Conversations

Isn't this the cutest postcard?  (double-click to embiggen)

My dear Becky--my fellow sister in ministry--created them to pass out at church and at the Abbey coffeehouse to  advertise the series.  

Something that has been part of my life recently, but which I have not yet had a chance to write about, was a three-part series of "Conversations" our church's ministry for women (SoulKitchen) just finished.  Basically they were casual but structured evenings where women could come, have coffee and desserts, and get to know one another and share in small groups about their ideas on/feelings about/responses to/experiences with things that matter.  

We planned this series because for years women at our church have been asking for social events for women, but yet they don't want to do anything the least bit "fluffy," or pedantic, or silly. As a new ministry, we tried out several different things over the years to meet this desire/need, but nothing had an overwhelming response from the women in our church community.  Then we came up with the idea of "Conversations" last year, but did not have a cohesive vision of what they would look like.  Somehow at our annual all-day SoulKitchen planning meeting this past January, the vision and the details just seemed to come together without us even having to think very hard.  Three topics immediately came to us, and they seemed just right.   We thought of three women we would ask to lead the discussions, and they all said yes.  The series seemed almost effortless to plan (and has been overall very easy to execute), which has made it feel all the more like it was God's idea and not really ours.

And, to prove that last point, the event has been way more successful than we ever would have anticipated.  The first night--on the topic of "Difficult Relationships"--we had over 70 women come!  So many that we had to move from the cozy room we had set up to the main sanctuary across the way!  And even more amazing, there was an incredible spirit amongst the women there, of openness, vulnerability, honesty, and a deep desire to be real with one another.  WOW. 

So for the second night in the series we planned accordingly and set up the Sanctuary as our space for the rest of the series, and while we did not have as many women come (about 40 I'm guessing), the conversation within the groups and in the larger group was still so wonderful--heartfelt, wise, warm, encouraging.  (And since the topic for the second week was Parenting, I was really thinking about the things I've been experiencing in my own home with my kids, and getting some excellent Perspective!)

It feels like we finally hit upon what women in our church body are wanting, needing.  I sure know I enjoyed--and was very much blessed by--almost every single minute. I was one of the planners for the series, and was the organizer of the desserts, and the official hostess and MC for all three nights.  Basically I helped get things ready, and did all the crowd management and up-front speaking before and after that evening's facillitator led the Conversation.  Each night a different woman from our church body would present information and generate ideas about that evening's topic of discussion, and lead discussion questions for the rest of us to discuss in small groups.  So much sharing and thoughtfulness and reflection--so much fodder for the spirit and the mind!

The last night was on Identity, and again there was so much good stuff!  Alas, for any of these topics I don't think I can do the ideas we worked with justice--at best I can share a few ideas that are for me to keep processing:

--during our Parenting discussion it hit me that we talk about "raising children."  Hold on--we're supposed to be raising the next generation of  "adults"!  As in, that is the end goal, and yet if we are always thinking about raising "children," how a very subtle shift of expectations pops up in the culture, and this could very well partly explain why we HAVE raised a whole generation of adult children.  That is, grown-ups who demonstrate the actions and apparent understanding of children.  Really good for me to consider.  I have always said I'm going to have "young adults" and not "teenagers"--making a distinction between preparing our kids for adulthood and letting them wallow in rebellious, self-indulgent delayed childhood (see, again, I could be describing much of our adult culture at large!).  So, really, I've always had the expectation, but now see how I need to shift my thinking even away from the teen years as some magical demarcation, and start parenting my kids with adulthood in mind now.  I'm raising little grown-ups now, and thinking of it that way is so freeing to me!  Because of every argument or sassy tone or poor choice now is not them failing at being good kids, it is them practicing at being good adults!!!!  Ok, most of you probably figured this out a long time ago.  But you know how you know something in your head, but don't really understand it?  Now I feel like I get it!  I'm not a failure as a mom because they are doing these things over and over--my parenting is not futile, I'm not ruining them.  They are not perfecting their good little kid skills and thus making me look good (and feel good) for the time being--they are practicing social and self-governing skills and thus learning character that will serve them so much better (Lord willing) for the rest of their lives.

(I know I'm not writing at my most lucid at the moment, but I have been working on this post since last Sunday, and just want it finished and out of my head. So, pardon whatever mistakes you find in my writing, gaps in my explanations, or jumps in my reasoning.)

There was another idea that hit me after this week's "Identity" Conversation, but even though it seemed so Important at the time, it was so late at night when I got home and I was so tired but yet wired, that I don't rember it.  Sigh.  I'm going to need some time to reflect back on the things we had been discussing so I can see if it comes to me (and maybe quiz my dear Rosa to see if I relayed any brilliant ideas to her in the church kitchen during cleanup afterwards).  So if I remember anything in particular, I'll let you all know later, in case it is interesting/useful to any of you as well. : )

 

But I must say, many times through those three nights of Conversations, I thought of all you friends and family who visit this blog!  You would have fit right in, and would likely have enjoyed the discussions very much.  I love it when we have "conversations" here on this blog, and only wish we could do it in real life!

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