemade guacamole with raw garlic, tomato, apple cider vinegar (super good for me)--but with a few organic gluten-free multi-grain tortilla chips (bad for me--but c'mon!) with 1/3 a bottle of KeVita.<br />
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See? Not so bad. But the problem is that I've been so busy lately, or not feeling good, and I haven't known what to make for my family that meets my requirements, so I just end up cooking for them and then scrounging for myself, which as you can see is not easy. But when I do get the energy and inspiration to cook, I've come up with a few recipes that were SO AMAZINGLY GOOD that I would make them anyway! So here's one of them, which is so good and easy that I wanted to share with you.<br />
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<u>Super Good (for you) Cabbage Salad</u><br />
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Both red and green cabbage, chopped finely.<br />
Very small amount of red onion, minced (to do taste--a little goes a long way)<br />
Olive oil<br />
Apple cider vinegar<br />
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Mix all ingredients above--and sorry, I don't have amounts, since I always just cook by feel. : ) Just look up a recipe for vinegar & oil dressing if you want to know proportions. But be careful--the ACV can pack a punch. If you accidentally get too much, just add more oil. But this will not be a juicy salad)<br />
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Sprinkle with a generous helping and then mix in:<br />
Hemp seed<br />
Chia seed<br />
Sunflower seeds (sprouted if you can get them)<br />
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Then just sprinkle with a little salt & pepper and make sure all is mixed! This salad is so easy, and is very yummy--very subtle flavor. Goes really well with roasted chicken and grilled asparagus. ; ) But most of all, it is super healthy and good for you!<br />
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I'll share my other favorite recipes in a different post.<br />
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Oh, and after eating this way for about 2 months now, I think I have ruled out candida. I might still have it, but I don't think it is making my heart go crazy. There is something else going on, and I wonder if it is connected to all the low-blood-sugar issues I've had for 10 years! I actually have a doctor's appointment on Monday (the DO I wanted to see had a 4 week wait) and so I'm hoping then I can start the journey to figuring out what is wrong with me. But until then, this diet has really helped my symptoms quiet somewhat, even though they still happen--just not to the degree they did before. (Like I rarely have any head pressure now and some other symptoms went away). So I will keep it up! And keep trying to make it even healthier. I mean, when I end up eating a few chips with my guac several times a week, that's no longer a cheat--that's a diet. So thanks for letting me share the recipes I come up with--it might help inspire me to invent more!<br />
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<br />Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-27089124626459021512015-11-15T21:33:00.001-08:002015-11-19T09:34:00.853-08:00Baptism Sunday Sunny first expressed interest in being baptized this summer, and so when our church announced they were having a Baptism Sunday (happens several times a year), she was eager. She made a heart commitment to Jesus a couple years back, when she was at the summer houseboat camp with her church youth group, but I never urged her to make it public--I feel strongly that kids should not be coached on taking such faith steps. It should come from them, not from the parents. Then a few weeks back Merry told me she wanted to be baptized too. Apparently she very recently made her own heart commitment, and wanted to join her sister, who was thrilled. (And that made me happy, that these sisters could share such a moment and neither wanted the spotlight for themselves, you know?)<br />
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As a side note--we have been going to the 9 am service as a family (the two older kids join DH and I in the worship gathering while the two younger go to Sunday School), and then taking the two older kids back for youth group/Sunday school in the evening. I have always wanted my kids to grow up being in the church service. . . but without the support of my husband, and being sleep deprived for so many years with babies and young children. . . it just never happened. But one thing to come out of the past couple of emotionally and spiritually hard years is a new determination to not let life keep sliding on by--to be much more intentional about how I live and the choices I make. So when our church announced a 10 week long series on Discipleship I knew this was the time--and it was so perfect because I had just started reading the words of Jesus with the kids in our morning Bible time. And lo and behold, I love going to the early service, and I never wish I could have slept in, and I love having Sunny and Merry in the service, and DH has been supportive, and that has been one of the best parts of this whole Fall. I really think the series was part of Merry's heart choice too. With church first thing in the morning and again in the early evening we don't have much time for other things--and that's working out perfectly fine too. There's just enough time for some relaxing without totally wasting the day, or just enough time for a family bike ride or something like that. And my dear Becky often very sweetly helps carpool the girls to their youth group so we have not had to schlep over to Santa Cruz every time. It's all been great.<br />
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So this morning was the baptism. Last week pastor Dan texted Doug to ask if he wanted to be in the tank baptizing the girls, and he said yes. The girls were happy about that too. And I thought it was thoughtful that last night Doug asked me if I wanted to be part of it too. I was content to be the photographer on the front row, sitting next to Happy and Smiley.<br />
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Mom and Rebecca have already seen these photos because I shared them on facebook for my MIL (who had really wanted to be there for the baptism, and had asked if they couldn't wait until the next time the church did them so she & FIL could be there. . . which was sweet, but I was also glad the girls said no they wanted to do it now. Let's all be so confident in not allowing other people to dictate how we express our love for God! : ). But I made the photo album on facebook only for family members (starting to be more private about the photos I share there), so I'm sharing here because I wanted whoever of you are still coming by to get to see them too. : )<br />
Sunny making her statement of faith, led by her daddy.<br />
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<span style="text-align: start;">Before the baptism, after they had already all climbed into the tub. The guys both had terrible expressions so I cropped them out--but I liked the girls' peeking out past the strong shoulders of DH and Dan while Dan was making introductions. Let's imagine it's a spiritual metaphor. : )</span></div>
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<span style="text-align: start;">Sunny making her statement of faith, led by her daddy. </span></div>
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Merry's turn to declare her faith, led by her daddy. </div>
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New creations, damp and modeling the little gold crosses I gave them as a celebratory present afterwards. </div>
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Dan and my dear Becky's girls celebrating with them. </div>
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As my two girls came dripping out of the tub, Miss C and Miss K came rushing over with their towels (they had been sitting on a pew to the side, awaiting the moment) and there was a general hubbub of teen girl activity while the church body applauded the two new additions to the fold. : ) It totally made me laugh--it was like a handmaiden procession out the side door, full of fuss and excitement, because apparently the two sodden sisters could not dry off and change on their own, so C and K and Happy went out with them.<br />
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My girls are turning into young ladies, and I'm looking forward to seeing the women they become. I am praying they are women who seek after God with all their hearts and all their minds and all their strength. : )<br />
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<br />Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-31276341928117255352015-11-15T19:14:00.003-08:002015-11-15T21:33:29.913-08:00Halloween 2015Never too late for photos, right?<br />
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We upgraded our computer to the latest Windows OS and then realized that our camera was no longer supported. So until the company comes out with a software patch, Doug has to get the camera to upload to his laptop, and then from there to our computer. Clearly not something I can just sit down and do at my convenience.<br />
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But their costumes this year were really fun, so I think still worth sharing. Hey, I made it before Thanksgiving!<br />
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The literary theme this year: Alice in Wonderland<br />
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Alice</div>
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The Queen of Hearts (teen ballet version)</div>
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The Caterpillar</div>
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The Mad Hatter</div>
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A flower and the White Rabbit</div>
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FIL was visiting and even came with a knight costume--so they pretended he was one of the royal guards</div>
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This was the first year we actually bought one or two items for their costumes, but most of it was still scrounged from our closets and our friends' dance costume collection. Our friend (the White Rabbit) also is a clever costumer--I have a feeling that's what she is going to do someday for a living. She made the Queen of Hearts crown last year, and the skirt this year. She also made The Mad Hatter's hat and bowtie. We purchased the goggles and the pendant the Mad Hatter is wearing--she was originally not thrilled with the idea of being this character until I suggested a female Steampunk version. Then she was excited, and I was so pleased with the end result--the clothing items she is wearing are mostly all mine, things I regularly wear! (you can't see her boots and tights, also mine--and she borrowed the shirt from her daddy). We cobble together pretty well around here! <br />
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There were some really pretty details to their costumes that the camera doesn't really show. Like Alice's key necklace, and the "drink me" labeled bottle in her basket. Or the functioning gears on the Mad Hatter's pendant (it's like a pocket watch).<br />
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Or the nice makeup job our friends did on the Mad Hatter. The Caterpillar had character-flavored face paint too. </div>
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Or the sweet heart hairdo on the Queen of Hearts. </div>
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The dramatic night scene</div>
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<br />Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-29261886723671662272015-11-02T12:23:00.001-08:002015-11-02T12:23:45.692-08:00HI!It has clearly been waaaaaayyyyy too long since I've blogged. I don't even remember how to do it anymore! I know why I slowed down the blogging last year (except for the MIL processing), and why I pretty much stopped this year:<br />
* too much to say--just don't even know where to begin, and it is overwhelming to even think about<br />
* the stuff I would want to say I don't feel like saying, and don't know if I should be saying.<br />
* being a tad anti-social and hiding because of everything swimming around in my head.<br />
* my creative writing urges are being spent on developing my LitWits "Master Classes"<br />
* big struggle with brain fog this past year--so when I have the spare moments of time I usually want to rest my brain, not be creative. It's been a big Netflix year. <i>Sigh</i>.<br />
* feeling like I have too many things needing my attention pretty much every moment of every day. So my blog, even though a good thing, has become a thing it's ok to let go, without feeling guilty.<br />
* 'cause at the end of the day--<i>one less thing</i> is really, really good.<br />
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But here are the reasons I want to blog right at this moment:<br />
* A while ago I saw a blog on my sidebar that had been an adoption blog suddenly show up with a whole different face and people and purpose--and I realized that oh, right Blogger will take unused blogs and either delete them or allow other people to take them over (sometimes if they were blogs with big followings that appear to be abandoned Blogger will sell them!) and I don't even think they give you advance notice. I would be so upset if this blog, or Minnie Zephie's, were abruptly taken away from me. So I'm going to think about long-term saving of the info (save it to my computer, print it out into books--different people do it different ways and I'll have to think what makes the most sense) but until then I'd better at least be sure they do not appear abandoned!<br />
* I have fallen out of touch with pretty much everyone, even my family, pretty much because of all the things mentioned above. So this is one way to step back out into the social world a little. : )<br />
* I would like to make a concerted effort to celebrate the good. This might be a safe place to do it.<br />
* I am also doing so much processing in my life, and maybe there will be some things that are safe/a good idea to process here. I have been processing more mentally--but I forget things so easily--way too easily!--and that is so discouraging, when it feels like I am learning so much and God shows me things and then I forget them!!!!! Sheesh! <br />
(I have started writing in paper journals--one for different facets of my life. Trying to write down the good things, the encouraging things, the wise things. The things I need to remember but that are maybe too private for sharing here. But even then, I forget to write things down when they happen or when God shows them to me, and then they are lost forever. So blogging a little more might help me get better about recording in general.)<br />
* I forget that blogging is fun! : )<br />
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So I'm not making any promises. I'm just going to post this, and hopefully post in Minnie Zephie, and we'll call it good, until next time whenever that is. : ) I don't want bloggin to be a stressful thing--I have enough stressful things in my life already! So thank you in advance for reading this, for caring, for understanding. : )<br />
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And I have to make all that reading worth something, so here are some pics! <br />
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<b>Feb-Mar 2015 random happenings:</b><br />
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<i>Happy and Smiley as a nurse and orderly. </i></div>
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<i>Saturday morning reading in bed. There's DH still attempting sleep at the back. ; )</i></div>
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<i>A Barbie game in the bedroom during quiet time. </i></div>
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<i>Merry on her 12th birthday.</i></div>
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<i>Happy getting one last portrait in the little apron that she inherited from my mother. She has loved and cherished it. . . </i></div>
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<i>. . . and has sometimes dressed her little brother in it.</i></div>
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<i>For some reason I don't have many photos of Sunny from that period. It was probably a big buckle-down school period and she was most often doing required school. I don't want to talk about it. This post is supposed to be about the good stuff. ; ) So here's a pretty photo of her from last winter.</i></div>
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OK, so that's not much, but it is a start. I hope you all are doing well and are starting your holiday season with lots of love and no stress.<br />
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<br />Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-54709173663072644242015-01-28T11:13:00.004-08:002015-01-28T12:37:30.657-08:00It being Wednesday, I'm Anti-Procrastinating This Post; )<br />
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Good morning everyone! This is a post that is looooooong overdue. I've been writing a post to wrap up Christmas--with photos!--but it just seems like my brain is harder to get into blog mode these days.<br />
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I still want to write that post-Christmas post, even if its Feb when I do! I want to share some good--and God--things about our holidays, including the time in Chico. My scripture when I opened my Bible this morning was from the Psalms, when David was lamenting feeling far removed from God, and so he decided to purposefully look back and reflect upon all that God had done for His people. I want to be sure to write the God stuff--I want to be able to look back and see His goodness in my life. : )<br />
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So, I'll see if I can't finish that later today. After all, it is Wednesday, anti-procrastination day!<br />
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Actually, I'm making this Anti-Procrastination Week. I feel like this is just one of those times when the things needing attended to are (literally!) piling up around me. And yet, this is a week when I have a little bit of breather room and can get things done. So, I am!<br />
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The skinny:<br />
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Things are good.<br />
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<b><i>School.</i></b><br />
School has settled down A LOT, all to do with my fabulous ES Terry. That does not mean things are running as smoothly as they should in the high school department, but at least it's not completely overwhelming like it was last semester. (Which was partly my fault, because I had not quite understood what we were getting into, and partly not my fault, because the school was changing rules even as the semester went on, and even my amazing ES would have to frequently talk to higher-ups to figure out what the heck was required. That's not the school's fault either--since it is a public charter, the State had suddenly decided to be all up in its business and so they were having to scramble to address changes the State was making, from what I understand. But still--one big headache.)<br />
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With the other kids, I'm finding myself toying more and more with the idea of unschooling. I would not ever completely unschool--at this point I fear it would be more like just giving up, and research seems to prove that unschooling really only works best when it is a family lifestyle that the kids engage with from the beginning of their "schooling." But the idea of it--letting go of the need to control what the kids learn, trusting in their own God-given curiosity to inspire them to learn, not really using traditional textbooks or programs to "do school"--has been really helpful for me, after all the stresses of last semester. When I step back and look at everything they do and learn on a "bare bones school" day, it is so good to see all the learning and brain-growth that happened. They really are taking in what we learn and do, and helping grow their brains is the important thing--not the specific tool/method used to do it.<br />
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<i>redwood logging</i></div>
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<i>they built a model of the transcontinental railroad. (that "snow" represents the Sierra Nevadas.) It was their idea entirely--when learning and play naturally meld together </i></div>
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<i>(if you look carefully you can see DH and three of our kids)</i></div>
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<i>the kids all made homemade bows & arrows. and spear</i>s. </div>
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<i>and slingshots.</i></div>
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<i>what we imagine public school feels like. </i></div>
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<i>(just kidding! ; )</i></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>math</i></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>history</i></div>
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<i>um. . . art? woodshop?</i></div>
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<i>this photo sums it all up perfectly</i></div>
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In other words, its all good.<br />
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(exhale)<br />
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(And look at that! I just did a School in Review for the Fall! I always mean to do those and never remember or get around to it. Score one for Anti-Procrastination Day! <br />
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Also, those photos represent just some of the fun and learning-valuable things we did this past Fall. There are more things recorded in photos still on my phone, or DH's phone, or things we didn't document at all. It is so good to look at these and remember--my kids are <i>doing</i>, and <i>trying</i>, and <i>inventing </i>and <i>imagining</i>, and when they do these things, they learn.<br />
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<b><i>Family.</i></b><br />
After Christmas, I told DH that I thought it would be great if I did not have to see his parents for about 6 months. I was just so tired of all the negative and realized I was really angry at my MIL for all she put us through (purposefully or not) this past holiday season. But of course God. . . instead, they called the very next day and said they wanted to come see us that next weekend. : ) And guess what--it was a perfectly fine visit. Probably the nicest visit we have had in years. Of course it was still totally stressful for me & DH, because we spend every moment waiting for the proverbial shoe to fall. But overall it was a very good visit, which of course is good. We know it won't last, but we should enjoy the good when we get it.<br />
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<i>Thanksgiving 2014</i></div>
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Our little family unit is doing great. Not nearly as much teen drama from Sunny now that I'm not her homeschool boss. I've been noticing how well-bonded our kids are to each other, and that is just such a blessing. I think about the kids who spend most of their lives apart from their siblings, and who then think their siblings are "annoying." My kids understand the reality that everyone is annoying sometimes, but siblings are special. Sharing beds helps too. They rotate who sleeps in what two bunks, always paired up, and that has really helped bond them closely as well. I can't imagine those families in which the adult kids don't really like each other, or even know each other. Or in which the kids are estranged (or even just emotionally distant from) their parents. We're not doing everything perfectly--FAR from it. And I know something tragic could still happen in our lives to change all this. But right now, I look at my kids cuddling and whispering in bed, or piling on top of their daddy, or saying they miss me when I've been away for a day, and I have Peace about my kids.<br />
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<i>The sign reads "The House of Love. Loving Evan."</i></div>
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<b><i>Health.</i></b><br />
We have been really quite healthy so far this winter--only one person had a bad cold so far (Sunny). But, it's January and the acacia trees are in full bloom, so my allergies are too. Actually, even they have not been too bad--until last night. I don't know if I am getting a cold on top of the allergies or what, but I'm way worse today today than any day so far, and I had a terrible night of sleep. But still--no flu, nothing serious. I'm thankful.<br />
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And I'm still breathing with two nostrils, which means I'm good. : : )<br />
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OK, let's see. School, family, health.<br />
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<b><i>House.</i></b><br />
Um, yeah. That's not all good. But I'm focusing on the good today, so we'll talk about that later.<br />
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(Don't worry--the house is still standing, we are still cozy and warm and dry, it just seems like problems are coming faster than we can deal with them. Some little, some big.)<br />
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But the good thing about the house being a frustrating, overwhelming dump is that I am in big-time GO mode with cleaning out junk. I mean, I'm letting go of so much stuff. Get it GONE. Of course that's also partly because after Christmas we have even MORE stuff to find room for/make storage bins for. But also partly because, despite my best efforts and continual purging and organizing, the underside of the house looks like an episode of Hoarders. I've been cleaning out cupboards and looking at things I have not used for years, and thinking at those objects, "You are dead to me." And then out it goes.<br />
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Anti-procrastination feels GOOD.<br />
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So, anyone care to join me this week? Feel free to share your successes in the comments! : )<br />
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That's it for the moment--but more to come! Until then, have a great Wednesday, everyone!<br />
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<br />Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-6430410183195808752015-01-02T12:23:00.001-08:002015-01-02T12:24:02.450-08:00Christmas--our best efforts at Peace, PeaceWhen I posted that video the other day (and sorry about the terrible look of the video, everyone--I don't know why blogger and facebook make my videos such poor visual quality when I post them) I did so with such a mixture of loving memories for my children and disappointment at everyone else. Because, see, there are actually three of those videos my Dear Husband took, and watching them in order tells quite a different story than what just that first video conveys. <br />
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That first video (I wish you could see our faces properly!) shows us happy and relaxed. The kids are smiling, and looking at Great-Grandma, who was seated about three feet away from us us in the entry between the kitchen and dining room there at MIL's house. You can tell how loud we are, as DH was standing in the kitchen filming, with his mother rinsing dishes at the sink (no, she did not watch the performance). We sounded pretty good, too, given that I taught the girls the song in the car on the way up to Chico, and this was our first time singing it together without me clapping to keep the time. My voice broke at one place, because we had to do this in a hurry (when we heard MIL and FIL discussing taking Great-Grandma back down to her house for the night) and could not even warm up our voices first, but otherwise we sound nice. We did this as a present for Great-Grandma, because she was musical her whole life (plays harmonica, taught her daughters piano) and we thought she would like it.<br />
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I mean, c'mon--cute great-grandchildren singing a pretty little song about Peace they learned just for you? What's not to love?<br />
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Well. It was not received at all the way we thought, and the videos DH took show the downward progression. You can hear Great-Grandma start to speak at the very end of that video--she is saying we need to do it again, and this time loud enough to be heard. She kinda complained for a good minute about how we can't expect to sing for other people if we don't even sing loudly enough to be heard. Ok, sure Great-Grandma, we'll do it again. We understand you might be a little hard of hearing, and after all, this is a present for you.<br />
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So we sang it again. And again, DH took a video. This time the video shows us singing very loudly, our efforts to be purposefully as loud as possible making us not sound quite so good, and throwing off our rhythm so our sweet little song has a bit more of a dirge-like quality. The children are no longer smiling as much, and are looking more at me than at Great-Grandma as they seek leadership and affirmation. My voice and smile are a tad more strained, as I try to lead the kids in volume without drowning them out, while starting to stiffen from the criticism but pretend nothing's wrong. We don't sound as good, and are much stiffer and forced. Halfway through the video you can hear MIL stopping her rattling of dishes to hiss at us to be louder yet.<br />
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That second performance of "Peace, Peace" was met with a "That was nice but. . ." and more criticism about needing to sing louder, from both Great-Grandma and MIL.<br />
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In the third video, we attempt what was supposed to be the conclusion to our little Christmas gift performance--a blending of "Peace, Peace" with "Silent Night." This video makes me laugh, it is so terrible. By now, the kids and I are quieter again, since a) we are trying to listen to one another and not drown out anyone else's parts, and b) we had unconsciously given up on pleasing others with our volume. The kids are not smiling and are looking solely at me--partly from the need to concentrate and get all three parts to work together nicely, and partly because they are disappointed in the reception of the song. We are all stiff. For some reason, DH's video is blurry. It's a terrible video of a mediocre performance--so painful to watch it actually made me laugh our loud, wryly, as it seems to perfectly sum up all of Christmas 2014 in Chico.<br />
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Our genuine best efforts to be thoughtful and please others, not received well.<br />
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Highly imperfect. Messy.<br />
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<i>Sigh</i>.<br />
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I love Great-Grandma, and was really surprised that she was not more gracious. I don't think she is quite that deaf, so something else must have been happening there. Maybe a bit of ancient family patterns coming out. Otherwise our time spent with her this visit was nice and positive.<br />
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Our time with MIL started out--as usual--well but then went very quickly downhill. We had about one unexpected negative altercation a day, and I chose more often to excuse myself from those negative discussions than to engage in them. I spent more time upstairs in our room than ever before, and that was a good thing (we're talking several 10-20 minute breaks, and excusing myself for bed at 9:30, when I could--not hiding out for hours on end, which I would have been sorely tempted to do at times!). Overall it was not a great Christmas. But it is also really good for me to remember that Christmases in the past have been much, much worse. So that's a good to focus on.<br />
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Also, God was there throughout. And He talked to me. So that's a Good to focus on.<br />
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I'll share some snippets and God stuff with you later. I just wanted to blog a quick little bit because I didn't want anyone wondering/worrying about how it all went down this year. : )<br />
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It wasn't great. But it wasn't horrible either. : )<br />
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I hope you all had really good Christmases! May God pour out His blessings upon you in this New Year!<br />
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Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-18147165047571262872014-12-28T14:41:00.001-08:002014-12-31T19:35:41.002-08:00Peace, Peace<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Peace, peace, peace on Earth</div>
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And goodwill to all. </div>
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This is a time for joy,</div>
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This is a time for love.</div>
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Now let us all sing together</div>
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of peace, peace, peace on Earth.</div>
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(This is the little song I taught the kids so we could sing for Great-Grandma as a present. I didn't know my Dear Husband would grab the camera for a video. But I'm glad he did, so I can share it with you all. My sister Rebecca, it should bring back fond memories of Madrigal dinners!)<br />
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I hope all of you reading this had wonderful Christmases!<br />
<br />Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-45946706172995146272014-12-19T00:31:00.004-08:002014-12-19T00:32:37.993-08:00Christmas (Almost but Not) Ruined--the Homefront Version<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
So sorry to be such a bummer in these posts. It's almost over--while the big story of what God will do with us and through all this fallen, interpersonal mess is yet to unfold, this short little segment of the story is almost over. Because today is Thursday, tomorrow is Friday, and Saturday we are heading back up to Chico for the beginning of the big family Christmas celebration of 2014. : ) We're going up so far before Christmas because it will be Great-Grandma's 95th birthday on Sunday (woo-hoo!), and so some of DH's cousins and their kids will be there, and there will be an open-house for friends and well-wishers of Great-Grandma. Then the days leading up to Christmas cousins and their families will come and go, so I have heard, and by Christmas Eve it will just be us and Great-Grandma and DH's parents. Our plan right now is to stay through the 26th, with the option to stay until the 27th or even the 28th if things are so fun that we can't bear to leave.<br />
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Of course, given every other week-long visit in our history of being in this family, the odds are much more likely to head in the opposite direction. So that's why we said the 26th. That and we want to be sure and get home in time to have our own little Home Christmas, which right now we have planned for the Monday after that weekend. (Coming home to a house with no food after a week away, I at least need one day to grocery shop, cook, etc. before our home celebration!)</div>
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Anyway, I wanted to write down this latest chapter of the family saga because I
wanted to think through all that happened, so I could take from it what I
needed to have my heart in a wise and loving place before we go back up, and then let all the rest of it go. Also, I wanted to think through it all to help
me figure out What To Do About It. </div>
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And it has helped--even if it was much
more painful than I anticipated. Mainly because it took too long to write it
all out, and so I felt like I was dwelling in the negative more than I had
intended when I started writing. Also, I started feeling like I was bumming the
rest of you who might read this out as we get closer to Christmas and we all
want to be in happy places! Focusing on Good and Peace and Hope and Joy!
Not focusing on the rest-of-the-year human frailties and fallen-ness we
all experience. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Also, this has been a very painful couple of weeks because not only have I had to work through MIL things, but also things within my home and marriage--because poor DH has been working
through them too. <br />
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I never wrote about this last year, although I meant to. It was a very big heart deal at the time, but I was too wrung to write it out. I'll share the important parts now: last Spring I helped plan and carry out our first Vintage Faith women's retreat. It was a weekend at a retreat center run by some Franciscan monks. It was a good weekend. The speaker, named Susie, was not from our church, so I was completely surprised when she shared in her first talk that she had grown up under the oppression of an emotionally and verbally abusive mother, and she focused much of her talks all weekend on all that God had done in her because of/since that.<br />
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Of course I wanted to talk to Susie after hearing her say all that, but I did not want to pounce on her either. ; ) Instead, I asked God to give me a Word through her--some wisdom I need to have for healing the relationship with MIL, or at least handling it the way God wants me to. All through the event, the talks were good, but nothing struck me as directly meant for me. I really felt God had something to say to me, though. But even through the last official talk on Saturday, I still felt like I was waiting. Sat night ended, the women were hanging out, going to bed, etc. I was puttering around putting things away from our snack table and neatening up. Then unexpectedly at midnight, Susie walked back in the door to the meeting space--she had left her notebook and came back for it. I did not want to try to start a conversation with her, given the lateness of the hour and how tired she must be from leading two talks that day, but I at least wanted to ask her if I could email her later on and get her feedback on some of my own MIL stuff. I did, she said yes--and then we ended up chatting anyway, and that led to more serious discussion, and then God Spoke.<br />
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Susie had asked about my own MIL situation, and as I tried to briefly explain (keep in mind this is only a month after <a href="http://oblesseday.blogspot.com/2014/02/update-on-things-with-mil-pt-5.html">the Big Turning Point conversation of January</a>, so I was still stressed and raw from all the Big Processing I was doing at that time), I found myself getting info "fight or flight" mode just standing there talking to Susie (a touch of Post Traumatic Stress coming out) and it must have been very clear to Susie. I was telling her how burdened I felt, and like the weight of it all was on me, and feeling myself getting tense and panicky, and she interrupted me and said, "You know, I don't know if this is from God or not, but I feel like I need to tell you this. This should be your husband's battle, not yours." She said not only was this his mother and not mine, but also he is supposed to be the defender of our family, not me, and so I needed to relinquish that role to him. As she said those things, I am totally serious--it was like a tingly wash of water poured down on me from my head down over my body. I literally felt like a shower was pouring over me--which immediately told me this was the Word planned for me by the power of the Divine Counselor. Of course I started crying, and as Susie kept talking with me I felt a huge weight lifting off of me.<br />
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A few minutes later, as she and I finished the deep sharing and got into some chatting again, she suddenly interrupted again to say, "I want you to know. . . my husband was not always my champion. But I chose to believe he was, and over time he <i>became </i>my champion." More tears there--because of course so much of my struggle in our marriage has been because I so easily feel devalued and not cherished or protected, all things my heart of hearts secretly desires. In regards to our relationship with my MIL, my Dear Husband does not think he or I need defending from his mom's negativity and accusations and condemnation. He grew up with it, and so is naturally inclined to keep quiet or just ignore it. I do not at all fault him for this--I understand how this has been his coping mechanism (and his dad's too), and in a way how unfair it is to expect that he would see the need to defend me, or understand how all the negativity would negatively affect how I feel about myself and how he values me (or not).<br />
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All this important God-talk happened in a matter of 20 minutes, and after Susie and I said goodnight, I walked back into the meeting room to finish straightening up. A dear woman from church named Kathy was in there also putting things away--someone who is not a close friend but with whom I have shared many deep conversations over the years, and who knows our family well. I shared with her the two significant things that God had just shown me, and she cried with me, and then, it felt like God whispered one more thing to me: that while I had come seeking insight about healing in my relationship with MIL, God desired instead to heal my marriage. It hit me that maybe, just maybe, all this mess with MIL was what God was going to use to grow DH and I closer together, and closer to being the people He desires us to be. <br />
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When I got home from the retreat, I shared these revelations with DH (well, the first and last ones--I didn't tell him that I don't see him as my champion, but that I would trust he would grow into it. But at whatever point he reads this post, I guess he'll know. ; ) He listened, and he agreed that it seemed like something God would say. So, from then on, I have tried to keep healthy and strong with those good expectations for my interactions with MIL, but I have also tried to defer to DH when possible, and have tried to not feel like I'm taking back on the burden of the relationship's health.<br />
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And I think God has been doing his Good work in us, subtly. During the big discussion of Christmas Ruined Forever when we were in Chico for Thanksgiving, DH was very much an active part of the conversation with his mom, and at one point when she and I reached a stalemate, I looked over at him and asked, "Well, do you have any words of wisdom for us?" And then he directed the conversation to the bigger picture. The point is that we were having the conversation together with his mom, and that hopefully he felt respected by me during it. Those are little things, but its going to be a lot of little things like that, that slowly move us closer together. <br />
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Then after Thanksgiving, DH and I had to talk through all that happened, and process together. Because of all of the accusations directed at me personally for hijacking gift selection and giving, I asked DH to oversee the kids' wish list making, and also do all the correspondence with his mom about gifts. So the last day when we were in Chico and MIL told the kids to write down what they wanted for Christmas, I purposefully stayed in the other room and did not go near the kids or the table so there could be no question of my interference. </div>
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And then when his mom started emailing after we were home from Thanksgiving, continuing the talk about Christmas Ruined Forever, DH took over that correspondence. He wrote his mom an email--but it was more than that, it was like his first Letter to her, the kind I have been occasionally writing to MIL when there seems to be need. It took him three nights of writing--the first night until 3 am, the second night until 6 am, and then the third night until 3 am again. It was only a page long, but he is extremely thoughtful and purposeful when he writes, and writing does not come naturally to him, and so that piece of correspondence was clearly infused with his blood & sweat. He did such a good job too, addressing MIL's feelings, but then directing the conversation to the bigger picture again.<br />
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So, it has been really good to feel like the big issues this Christmas season are not falling on me alone. Is that selfish? I'm sure. But yet, it also feels right. I feel very badly for all that DH is bearing this year, and have tried to share in it as appropriate, and have still felt the emotional/psychological weight of it all too--but for once not the weight of responsibility. Still, it has been very hard for both of us, and last week the constant nights of too little sleep and too much stress overtook us, and things between us hit bottom. It just all became too much. We couldn't even talk to each other, and were seeking solitary escapes.<br />
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At one point, I got really angry with my MIL, in my heart. Because all of her drama of Christmas Ruined Forever, and us trying to restore relationship, or at least not do anything blameworthy this Christmas, started to make me feel like we were in danger of ruining <i>our </i>Christmas. <br />
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But a few days ago DH and I started to come out from under it, and started seeking restoration of relationship, in our own little ways. And then night before last we finally had a really good, very necessary talk about all this stuff and how it affects us, and it ended well. But the stress is very subtly rising, and it does not feel like we are strong enough to handle this well. Even as I type now, the evening has not gone as planned, and DH and I are feeling ourselves moving slightly more apart again, just when we need to feel closest.<br />
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So, friends and loved ones--those of you who are still here and are thus part of my private therapy group ; )--I would so appreciate your prayers. Would you please pray for our hearts--for compassion for MIL and also for our unity as a married couple? Would you please pray that we would be completely free from fear, and therefore be freed from making any decisions about our stay in Chico based upon fear? Would you please pray for the Holy Spirit to lead us and be manifest during our time with extended family? Would you please pray that we would all be able to let go of all these sins that so easily entangle us, and be free to fully celebrate Jesus, and our love for one another in His name? </div>
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Thank you so much.<br />
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Thank you too for the kind comments some of you have left either to previous posts or in emails. I really do appreciate the feedback, even if I'm not taking the time to formulate responses at the moment, and if you have any words of wisdom for me as we head into this next week, I will be glad to read them. Some of you have asked specific questions, and I'll try to respond to those later--if I get any more chances to blog! <br />
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Much love to you all!<br />
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Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-34253463749643156602014-12-16T18:10:00.000-08:002014-12-19T00:32:37.985-08:00Christmas From Then Til NowIt was really interesting, and not a little bit sad to go back and find the posts I have made on this blog over the years about our Christmases with DH's parents. After that one fateful Christmas in 2004, we would be reminded every so often of our Rejection of The Gifts, etc. But it was 2009 when MIL first declared that Christmas had been officially Ruined Forever because of our past hurtful behavior (interestingly, at the 5 year anniversary mark of the fateful year). And since then basically the holidays are a hard time for MIL, and therefore for the rest of us too.<br />
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Don't get me wrong--we have had good times at Christmas too. Often MIL would bring up the past hurts right before Christmas, and then I would ask her if we could defer the conversation until after Christmas, and she would, and we would have a nice holiday together (not without tension, but without major conflict). Then we would never really talk about it again until she brought it up again at the next Christmas. One year I wrote letters to her in response, which I hoped would help us work through it--and actually, that turned out to be a fine year, at least according to my record in this blog. ; ) I re-read just now that a lot of you were praying for us too--thank you so much, and anyone who feels led to pray again this year please do!<br />
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When I started writing this post, I think it was good for me to remember that, and to go back and read <a href="http://oblesseday.blogspot.com/2009/12/no-regrets.html">this post</a> which I originally wrote in response to MIL's first declaration of Christmas Ruined Forever. The way things are going so far this year, it is good to remember what is true even now.<br />
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Some Truth:<br />
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--We have never purposefully tried to make MIL mad or hurt.<br />
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--MIL is going to feel the way she is going to feel, and we are ultimately not responsible for that.<br />
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--It is wrong for things to be more important than people. MIL would completely agree with this, and argue that when we rejected her gifts and therefore rejected her, we were making things more important than her. There is some truth to this, for which I am sorry. But now we have the ongoing problem of those past things and now every year's new things adding to the burden of resentment--because it seems that every Christmas gift MIL gives us is tainted in her mind by how we have rejected her in the past, and how we don't deserve any gifts from her in the future. (That last is true too--DH and I don't deserve gifts from her, and at this point I really wish she would not get us any.)<br />
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--We are responsible for our actions being unloving and unwise that one Fateful Christmas. We did probably ruin that particular Christmas for MIL, by our misunderstandings, ignorance, naivety, and selfishness. OK, so we were jerks. But we didn't do it on purpose. It was all on accident.<br />
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--MIL is responsible for her decision to hold onto the bad feelings and not forgive us. In fact, who is more responsible at this point for ten years worth of ruined Christmases? We acted that first year accidentally, without intent to harm. MIL has acted the past 9 years purposefully, seemingly with intent to harm.<br />
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--The only thing we can do at this point to make things right is apologize. Again. There is nothing else we can do.<br />
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. . . . . . .<br />
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So, a few weeks back, while we were in Chico for Thanksgiving, I'm the one who accidentally opened the big old can of worms. It was really funny to look back and realize I had inadvertently asked for it. Because it was the night before our last day there, and we had not finalized our Christmas plans with them, so I urged DH to initiate conversation with his parents about when we would be coming up to visit for Christmas, etc. We thought it would be loving, to show them we were looking forward to being with them again, and for that special holiday. But somehow, a few minutes into the conversation, MIL turned the conversation towards gift giving, and then announced again that buying presents is torture for her because of our past rejections, so I should just put the items we want into an amazon cart and she would pay for them. <br />
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Startled, I immediately said, "Um, no, I'm not going to do that."<br />
MIL countered, "Why not?"<br />
I said, "Well, that didn't turn out well last year."<br />
MIL challenged, "What do you mean?"<br />
And then DH and I just looked at each other helplessly, me thinking, "Is she really wanting to go there?!"<br />
<br />
I'm not sure I mentioned this before. But see, last year before Christmas MIL asked for wish lists, but she was going to be visiting her daughter in CO and so didn't have much time to shop. So she told me to just look for things on amazon.com. I had the idea of setting up a Christmas wish list there, so that MIL could do her "shopping" from CO at her leisure and have the presents sent directly to our house. But instead what happened was this: I put too many things on the list, trying to give MIL options she could choose from for the kids, but then I think MIL thought I was being greedy, and then she bought almost all of the things! Also, she and I were emailing back and forth talking about the gifts and I thought this was a positive thing--that we were communicating well, and shopping "together," even if virtually. But then when the lists were made, MIL abruptly said she didn't have time for looking through the list and since it was so sad for her to buy presents for us because of The Year We Forever Ruined Christmas, she just wanted me to put the things into her amazon cart and she would pay for them. Ugh! No, I could not do it! It was like MIL forcing me to treat her like the cash cow she was accusing us of treating her as. As if all I want MIL for is stuff, and this is how we would prove it. Uh-uh! But then I was in the horribly awkward position of either telling her a) we don't need any of this stuff anyway, and I only made this list because you asked me to--which of course sounds completely ungrateful and would wound her even more, since she really wants to be appreciated; OR b) say something affirming and appreciative and put aside my own wounded pride at being wrongfully accused of being greedy and using MIL to get what we want. I tried to do the latter, of course.<br />
<br />
But overall that attempt at MIL and I bridging the gift gap with a shared online wish list--disaster. So when she told me this past Thanksgiving to just do that again--did she really think that worked out well the year before, after the negative things she had said to me in emails about how much it hurt her? Had she forgotten the things she said? So instead of directly answering, we just tried to turn the conversation to positive directions about our gift giving in general, and options for this Christmas specifically.<br />
<br />
But all our efforts really didn't work. When we suggested the kids make wish lists for "Oma" instead, like they have before, MIL said that didn't work because I oppress my children so they don't know how to think for themselves or are too afraid to say what they really think/want. Also, she believes that in past years I masterminded the lists so that the children only asked for the things I allowed them to ask for, and not what they really wanted. (I'm pretty sure she is remembering the year two of the girls asked Oma for undershirts for Christmas. Their idea, not mine! But she never will believe me. ; )<br />
<br />
Oh, and she is right, by the way--Oma's no dummy. And neither am I. Of course I always help shape the kids' wish lists to Oma. Because of course otherwise they put things on their lists like "a puppy" and "a big cozy chair just for me" (oh yes--both of these were suggestions for Christmas wish lists in years past ; ) or other things that are inappropriate, but which Oma and Opa might be tempted to get them anyway. Or not get, but then give DH and I grief about--because we are such bad parents and are breaking our kids' hearts because we live in such a tiny dump and we can't provide for our kids the things they "need" like their very own cozy chair! <br />
<br />
(You think I'm exaggerating. But no, this is the kind of grief we get a lot. For example, since last January we've heard how we have broken our kids' hearts because they don't have beds of their own yet. No, we haven't done more on the bed project. No, I'm pretty sure our kids are not heartbroken over it.)<br />
<br />
So, guiding the creation of gift wish lists in the past is something I openly confess to doing. But of course I always make sure the things that end up on the list are things the kids really do want, that were their own ideas. <br />
<br />
But back to that night's conversation. If MIL did not like the kids making wish lists because she felt I was orchestrating them, I suggested she just talk directly to the kids and ask them what they wanted. But then she argued that that wouldn't work because they never say what they really want. In fact, when MIL asks the kids what they want, the first thing they do is look at me, and that annoys her to no end. She thinks they are afraid of saying what they want in front of me, or are so oppressed by their mother that they don't know how to speak their own thoughts openly.<br />
<br />
Really, the truth is this: my kids think I give them good gifts. Which just means like every mom I listen to the things they say they want throughout the year, and then I try to make those things happen. I also know my kids well, and so usually guess well at what they will like. Merry said the sweetest thing to me just the other day--she said, "Mommy, you always give me the perfect gifts! It's like I didn't even know they were exactly what I wanted until I open them!" : ) (I'm pretty sure I've also mentioned that my kids are the best gift receivers ever--so easy to please!) So when my children look at me when Oma asks them for their ideas, they do so because they know I'll help them come up with good ideas. It's a good thing, not a bad thing.<br />
<br />
Ok, that's enough about the wish lists. I told you all that for two reasons:<br />
<br />
1) it was the perfect example of how I am "damned if I do" help Oma come up with good gifts for the kids, and "damned if I don't." I really cannot win, and there is nothing I can do to make MIL happy with me. It's like I exist only to be the bad guy--the one who is keeping the kids from getting what they want, or keeping MIL from enjoying giving gifts, or making the process of gift selection unpleasant or difficult, etc. So my urge is to remove myself from the conversation entirely.<br />
<br />
2) it's a good example of how MIL will choose to take good things and twist them around so that they are bad.<br />
<br />
And the whole, painful, over an hour-long conversation just went downhill from there. <br />
<br />
But here's the gist:<br />
<br />
I did not comport myself ideally, such as when MIL accused me of all kinds of things over and over, and I got pretty indignant and was raising my voice telling her she may not call me a liar and say untrue things about me, and she told me I could not tell her what to do, and not to shout at her. I wasn't shouting--but I was not putting up with any crap at that moment either. That was the weak point in the "discussion" on my part, when I was letting go of my cool--not angry, just passionate. But still not collected. But overall I tried to be gracious but was firm in reminding her that we are not responsible for her feelings, and Christmas is not about us. It's about Jesus, not us! We can't ruin Christmas because it is not about us! And I asked for her forgiveness one last time. She rejected it, and so I asked her why she wants to stay mad at me. She was uncomfortable with that and then turned the conversation to attack DH about some way that he was failing his kids (probably the beds again, since after all that's all they really want and we can't even provide that for them, hence the breaking of little hearts). After a brief defense of DH, just to remind her of some more truths in that area, I excused myself to bed, because I could see the conversation was going nowhere productive or helpful.<br />
<br />
But here's possibly the most significant part of the whole thing: before I went upstairs, I went to FIL who had been sitting nearby listening for most of this whole discussion. I told him that I was truly sorry for the misunderstandings of the past and whatever hurt we have caused and we really do care about their feelings and trust we can resolve it all together at some point. He thanked me, and said he thought some of the things said tonight were long needing said, and some good may come out of it.<br />
<br />
It hit me a few minutes later, as I was upstairs thinking through all that had just occurred while I got ready for bed: this was possibly the first time FIL had ever witnessed this kind of dialogue between MIL and me, where I am taking a firm stance against some things but trying to seek restoration of relationship overall. I keep forgetting that he might know nothing of the things I have said to Rita over the years about all this conflict, either in conversations or in letter, so perhaps he thinks this is my first time apologizing. And he thinks that apology is long overdue. (oh, how my pride rears angrily at that thought--<i>sigh</i>.) Or maybe he was just affirming that we need to talk this out so we can work it out--again, because perhaps he does not realize MIL and I have been talking about it for years. Or maybe he even agreed with some of the things I said to Rita, about honoring God with our relationship, forgiveness, etc. (again, things I've said to her but maybe he has never heard). But whatever--at least I believe at this point in time that FIL understands my intentions.<br />
<br />
And maybe him & DH overhearing most of our discussion was good, for reasons I don't even know. Such as accountability--maybe FIL can help MIL process some of this now, or help urge her to forgive. And DH really took a lead role in the discussion too, which might bode well for the future. I don't know. <br />
<br />
I do think the conversation needed to happen, and so am overall glad it did. Even if nothing new was said, it is good to address all these feelings and thoughts before we head into the Christmas and more gift-giving together. Also, I am going to be hopeful that MIL is starting to experience some healing, and this might even be part of it. Because MIL was oddly much more calm even when angry this time than she usually is when we talk about such things. That and the discussion had ebb and flow, instead of just being a furious tirade. <br />
<br />
DH and his mom argued and discussed for a while longer, and I lay in bed upstairs hearing the rise and fall of their voices. The next day was Sunday, so lots to do with getting ready for church, and then having lunch, and then packing up the car to leave (which is mostly my job--one I have always willingly taken on since the last day is usually when negative hits most, so its nice to be elsewhere and busy in a way MIL approves of). So we managed to get through the day without a return to negativity, but it was clearly hanging over us.<br />
<br />
I forgot to mention that Thanksgiving day, the day we arrived, was a pleasure. MIL was so gracious, so generous, so fun. She welcomed my help in the kitchen and was not at all irritable at me not doing things just right. So it was a shame that things had to end poorly--and yet, that is usually the pattern of when we visit them. This particular visit just had extremes--an extremely good Thanksgiving day, and an extremely noteworthy confrontation, and then an extremely uncomfortable last day. I wish it was easier for me all to focus on the extremely good! <br />
<br />
<br />Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-73283234175911940382014-12-11T23:39:00.001-08:002014-12-12T01:37:12.417-08:00Christmas, Ruined--Continued. So.<br />
<br />
I didn't mention one other gift MIL gave me that same fateful Christmas ten years ago. I didn't list it in my previous post as one of the Three Rejections because it was not brought up and held over our heads during the Big Heated Discussion of Christmas Rejections Past we had while in Chico for Thanksgiving a few weeks ago. But as it made the Catalog of Unforgivable Offenses for several years, it is still worth mentioning.<br />
<br />
It's a tragic story. I'll make it brief.<br />
<br />
Sometime before Christmas MIL took me shopping in Chico to look for presents for the kids. She took me to a cute little store downtown that has all kinds of fun things for kids--a lot of well made, quality toys. A nice store, if a little expensive. While we were looking around, I saw a little lap harp, which made me remark off-hand to MIL that someday I'd love to have a hammered dulcimer. Now, that is truly a desire of my heart, but yet not something that will likely ever be--hammered dulcimers take up a lot of floor space, and they are notoriously difficult to keep in tune, esp. in moist environments (and there are a lot of strings to tune, so maintenance would be no small deal). And they are very expensive. And I won't have time to learn a new instrument until the kids are out of the house, at the soonest. So, it was a remark made just to be sociable, with no other intent.<br />
<br />
Well.<br />
<br />
On that Christmas day, as we were opening gifts amid the chaos, MIL handed me a black soft case, that clearly had a musical instrument inside. But the shape left me puzzled--what could MIL be giving me?<br />
<br />
And I opened a lovely wooden stringed instrument. But after making some positive <i>oohs </i>of admiration, I had to ask, "What is it?" And MIL said, with a note of <i>why-are-you-asking-me</i> in her voice, "A dulcimer." I must have had a dawning look of recognition on my face, because then MIL clarified and added, "You <i>said </i>you had always wanted a dulcimer." And immediately my heart sank, because there was no way I could go back in time and change the way I had received the gift and show her the enthusiasm she rightly deserved for trying to give me what she thought was the secret desire of my heart.<br />
<br />
Turns out, there is more than one kind of dulcimer:<br />
<br />
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The one pictured on the bottom there is a small hammered dulcimer. (They can be as large as a small desk.) The one on the top there is a mountain dulcimer, and looks exactly like the one MIL gave me that Christmas.<br />
<br />
Oh, how sweet of MIL to hear my spoken wish and then go to real effort to try to make that wish come true. Seriously--that mountain dulcimer was the sweetest, most thoughtful gift I think I have ever received, and certainly so from my MIL.<br />
<br />
But. (Of course you knew there had to be a but!)<br />
<br />
I know my confusion when I was opening it confused and hurt MIL--she thought I would be delighted, and I am sure that was a let-down. She had really outdone herself with extravagant gifts that year: the dulcimer, the white gold earrings, the black leather jacket for DH. She was really trying hard, and here clearly the dulcimer had been wrong somehow and so had been the jacket. . . <i>Sigh</i>. I really feel for MIL when I look back. (And then the rejection of the dolls a few days later, and then the rejection of the earrings some months later. . . <i>Sigh</i>.)<br />
<br />
I am being totally honest here, admitting completely the things DH and I did wrong. Mostly I did wrong. But also in all honesty, we didn't mean to be so horribly self-focused and picky. It was like one bad misunderstanding after another, and it all contributed to poor MIL's feelings of Rejection.<br />
<br />
Her little Christmas heart was broken.<br />
<br />
Over the years since, I have mentally walked back through it all, over and over, thinking about all the things we could/should have said or done differently. If only we had known. If only we had realized.<br />
<br />
But one thing I have decided is that there are some Very Good Things that do NOT make Very Good Gifts. A safe bet when trying to figure out if something is a good gift is to think, "Would I like someone to give something like this to me in this way?" For example, I think we all agree it is not particularly wise or thoughtful to buy any expensive clothing item for someone else, unless it is accompanied by a gift receipt. Everyone has different tastes, and no one likes to get clothing they don't like but then feel badly about not wanting to keep.<br />
<br />
[Mother, I apologize right now for the striped velour turtleneck top and pants set I bought you for Christmas the year Sunny was born. I was feeling rushed and likely still impaired by birth hormones. Not only was the outfit too big, but it was not your style--even though I still say you could have rocked it. You very politely expressed your concerns as you modeled it for me, and I tried to be enthusiastic about how it would work fine--when instead I should have suggested we take it back and go looking together for something you liked better. Thank you for never holding it against me, and I hope I put the receipt in the bag. ; ) But I learned my lesson well, and have never bought anyone in my extended family clothes again.]<br />
<br />
So expensive leather jackets definitely fall into the category of Very Good Things but not in the category of Very Good Gifts, unless you let the person pick it out themselves. And I've decided the same is true of musical instruments, unless the person has specifically asked for it. Yes, the gift was very sweet and thoughtful--that is definitely true. But then MIL persisted in asking every time we saw each other whether or not I had learned how to play it yet. Um, I was the mother of two young children, with a baby on the way. I really did not have time to learn to play an instrument. So the dulcimer had been tucked out of harms way in my closet, and was waiting for the someday when I would. But MIL took that as a sign of rejection too. After all, why wouldn't I be learning to play it if it was a Good Gift? For years after she would bring it up, and express her hurt over how I didn't like the instrument, and I would very emphatically tell her I DID like the instrument very much, and that it was one of the sweetest gifts I have every received. Both true! But she could not believe me because I was not learning how to play it in all my spare time.<br />
<br />
But, this one Gift I think has a happy ending. Because when Merry was old enough to learn an instrument, I saw a mountain dulcimer up on Sunny's guitar teacher's shelf, and asked if she knew how to play it and would she be willing to teach little Merry. The teacher graciously complied, and so Merry took one year of dulcimer lessons. Just enough to learn how to play "Go Tell Aunt Rhody" at the winter recital:<br />
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I think MIL finally saw the instrument being used and enjoyed, and so has let that initial disappointment and the subsequent feelings of rejection go.<br />
<br />
But I still say that the unfortunate misunderstanding about the hammered dulcimer vs the mountain dulcimer contributed to MIL's feelings about being so thoroughly rejected that particular Christmas. So I thought I would tell you this story too, so you would understand how so many horrible coincidences and misunderstandings and mistakes worked together to create such a Christmas from which MIL has never been able to recover.<br />
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<br />
When I look at this photo, which I just discovered while browsing our photo files to determine the exact year of The Fateful Christmas--2004, exactly ten years ago--I don't see any malice in those faces. I just see two very young people who can't imagine the consequences of their ignorance and poor judgement.<br />
<br />
(Isn't it a cute photo though? FIL, DH's sister Auntie N, Sunny's foot there kicking up, me, DH, all down at Great-Grandmas.)<br />
<br />
<i>Sigh</i>.<br />
<br />
<i>To be continued. </i><br />
<br />Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-33442860040549004142014-12-11T01:28:00.001-08:002014-12-11T23:40:01.455-08:00The Year We Ruined Christmas ForeverOk, so I was planning on blogging about blessings, starting after Thanksgiving. I am still going to do that, but I think it will have to be pushed back until after Christmas. There's something else that has been weighing on me since Thanksgiving--well, actually it has been a Christmas specter for years now, rising up and looming grimly over us like the Ghost of Christmas That Should Never Have Been. But this year it is all coming to a climax--here's hoping (and praying) that it will all come to good purpose. And that me blogging about it will help release me from the tyranny of the bad feelings--anger, sadness, guilt, resentment.<br />
<br />
It all started I think ten years ago, about when Sunny was 4 and Merry 2. I can't remember if we had Happy yet or if she was a lovely little bun in the proverbial oven. Or if its been really 11 years. (<i>Doesn't matter exactly</i>--<i>ten years--oh, the ridiculousness of me having to tell this story ten years later. Ten years of bitterness & bad feelings harbored, fed. Sigh.</i>) <br />
<br />
By the way, I don't mean to be melodramatic. I'm just tired, and stressed. Words flow, and I don't feel like couching them here. I mean, I can only think of a few people who will read this, and none of you will judge me for my wording, and I'd like to express myself and feel safe--I think I need such an outlet this week. And I think I may have relayed some of this story before--but I don't think I have ever explained the whole thing. Today I'd like to take the time to write it all out, because I need to process this and I know the writing will help.<br />
<br />
So that fateful Christmas ten years (or so) ago, we went to DH's folks' house as usual. It seemed like a normal Christmas, just a little overwhelming. Now that I think about it, it was likely our first Christmas in this teeny little house, which is a worthwhile factor to consider as you hear this story. Christmas morning we were opening gifts with Oma and Opa--what the kids call DH's parents--and all was going fine. But the way they open gifts everyone does it at once, so it can be a little chaotic and you don't really have a chance to chat about gifts as they are opened. Which is also a factor to this story. And amidst the clutter and chaos, Three Fateful Gifts were given.<br />
<br />
The first Gift was a very thoughtful and generous one; MIL had bought me a pair of small white gold hoop earrings. Very thoughtful of her because she recognized that I prefer white gold over yellow. Other than that, there was no conversation about them, no indication of their true worth in the mind of the giver. I gave warm and genuine thanks to MIL for the gift.<br />
<br />
The second Gift was a little less thoughtful, but still generous; MIL and FIL had picked out a black leather jacket for DH. Now, that is also a nice gift. But. . . here's where I confess that DH and I were not wise and we were ungracious. We both looked at that jacket, and wished they weren't giving it to us. It was a jacket style that would have looked much better on our dads than on DH. We didn't need the jacket. We had just moved into a teeny tiny house and we didn't want one. more. thing. to have to squeeze in, let alone something we didn't like. So when MIL saw our lack of the proper enthusiasm, she very graciously told DH that she could take it back to the store if he didn't like it. So, after trying it on and thinking for a few days--and me pressuring DH to take his mom at her word and not take home something we didn't want that would take up a lot of closet space--DH told her that he decided not to keep it.<br />
<br />
Later of course we realized a) she didn't mean what she had said about returning it, b) she did not return it, and c) she was really, really mad and hurt that we did not take it. I think they still have the jacket and now FIL wears it. Which would be appropriate, and would not even have to be a negative thing--after all, they bought it because they liked it, right?--except that it <b>is </b>a negative thing because it is a symbol of our rejection of their attempt to show us love. <br />
<br />
The third gift--well, first of all, MIL and I have a little disagreement going on whether or not it was a gift to begin with. But MIL says it was, and that's what's important to this narrative, so let's run with that. So the third gift was--ok, I guess I'm not exactly sure exactly what the gift was, so let me just try to explain. At some point before opening gifts on Christmas Day, a red wagon full of dolls was moved next to the Christmas tree. I admit to some trepidation when I saw that wagon, because that was a lot of dolls, and I did have a fear that they were all supposed to go home with us. But most of the dolls appeared to be dolls MIL had bought at garage sales, the kinds of toys she would routinely buy and then either keep at their house for the grandkids or would try to send home with us. But not the kind of thing she would usually give to one of the kids as a Christmas present. There was one clearly new doll among the bunch though, a nice, albeit large, baby doll. MIL has dolls and toys throughout the entire house as decorations, but esp. in the living room and under/around the Christmas tree. So a wagon full of dolls might just be decor, or toys they placed in the living room for the kids to play with while we were visiting there.<br />
<br />
At no point in the chaotic gift-giving did either I or DH observe MIL giving any of the dolls to the two little girls as Christmas presents. In fact, I distinctly remember the gift-giving being over and us leaving the room to go finish dinner preparations, and the wagon still sitting there untouched and me thinking, "Well, I guess it is just decoration then." I am sure the girls played with the dolls at some point of our stay, but I don't really remember anything notable about that. <br />
<br />
When it was time to load up all the Christmas gifts, DH and I were really sweating about how much we had to cram in the car, and when MIL wanted to buy us that car top carrier, I remember thinking, "Lady, if it all doesn't fit in the car, what makes you think it all will fit it into the house?!" In fact, the main reason we did not take them up on the car carrier was because we were worried it would end up being a psychological thing of encouraging even MORE (or bigger!) stuff always being sent home with us every Christmas. <br />
<br />
But then when it was time to leave, and we were almost entirely all packed (to the gills), MIL said, "Aren't you going to take the dolls?" That was so awkward, because we didn't want to be rude, but of course we were not entirely sure what she was trying to tell us to take. Then it comes out that she intended the dolls--I guess all of them!--to be for the girls. Since the car was jam packed (and since we still didn't know if the dolls were a Christmas gift or just a "here's something fun Oma wants you to have" deal), I suggested we could leave them in Chico for now and the girls could play with them when they visited. But MIL argued that they were for the girls and so we had to at least take one. So I said, sure, why don't we let Sunny pick out one doll. (This is what makes me wonder if Merry was only 18 months--and so this was 11 years ago--or why wouldn't she have been told to pick one out too. . . ? ) And then to I think both our surprise, Sunny did not pick the clearly brand new big Costco baby doll with the cute matching outfit--she picked a very pre-loved garage sale doll, complete with one cloudy eye. Both MIL and I asked her if she was sure that was the one she wanted to take home, and she said yes. ; ) So, that's the doll that came home with us. (The rest of the dolls have lived since then up in Chico, where they are well enjoyed when we visit. And at some point I snuck the doll she had picked back up to Chico and quietly returned it to the collection, because Sunny did not really play with it.)<br />
<br />
So. <br />
<br />
Three Fateful Gifts.<br />
<br />
The dolls, which we rejected. <br />
<br />
The dad jacket, which we rejected.<br />
<br />
And then the earrings. I think this last was the gift that broke the camels back. Because they were post back, which I really don't like to wear, and they were really nothing special looking--just nice plain and modern-looking little hoops on a hinged post. Nice little earrings! But not something I ever thought I would wear. And the one time I wore them I really pinched by ear lobe trying to close them. And the style of them is such that the day I did wear them I was totally paranoid that they would be really easy to lose--if one comes unhinged, then the weight from the front would totally pull it out of my ear and it would be lost in seconds. The thought of losing one made me panic, and I didn't want responsibility for that very possible event. I knew I would probably never wear them again.<br />
<br />
I did think about keeping them for my girls someday. They were small and I have plenty of storage space for one little pair of earrings. <br />
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But. I kinda rebelled. I was overwhelmed with the amount of stuff we had just brought into our house and could not bear the thought of even one more little thing that I had to keep that I didn't want. I was also not a little resentful of how trapped we were feeling by the amount of stuff being given to us, and how we had to keep it because it was given to us for the children. Something in me snapped, and I thought, "I can give this one thing away, because it belongs to <i>me</i>." But of course I would not be so disrespectful of the gift's value (or of the giver's feelings) to give them away to just anyone--that would be entirely inappropriate! No, instead I sent them to my little sister to wear in her wedding. She likes white gold too, and the style of the earrings was totally her. It made me happy to think about her wearing them, and I felt psychological release from the tyranny of Having To Keep Things.<br />
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But I fully admit it--it was passive aggressive and neither wise nor loving. I think I did it as a kind of desperate psychological stand against what feels like a serious oppression, which DH and I have never known what to do about. We feel so helpless when it comes to limiting what comes into our house, in terms of his parents.<br />
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I could write volumes about this. It was not a problem until we had kids & moved to CA. Since then it has felt like a huge problem. I have bins of things under the house we don't want or need but we have to hold on to because they were given to us by DH's parents. BINS. We have overflowing shelves and closets, and no where to put things, and the kids don't play with half of it, and we would be so much happier without it, but we have to keep it because they gave it to us. God's been teaching me over the years to be content in plenty--but I'm also trying to be a good steward of our home, our time, etc. We also really don't want to be ungrateful people, and try to appreciate whatever people give us--but how can we appreciate something that overall has a negative impact on our home? Our marriage? How can we be legitimately submitting our family values to MIL's desires, chronically? It just does not seem wise or healthy. But what can we do about it? We really do want to show MIL and FIL love and appreciation. . . but the burden of their giving feels like shackles to me. . .<br />
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I know, I know. I sound all melodramatic. And really, there is SO much more I could write about the Stuff Angst. I'll spare whoever of you are reading this already too long tale. <br />
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Well. I don't know how long later MIL did ask about the earrings, and I told her the truth. And she was upset. I thought they were probably a very sweet impulse buy at Costco, but even if they were, it turns out MIL assigned them a whole LOT of significance, and intended them to represent our relationship, because in countries like Saudi Arabia and India gold jewelry is the only thing a woman truly owns, and it is like insurance against the future. So for a Mother-in-Law to give gold jewelry to her DIL is a good thing. I don't really understand all that MIL feels it signifies, but I really do appreciate that she had thought and meaning behind her gift. That she thought she was doing something special.<br />
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Oh, why didn't she just tell me what they meant when she gave them to me at Christmas?! She intended them to be heirlooms--yes, she has said as much, repeatedly--and there I go being so callous. So hurtful.<br />
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Yes, I think maybe a little part of me wanted to hurt her. No, that's not right. I have never purposefully wanted to hurt her. But I think I didn't care if she was hurt (see? passive-aggressive) by my giving them away. I was not doing it to hurt her, and I didn't want her to be hurt, but if she was hurt by my choice, oh well.<br />
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I do feel badly that MIL (and likely FIL by proxy) felt rejected--for me giving away the earrings, for Doug not liking the jacket, for us not eagerly taking all the dolls. <br />
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The dolls was a completely misunderstanding. If we had known the dolls were an official Xmas present we never would have left them behind (or would have made it clear it was only until we could have room for them on the next trip). <br />
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The jacket was more intentional on our parts, but still a misunderstanding--If we had known MIL would not return the jacket and would be so mad and hurt, of course we would have taken it and given the appropriate thanks and DH would have pulled it out when they were visiting like we all do with such gifts to show love to the giver.<br />
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The earrings were my own rebellion. But still, based upon misunderstanding--if I had known the significance MIL attributed to them I would have kept them.<br />
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<i>Sigh</i>.<br />
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Ok, it's taken me all day to write this, in little snippets. It's just the beginning of the story, and its not a pleasant story, so its ok if you don't continue to read it, whoever has gotten this far. It's a very painful story, and one that has gone on and on and on, and which feels like it has come to a head this year.<br />
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So, I'm going to try to write more about this later. I just had to get the specifics of the background down, so everything else will be clearer later on.<br />
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<br />Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-65955042250663782862014-12-03T20:20:00.004-08:002014-12-03T20:20:49.377-08:00Giving Thanks--for Dear FriendsThis is a greatly overdue post--but yet the perfect time to finally share it. : )<br />
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In October my dear Susan and her two girls came out to visit us! Susan has visited us before, but this was the first time the girls came too. And I am SO glad they did. Their visit truly was the highlight of the Fall:<br />
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Tiny house + huge bag of pebbles for a landscaping project in the works = perfect under layer for the tent in the front driveway. DH and our kids slept out in the tent all but the last night, leaving the beds in the house for me & Susan and her girls. The last night all the girls slept out in the tent together (Smiley came back to his own bed for the night). Everyone out in the tent said it was fine sleeping. The only issue was the roadwork that was being done out in front of our house throughout their visit, which resulted in steel plates on the road--which were LOUD when driven over. But still, everyone was rested enough that week, to have a good time. And our kids liked it so much they asked if they could sleep in the tent even after our friends left. And they did, for over a week. So, clearly the accommodations were fine. : )</div>
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I think this photo is one of my favorites. This was only the first or second morning. The girls pretty much immediately loved one another. Seeing them play and hang out so happily together all the visit really made me happy. At one point they even announced that they were more like cousins than friends. : ) Which of course is perfect, since Susan is like a sister to me!</div>
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I actually don't have any photos of most of the time we spent together, because it involved the kids all running away down the creek behind our house, exploring and together finding and creating a special area/fort they named "Gentrock" (which is a combination of both families' last names). They even made a flag for it. : )</div>
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Meanwhile, Susan and I got to escape just enough, to sit overlooking the ocean and discuss raising teens, or have lunch. Or cook lunch together. Just doing the girlfriend things I love to do, and getting a chance to talk about all manner of things that were important to us. </div>
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So, the kinds of things we did most of the time I couldn't take pictures of--but am storing up in my heart. : ) </div>
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But we did do a few official outings. We went to see wild sea lions and sea otters at Moss Landing State Beach. And in these photos we visited the redwoods at Henry Cowell State Park. Not that they weren't playing under redwoods all day at our house. . . but nature hikes are always fun!</div>
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Everyone squeezing into the car for a moment while we drove from one car to the next. (Funny--I never realized until this moment that the inside of my car is white!)</div>
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Another fun thing the girls (and sometimes a grownup) did throughout the visit--string games. : )</div>
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And on their last night, we had to visit the Boardwalk! </div>
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I love carousels. This one is special not only for being in the movie The Lost Boys (as are other parts of the Boardwalk), but also because it has a thing that you can pull rings from as you go around (if you are sitting on an outside horse and can reach, that is). . . </div>
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. . . which you then try to throw into the mouth of that scary clown on the wall. </div>
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And Susan got it in his mouth the very first time around! (It's much harder to do than it sounds, and usually the bells that herald success only go off once a ride.) </div>
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Susan, this is you right before you threw!</div>
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Ah, I love this smile of victory!</div>
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J, if you look carefully (and double-click on the photo to enlarge it) you can see yourself swinging out on the left there. : )</div>
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Merry and L</div>
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The final day--photos and goodbyes. : ( But I think the smiles in this first photo sum up the week pretty well. </div>
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The two biggest girls. </div>
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The two youngest girls. </div>
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Hugs all around. </div>
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Susan & Me. </div>
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We love you and miss you!</div>
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<br />Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-57378935307249299882014-11-20T10:44:00.004-08:002014-11-20T10:44:38.616-08:00Quickie postThis is just to say I am ALIVE.<br />
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; )<br />
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Oh, man. Life feels really new these days--new kinds of hard, new kinds of good. I've started several blog posts in the past couple of months and never get them done, so let's see how brief I can be:<br />
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--Tomorrow is the second day of my third LitWits Master Class workshop. Whoo-wee! This has been such a big part of my life this Fall, and very good. Reading good books, thinking critically, doing LOTS of writing. . . all a new challenge for me, but using my brain and doing something I enjoy really feels good. The first two workshops--Ray Bradbury's <i>Dandelion Wine</i> and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's <i>The Hound of the Baskervilles</i> were SO hard though. We were trying to do too much in the workshops, and Jenny (my dear Becky's sister--the other half of the LitWits team) and I were creating more than 20 pages of writing for each workshop. Often completely from scratch. I'd let the novel lead me naturally to the topics the students and I would work with in the classrooms--so for example, Sherlock Holmes quick naturally led to deductive and inductive reasoning, and also logical fallacies. Perfect, right? Except I didn't really know much about those things, and so I'd first have to educate myself about them, and then take what I'd learned and make it into a (hopefully) clear and instructive handout--with activities. Whew! And of course the bigger goal of each two-day workshop was writing an essay. . . . A lot of work, but we wanted parents to feel like they were really getting a lot of meat for the price of the workshop, you know?<br />
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Well, that was not sustainable. : ) So the three of us--Becky, Jenny and I--met after the second workshop and brainstormed what would be just as good for the students but with much less work on our ends. Besides--while all that writing was important high school stuff and met the high expectations of our homeschool charter's college prep track, I imagine it would have burned out the students over time too. And so for the November workshop, we pared it down to one in-class writing project, and a group one at that: a persuasive speech! The novel for this month is <i>A Tale of Two Cities</i> by Charles Dickens, and so it could not get more perfect than the students being divided up into three groups (one representing the French Revolutionaries, one representing the French Aristocrats, and one representing the American Revolutionaries) and having to write and present a short speech with their groups in which they either defend the correctness of their stance and actions, or . . .<br />
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There I go, being long-winded! Short version: this third workshop I still had to do lots of self-educating beforehand (I had never studied the French Revolution prior), but the writing prep was SO much easier, but the kids really seemed to enjoy the first class and I have a feeling tomorrow's class will be even more fun, since they make their speeches. And then I will let them eat cake. Of course.<br />
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In conclusion: new job was very hard, now getting much easier, still work but not too much, overall one of the most rewarding things in my life this Fall, even if one of the hardest. DH is entirely supportive which of course is what makes it work.<br />
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--Schooling. The transition into high school has been a disaster. Too many things to say at the moment, and its my birthday and I don't feel like thinking about the negative today, but let's just say I had NO idea what I was getting into, and our homeschool charter also had to make some new rules after school had started, and my lovely thirteen-year-old daughter has not willingly complied with any of this new rigorous schedule. Homeschooling independently so we could do the work we thought was important and go at our own pace would be my ideal--and that's pretty much what we have been able to do all this time for the lower grades. But that's not an option right now, as DH wants us to stay under the charter umbrella, for many reasons, which I completely understand. But WOW has this been hard and very unpleasant. And is ongoing. And which I am finally realizing I won't be able to resolve just with my own efforts of better parenting and more structured schooling--so my wonderful school liaison Terry is so graciously stepping in and Sunny will be accountable to her now instead of me for getting her school done. I'm trying to not feel like a failure about this, but instead see it as wise use of resources. ; ) <br />
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Still, once again I'm so aware of all of the blessings wrapped up in this struggle. That we can homeschool. That we have Terry. That we have bright kids who I need to remember God will turn out the way He wants them, if I leave over the feelings of control for their outcomes to His Holy Spirit.<br />
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--Parenting. Yeah, it's been hard. I'd rather not go there. ; )<br />
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--Wifery. My Dear Husband and I celebrated 19 years of marriage last month. And by celebrated I mean forgot about until the next week and then verbally acknowledged to one another. Yeah, we're not big into celebrating that. I've always wondered if there was something meaningful about that, but I've decided it means we care much more about the big picture than one day a year. That and we're assuming we'll be together as long as we are alive, so what's the big rush celebrating. We'll do something special next year. ; ) For some reason things have been harder between us this Fall too--maybe related to the other stressors in my/our life? <br />
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--House Falling Apart. Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. I'll maybe say more about this another time. But again, trying to focus on the positive. : )<br />
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--I had a strange, chronic pain down both arms for weeks and weeks. It was probably caused by some kink in my neck, and it made my whole upper body hurt all the time, esp. my arms and shoulders. But just yesterday I realized it feels almost normal again! Yay! But really, overall we have all been very healthy this year so far, for which I am grateful. I have come down with a bit of something a few days ago, but so far it is a mild cold, maybe a touch of fever but not bad. I can breathe through both nostrils at night, so you all know I'm content!<br />
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Yes, things have been unexpectedly hard the past three months. But even with all that, I feel pretty good about life and the things I've still managed to get done. For example, I cleaned the house top to bottom--that end of the summer necessity. I am this week listing a whole bunch of clothes on Ebay to sell, to hopefully make a little money for Christmas. DH and I may be a bit overwhelmed with house issues at the moment, but we are also being productive, slowly taking care of things, and it feels good. I hope to show you some of our finished projects soon! <br />
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Maybe none of these things seems like a big deal, but together they have all added up to a very full and very HARD fall season this year. I'm trusting that we are slowly getting things under control and moving forward as we can, so that we will enter the next school semester so much better than we went into the last one.<br />
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Ok, so that was long. But not nearly as long as it could have been!<br />
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It's not really what I would love to share with you all, but it seemed necessary to get any of you interested readers up to speed with life here in the little house under the redwoods.<br />
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I fully intend on blogging the BEST stuff today too. : )<br />
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Or maybe tomorrow. Or soon. ; )<br />
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Much love to you all!<br />
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<br />Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-34187179595695674072014-09-21T12:01:00.001-07:002014-09-21T12:01:31.969-07:00One month laterWell, has certainly been the most dry spell this blog has ever seen, even considering Lents!<br />
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I'm here, I'm still fine. Life just got busy and stressful and a wee bit overwhelming. (I think this actually happened last Semester too, that the month was crazy and I wondered, "What happened?!" Which makes me wonder if it really happens every September and I'm just not that good at remembering.) But overall things are good. So let me make a quick post about what's been going on!<br />
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That sums up a lot. <br />
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; )<br />
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Our first LitWits "Master Class" workshop was this past Friday. It took me about 6 weeks of a LOT of writing to plan & prepare all the handouts. I am working for my dear Becky and her lovely sister Jenny, and they will "own" the handouts at the end, so we had a lot of ongoing dialogue over those weeks trying to figure out what was important to do, what wasn't, how best to say it, etc. It was not easy for any of us, but I fear it was hardest on Jenny, who had the job of actually editing and formatting the handouts, which we did not end up finishing until the day before the workshop! Too much good information, too much fun stuff to share, but trying to pare it down for 4 hours of lit/writing instruction with very specific goals--hard! <br />
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But also rewarding. Last Fri was the first time I ever worked specifically with just high school students, and they were fabulous kids. Seriously awesome kids. It was hard wondering what they were thinking, if they hated the class, were bored, etc. because they were much more quiet than I expected, and it made discussion like pulling teeth at a few moments. ; ) But we've already heard back from two families who said their kids really liked it, and I am already planning how to make our second week of Dandelion Wine productive but hopefully even more fun!<br />
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I teach lit for the first hour, then we work on writing for the second. And then the third hour the instructor at The Art Factory (where we meet--adorable little art studio just a few minutes from my house) led the students in an art project related to the theme of the novel. For this first workshop it was a still life of a bottle and dandelions, done in pastels. It looked like so much fun I asked Yvette if I could do it too, and she said yes. : ) So I sat there with the kids and did art too, and it was SO therapeutic after 2 stressful weeks, and it was fun to relate with the kids when not trying to engage them in my agenda as their teacher. <br />
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So, the Master Classes are a big part of my life right now. And if the workshops keep being well-attended (we had 10 this time, which was great!) then doing them will be a steady job. And the writing will get easier as we go, because we will have created the overall structure for the handouts, etc. And because we will know the kinds of things that are most important to teach and how best to do them (that's the hope at least). But I will still need to figure out how to get regular writing and thinking time in my weeks, and that's the part that is tricky. <br />
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Esp. because of course this was the month during which we were also transitioning back into Full School--and oh, it has been hard. It seems almost impossible to fit into the week all the things we want/need to do. But that's why we have the whole month to transition and figure out how this is going to work. : ) The BEST thing, though--my girls have done such a fantastic job starting up school and returning to the grind without grumbling! Their attitudes have been wonderful, and I am truly thankful for that. <br />
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The boy. . . let's just say he coasted along much of last year, which was bad on my part. But I figured, eh, he's in kindergarten. He'd be playing most of the day there anyway. ; ) And as long as he did some school every day, it was fine. But now he is in first grade and so needs to start being more focused and self-disciplined. Which means Mommy needs to carve time to just be with him and help him stay focused and learn self-discipline. In the past we did it first thing in the morning, with him sitting here at my elbow at the desk working while I had my morning tea and blog time. But recently it has been harder to make that happen, maybe just because I have been trying to actually work on my own writing so much, or maybe because our morning routine has shifted so I'm helping his sisters at the time he and I used to work together. . . anyway, Smiley is more than happy for Mommy to put off his school time. I am so fortunate at this point that he has so many willing sisters to help him with reading, math games, science stuff, etc. So even when I feel like I am failing him, he is doing school every day, and learning!<br />
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But I still can't wait for September to be over. <br />
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There was more I'd love to share, but this is already taking longer than I planned. : ) And has been interrupted by children, breakfast, reading and writing for the next workshop. . . if I'm not careful I'll get completely sidetracked and never post this!<br />
<br />
So, final thoughts:<br />
<br />
Susanna, mother of Tommy, has shared a few more posts since Tommy's death. If you are interested in their story, I encourage you to read them. Please pray for this family, and especially this momma. And if you can leave a word of encouragement, I am sure it would really bless them. <br />
<br />
Susanna's <a href="http://theblessingofverity.com/2014/08/and-the-truth-shall-set-you-free/">account of what happened</a>, and how she is choosing to focus on Truth. <br />
<br />
Susanna <a href="http://theblessingofverity.com/2014/09/mama-is-missing-tommy/">missing Tommy</a>. <br />
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Shabbat Shalom, everyone. <br />
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<br />Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-53207721309045303252014-08-08T15:35:00.002-07:002014-08-08T15:35:38.498-07:00Sorrow and hopeFriends & family, I am pretty sure I have shared with you some of the story of the Musser family, who adopted Katie and most recently Tommy. If you are not familiar with their family story, I urge you to stop by Susanna's blog and read the links on the right sidebar that detail Katie's story, Tommy's story, etc. <br />
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God has used this family and particularly that mom in SUCH a huge way in the past several years. These people are the hands and feet of Jesus. Their love and their devotion to justice for the unloved and forgotten children in one former Soviet-bloc country have had a world-wide impact of Good. <br />
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And tragically, this past week their son Tommy died in an accidental drowning. <br />
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So, so so so sad. I am sure this family is suffering so much. <br />
<br />
Here is the link to Susanna's blog in case you want to read about their family or leave a loving comment: <a href="http://theblessingofverity.com/">The Blessing of Verity</a>.<br />
<br />
If you feel led to show your love for this family in a tangible way, please read this post by Adeye at her blog: <a href="http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2014/08/because-his-name-matters.html">No Greater Joy Mom</a>
<br />
<br />
But most importantly--if your heart is breaking for this family, or for the plight of the older special needs orphans in the world, please read this last post and see how you can give hope to two other families who right now are so close to bringing home their adoptive children home: from <a href="http://covenantbuilders.blogspot.com/2014/08/swinging-friday.html">Micah Six Eight</a>.<br />
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So much love and wonderful things happening in the world. So much to celebrate. And still so much hardship and pain. If you would like to help ease the hardship or pain of any of these families through these links, more joy to you. If you are led to share any of the stories within your own friend circles, please do. Esp. the last link. Helping more unloved, neglected kids get into loving families--the Mussers would be grateful. <br />
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Much love to you all today.<br />
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<br />Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-61096635725502570042014-07-29T00:21:00.000-07:002014-07-29T00:21:49.316-07:00blessed by facebookThis is going to be a very quick post, as it is late and my in-laws are here, and it will be an early morning. <br />
<br />
But something just happened that made me so surprised and so grateful. I had to quickly share, because my heart was swelling with love. <br />
<br />
But first, some background: <br />
<br />
One of the reasons I have not been blogging as much recently is because I have a new project I'm working on. I have mentioned <a href="http://www.litwitsworkshops.com/">LitWits</a> before--the local workshops and online literature guides developed and taught by my dear Becky and her sister Jenny, that help kids explore great books with sensory immersion. My girls have been fortunate enough to have been with LitWits since the beginning (as soon as they were old enough), and I know those workshop experiences will be a part of their lives that they will look back on with great affection when they are older. <br />
<br />
Well, now my own Sunny is about to start her first year of high school, and it is time for her to transition out of LitWits (which is geared for kids roughly ages 9-12). Apparently a lot of other parents who love the LitWits workshops found their children facing the same dilemma--and so a few months back Becky and Jenny approached me to see if I would be interested in co-leading LitWits "Master Classes" workshops for high schoolers!<br />
<br />
YES! Immediately I knew it was the right time to jump into teaching classes, something I have thought I would do "someday." The timing feels right, and I'm very excited to be co-leading these classes, and getting paid to do something I love. If you want to see the official flier, <a href="http://www.litwitsworkshops.com/master-classes-at-the-art-factory/">here</a> you go! (I still need to quickly finish the write-up for each novel, so parents know why these are fabulous books and worth reading and studying. But you get the gist!)<br />
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I have had so much fun planning so far. It has been a lot of work, because I want to make the workshops really meet the needs of the local homeschool families, so I had to research CA state requirements for each grade level in history and English and essentially plan out all the texts I would teach over the course of the next four years! I just needed to make sure we covered all the books I really want my own daughter to be studying, as well as fitting the books into where they made the most sense for what other things the kids will need to be learning (for example, here in CA high school Juniors study US History--so I purposefully arranged the text selection to suit that). After I went through the process of getting the chosen books approved by our local homeschool charter school (so the kids will receive the highest level of credit for the work), then I could start actually planning for the specific books I'll be teaching this fall. As you can imagine, I've been doing a LOT of reading (<em>ahhhhhhhhh</em>!) and have spent many an hour pouring over lists of books and scritching and scratching away with pencil and paper, trying to fit everything in the best place. <br />
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Seeing the flier now makes it real--it's happening! And today apparently either Becky or Jenny posted the flier on facebook. And a lovely woman--who I know well enough to care about, but don't actually know all that well--posted this comment in response:<br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><em>This looks amazing. I'm a huge Lisa Craddock fan. Not sure how her huge heart fits in her tiny body.</em></span></span></span></blockquote>
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<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">Actually, at this moment my heart is melted all over the floor. Re-reading that while writing this, I'm once again completely floored at those words. I know enough about her to know she is a generous and kind woman, a fellow homeschooling mom and Christian. In fact, I know her mainly because one time she was clearing our her massive homeschool book and supplies collection, and invited Becky and me to come take what we wanted. (How awesome is that! From her generosity we are starting a little Vintage Homeschool Library!) But I didn't know she knew anything about me at all. </span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">So there's the first surprise.</span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"></span></span></span><br />
<span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".1z.1:3:1:$comment741061702599760_741095552596375:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1:$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">Here's the second surprise: I have been on a facebook fast since the beginning of summer. (More about that another time.) So I have not been getting on facebook to read the feed, but just hopping on occasionally to check up on someone or look into information posted on our local homeschool group. I think I have glanced at the feed twice since I started the fast, tonight being the third time. There's no reason why I should have seen that comment. I was not tagged in it, so would not have been alerted in any manner. If I had not broken the facebook fast for a few minutes while winding down here tonight, all that love would have completely slipped under my radar. </span></span></span><br />
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All that surprise leads me to think I shouldn't really be surprised--that Someone led me there tonight, to see those words on a night when I could really use some kindness. Some loving words. Things have been going pretty well with my MIL this visit (MUCH better than the last two times), at least so far this one afternoon and evening. But still, a good visit is a slightly uncomfortable & stressful one, and I've been very focused on keeping calm and patient and non-reactive, keeping my eyes warm and my smile ready, no matter what comes at me. : )<br />
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There's so much love in that woman's comment. I don't think her words say nearly as much about me as they do about herself. But still, it means she has seen something in me that spoke to her own heart. I'd love to think it is Jesus. Because if someone whom I have only met three times in my life has seen a glimmer of something so Good in me, then it takes a little pressure off of what I'm feeling tonight. It's ok. He is with me. He will work through me, even when I'm completely oblivious to it. I can show people His love <em>just by being myself</em>. <br />
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If I remember to get myself out of His way! ; )<br />
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Ok, now it's late and morning will come quickly. I hope all of you have a wonderful start to your week. And I hope you all get some Divine encouragement! Please let me know if you do!<br />
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<br />Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-34120970688702135562014-07-22T17:07:00.001-07:002014-07-22T17:08:10.280-07:00vintage afghansQuilts are not the only thing I have been sighing and mooning over this past week. I also started looking at afghans, which run a close second in my heart to quilts. The only problem is, most afghans are, let's face it, very cozy looking but very ugly. <br />
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Some of them are truly beautiful, though. Especially black bordered and colorful granny squares. The smaller the better. I can't get enough of them. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzplhCVXAZL87xDylrqQz9VZYTyAbTa_Hx1Iax1lyOXJEC4XMU6vMM1pxO6560M9HpUj0r9JFzpN42zTXt0TJ-3t6lnEvtbulDa5RPdd_7IXqBWd3hT1o3qIYZgL3UgJXoE4cq_iaNc2A/s1600/1afghan11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzplhCVXAZL87xDylrqQz9VZYTyAbTa_Hx1Iax1lyOXJEC4XMU6vMM1pxO6560M9HpUj0r9JFzpN42zTXt0TJ-3t6lnEvtbulDa5RPdd_7IXqBWd3hT1o3qIYZgL3UgJXoE4cq_iaNc2A/s1600/1afghan11.jpg" height="137" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/221500923259?ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1423.l2649"><em>here</em></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6GqVWISNCfyH-xzHwaRvA_LIaDdRIuM3O28wNWqrBdZyr2ZV_m3ZYlssBPS7R6xU15sDutCBhh4iNPd4U-FrkDW2NltfSOoZAkNihdSA-uai8c7-aSLKK1yPcza4gTQkL_xu5buTV6MQ/s1600/1afghan12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6GqVWISNCfyH-xzHwaRvA_LIaDdRIuM3O28wNWqrBdZyr2ZV_m3ZYlssBPS7R6xU15sDutCBhh4iNPd4U-FrkDW2NltfSOoZAkNihdSA-uai8c7-aSLKK1yPcza4gTQkL_xu5buTV6MQ/s1600/1afghan12.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/141336353736?ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1423.l2649"><em>here</em></a></div>
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Of all of the granny square afghans I saw on eBay, this third one is my favorite--the slightly more pastel colors against the black is just gorgeous:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjANhSaXDGx_neJVFMD_tyjcdibBQeG6C_h6u9_HshI1knIkuelYO9wn7wxdUKwW45SzBuv7H2kCmLtKTU4UrkiMK3zke2iE0GEDcCO6AKbgLWqw2WgVSx4nWz95W12TQA6QL5-n1D1f80/s1600/1afghan6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjANhSaXDGx_neJVFMD_tyjcdibBQeG6C_h6u9_HshI1knIkuelYO9wn7wxdUKwW45SzBuv7H2kCmLtKTU4UrkiMK3zke2iE0GEDcCO6AKbgLWqw2WgVSx4nWz95W12TQA6QL5-n1D1f80/s1600/1afghan6.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=271553918366"><em>here</em></a></div>
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Ugh, I find myself starting to covet. Which is actually why I am sharing these things with you! Partly for the fun of it, and partly because when there is something I really, really like but can't justify owning, putting it here on my blog is almost as good as actually owning it. Maybe better, because now I can appreciate it while not actually having it in my house. <br />
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(I just caught myself gazing at the above image and sighing wistfully. No joke--beautiful, hand-crafted, nostalgic things tug at my very soul. : )<br />
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But just like the quilts, there are as many variations on pattern and color and style as there are women with crochet hooks. Even if I would not choose it for my house, I can admire the artistry. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyFJssjUT3wxgr1f1OaL-uFI6vKn4INmgPgzXOAaR4NfeWls4mBT8Vb6XUZ708QA1-JV09YC9G-msd8F8JC4ZQqyu1tuuhVEvpFix1Mt-J7fmprjWKhWm_uupg2eO18mkUnhMJo7yn4pc/s1600/1afghan4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyFJssjUT3wxgr1f1OaL-uFI6vKn4INmgPgzXOAaR4NfeWls4mBT8Vb6XUZ708QA1-JV09YC9G-msd8F8JC4ZQqyu1tuuhVEvpFix1Mt-J7fmprjWKhWm_uupg2eO18mkUnhMJo7yn4pc/s1600/1afghan4.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/281355541423?ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1423.l2649"><em>here</em></a>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLN7fgVHuBhF7_RSehAOqFNu3KRPIgV_bShK0NgQ6Zajk4QvDM-GUoiM84YneAi6U8Nnt-dED3eaS3IxMJIXKv6Gu5eOfRGHY6srKVXIcTfkHEOwwHVrUFKNCPl0n7XJjGvTkELc7t5LA/s1600/1afghan15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLN7fgVHuBhF7_RSehAOqFNu3KRPIgV_bShK0NgQ6Zajk4QvDM-GUoiM84YneAi6U8Nnt-dED3eaS3IxMJIXKv6Gu5eOfRGHY6srKVXIcTfkHEOwwHVrUFKNCPl0n7XJjGvTkELc7t5LA/s1600/1afghan15.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/Vintage-Crocheted-Afghan-Throw-Blanket-Multi-Color-Diagonal-Stripes-/261539401077?pt=Home_Decor_Afghans_Throws&hash=item3ce4f68d75"><em>here</em></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsYuwHI7k033d-lvAHaBc0MJ6pi3rGQwIZxqwJBuUSv7KDEqBWfJmMoYyt643f2gtBhnln6FQLetrCA4VYeGp5bH9CBHfQpQ6bWW9NG5ACLPqamdHV1eiMLjxm6K9E2UXQBgYzhT5j8bg/s1600/1afghan7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsYuwHI7k033d-lvAHaBc0MJ6pi3rGQwIZxqwJBuUSv7KDEqBWfJmMoYyt643f2gtBhnln6FQLetrCA4VYeGp5bH9CBHfQpQ6bWW9NG5ACLPqamdHV1eiMLjxm6K9E2UXQBgYzhT5j8bg/s1600/1afghan7.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>snatched up by someone else as I was writing this, so no link</em></div>
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Although maybe I would like to own that last one. So deliciously retro, and I'm seriously a sucker for itty-bitty squares. <br />
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The next two are listed as being made by an elderly serviceperson. I imagine this person is allowing some of his/her creations to be sold by a family member for a little side income. Maybe from a nursing home. I've never seen this pattern before, and in this first color combination it really works:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL3589wYizWnDHos2Fy43W8og6vi_gOxkcJFHhrnYngkQ_ghL4bR9jS8BdC8NwzArajJwgfmf220nVa_w0Kv1J7XPB4lHvsTxVUHmLu_4RRNxDo_PiMkUQvRZciHNosww6JxKe9vJACwk/s1600/1afghan2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjL3589wYizWnDHos2Fy43W8og6vi_gOxkcJFHhrnYngkQ_ghL4bR9jS8BdC8NwzArajJwgfmf220nVa_w0Kv1J7XPB4lHvsTxVUHmLu_4RRNxDo_PiMkUQvRZciHNosww6JxKe9vJACwk/s1600/1afghan2.jpg" height="184" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/271538615229?ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1423.l2649"><em>here</em></a></div>
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And this next color combination is just so grandma it makes me smile and wish I could give my own grandmas a hug (don't you think Grandma Betha would have like it, Mom?): <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeyFKEDFuemTKqmJYd8s1Fw58dFy7ky8oqjg1l-yjnyEr3g4akOu1Tm8UW3v49hn6uHoNDnHEVca8DVWI3SaMsy1_iBBrYkmz-hjBCKQj61iO38lBJH0x3U54AxRk4HMwMQmJR9wPxKLU/s1600/1afghan3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeyFKEDFuemTKqmJYd8s1Fw58dFy7ky8oqjg1l-yjnyEr3g4akOu1Tm8UW3v49hn6uHoNDnHEVca8DVWI3SaMsy1_iBBrYkmz-hjBCKQj61iO38lBJH0x3U54AxRk4HMwMQmJR9wPxKLU/s1600/1afghan3.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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And speaking of making me smile: </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxyg1_tqvROriDbBh5IZFfFFv_ekTTR5odnW8Tgbfdk5nfzkRp09JhPT1HfrsOG1I753ObQXbypxPmM2RF2xd58vzXwtTL4yBk0L5jS8n6ig1KWr0W4Yx5_MCyJmf5ewFGwsiFgxX97as/s1600/1afghan13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxyg1_tqvROriDbBh5IZFfFFv_ekTTR5odnW8Tgbfdk5nfzkRp09JhPT1HfrsOG1I753ObQXbypxPmM2RF2xd58vzXwtTL4yBk0L5jS8n6ig1KWr0W4Yx5_MCyJmf5ewFGwsiFgxX97as/s1600/1afghan13.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<em>I'm not linking it, because none of you would possibly buy an afghan this ugly. Right?</em></div>
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Mom, if it were not missing the red chevron stripe I would think this is the old afghan from the basement! No offense, Mom, if you were the one who made it. Clearly it was a very popular color combination in the day. And whatever critique I might be casting upon it for its color scheme is completely overshadowed by the fact that it was a perpetual favorite of all us kids in our childhood. It was well loved, for a long time--and that's the whole point of a good afghan. </div>
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This next afghan does not look all that old, and I would guess was made within the last 10 years or so, when blue and brown were so popular together. But the effect is very pretty, very appealing:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3hqJN3N7Fw3oT9aNNH7DnfNvI1-8EFvyBjMZ5j2QQMRHaQ-jSQpvGipx_FMTyU7994wezhj36qEJTM5lTM4DElJSZ8xQkU79_W0B8226fJlRhM895MYmFuwnw5IwYNJ_nkNJar0VSvtA/s1600/1afghan5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3hqJN3N7Fw3oT9aNNH7DnfNvI1-8EFvyBjMZ5j2QQMRHaQ-jSQpvGipx_FMTyU7994wezhj36qEJTM5lTM4DElJSZ8xQkU79_W0B8226fJlRhM895MYmFuwnw5IwYNJ_nkNJar0VSvtA/s1600/1afghan5.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8IBc4lRviO3vJbm2zdcvjjzzBHGijFEnTcQBt8gck8fNFUpi-hA0OXiumH5HPlKCAy4ojb70rJ50J9Jg9TKNkHcGqqNdXYxni_9S_FJRw4_E__WNAXQ0xkEnRqU3T3UHmGtSjz5zGOUY/s1600/1afghan14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8IBc4lRviO3vJbm2zdcvjjzzBHGijFEnTcQBt8gck8fNFUpi-hA0OXiumH5HPlKCAy4ojb70rJ50J9Jg9TKNkHcGqqNdXYxni_9S_FJRw4_E__WNAXQ0xkEnRqU3T3UHmGtSjz5zGOUY/s1600/1afghan14.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/VINTAGE-HANDMADE-HAND-KNITTED-AFGHAN-GRANNY-SQUARE-FLOWER-GARDEN-/311019916998?pt=Home_Decor_Afghans_Throws&hash=item486a3b4ec6"><em>here</em></a></div>
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Oh, how pretty that one is! Like a flower garden. What a sweet vision the maker of that afghan had. </div>
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The final one I want to share just about breaks my heart it is so pretty:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinGXyWX1dF70G1X80VDqgGqt-foSbbp5bniGR2ybCQxLeC_FZWbXye2XU4_7bwd4vBUfdOKsT-UOPC08vTpg6dh2YpHGhKaorgfF8wbuaqSWQOYjSpOYuxZ6zJTGmkWawEQVX4bWR-8Ik/s1600/1beautifulafghan.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinGXyWX1dF70G1X80VDqgGqt-foSbbp5bniGR2ybCQxLeC_FZWbXye2XU4_7bwd4vBUfdOKsT-UOPC08vTpg6dh2YpHGhKaorgfF8wbuaqSWQOYjSpOYuxZ6zJTGmkWawEQVX4bWR-8Ik/s1600/1beautifulafghan.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/Stunning-Vintage-Black-Pink-Rose-Wool-Granny-Square-Afghan-/380957331174?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item58b2d38ee6"><em>here</em></a></div>
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I know: you're thinking, <em>well, it's pretty, but no prettier than any of the others</em>. . . ? </div>
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First of all, if you had seen several thousand afghans on eBay in the past two days, you would be thrilled at its beauty. ; )</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFX6FxIRzKiSIK5_py5QELwymsleSrdHtm0liqfAG94x7Cc0OkQVjSmBT81QZb2zC6PZZt8uC8iOU2IiKsYm6feBQQjMWxxPXTiRNf3OjvHE2brsiM1coQW_V1_iK6dOwP_ETe_W8qDC4/s1600/1beautifulafghan2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFX6FxIRzKiSIK5_py5QELwymsleSrdHtm0liqfAG94x7Cc0OkQVjSmBT81QZb2zC6PZZt8uC8iOU2IiKsYm6feBQQjMWxxPXTiRNf3OjvHE2brsiM1coQW_V1_iK6dOwP_ETe_W8qDC4/s1600/1beautifulafghan2.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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Then look at those gorgeously made roses, which add dimension and depth and texture to the afghan surface. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW01XLhtr_YgGYf7ORMUFfTllPbY2G59zM5Exwxb8rFVKnpW3VIYz3Q_U_Pv2BlPgQFW-HPvXKn2A3UfZ7JJw0uOudNzRpWIVNtHeN3bRxaCRMf8CGQSCMdJXDm0IVAUdlSH6JkMHiapA/s1600/1beautifulafghan5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW01XLhtr_YgGYf7ORMUFfTllPbY2G59zM5Exwxb8rFVKnpW3VIYz3Q_U_Pv2BlPgQFW-HPvXKn2A3UfZ7JJw0uOudNzRpWIVNtHeN3bRxaCRMf8CGQSCMdJXDm0IVAUdlSH6JkMHiapA/s1600/1beautifulafghan5.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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Then notice the careful use of color: most afghans of this style repeat the exact same color in every square, which ends up being dull and monotonous. This crafter alternated two different shades of rose, which also adds depth and beauty to the overall piece. The eye does not get tired looking at it.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu83NdTVnNWgPwS7xXRCstTKdit27yX8tng4yZz8QYOZo-OR0akpa2zLVUF6TceVpgXKNavTsnZdu25qq64-Dp-QNVUZtMHquwsRKV99BOtUlAEosTEJ2gK9U7y_W_T_ltFhBhWyNSsa8/s1600/1beautifulafghan4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhu83NdTVnNWgPwS7xXRCstTKdit27yX8tng4yZz8QYOZo-OR0akpa2zLVUF6TceVpgXKNavTsnZdu25qq64-Dp-QNVUZtMHquwsRKV99BOtUlAEosTEJ2gK9U7y_W_T_ltFhBhWyNSsa8/s1600/1beautifulafghan4.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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Not only did the crafter use more than one color of pink, but she arranged the roses in patterns of 4. This creates a sense of balance and order, and even hints at a quilt-like design. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDpO6KJ683-XX9RMQmPVmwYp6-3_WT6hhZ8A6abg-_5S5PsAgWimDlbaE_naEA-Wbf2_azUV-p_fRev0Hn8TPL2AM8X0UNCQT-2vCsT-fcbYJoKbcbN9RlFrQVmmO8KWj9HhHXVLns5fQ/s1600/1beautifulafghan7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDpO6KJ683-XX9RMQmPVmwYp6-3_WT6hhZ8A6abg-_5S5PsAgWimDlbaE_naEA-Wbf2_azUV-p_fRev0Hn8TPL2AM8X0UNCQT-2vCsT-fcbYJoKbcbN9RlFrQVmmO8KWj9HhHXVLns5fQ/s1600/1beautifulafghan7.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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Then even the edge is finished in a pretty little border--also reminiscent of a quilt binding. And look at the careful crochet-work apparent in this photo's lighting. So well done. So beautiful.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh7ZDBPkTykv3OtKjnOZpsb7OyxI43yz8bqAs7WbNg9hJSxNgJU6ZJHF0ILQSSUAeVnnA7pM-liBkAbFDd6c9kdvhYr9WQ1ki6XEiPf4r92XPAlbpw408To_06SSDbZlfKz-nhqEUNfpA/s1600/1beautifulafghan6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh7ZDBPkTykv3OtKjnOZpsb7OyxI43yz8bqAs7WbNg9hJSxNgJU6ZJHF0ILQSSUAeVnnA7pM-liBkAbFDd6c9kdvhYr9WQ1ki6XEiPf4r92XPAlbpw408To_06SSDbZlfKz-nhqEUNfpA/s1600/1beautifulafghan6.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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Ugh, it is so pretty and perfect is almost gives me a stomach ache. <br />
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And it's $45, plus a hefty shipping cost, all the way from Massachusetts. <br />
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Which is kinda a lot for an old blanket. But on the other hand, isn't. <br />
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I could buy this. Right now. <br />
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But I'm not sure I should. . . I was looking for some "new" bedding for the kids, but not sure this exactly fits the bill, being larger than I need for one girl. And I don't need it on my bed. In fact, it would not match our bedding. (Which you realize is important to me, since our bed is also our "sofa.") I also don't need it immediately, just when we get the bed project done and the kids are not sharing blankets anymore. If I did buy it, it would definitely be loved and used. But I'm not sure it's the best practical choice. That and whatever girl--probably either Sunny or Happy--received it would be the envy of her sisters. Maybe even her brother. ; ) Which might compel me to look for more gorgeous afghans on eBay for the others. . .<br />
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So that's why I stole all the photos from the person's listing. So I could have a way of holding onto it even if it's not meant to be mine. : ) Another person could snatch it up. Or I might be tempted for a while and ultimately choose not to give in. But in the meantime, sharing its beauty with you all makes me happy, and lessens the temptation to buy it rashly. <br />
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Now that I've been going on about things that make me happy inside, please tell me something that makes you happy! I would love to share your little bits of happiness. <br />
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Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-89713349130722831042014-07-21T17:40:00.002-07:002014-07-21T19:28:53.032-07:00vintage quilts on eBayI've found a happy space this week: on eBay, looking at vintage quilts and afghans!<br />
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I'm thinking of buying a couple of bedding pieces for the kids, if I find just the right things (at the right prices). But in the meantime, I'm seeing so much old handmade beauty, such love and care and pride and skill--it all makes me just so happy. <br />
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Some of the quilts are old and worn, and some are on the primitive side. But they all have something about them that caught my eye and made me smile: <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjobirxW8dxLfN_RjVJJ2TbUhc2NLCuTqIiRivX0jp2dE8VyG20MUczbFWulV0x4Jxexn2s9Uj-W67B4ZCOMpBZOVpnWxAtn_tGsLcuyngYaBT3nTZlpXg7Eyp_EJLhLykS4IvT2-C8hik/s1600/1quilt1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjobirxW8dxLfN_RjVJJ2TbUhc2NLCuTqIiRivX0jp2dE8VyG20MUczbFWulV0x4Jxexn2s9Uj-W67B4ZCOMpBZOVpnWxAtn_tGsLcuyngYaBT3nTZlpXg7Eyp_EJLhLykS4IvT2-C8hik/s1600/1quilt1.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/331265126759?ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1423.l2649"><em>here</em></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKTqd2EtMrJ33ykL5qIPgmkwpGmxVZLg6m-p-6esOKiqaZFasu6vwZwqyn83jfOQwUHNI7wJvAFmpZ-lkZLKozck6ALQXY7qLPg4TJ6T1q1OK9hKaAznhLYFrmjOnIkWX4gq_LAwdSK4o/s1600/1quilt2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKTqd2EtMrJ33ykL5qIPgmkwpGmxVZLg6m-p-6esOKiqaZFasu6vwZwqyn83jfOQwUHNI7wJvAFmpZ-lkZLKozck6ALQXY7qLPg4TJ6T1q1OK9hKaAznhLYFrmjOnIkWX4gq_LAwdSK4o/s1600/1quilt2.jpg" height="179" width="320" /></a></div>
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<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/111411544731?ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1423.l2649"><em>here</em></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBz3QvvKKH715hcPpsD3aQogq6J1pPz3HTtUtSn9Km5ORQI9f9JJddb79YOVGPCchI9vcugQcubV6Xf8bA_KwpM1RmnhknvsktrtPs9mp0TbF8YyAHdvC4TtbVUhI1ICotZMbMxvwPcFA/s1600/1quilt15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBz3QvvKKH715hcPpsD3aQogq6J1pPz3HTtUtSn9Km5ORQI9f9JJddb79YOVGPCchI9vcugQcubV6Xf8bA_KwpM1RmnhknvsktrtPs9mp0TbF8YyAHdvC4TtbVUhI1ICotZMbMxvwPcFA/s1600/1quilt15.jpg" height="260" width="320" /></a></div>
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<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/Superb-Circle-Quilt-1920s-30s-Antique-Vintage-Art-Deco-62x79-Inches-Folk-Art-/121389953625?pt=Quilts&hash=item1c4367b259"><em>here</em></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJZYqcxhHWhF-w69sPSBqA4Obcxr0apMzDiGT2OVlFNRG8mnH8v4jPNuxJ57I9CgqRrPCHkRuyqZw7DUCWBrYlBZZAeuviDS2wASSAlPqQokjOcc0-cryOQghRZxNXGK-CTv1zfOG5XIQ/s1600/1quilt13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJZYqcxhHWhF-w69sPSBqA4Obcxr0apMzDiGT2OVlFNRG8mnH8v4jPNuxJ57I9CgqRrPCHkRuyqZw7DUCWBrYlBZZAeuviDS2wASSAlPqQokjOcc0-cryOQghRZxNXGK-CTv1zfOG5XIQ/s1600/1quilt13.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/Vintage-Primitive-Twin-Bed-Blanket-Quilt-Deep-South-Multi-colored-Patchwork-/271554311810?pt=Quilts&hash=item3f39e5f682"><em>here</em></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI77E8AWoufhVA-S976lQKc2G5ZUSvT1LzOxNyLFwAjLtD-MkexrUMSrJUvypIS3cMpl0CvICIdmoHcEDPJC5KjwOsPnq9CAPu09R39kmFUnbr4CmowxosWcRlh85W2u97R9jgjyFSVoM/s1600/1quilt3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI77E8AWoufhVA-S976lQKc2G5ZUSvT1LzOxNyLFwAjLtD-MkexrUMSrJUvypIS3cMpl0CvICIdmoHcEDPJC5KjwOsPnq9CAPu09R39kmFUnbr4CmowxosWcRlh85W2u97R9jgjyFSVoM/s1600/1quilt3.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/331263434196?ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1423.l2649"><em>here</em></a><em>. I just love all the pretty stitching on an otherwise basic crazy quilt.</em> <em>Follow the link to see more pictures of the loveliness!</em></div>
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When something shows so much attention to detail, and pleasure in the careful stitching, it lifts my spirits. It makes me wonder about the woman who spent so many hours thusly. I imagine maybe working on this quilt was <em>her</em> happy place. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLl3cNcMFwKJZIn6IW4QFDR2Gm8QPAUAUMrjS7Z83OcFJYcaUoZJM0iL_ZSxjn1FTEsDnbbzYnDC5BazKP7yP8TZBONCQXqth62MDq-pd7TVMdEl6C0MHAWjlNLH-d3xi7EPa7g2Z-wO0/s1600/1quilt16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLl3cNcMFwKJZIn6IW4QFDR2Gm8QPAUAUMrjS7Z83OcFJYcaUoZJM0iL_ZSxjn1FTEsDnbbzYnDC5BazKP7yP8TZBONCQXqth62MDq-pd7TVMdEl6C0MHAWjlNLH-d3xi7EPa7g2Z-wO0/s1600/1quilt16.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/Beautiful-Vintage-POPPY-Flower-Quilt-Hand-Stitched-Applique-73-x-90-/191253201799?pt=Quilts&hash=item2c87944387"><em>here</em></a>. <em>Click on the photo to enlarge and see the beautiful stitches.</em> </div>
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I mean, how could a woman be grumpy when she was working on a quilt like this? It seems the very embodiment of good nature and positive thinking:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixZntFUhsRnkci6ACjVvL6NzO7UXII30aFHUL6lwXFdlz31E4gGRjJoXEtdUFVZRbDn3tYnlDrG0v6-sJrHJwj0TCE8JIv39kNgXjZro606QRdx_W6V0eW9OREWYUOIbAzB8rfpBZhxx0/s1600/1quilt8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixZntFUhsRnkci6ACjVvL6NzO7UXII30aFHUL6lwXFdlz31E4gGRjJoXEtdUFVZRbDn3tYnlDrG0v6-sJrHJwj0TCE8JIv39kNgXjZro606QRdx_W6V0eW9OREWYUOIbAzB8rfpBZhxx0/s1600/1quilt8.jpg" height="286" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/251592753836?ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1423.l2649"><em>here</em></a></div>
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<br />
And some of the quilts I love because they remind me of the quilts that were around my parents' house growing up. I can still call to mind the softly rumpled cotton fronts, and their smell--not old and musty, but not freshly laundered. Just somehow the comforting smell of things that seem to have always been, and which we imagine always will be. The kind of smells and thoughts that a child can wrap around herself as much as the quilt itself. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXbtMd_7DwQXswp5xLwqkPWq-RLUYZLDy3qgLQ7OMIhS1edb6aSJ4ITDeT15sRDAUsxU2KfbDeSilB89nHSqcy0GVxIXYyUHuntIXAO-d5mOJREa4esVIM7FfdazaTZjsE7uI3nDtNhFo/s1600/1quilt12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXbtMd_7DwQXswp5xLwqkPWq-RLUYZLDy3qgLQ7OMIhS1edb6aSJ4ITDeT15sRDAUsxU2KfbDeSilB89nHSqcy0GVxIXYyUHuntIXAO-d5mOJREa4esVIM7FfdazaTZjsE7uI3nDtNhFo/s1600/1quilt12.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/Vintage-Antique-1930-GRANDMOTHERS-FLOWER-GARDEN-Quilt-/321468060676?pt=Quilts&hash=item4ad8fd5404"><em>here</em></a></div>
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Some of the quilts I would never want to own, but I marvel at the maker's vision, and the many, many hours she must have spent laboring over this creation: <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY7GobD6v9TFZZtC0nsWZXx_ciTeuJt21XbJ_yTrilEM3YiqVThQWj4DrXELVZZautaZaDtlopKffnciPDxKJ0gWxAm_oH9Ovw88NXqkYJyjiaKbmpI7lHXrxuunXegwgc1YBWwBZjU5g/s1600/1quilt18.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY7GobD6v9TFZZtC0nsWZXx_ciTeuJt21XbJ_yTrilEM3YiqVThQWj4DrXELVZZautaZaDtlopKffnciPDxKJ0gWxAm_oH9Ovw88NXqkYJyjiaKbmpI7lHXrxuunXegwgc1YBWwBZjU5g/s1600/1quilt18.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/EARLY-Pineapple-Quilt-GRAPHIC-Black-and-Red-Vintage-from-PA-German-UNUSED-ART-/291195261411?pt=Quilts&hash=item43cc9711e3"><em>here</em></a></div>
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And some I would own in a heartbeat!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGtIQ5iO9t_tstZw8K8AKRT1T50bi2s4KeIDa8eazmj5od7RbVfxNCq5BgktpDHcV-lC6EGWFe_6LSrECbekb4p8mkEZ6SD3O6FwprFN1yj5N28Nz3FICwrJ41JWkp23FELg2FJKeNXos/s1600/1quilt19.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGtIQ5iO9t_tstZw8K8AKRT1T50bi2s4KeIDa8eazmj5od7RbVfxNCq5BgktpDHcV-lC6EGWFe_6LSrECbekb4p8mkEZ6SD3O6FwprFN1yj5N28Nz3FICwrJ41JWkp23FELg2FJKeNXos/s1600/1quilt19.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/Vintage-Antique-Handmade-Quilt-Lady-Of-The-Lake-Civil-War-Era-Quilt-/121388134202?pt=Quilts&hash=item1c434bef3a"><em>here</em></a></div>
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9pNL4nITN76EBC2wvt0Ub9CZrTT6GYwwxZfZpRKCbm0rWUlSkF1BSfJbR6m0iCFdn4t5zOIOAZn1oIeCOW2AQzwAiQO2lwbpRoarp6YFFEaT_7bNci8KnWOwQaMXbQdGGGJIIffoQS58/s1600/1quilt20.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9pNL4nITN76EBC2wvt0Ub9CZrTT6GYwwxZfZpRKCbm0rWUlSkF1BSfJbR6m0iCFdn4t5zOIOAZn1oIeCOW2AQzwAiQO2lwbpRoarp6YFFEaT_7bNci8KnWOwQaMXbQdGGGJIIffoQS58/s1600/1quilt20.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/Vintage-Antique-Handmade-Quilt-1900s-Dresden-Plate-Patchwork-Quilt-/121388164690?pt=Quilts&hash=item1c434c6652"><em>here</em></a></div>
<br />
Some of them are only quilt tops, waiting for someone crafty to appreciate and finish the original maker's vision:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjJX67LOdzhcn1E298ec9KhO9F_YnXh2UVl1b7_9MOdL0KPBNjXoWmp1OGKC9OXp87hAl6YLfbucYqNOyCW4_GMPpdrVn3-oT_1Nj3zbLwxraasVKo_IRt0wUeEy-M3WIEGF0ehPSNwYY/s1600/aquilt1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjJX67LOdzhcn1E298ec9KhO9F_YnXh2UVl1b7_9MOdL0KPBNjXoWmp1OGKC9OXp87hAl6YLfbucYqNOyCW4_GMPpdrVn3-oT_1Nj3zbLwxraasVKo_IRt0wUeEy-M3WIEGF0ehPSNwYY/s1600/aquilt1.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/301245846959?ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1423.l2649"><em>here</em></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWXsbnM6Ex5iJ_JI35f9JyxY2yjlE86RoBfLjYXDZ_yc_f8ByF3ZHyRxTiUwqTW2iB4oouu4Pi24FNdfeH0KYwWBMk0iOzCNLy-u2S6tjTRuWEIcc7dkDEOUPTzyZUJoZSYsUSrtA4JrQ/s1600/quilt1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWXsbnM6Ex5iJ_JI35f9JyxY2yjlE86RoBfLjYXDZ_yc_f8ByF3ZHyRxTiUwqTW2iB4oouu4Pi24FNdfeH0KYwWBMk0iOzCNLy-u2S6tjTRuWEIcc7dkDEOUPTzyZUJoZSYsUSrtA4JrQ/s1600/quilt1.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/301245520374?ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1423.l2649"><em>here</em></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTehLGnROJUt_8oq46YwGI8TiunAexjWIaI347rhengxMGUXp-iBH4tvJ1mDhe7qfu5KiXRTMd1C9Yy4mKP4m9l69Bu-JWZGLTCafIwdBnjFX1S96aNqLB_3nyChb7kb1Xdl6i8WfIut4/s1600/1quilttop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTehLGnROJUt_8oq46YwGI8TiunAexjWIaI347rhengxMGUXp-iBH4tvJ1mDhe7qfu5KiXRTMd1C9Yy4mKP4m9l69Bu-JWZGLTCafIwdBnjFX1S96aNqLB_3nyChb7kb1Xdl6i8WfIut4/s1600/1quilttop.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/291193170726?ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1423.l2649"><em>here</em></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga9H45VYbtrmkOF0R0O896ilPIzwTWj91qCuFWWtdvFFI-TKZJb2ZSJgDU3EssjfheXZj4y2K2VM_7oCpVf9GdYwj4YcQMB8CfYTPljMmcYQYvFvGGSYSB3nc0YJxaNoN2Du_-BwuLq7c/s1600/1quilttop2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga9H45VYbtrmkOF0R0O896ilPIzwTWj91qCuFWWtdvFFI-TKZJb2ZSJgDU3EssjfheXZj4y2K2VM_7oCpVf9GdYwj4YcQMB8CfYTPljMmcYQYvFvGGSYSB3nc0YJxaNoN2Du_-BwuLq7c/s1600/1quilttop2.jpg" height="239" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/131245884503?ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1423.l2649"><em>here</em></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjL_2tUf1DKaJTygdkRWmF68qhTLwMaOuk8ZCjsKwWHGg3lfYmC8detWhofgb6fNljY6hv2Q6B99X976hQi-L4s1he1_nDdxo590Y1vz0WoIVOvoL9cjZ_vFej5yBcVumbmIbcQso2E88/s1600/1quilttop3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjL_2tUf1DKaJTygdkRWmF68qhTLwMaOuk8ZCjsKwWHGg3lfYmC8detWhofgb6fNljY6hv2Q6B99X976hQi-L4s1he1_nDdxo590Y1vz0WoIVOvoL9cjZ_vFej5yBcVumbmIbcQso2E88/s1600/1quilttop3.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/390889309295?ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1423.l2649"><em>here</em></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp4mDfDzxlHRzzATF3JxDAnqjJcD-msnj3aGRDEgRAZ3DPDGvDDu4njiOzBS9xFeXYDSgGVFufkXWLES2dIePz0SvHXR_xJ3Se_KTOTTLcFoKEkzs8eywzvJviX06StVAi2MWVVBGJWG0/s1600/1quilttop4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp4mDfDzxlHRzzATF3JxDAnqjJcD-msnj3aGRDEgRAZ3DPDGvDDu4njiOzBS9xFeXYDSgGVFufkXWLES2dIePz0SvHXR_xJ3Se_KTOTTLcFoKEkzs8eywzvJviX06StVAi2MWVVBGJWG0/s1600/1quilttop4.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/390889337889?ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1423.l2649"><em>here</em></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisL99pL9ORphpriJezm-BDXZA5b6Ah1idpQHoxjjc2tJT8kt13r46paombQRSjG9okhRBkthTJ1yRUMRHUAs4LRfI-DtTaOiaUx1v9q4KyAzANz76MV_JLnlOUH3AOxJdOeLVvwPPQk24/s1600/1afghanpiece.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisL99pL9ORphpriJezm-BDXZA5b6Ah1idpQHoxjjc2tJT8kt13r46paombQRSjG9okhRBkthTJ1yRUMRHUAs4LRfI-DtTaOiaUx1v9q4KyAzANz76MV_JLnlOUH3AOxJdOeLVvwPPQk24/s1600/1afghanpiece.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/Vintage-Antique-Star-Quilt-Block-Hand-Stitched-Cotton-22-X22-1880s-1900s-2-/221499316122?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item339263579a"><em>here</em></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbeXTRTjWe-JPeUmhZEIoOb6ngzlfCxujA205m9X1UhL9NrzpCB7GY1K1WHHUDsUtoZiDPGaiuAbuZcSl8g_QaoAX-nxcgV0xQiMuUiroMl5uYggcI1LEtvvJs4hBtYdtTYNoGNvfGhQk/s1600/1quilt17.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbeXTRTjWe-JPeUmhZEIoOb6ngzlfCxujA205m9X1UhL9NrzpCB7GY1K1WHHUDsUtoZiDPGaiuAbuZcSl8g_QaoAX-nxcgV0xQiMuUiroMl5uYggcI1LEtvvJs4hBtYdtTYNoGNvfGhQk/s1600/1quilt17.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/Vintage-Patchwork-9-patch-quilt-top-/271553488184?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item3f39d96538"><em>here</em></a></div>
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This next quilt's maker had a very clear vision indeed. And while I never would have thought to make a cotton boll themed quilt, and certainly not in those colors, I absolutely love the fact that this woman did. And admit it--once you realize that every boll is unique, it ends up being a little mesmerizing: <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisJfYCR1HAOq3-K_TCH8XwQNqD85iom7_xdi6B1nKy9Ac3bJ2hSPmK7uAjDNocukcdGnjITpKwPLFxLio_BYQknMqK1VUVzUHn0ZFMlxt6ojkX1pDEh1xKAjdQzTAZ9cPojwycKQpF3RE/s1600/1quilt10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEisJfYCR1HAOq3-K_TCH8XwQNqD85iom7_xdi6B1nKy9Ac3bJ2hSPmK7uAjDNocukcdGnjITpKwPLFxLio_BYQknMqK1VUVzUHn0ZFMlxt6ojkX1pDEh1xKAjdQzTAZ9cPojwycKQpF3RE/s1600/1quilt10.jpg" height="320" width="300" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/VINTAGE-COTTON-BALL-QUILT-/321468148346?pt=Quilts&hash=item4ad8feaa7a"><em>here</em></a></div>
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<br />
I also admit that it can be a little melancholy seeing these women's special creations up for auction. These are all vintage quilts, so not made specifically for sale on eBay. They were made for a specific room, for a specific bed, for a specific loved one. Where is that loved one now? How has the quilt fallen into such disfavor, or drifted so far from those who it was made for, that the current owners have no attachment to it? <br />
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Some quilts tell such powerful stories--we can almost imagine who might have made them for what loved one. . . <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWxivg3MmVtPRIEeVsn5aeve9n9vo-vlVDZf_o0Z4_xXpdliaqry-Iy8u4zh1QKhdIdNN0yEHNdjmBh97TLKLMubcnNCdskP3FZQM5gY8JD3X_mLg8KQ-w439mb8vnsOO9yNhrg0gpBY0/s1600/1quilt11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWxivg3MmVtPRIEeVsn5aeve9n9vo-vlVDZf_o0Z4_xXpdliaqry-Iy8u4zh1QKhdIdNN0yEHNdjmBh97TLKLMubcnNCdskP3FZQM5gY8JD3X_mLg8KQ-w439mb8vnsOO9yNhrg0gpBY0/s1600/1quilt11.jpg" height="299" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/quilted-quilt-hand-made-applique-green-vintage-76x95-cotton-embroidered-/390891069321?pt=Quilts&hash=item5b02ec5f89"><em>here</em></a><em>. If you follow the link you can see close-ups of the woman's stitching</em></div>
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<br />
And some quilts don't keep us guessing--the maker's purpose and provenance are right there--but capture my imagination no less for it:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY5oLjoCFF4umfKz_GwJ-EpWYxv_XINfz4PDfb1kGruigHTQG0o12wyCBwHx4atCkY5tipmmZ0rn6XoNwI9L2zwn8BQ8gKmlFWKVPYZaSPJOz71Nny4QbUaCkNGxG_zMwiInJqDSnvf6Q/s1600/1quilt9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY5oLjoCFF4umfKz_GwJ-EpWYxv_XINfz4PDfb1kGruigHTQG0o12wyCBwHx4atCkY5tipmmZ0rn6XoNwI9L2zwn8BQ8gKmlFWKVPYZaSPJOz71Nny4QbUaCkNGxG_zMwiInJqDSnvf6Q/s1600/1quilt9.jpg" height="230" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/Antique-Vintage-Quilt-1950-REDWORK-SIGNATURE-FRIENDSHIP-Windsor-Ontario-Canada-/231288523282?pt=Quilts&hash=item35d9deca12"><em>here</em></a>. <em>I recommend going to the link to see more photos.</em></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq0_Q8oITEyzYABJz0y6kEMQGeFURfNCzS1CVqYDm4VJY8kZswECuG3VgaKHZb62QbHN2z1p-fsRuUNVoZiCsTMuvumYJxydrmDEkPhOxMdpEhQJOBSyRnxg3ZbfgkxosRA7ZLHxtPIng/s1600/1quilt14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq0_Q8oITEyzYABJz0y6kEMQGeFURfNCzS1CVqYDm4VJY8kZswECuG3VgaKHZb62QbHN2z1p-fsRuUNVoZiCsTMuvumYJxydrmDEkPhOxMdpEhQJOBSyRnxg3ZbfgkxosRA7ZLHxtPIng/s1600/1quilt14.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/VINTAGE-OLD-HAND-STITCHED-DESIGNS-ANTIQUE-FOLK-ART-PATCHWORK-QUILT-RARE-/201132056645?pt=Quilts&hash=item2ed467a045"><em>here</em></a></div>
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Who was the woman who made this quilt? Sized for a child, but seemingly barely used. I can only guess at the story behind this labor of love: <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1mTQYBprA_XZPAvmadlfxKpzSVXc0emTPa6lzODZ0KPpfV-w7mh898dGviJZCxAOMN6c1YRwU_KrSrGMtfT-eewGI-m5tLkmO_Y4Yw30LPwBFA-GQ5-V-bGiRKZMw1vFX0_dckDP33GI/s1600/1quiltdoll.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1mTQYBprA_XZPAvmadlfxKpzSVXc0emTPa6lzODZ0KPpfV-w7mh898dGviJZCxAOMN6c1YRwU_KrSrGMtfT-eewGI-m5tLkmO_Y4Yw30LPwBFA-GQ5-V-bGiRKZMw1vFX0_dckDP33GI/s1600/1quiltdoll.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<em>found </em><a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/VINTAGE-C-1900-CHILDS-OR-DOLL-QUILT-OVER-500-PIECES-ALMOST-A-CHARM-QUILT-/351121826920?pt=Quilts&hash=item51c07de468"><em>here</em></a></div>
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But I'm just so glad her work is living on. That others besides me are appreciating them, searching for them, buying them, using them or reusing them. Giving old, unloved things new life. <br />
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If she knew, I think she would be pleased. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5kQ56nWmvcbdmbny0GyBmYUWh8QVKSetSVYvpT3Ejrm_IzqUI1FL6L098la55XTvCennqDm4-P6rXIgXY90WYB2U50xzIu4IbGIMih_QYlCQPCuZ_aoF4vZNMwHlpGPrlTOxgq_3bPq4/s1600/1photo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5kQ56nWmvcbdmbny0GyBmYUWh8QVKSetSVYvpT3Ejrm_IzqUI1FL6L098la55XTvCennqDm4-P6rXIgXY90WYB2U50xzIu4IbGIMih_QYlCQPCuZ_aoF4vZNMwHlpGPrlTOxgq_3bPq4/s1600/1photo.jpg" height="320" width="208" /></a></div>
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Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-70488361390284042742014-07-14T13:49:00.001-07:002014-07-14T13:49:20.985-07:00Monday morning10:45 a.m.<br />
<br />
Quiet house again--but this time, with three children in it. It's a foggy morning, so the outside is cool gray and green. I made a fire earlier, and those of us here are perfectly content to be quietly engaged with our various activities. <br />
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It's a "fun school" week for us. I've made a list for the younger three with some vaguely educational activities: things like reading aloud to youngers, working on craft projects, playing their online typing game, practicing instruments, playing with wooden math manipulatives. So Merry is writing a letter to a friend who has recently moved away. Happy is finishing her morning routine in the bedroom, and is singing to herself quietly. Smiley is engrossed in a little craft I just picked up this morning from Terry, our wonderful school liaison. It's a Christmas craft--and I so don't care about seasonal appropriateness at this moment. <br />
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Sunny has not been a presence here for weeks now. At the very beginning of this month she went along with her "special same age friend" Tegan and her parents on a roadtrip--Oregon, Idaho, Wyoming. The Tetons, Yellowstone Park. It was an incredible opportunity for adventure, and I can't wait to hear all about it. She got home yesterday afternoon around 4--just in time for her to shower and us all to get to the 5pm service at church. Then we stayed for the church dinner after, and chatted with people we had just met and helped put away tables and chairs, and by the time we got home it was time for her to shower and get ready for bed (and for her sisters to shower her with presents they had made her), and we only heard snatches of her trip before ten o'clock was upon us and Mommy was demanding lights out and quiet. <br />
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Now this morning she's starting her first day of Girls In Engineering camp! I don't remember how we heard about this, but she applied and was accepted to a FREE week-long day camp held at UC Santa Cruz. It appears to be geared for girls from the local Spanish-speaking communities, to get them interested in careers in the sciences. UCSC is sending a bus all the way down to Salinas to pick up girls (about an hour away) and is stopping at several other predominantly Spanish-speaking communities on the way. So the girls who attend the camp get free transportation, free snacks, free lunch--so cool! I'm very glad such opportunities exist for disadvantaged girls--and that we are getting to join in too. So this morning I got her up and ready and off to the pick up location, and we won't see her again until pick up at 3:30. Then I imagine she will need a quiet time, and then I have a feeling there will be talking and listening galore until bedtime.<br />
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I have a list for me today: some computer research, book reading, cooking. Not actually all that much--I'm super tired today for some reason, and just want to be quietly productive. But as I sat down with my tea and blogs this morning, I came across a couple of really interesting articles, which perfectly correlate with some of the things which have been in my mind recently. So I'm taking some time this morning to write. I'm a little gloomy in spirit today--I think my cell phone might have been stolen on Saturday while I was at the Laundromat, and I feel frustrated and isolated and a little violated. (So, don't try to call me--email is my only link to the outside world at the moment.) <br />
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My gloom inside is being matched outside--during the time I've been sitting here writing, the light outside has darkened, and the house inside is almost dim enough to need lights turned on. But I'm not going to do that--artificial lights turned on when it should be daylight is one of the most depressing things ever. I've felt that way ever since I was a child. I remember days at Dr. Howard Elementary School that were so stormy and dark outside that the teacher turned on the bright overhead lights and pulled down the shades--perhaps the storm was drawing our attention away from the classroom activities, or perhaps he thought it was safer. But the effect--of harsh, unnatural light against those long, yellowed roller blinds, with the blackness still seeping in on the edges--I've never forgotten. Similarly, I remember those winter nights in my parent's home when the blinds in the breakfast nook were pulled down when we had dinner at 5 pm, and that feeling I would get of it being wrong somehow, and of feeling trapped. <br />
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Whoo! Time to get up and move and listen to some good music. I'm not really this dark inside--no worries. But it's probably no coincidence that the mental images coming to me now are of the efforts we humans sometimes make to hunker down and be safe and cozy, in a way that seems an unconscious (and ineffective) denial of the darkness outside. The inside--bright and secure--seems unreal, or perhaps surreal, while the outside is darkness--cold and growing, and feeling very real. <br />
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My world feels a little like that at the moment, even on the sunny days. It's unsafe out there. Heck, it's sometimes unsafe in here. But I'm not called to safety, or to sunshine. <br />
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I'm called to be transformed. <br />
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On a MUCH lighter and totally related note: listen to the first 30 seconds of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAXrgl_oF-8">this</a> for a good laugh. <br />
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And have a Good day, however you spend it. <br />
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Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1921306472825391447.post-63851474906635700972014-07-12T13:44:00.000-07:002014-07-12T13:44:13.056-07:00Saturday morningI'm sitting here in a quiet house--a rarity these days. I think this might be the first time I have been alone in this house for weeks if not months. It won't last long--my Dear Husband took the kids to their martial arts class, which was over half an hour ago, so they're due back any minute. I should be doing laundry or dishes or something, but I sat down instead with toast and tea and caught up on blogs and then watched/listened to old Voice performances on youtube while dressing and sweeping.<br />
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I chose someone's "Best 15 blind auditions" compilation, and it was full of excellent music and performances from the US, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSNAEMBV6ZE">UK</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTZf9ny2xf8">Holland</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LNcX1eS6qA">Poland</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-QdjnA2vtI">Australia</a>. A couple of the songs at the end got me tearing up--the emotion the singers were putting into their songs, and the beauty in their God-given vocal gifts. The youtube sidebar then led me to some America's Got Talent episodes--a show I don't watch, but occasionally see a video clip of. But this morning somehow the 4 clips I watched all made me cry. The family group of 12 kids performing a variant of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7h8J48UXoBc">"Favorite Things"</a>--seriously, to see a whole auditorium of people charmed and delighted by this super large family was so refreshing, when most of what large families receive is derision and hatred. Then the 83 year old singing <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EG8Iyk4ykw8">a sly, clever & funny song</a> (that is entirely inappropriate for kids, so makes me sad for the state of our nation--that such pieces are now considered family appropriate)--it was the way the judges and audience treated him with encouragement and respect even before he began, just to honor his age and say, "Good for you for trying, old man, even if you aren't any good," but then were so happy when he entertained them so thoroughly. Then the Britian's Got Talent duo of the two boys singing/rapping <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3Rf5qDuq7M">their own anti-bullying song</a>--and the twist in the song is the bully is the deadbeat dad of one of the boys. <br />
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I know--it sounds so pathetic to be sitting and watching such performances and crying. I can't help it--I automatically engage with the feelings of the person performing, or the story behind them being there, or the reaction of the parents or loved ones there to support them, or the judge that starts to cry. The shows are silly, staged, edited for effect and definitely designed to tug at the heartstrings. But none of that matters. The people performing, and their feelings, their longings, fears--those are real. And the way the audience or judges respond often show the best of who we can be--supportive, non-judgmental, cheering, empathizing. Sometimes we get a little glimpse of who we are as a nation, or as people sharing this earth. People who understand one another, if we just <em>stop</em> and <em>listen</em> and <em>see</em>. The audiences that have strong reactions--they didn't mean to. They didn't plan it. But something in a person before them reached out and touched them, and they responded. Sometimes with whole hearts. <br />
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It's called engagement. It's a blessed, sacred thing. Even on reality performance TV shows. <br />
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OK, so that's all a bunch of nothingness. Except it isn't. I have not been blogging because I have nothing to say, but because I have too much to say. I am feeling so many things these days, and thinking so many things, and probably over feeling so many things, and definitely over thinking so many things. But I would rather be someone who cries at reality TV than someone who doesn't. I am in a place of growing and learning, and it is scary and painful, but really, really good. <br />
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I'm also coming off of a 6 day visit here from my in-laws. And I know my emotional response to these show clips is somehow a reflection of that--that I have been feeling and thinking so much that I can't turn it off, even when browsing youtube. <br />
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I keep saying I'm going to write again, even just snippets--but I have started so many posts and don't even get halfway through them! I have a story to catch you all up on, and I think I will wait for 2 weeks--for the annual Week Without Children--before I try to write it. But I fear I am rusty at blogging now--so maybe I will try to post a few short things between now and then. We shall see. <br />
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But, until then: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3U4kxuBfIo">smile and weep with me, and be in awe of what God can do in the most unexpected places</a>. <br />
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I hope you are all having a great month!<br />
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<br />Blessedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09079902364989480862noreply@blogger.com2