what I want on my tombstone

Sometimes when I am visiting the blog of a friend, I click on the links to other blogs that friend follows--it is partly like learning a little more about my friend, and partly about exploring the world of blogs, and partly like meeting a new neighbor. Sometimes it seems God orchestrates it, like when I ended up "randomly" checking out a blog whose writer, I was startled to find out, was undergoing horrible family relationship dysfunction, much of which I have experienced in the past. I don't know if my encouraging words meant anything to her or not, but I thought it was pretty amazing that I could say, to a stranger, "hey, you are not alone, you are not bad, I know some of what you are experiencing, I care about you and I will be praying for you!" And I have been praying for her, and the family member with whom she struggles interpersonally. So that could be a God-thing.

And then sometimes God seems to want me to read what other people are going through; I shared one example in my last personal posting, about how hearing about a mother who lost her young twins made me love my children anew that day. Well, a short while back I jumped from my good friend Susan's blog http://suzeo99.blogspot.com/ to one of her "favorites" and was saddened to realize it was the blog of a man she had told me about, who lost his wife to cancer on the 8th of July, and then lost his young son to cancer on the 10th of July. I cannot even imagine how that family is feeling and struggling (there are two older children who still need their mom). But on the day I visited, http://superryan.blogspot.com/, the husband wrote in memory of his wife:

I have to say - I am not very good at funerals and typically avoided them as much as possible. Missy said to me many times over our 20 years together "If you can't stand up and say a few nice things about me when I'm gone - I'm going to be so mad! So I will share my top 5. She was Persistence - I thank Missy for her persistence while we dated long distance the year before we got married. It was difficult dating from two countries. She was compassionate - Missy had more compassion for both friends and simple acquaintances. She would do her best to lend an ear or help out in any way she could. She was resilience - From the working in the medical field, to a full time mother for 15 years, then back to teaching. Her battle with cancer was dealt with very quietly. She refused to show the pain that this disease inflicts, so as not to scare us. She took bad days and turned them into good days. She loved motherhood - We had always wished we had met earlier in life. We both wanted lots of children. She provided a foundation for Heidi and Will that will endure this terrible tragedy and have us all smiling fondly in remembrance instead of so very sad. She loved being involved with our community, as past presidents of the PTO and the Swim team, she always made a point to know an encourage all the children she would interact with. She loved me - it was that simple and I am very fortunate for it. She made my life incredibly easy. She ran our household like a well tuned company. Everything was always taken care of. The only thing we could ever get on to her about... is when bad weather would make the cable go out. Ryan loved to say, "did mom forget to pay the cable bill" I truly thought loosing Ryan was going to be the most difficult to handle, but loosing Missy has left a huge hole in my life. I never prepared for losing her the way we worked so hard together preparing for Ryan.

I am so sorry for his loss, and so happy that he had such a great wife. His praise reminds me of the verses from Proverbs 31 about The Wife of Noble Character. I used to loathe this woman--which I will blog about someday in "Why I Want a Wife Pt. 2." But the writer of this section of Proverbs, King Lemuel, goes into great detail about what makes a great wife, and some of his words sound like they could be describing the wife above:

A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life. . . .
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
"Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all". . . .
Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

I want to be a great wife too. I hope I am with my family for a long time, but whenever I go, I hope I have inspired these kinds of thoughts and feelings in my husband and my children! And not in the "its all about me" sense--no, I mean in the sense of hoping, praying that I will be able to love and serve each one of these people that God has placed in my heart the way God desires. Because being a "good" mom and wife just to get accolades--or, even worse, to try to earn my way into their affections or God's kingdom--is just more self-serving. Nothing but dry bones. Striving to be a mom and wife "after God's own heart" (as He referred in His word to that infamous king of self-serving, David--if that guy, after all he did, can keep turning back and making things right with God and earn such a description, then there is hope for anyone, hope for me!)--that will do it. Because if I am pleasing God, then undoubtedly I will be pleasing my family too. If I am loving God through my actions and attitudes, then I am loving them too!

So saying I want to be remembered the way this wife was remembered by her husband--it is not about wanting them to think I am great. Although that would be really nice. ; ) It is about wanting, as I said in that other posting, to live and love fully and have no regrets at the end, whenever the end will be.

Elvis Presley, of all people, perfectly demonstrated what I am trying to say. The marker he placed on his mother's grave reads:

The Sunshine of Our Home
Gladys Love Presley
April 25 1912 - August 14 1958
Beloved Wife of Vernon Presley
Mother of Elvis Presley

and then in huge capitol letters on the side, it reads:

NOT MINE
BUT THY WILL BE DONE