Just trying to keep my humor about me, as look around my house.
For my Mother, and those who don't get the above joke: there was a show on TLC (The Learning Channel) some years back, called "Hoarders: Buried Alive." We have never had television, but I found it a year or so ago while looking for an instant download to watch on Netflix one day during Quiet Time. I confess, I was immediately hooked, and over the course of several weeks watched the whole first series (mostly in 20 minute sits, which is about how long it takes me to drink my afternoon tea). There is something so fascinating about other people's lives, and getting to peek into other people's houses to see how they live. And of course, since the show is about hoarders, their lives are VERY messy, both literally and figuratively--which immediately makes the viewer feel so much more well adjusted. And a much better housekeeper.
And actually, when I saw this cartoon on facebook sometime last year, it made me laugh because it was so true. After watching "Hoarders" I would look around my house and feel SO much better about it. I am constantly battling too much stuff--a family of six living in a 550 sq. ft. house? OF COURSE we always feel like we have too much stuff! But the amazing thing is that because I am so diligent with getting stuff OUT whenever possible, we can keep taking in more and our home is still livable. Even comfortable. (When it is picked up and everything is in its home. Which is not that often. Sigh.) But I don't have a *problem* with too much stuff, you know? Keeping the stuff from taking over the house is a constant battle, yes, but a battle in which I will persevere, and thus (eventually) prevail. ; )
By the way, there were two other things I really liked about the show. One, the tone of it is so gentle and respectful of the people who have hoarding issues. Sure, it is an intrusive reality-TV show. But the narration is carefully done with a sympathetic, even compassionate voice-over. The experts in the show who are brought in to help the hoarders are always so respectful and considerate of the feelings of the hoarders and their families. People are shown in their full fraility, and the show does not shy away from devestating loss and mental illness, but it overall comes across as desiring to understand and help, not to exploit.
The other thing I liked, which always made me cry, was that the point of the show was Restoration. It tried to restore habitats of course, but more importantly, it tried to restore people to healthy living. Most importantly, it always aimed to restore people in their relationships with loved ones. Because usually the stuff surrounding the hoarders was a physical manifestation of their interior thoughts and feelings--specifically the walls they built up between them and others.
Anyway, I realized a while ago that there was a second season of the show available on Netflix, and the other day I decided to put it on once again for Quiet Time as I had my tea and snack. I watched a whole episode all in one sitting. But something unsettling happened--instead of leaving the viewing feeling relieved about my own home and housekeeping skills, I found myself a little panicked. For some reason, this time I was not reassured--instead, I felt like I was seeing tiny glimpses of how the apathy and procrastination I have struggled with for the past month might have been the same for some of those hoarders, at the beginning. Sure, I have reasons for letting the housework go--busyness, weird illnesses reoccuring, and now the usual seasonal allergies have me in their grip--but the lethargy and the excuses just keep building. I'm hiding from the world already--I call it my annual "hibernation"--and maybe that is ok. But maybe I need to be careful that I am not digging myself into a pit (as in "this place is a pit!") that it will be hard to get myself out of--and a psychological space that keeps me shutting the door on people outside our immediate family.
Interesting that when I sat down to make this post I did not have all these connections made in my head. But, writing helps me process ideas. . . .
I started my Anti-Procrastination effort because I was truly serious about making some changes for the better around here--because too many things feel like they are hanging over me, undone. But with feeling so crappy pretty much all the time now, I am starting to see more and more usual housework falling by the wayside, and too many of the things on the Big List still undone. . . .
Found here
Ok, don't panic. Time for some Truth. This is just a season. It is perfectly ok for me to hibernate for a few months a year. It's not like I'm being a hermit--I'm leaving the house multiple times a week, occassionally seeing friends, going to church, etc. It's just I don't feel good and am pretty brain dead all the time and don't have much energy and so don't really want to be anywhere but at home. In my pajamas. In front of the computer with a cup of tea, or curled up on the bed with a good book. It is ok to admit that's what I want pretty much all the time, as long as I'm not giving into that all the time. My family is fed, laundry is done, the groccery shopping gets done, everybody is completely on task with school, and so far the house still has walkways through the homeless stuff.
It's OK.
And it's almost time for Lent! I love Lent, and have been anticipating it for a while now, almost relishing all the options of things I could give up. (hmmmm--maybe this is as much a sign of the psychological weight I feel under these days from stuff. If giving up chocolate and tea seems fun because it means two less things I'll be dealing with in a day) I'm looking forward to it, to a time when I will purposefully strip down my daily life--at least my daily habits--to increase my awareness of God in my life.
Hmmmm. Could the timing of my annual hibernation be a parallel desire? A subtle stripping down of outside things to lave more room for. . . rest? Restoration?
But I won't be happy hibernating in a house that is constantly frustrating and rebuking me. So maybe I'll work up the gumption to give it one last go. I'm going to re-post the list, so I can see what I have accomplished--maybe it is better than I thought!
This is what blogging does. Over the several hours it took to write this post (in snatches), I went from despair to optimism. Maybe it is because writing is cathardic, or maybe it is because I got a little Perspective. Whatever it was, I'll take it!
Ok, if any of you have Anti-Procrastination victories, please do share! I will be happy for you!
P.S. And if you are in a grumpy mood, and want a really good laugh, you really should visit the link under the "Demotivating" image above. I stumbled upon the site when I googled just to check my spelling of "despair." After 5 minutes on that linked page, I was feeling much better. ; )
I think it's important to rest more, take better care of yourself, if you feel crappy. Look at it this way, we only have so much energy. If feeling crappy is lowering your energy levels, then what is the best use of the remaining enery? I think you would say taking care of your family is more important than cleaning, and an exhausted, cranky Mom isn't going to be at her best when dealing with children. Obviously that attitude can be taken too far (like the hoarders you mentioned)! There will always be times when cleaning has to take precidence, but the rest of the time I'd rather save some of my energy for the fun stuff. In my case, I'm only going to have E around every day for another 7 months, so I want to make the most of it!
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, there are a few jobs around the house that I have been putting off. (This is the 2nd time I've been sick since Christmas and I've been working O.T. all during that time, so I'm right with you on the feeling crappy front!) I've been thinking that one of the things I might give up for Lent is some relaxation time in the evening, and use that time for taking care of some things around the house. Say 30 minutes a night to not think about me, and what I want, but instead to think about how I can improve things in my home for others. We'll see.
You are so right about sometimes just having to stop and focus on what is really important. And that sometimes a clean house is not that important, esp. if it keeps you from the things that are, like your kids. Completely agree! But I have the bad tendancy of letting things go so completely that it is a huge chore to (and sometimes almost impossible) to get the house looking good on short notice--like when in-laws call on a Weds and say they are coming to stay that weekend, and there are already things on the calendar Thurs and Fri so I have to get up loads of energy and be super efficient to even barely make it--and I am always ALWAYS a terrible mom at those times. So I know--wisdom whispers to me--that to be on top of what is important I need to make sure the housekeeping does not get out of control. Does that make sense?
ReplyDeleteAlso, in such a tiny house I think clutter and dirt really stand out so much more, and likely make us all a little less content, a little more grouchy. . .
Rebecca, I don't know about your Lent plan. I don't think you already spend enough time taking care of yourself! BUT you know what time you have and how you spend it, so if that is what you think would be sacrificial and positive and honoring to God, then go for it! Even 15 minutes of that goal a night/day would likely have a really big impact! So I love the idea--just make sure you follow the good advice you gave me in paragraph 1 and take care of yourself. : )
I love knowing you are doing Lent, though.
Oh, and it is so fun to hear from you here--I know you don't often get a computer to type on. I hope this means your computer is fixed!
Well, the computer is sorta fixed. C has bought his old work computer (still newer than our old desktop!) and was transferring things over, and unfortunately the banking software he uses was the one that didn't like the transfer. So, in order to do our taxes so we can fill out the FAFSA forms for college, he removed the computer monitor and hooked it back up to the old computer (which has been sitting in our family room for 1 month now and we just walk around it)-SO the only thing I have at the desk right now is a lonely computer tower! And he and E have been working on scholarship essays in the evening, so my access to his laptop is limited. But I check my email on my luch break at work; I have been keeping up with your blog, just on the email. But I decided that didn't feel friendly, so here I am!
ReplyDeleteOne thing I forgot to mention is that you do have another cleaning option- time to start getting the girls to help! I had my girls cleaning when they were little: picking up & dusting in early years (they loved dusting because I would put inside out socks on their hands and then let them touch all the things they weren't supposed to play with!)and then we worked our way up to bathrooms by middle school. We're still working on laundry- I don't trust E with delicates yet. But I am SO going to miss the bathroom cleaning next year!
Good luck on feeling better and getting stuff done!
You are so right about having the girls help with cleaning, Rebecca. I used to have them help, and they are good little helpers too (we do the sock thing too--I probably learned it from you!) but recently it just seems like we don't have time! I do the cleaning while they are doing school. And it really feels like even though we are pretty efficient with school timing, if I am not careful I am ordering them around all day long and they don't have a chance to just be kids! So, I'm going to say this is a season where they are not doing the chores they normally would, but it is because we are really buckling down on school and that is a fair trade. For a while they will do less and I guess that means less will get done! ; )
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reminder and encouragement to involve them, though. It is good to get me thinking about that--if I stop involving them for too long, I will likely forget how helpful they used to be, and forget it is a family value for all the kids to pitch in.