orphans on my heart again--UPDATE

Dear readers, this is just a quick post, before I run out the door for the Tuesday morning martial arts class and Costco run. 

Something that has been heavy on my heart recently, which I have been meaning to blog about for weeks, is a huge fundraiser/giveaway going on right now, called  "Mulligan Stew."  This fundraiser/giveaway was started by some very big-hearted people out in the blogsphere, to help find and fund families for older and special needs kids, esp. from a certain orphanage in Bulgaria where the children suffered the worst kinds of conditions and neglect.

Would you please, please, please go read this page, that introduces you to the names and faces of specific orphans who are being helped by the giveaway?  The post describes what their current orphanage life is like, and tells about the giveaway/fundraiser and what it is hoping to do.  Reading that and other posts on the same blog will also introduce you to some of the families who will be helped with the funds raised, the families trying to rescue these kids and bring them home.  I LOVE "meeting" these families and reading their stories--I love their hearts and their JOY.

And then would you please consider sharing the page with other kind and generous-hearted people you know, via facebook or email? 

These are children.  They did not ask to be born into this world, they are not responsible for their physical limitations, they do not deserve to be treated as if they are so worthless.  They are children, and every single one of us has the ability to do something--one little thing--to raise awareness about how much children over the world are suffering.  And each one of us can help out a little  bit to bring one child into a family. 

I am not feeling guilty that I cannot adopt right now.  To be honest, adopting is hard;  beautiful, but hard.  If God does not seem to be indicating that we should be adopting (right now), then I'm completely fine with that.  But I don't have to adopt to do something to help an orphan today.  I can help support the families who are adopting, who are doing the hard, beautiful thing.  In effect, I can have my cake and eat it too--help bring needy children into loving homes, without the hard work of doing the actual adopting and parenting. ; )  Would you please consider doing the same? 

The fundraiser/giveaway ENDS MARCH 31.  Which is why I am so sorry I did not blog about it sooner.  But there is no time like the present, if any of you want to jump in and be part of the blessings!  AND if any of you feel led to contribute today, there is a special bonus matching grant available that will end TONIGHT. 

Thank you for reading the link(s), thank you for sharing the fundraiser with others and helping these children get out of their hellish orphanages and into loving homes. 

May you all have a day of grace, of joy, of awareness of blessings, of laughter and cuddles with those you love!  And may your day soften your heart towards those little ones who will sit alone all day, untouched, unloved, but not forgotten.

UPDATE:  There is another post today that is just too beautiful for words.  Oh, the huge hearts of these people who are seeking to adopt special needs and older kids!  And there is another matching donation that has just been offered, that will benefit two of the orphans who are in most urgent need.  If you have not yet followed these links and considered if you are led to give or to pass along this giveaway/fundraiser to others (email, blog, facebook, whatever!) then would you please do so today?  Thank you so much!

since I last blogged. . .

I have been the worst blogger recently.  I have been working on a follow-up to my last one on the Conversations, and it is appalling how long it has taken me to write what should have been so easy!  I think it has been so hard to write because it was so special, and so I am trying to get all the right words to convey all the feelings I have--hopefully I'll finish it tomorrow morning.  In the meantime, I just could not pass up the chance I had today to blog, and decided to jump ahead and do some catch up! 

So, what follows are just some of the things that have been going on with me and my family recently, most of it not really important, but all of it together a peek into my world. . . .

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Treats from our Rainbow Math Party we had last week with our homeschool friends! 

STAR testing (state-wide required standardized academic testing) is over for this year--whoo-hoo!  We have not had the official "burning of the STAR Test Prep books" yet, but probably will today.  This next week Sunny--who rocked about 4 math lessons a day for the past several weeks in preparation for the test--gets a no-math week.  She is stoked, and does not realize the break is partly because of all the other school things we need to accomplish.  ; )  We need to finish her science project, start our poetry/art book project for the Author's Fair at the beginning of May, and she has to stay caught up with her Monday school assignments too.  So, the week will be math-free, but still a busy one.

BUT the end of STAR testing also means I am feeling a release of pressure, and so we are making lots of opportunities for friend time this week!  We had one playdate Sat. with friends we had not seen in a long time, and have play time (and tea time for Mommies!) with other friends early this week.  Hibernation is long over--it feels so good to be out there again!


Which is good, since I have jumped into the social/extrovert world head first.  First there were the Conversations, then I volunteered to give announcements in the church services today (two services down, one yet to go!), and tomorrow night I start 9 weeks of leading a discussion group for our next SoulFood Bible study.  We're doing Beth Moore's new James study, which I have heard focuses on social justice.  I am a fan of Beth Moore--she insists women approach Scripture with their minds turned on and their hearts open, and that they be willing to stretch themselves.  No fluff--lots of depth.  I am really looking forward to it.  My group will have about 7 women in it, including my dear Rosa.  I am very excited, and hope to explain more later.

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Three times this week I actually made myself run.  Like, around a track.  I don't get very far, but I love my body feeling stretched, and used.  So mostly I am walking briskly, and also made myself play on playground equiptment, climbing and jumping and swinging and hanging--using all kinds of muscles I don't normally use!  But when I was done, I felt good.  Alive.  I don't want my body to get old before its time, and so I need to start using it--before I lose it. 

And of course I'm a better mommy when I am a good example to my kids about the joys of exercise--and when I make them stretch themselves and run a ways too!

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I gave Smiley another haircut, this time trying the clippers for the first time.  The results are not nearly as good as last time, since I was experimenting with clipper comb sizes and Smiley wasn't sure he liked the buzzing of the clippers near his ears (so kept moving)--I'd have to say the look this time is more Eastern European orphan than anything else. Sigh.  Good thing it grows out quickly--he should look fine by the time we see family at Easter.


I got my own hair and bangs trimmed yesterday--WHOO-HOO.  I really had needed to for a looooooong time, but kept putting it off, because, well, I am just never inclined to spend my free time on Saturdays doing such errands, and the rest of the time kids don't allow me opportunity.  But the knowledge that I was going to be getting up in front of the church body (i.e. vanity) finally got me motivated.  With my bangs up out of my eyes, I feel so much more like me.


I also took advantage of this occassion to make myself wear something a little dresser than my usual jeans, top, and cardigan sweater.  I wore a cute dress (thanks, Mom, for helping me fix it this past summer!) and leggings and cardigan sweater, and the black leather dress boots DH's aunt gave me last time we were visiting (more about those later too).  My favorite part, though, was getting up the gumption to wear an actual hair accessory:

This is not the greatest pic (and it was taken months ago, another time when my bangs were a little too long), but you can see the fancy clip/fascinator I wore this morning, and roughly how I wore it.  I got it in San Francisco this past Fall when my dear Susan was visiting, but have only worn it once before.  It only cost about $4, and is not the most beautiful thing in the world (oh, the things I have seen on Etsy. . . ), but it stirred something adverturesome and--dare I say, youthful--in me at the time, and I felt just the right amount of pretty and bold wearing it today.  (Those earrings in the pic are some of my favorite favorites--from Trade As One.  But they don't go with the clip, and I don't wear them together, so nobody go all fashion police on me.)

Speaking of earrings, I have misplaced the pouch of jewelry I took with me to my aunt and uncle's house when we went down to LA.  I am sure it will turn up, but I had all my favorite earrings in it (I mean ALL of them), and it has been so much less fun getting dressed these days without them!  Usually earrings are the only little bit of pretty I ever put on, so losing them makes me feel so drab.  And I must say I was not looking forward to standing up in front of people today without earrings that made me feel good.  I confess, I feel naked if I leave the house without lipstick and earrings.  This has been true ever since I was old enough to wear them. Even if I don't shower and am wearing paint clothes and running to Home Depot--I will be wearing lipstick and earrings. And now I only have three pairs left to choose from, and of course they are the old, odd ones that don't match anything!  So the hairclip also made me feel better since I figured it drew attention away from my not-really-coordinating earrings.

I just might have to stop by Trade As One this week, if I can't find my earrings.  I have had my eye on a couple of pairs of earrings they carry--this might be the time to splurge on a pair, until I find the missing pouch:

Oval Floral earrings, $13.00

Silver disk earrings, $11.00

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I'm watching (in segments) a movie called Of Gods and Men, and even though I am not all the way through, I can still higly recommend it.  So respectful of faith, so powerful, a story that resonates with real-world issues we see on the news. 

And I gave Merry a book to read this week called ""Ransom's Mark," which is based upon the true story of a pioneer girl, Olive Oatman, who watched her family be slaughtered by Native Americans, and was kidnapped, sold for ransom to another tribe, branded by tatoo, and raised to be a Mohave.  I always read the books I give to the kids, so knew the story and thought it was excellent (it is part of the "Daughter of the Faith" series, so God is prominent, and the overall story deals with Redemption and serving God bravely no matter where you end up--great themes).  Both Sunny and Merry read at levels much higher than their current school grade, so they read all kinds of books that require more maturity in ability and comprehension.  But I wasn't thinking about maturity of spirit when I chose this book for my just-nine Merry, and the other day during our afternoon nap/quiet time, my computer reverie was broken by the sound of sobbing.  My dear girl was so sad, her heart broken reading about Olive losing her family so violently.  We have read sad things before, but this is the first time she experienced that wrenching heart-connection we all get sometimes; she identified with the girl, and really felt for a moment what it would be like to lose her own family. 

So of course I abandoned the computer and took my daughter to the "sofa" and curled her up and wrapped myself all around her and held and loved her while she just sobbed.  Oh, at that moment I was so glad to be her mom, so glad I could be there for her when she had that first realization of how cruel the world is sometimes.  So glad she realized she loved us and was thankful for us.  So glad for her tender spirit, and a heart that can emphathize with the pain of others.  I'm not at all sorry she read the book, or had that sad moment.  She is growing older, and will soon see more and more around her of how much pain and suffering and evil there is in the world--so what a privilege to walk along with her during some of that discovery, to help her not be afraid, or hateful, to help her see the beauty in such stories too, and how nothing--not one thing--is too big or too scary or too tragic for the merciful Lord of the Universe to redeem.

And speaking of God at work in history, I watched another movie recently, The Endurance, about Sir Ernest Shackleton's ill-fated expedition to be the first to cross Antartica.  I was previewing it for potential homeschool fodder, and most of it could be--but the overall story is a little too long and bare and harsh for kids, so I think I will wait until the girls are a few years older.  But I still highly recommend it for a grown-up watch, especially the ending, which reveals God actively at work to comfort and rescue the men of the Endurance.  WOW.  Gives me chills.   It is a secular production, so they don't really go into whether or not the spiritual aspect of what the men experienced was "real," but the words of the men who went through it proclaim the power--and the tenderness--of the living God.

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My Sunny girl had her moment in the limelight last week when I posted a couple videos of her playing original guitar compositions on facebook.  She has been taking classical guitar lessons for several years (paid for by our charter school, one of many reasons we are so thankful for it, STAR testing and all), and plays on the guitar that was her Daddy's when he was a boy, which makes it extra special.  For those of you who are not fb friends, here is a private link to youtube in case you feel like listening. : )


And finally, the other day Happy and Smiley were playing "baby" on the bed, and it reminded me of when my little guy really was a baby, and his littlest big sister just could not get enough of him:

Fall 2008

So of course I had to snap a pic of my "babies" now:

March 2012

Lifes has been full, life has been good.  So many little things I get in my mind to share with you all, so little time.  (To which you breathe a sigh of relief. ; )  I hope all of you have had a wonderful, family-filled weekend. 

 

Conversations

Isn't this the cutest postcard?  (double-click to embiggen)

My dear Becky--my fellow sister in ministry--created them to pass out at church and at the Abbey coffeehouse to  advertise the series.  

Something that has been part of my life recently, but which I have not yet had a chance to write about, was a three-part series of "Conversations" our church's ministry for women (SoulKitchen) just finished.  Basically they were casual but structured evenings where women could come, have coffee and desserts, and get to know one another and share in small groups about their ideas on/feelings about/responses to/experiences with things that matter.  

We planned this series because for years women at our church have been asking for social events for women, but yet they don't want to do anything the least bit "fluffy," or pedantic, or silly. As a new ministry, we tried out several different things over the years to meet this desire/need, but nothing had an overwhelming response from the women in our church community.  Then we came up with the idea of "Conversations" last year, but did not have a cohesive vision of what they would look like.  Somehow at our annual all-day SoulKitchen planning meeting this past January, the vision and the details just seemed to come together without us even having to think very hard.  Three topics immediately came to us, and they seemed just right.   We thought of three women we would ask to lead the discussions, and they all said yes.  The series seemed almost effortless to plan (and has been overall very easy to execute), which has made it feel all the more like it was God's idea and not really ours.

And, to prove that last point, the event has been way more successful than we ever would have anticipated.  The first night--on the topic of "Difficult Relationships"--we had over 70 women come!  So many that we had to move from the cozy room we had set up to the main sanctuary across the way!  And even more amazing, there was an incredible spirit amongst the women there, of openness, vulnerability, honesty, and a deep desire to be real with one another.  WOW. 

So for the second night in the series we planned accordingly and set up the Sanctuary as our space for the rest of the series, and while we did not have as many women come (about 40 I'm guessing), the conversation within the groups and in the larger group was still so wonderful--heartfelt, wise, warm, encouraging.  (And since the topic for the second week was Parenting, I was really thinking about the things I've been experiencing in my own home with my kids, and getting some excellent Perspective!)

It feels like we finally hit upon what women in our church body are wanting, needing.  I sure know I enjoyed--and was very much blessed by--almost every single minute. I was one of the planners for the series, and was the organizer of the desserts, and the official hostess and MC for all three nights.  Basically I helped get things ready, and did all the crowd management and up-front speaking before and after that evening's facillitator led the Conversation.  Each night a different woman from our church body would present information and generate ideas about that evening's topic of discussion, and lead discussion questions for the rest of us to discuss in small groups.  So much sharing and thoughtfulness and reflection--so much fodder for the spirit and the mind!

The last night was on Identity, and again there was so much good stuff!  Alas, for any of these topics I don't think I can do the ideas we worked with justice--at best I can share a few ideas that are for me to keep processing:

--during our Parenting discussion it hit me that we talk about "raising children."  Hold on--we're supposed to be raising the next generation of  "adults"!  As in, that is the end goal, and yet if we are always thinking about raising "children," how a very subtle shift of expectations pops up in the culture, and this could very well partly explain why we HAVE raised a whole generation of adult children.  That is, grown-ups who demonstrate the actions and apparent understanding of children.  Really good for me to consider.  I have always said I'm going to have "young adults" and not "teenagers"--making a distinction between preparing our kids for adulthood and letting them wallow in rebellious, self-indulgent delayed childhood (see, again, I could be describing much of our adult culture at large!).  So, really, I've always had the expectation, but now see how I need to shift my thinking even away from the teen years as some magical demarcation, and start parenting my kids with adulthood in mind now.  I'm raising little grown-ups now, and thinking of it that way is so freeing to me!  Because of every argument or sassy tone or poor choice now is not them failing at being good kids, it is them practicing at being good adults!!!!  Ok, most of you probably figured this out a long time ago.  But you know how you know something in your head, but don't really understand it?  Now I feel like I get it!  I'm not a failure as a mom because they are doing these things over and over--my parenting is not futile, I'm not ruining them.  They are not perfecting their good little kid skills and thus making me look good (and feel good) for the time being--they are practicing social and self-governing skills and thus learning character that will serve them so much better (Lord willing) for the rest of their lives.

(I know I'm not writing at my most lucid at the moment, but I have been working on this post since last Sunday, and just want it finished and out of my head. So, pardon whatever mistakes you find in my writing, gaps in my explanations, or jumps in my reasoning.)

There was another idea that hit me after this week's "Identity" Conversation, but even though it seemed so Important at the time, it was so late at night when I got home and I was so tired but yet wired, that I don't rember it.  Sigh.  I'm going to need some time to reflect back on the things we had been discussing so I can see if it comes to me (and maybe quiz my dear Rosa to see if I relayed any brilliant ideas to her in the church kitchen during cleanup afterwards).  So if I remember anything in particular, I'll let you all know later, in case it is interesting/useful to any of you as well. : )

 

But I must say, many times through those three nights of Conversations, I thought of all you friends and family who visit this blog!  You would have fit right in, and would likely have enjoyed the discussions very much.  I love it when we have "conversations" here on this blog, and only wish we could do it in real life!

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the humor just keeps on coming

The homeschool Ryan Gosling humor, that is. 

I have now added the site to my sidebar (and hope it automatically updates like blogs do).  I can use all the daily chuckles (and perspective) I can get. : )

on Hot Mom Syndrome

I read a very interesting blog article today, linked from one of the blogs I read, on what the blogger calls "Hot Mom Syndrome."  (And as I typed that my fingers slipped and I ended up with "Sindrome," which is in itself food for thought!) 

I used to be much "hotter" than I am now, and remember being aware of men's occassional looks, and wanting those looks.  Very occassional looks, but hey, you take what you can get. Even after having my second baby I was lookin' pretty good--at least with my clothes on.  But then baby #3 seemed to be the one that tipped everything over the scale, and esp. after baby #4 (and now at 40 years old) I have gained lumps and bulges where we think there shouldn't be, and I've lost a few pretty lumps where we think they should be.  I'm a thin woman, yes, but thin does not = sexy.  No, I can't pretend any more that I am anything but a thin, middle-aged frump, who can sometimes dress up real nice, but is what she is.  I have no illusions.  I like dressing to feel good about myself, so do enjoy chosing comfortable but hopefully flattering clothes, and accessories to help me feel a few years less than ancient.  But never do I fool myself nowadays into thinking that any man finds me attractive--including my husband, which is why that post from blogger Christine hit me so hard.  (And why I also appreciated the beautiful follow-up to that post a few days later on her blog, that is well worth reading.)

But really, being completely insecure about my aging post-partum body is just the flip side of the same issue those self-proclaimed "Hot Moms" are working through.  They are trying to get a grasp on their sense of self-worth, and are using the values of the world to determine it.  I have done this same thing at different times in my adult life, through taking pride in being "sexy" after having two kids (it was a very short-lived phase, by the way), and through wearing my uber-cool job of teaching film studies as a badge to somehow prove to anyone I met that I was more intelligent and interesting than I seemed otherwise. ; ) 


So just because I have no illusions of being a Hot Mom, and tisk tisk at the whole Hot Mom Syndrome, I know I am no better than they are.  I am still struggling with discovering/being content with my identity as me, the Blessed created by holy Design.  Jesus Christ is the core of that--without Him, I would be a very different person, and could not even come close to claiming the fullness of Self that is only possible in Him, and through the redeeming work of the Holy Spirit in me.  But that does not mean that I, myself, somehow get swallowed up in some corporate Christian identity, and have no worthwhile identity outside of that.  No, God made me, His unique Blessed creation, just the way He wanted to.  There is value in me, just as I am created.  There is beauty in me, just as I am, and in my worn body that reflects a bounty of life-giving.  There is intelligence and creativity and wisdom in me too, that is hopefully seen in my life, in how I respond to the challenges of daily living.  (Notice I did not say perfection--far from it!  But all these things are growing in me, daily.) The world does not see these things the way God sees them, and certainly cannot value them as God does.  So I need to keep working on seeing and valuing the way God does--only then can I really see myself, value myself. 

Looking up old posts to link while writing just now, I was surprised and a little chagrined to remember one of my very first posts on this blog, which perfectly demonstrates that looking for and finding my identity and sense of self-worth through God's eyes and not the world's eyes will be part of my life's journey. 

Then again, there's nothing wrong with receiving a well-intentioned compliment, and letting the warmth from any positive human interaction to spread to your soul.  : )  If it is a sin to need so badly to be a sexual object for self-worth, then it is surely an equal sin to denounce my physical self as worthless, as unsexy.  It's a sin against God, against my husband, against femininity, against motherhood, against myself. 


That's what Christine's posts were about--why her posts were encouraging women to see ourselves as sexy, as Smokin' Hot Mamas.  There is beauty, healing, grace in claiming that title when the world (and that little demon of sneering self-doubt in our minds) says we should not.  This is not vanity--this is another form of laying our selves on the altar for Christ.  Another way we give over living lies and instead claim Truth.  Another way we accept His redemption for our bodies/spirits.  Another way we embrace life fully, being content and thankful with what we have been given, and using whatever we have been given to bless others.

(No, really, me embracing my Smokin' Hot Servant of the Lord side has huge ramifications.  Sure, it blesses me and my husband.  It has resulted in four kids, who will hopefully be a blessing to the world. But even the way I view myself will affect my three girls, and the way they view themselves--a view which they might then pass on to their daughters!  The way I view myself might affect other women, who read this blog, or who are friends IRL.  I can easily believe that our distorted view of the world/ourselves in the world's eyes can have a ripple effect, spreading out and very subtly damaging so many aspects of our lives and ministries.

My heart goes out to those Hot Moms.  There but for the grace of God go I.

what we did with our extra day this year

Thank you everyone who left such insightful and helpful comments to my last post.  I'll write more on that topic hopefully this week, to respond to some of those great ideas.  I did not have a chance to blog at all the rest of last week, because. . .

Yes, we made another trip this week down to Anaheim and Disneyland!  In Sept. when we went down for my cousin's wedding, we decided that this would be a Disney year (something we had not done since Happy was a baby) and get annual passes.  So, this was our second trip, and the timing worked out really well, since we were able to house-sit for my Aunt and Uncle while we were there. 

We did not realize, however, that the timing would coincide with a huge Disney event:

We found out the night before that Disney was celebrating Leap Day with "One More Disney Day," an event during which Disneyland (and DisneyWorld in Florida) would be open and operating for 24 hours straight, from 6 a.m. Weds until 6 a.m. Thurs!  Since it was the middle of the week, in February, I didn't think it would be all THAT busy, since even though there are lots of Disney fans who would love the chance to be there all night long, it was a school/work night.

The official commemorative T-shirt/sweatshirt we kept seeing all day.

And sure enough, the day started out quite nice--cool and comfortable weather, short or even no lines, and no big crowds.  But around dinner time we noticed the park was getting more crowded, and by evening, it was packed.  You could tell locals were coming after work, and I figured most of the crowd was not planning on being there all night, but would likely stay until 1 or 2 a.m.  So, I knew evening would be the worst time to be there--the most crowded--but we did not have much choice if we wanted to get some of the fun "special event" feel.  So, we decided to stay as long as we and the kids were still having fun--and we ended up staying until 11 p.m! 

In fact, the kids were tired but would gladly have stayed later, but the place was packed at that point, and so what had been short lines became ridiculous--like two hours wait for Space Mountain, with no FastPasses available.  After our breezy and casual ride experience earlier in the day, we really had no incentive to wait in lines, esp. when we knew we were coming back the next day, when the revelers would all be sleeping off the night.  And it was bone-chilling cold (to us CA folks at least--probably in the lower 40's), which really did not make us want to stay without good reason. So, we decided to leave after the second parade--only to find a LOT of other people had the same idea.  It was crazy trying to get down Main Street, which was completely blocked with bodies, like stopped traffic on a highway, since more people were still trying to come in!

Disneyland seemed extra beautiful that night.  Above is the view of Tomorrowland from the end circle of Main Street.  The rocket ride in the middle is one of my favorite rides, visually--it is just beautiful to watch, and is even vaguely Steampunk!

If you are interested, you can read both the positive and negative spins on the evening's festivities here and here.  When we left at 11 we heard the park was already at full capacity (they have to count the people who might be gone but who could theoretically be hand-stamped and returning), but yet the trams were crowded with people still arriving, and we heard newcomers talking about being stuck in traffic for over an hour trying just to get to the park! When we drove away, we could see the waiting cars snaking for blocks. . . .

From what I understand, it is very rare for Disneyland to max out.  So, for once in my life, I was actually part of A Momentous Occassion.  Even if only for a few hours.

Smiley completely sacked out when we got back to the house.  Just flopped fully asleep from my shoulder to the bed, like a sweet little sack of potatoes.

The next two days we went back, doing Disney till we dropped.  It was exhausting.  It was fun.  Our kids are TROOPERS and we can drag them around all day with very few complaints.  Friday morning my longtime friend Mina drove up from San Diego and we got to hang out and have lunch for a few hours.  And that night, our last night at Disney, we met up with my newly married cousin and her son and husband, and ended up staying at the park until it closed at midnight!  All in all a very fun but rather crazy trip.

I'm so glad we came home yesterday--we slept in this morning, spent the day in our PJ's, and lounged around.  But oddly enough, my legs are really aching--they want to be up and walking again!  Too bad the rest of me just wants to catch up on my blogs. . . ; )