home again, home again, jiggedy jig

We are home! We had a great trip back from IL, and I will post pics and little blurbs about the highlights of the trip once I empty the camera card (laundry and unpacking come first!). It was overall such a great experience, and one we will hopefully repeat another year. The kids did such a great job on the road, and my parents gave me and them the nicest compliment by suggesting we could do this same thing again some other time, with D driving out to IL and then flying back to CA and the kids and I caravaning back with my folks. I told them I agreed, but next time really would like to caravan with them out to Virginia and Alabama to visit my sisters and their families! My parents make that trip a couple times a year and so if we timed it right, we could just follow along. Ah, the beauty of homeschooling!

In fact, I am already talking with D about this next year being all about road-trips around CA, since we will be studying our state's history this year and all our school-aged kids will be homeschooled, so we can just up and drive whenever! I mean, let's take advantage of the flexibility of homeschooling while we can, since we never know what the future holds and how long we will be doing it or living in this state.

My dad also gave me another compliment: he told me that he and mom had decided that I got the "mother of the year" award for being so good with tired and cranky kids while we were on the road. I don't know which moments he is thinking of, but it makes me remember the numerous times when we would arrive at our motel at 10 at night and the kids desperately needed baths before bed, and the kids were all on the verge of meltdown and I had to take care of everything single-handedly. But those moments were not so much about my parenting as they were about Providence, since time after time E would be sleeping in the carseat and had to be wakened and brought into a strange room and then be ignored while I was preparing the pajamas and arranging beds and bathing girls and getting myself read for bed too--and he never cried. He would get a little slap-happy tired and fragile, and so the girls would take turns keeping him company, but he would hold it together through all that needed to be done, and did not start screaming until after his own bath when I was putting on his pajamas, something he hates on a normal night. But that would only be for a few minutes, and then he was happy at the breast, settling down to bed with me. It would have been completely understandable if he had been screaming the entire time--understandable, but miserable. So I will thank God for His mercies and give Him the credit.

Still, mom and dad saying that was the nicest compliment, esp. because I was not feeling like I had done the best job. You know, being tired and cranky myself sometimes and not being very gracious or patient at certain moments! Or actually yelling my head off a few times, like when I looked back while we were driving on the interstate somewhere in Nevada and realized one of my children had nonchalantly unbuckled to get something she could not reach--and was happily lingering in unrestraint. Or when a bigger sister purposefully bonked a littler sister on the nose with the pointy end of a ball-point pen in the car (saw it with my own eyes). Or when one child was given a consequence for repeatedly ignoring my verbal commands (of course issued while driving) and then proceeded to complain over and over about the unfairness of the consequence despite my warnings--yeah, I admit I lost it for a minute there.

But all in all, I do think both the kids and I did a pretty good job of being flexible and well behaved. In fact, at times I wondered that we might not be doing as well if we were at home! Most of the trip I purposefully placed myself in "the zone"--you know, the calm, zen-like state of parenting in which you can handle anything and in which you have no personal needs; you exist at that moment simply to smooth the way for whatever you are doing with your children. I perfected this on airline trips years ago; I learned don't even bother taking a book for the flight or expecting to read a magazine in the airport--that will only lead to frustration. Just be content as the meeter of all needs for that time and place, and all will be smooth and peaceful. And when you have no expectations for what you want to be doing instead of what you must be doing, then you are completely content with what comes to pass.

I don't do this at home. I am way too uptight about orchestration--naps and cooking and school, etc. to make sure I get things done in the most ideal way and, hopefully, to allow me some downtime in the middle of the day. I have always thought that was wise and efficient--I am a much better mommy during the dinnertime "witching hour" if I get a break midday, and with so much to do it is good management to figure out how to multi-task and order events to allow for maximum productivity--and to allow the baby to get a nap in the middle of the living room when he needs it! But after stepping back from it for a month, I realize I liked the feeling of not having to orchestrate. Well, I was still orchestrating a little, but not much was needed because we were all so much more relaxed about when things happened and did not have much to accomplish in any day. And on the road I washed very few dishes and only had to pick up the car and hotel rooms every day, and never cooked a meal, all of which really frees one up! But it was the feeling of anxiety over always needing to be planning the next few minutes as you go through your day, always preparing for what should come next, etc.--that I did not miss at all, and hope I can avoid getting back into as we re-enter the normal world here at home.

So almost the entire trip I was just contentedly residing in "the zone" and it was great. I did not have to accomplish much, I did not have any time away from the kids (the two "breaks" I had on the trip back involved staying up too late sitting on the hotel room floor reading "The Long Winter" by the light of the bathroom while the kids slept) but I did not expect or need any. I drove for hours at a stretch with no one for company but my own children, and was overall fine with that. I am happy with my family, and just enjoyed being with them, being safe and healthy and on the road. (However, after a few days straight of days driving--Idaho, Utah, Nevada--I was desperate for conversation! My kids almost never stop talking in the car, but have not yet learned the art of conversation. It seems like my parents and I never got to converse much, since when we stopped driving we were either out and about seeing stuff, or feeding everyone, or disappearing into our respective hotel rooms for the night. I was pretty lonely there for a couple of days, but even that was good, since it gave me lots of time for reflection and prayer, and I know of a lot of people who need prayer right now.

So now we are home, and I am already thinking about how I can reinstate better habits than the ones we left with--like me cooking more elaborate and healthier meals (for example, fajitas with brown rice and homemade black beans and vegetables sauted in garlic and topped with the works, instead of just opening a can of black beans and serving over white rice with shredded cheese and salsa and blue corn chips for scooping--not terrible, and the kids love it, but not great), since I missed that kind of food while we were on the road and want to eat it! (Definately will blog about food more later!) And I was effectively weaned from chai and the computer while we were gone, so those are both good things to reintroduce into my life very modestly. We shall see.

So, to wrap this over-long posting up:

the trip was great
the kids did great
my parents were great
it was great to be back home and see D
it was great to break out of the rut of life for a while and experience newness of all shapes and sorts--definitely plan on working more of that into life in general
lots to still think about
lots to still unpack
lots I hope to blog about yet, but slowly and reasonably

thanks for reading!