On Gay Marriage--with more question marks than exclamation points

Sometimes when I am quiet on this blog it is because I am spending my blogging time writing on someone else's blog. Yes, that's the vanity of bloggers--getting so sure of our own voices that we jump into discussion elsewhere, assuming we are most welcome. ; )  I don't post long comments to other people's blogs often--just when it seems welcomed and warranted.  And sometimes it is better to blog elsewhere, where the topic has already been raised, then here on my own blog, where my opinions might make someone feel less welcome.  I would never want that!  I want this blog to be a safe place for people to visit--and I hope anyone who visits feels welcome and never attacked.  I also never want my visitors to think I am saying my perspective is the right one, and hope you all who read feel comfortable commenting and even disagreeing with me.  (As long as we all stay kind. : ) 

So, there are things going on in the world that I do have strong opinions about that I've never gone into on this blog.  Sometimes because I imagine you are as tired as I am of hearing about them!  And sometimes because I imagine you might be feeling like I am, that there is always someone pointing fingers and name calling those who disagree with them, and so you just don't want to go there.  It feels pretty much like a person is wrong for his or her own opinions about anything wherever they turn in the media/social media.  I might disagree with someone about something, but I try to always see where they are coming from, and affirm their right to their voice, and a different opinion.  At least, I hope I always do. 

Anyway, a few weeks back I was led to this blog post about different Christian perspectives on gay marriage.  It had some of the best dialogue (at least in the comments) I have come across in the whole big national debate--but most importantly, it had some of the most reasonable discussion.  It was a safe place to voice an opinion and be treated with respect.  So I ended up writing my own stance, which I decided to share with you here too:


I find myself in a fascinating place of “betweens”:

–Honored to have gay and lesbian friends and also very conservative Christian friends.
 
–Very aware that in Christ I have the full freedom to love them all, equally, without reservation.

–Christian, but fully aware that I do not (yet?) understand what God thinks about his gay children marrying, but do know that He loves them.

–Pro-civil unions, but saddened by the political usurpation of the covenantal term “marriage” (I think all legally-recognized unions should be civil, and the sacrament of Christian marriage should have nothing to do with the government–too late to turn back that clock, however!)

–Very glad that there are churches that welcome and embrace homosexuality, since I don’t (yet?) know what God thinks about it and gay marriage. But also proud of my church and pastors for not capitulating to cultural pressure to say it is Ok when they believe God’s Holy Word says otherwise. We are in one of the most liberal areas in the US, but our pastors and church body manage to walk that fine line of welcoming and truly loving people, but also not being ashamed to speak what they believe is God’s Truth. God is not politically correct, that I know for sure.

–Believing that our government did (albeit unintentionally) guarantee same-sex marriage in its original documents, when it built our nation upon the right to “pursue happiness.” But also believing that the church must not have the same definition of liberty—our definitions and understandings of such terms must come from Scripture, and from the closest, most accurate reading of it, regardless of whether or not it says what we want it to say.

–Wanting only the best for my GLBTQ (and whomever else I am omitting) friends, and those who are going to be entering into same-sex marriages. I am so happy for them for finding love, and do believe that ANY human love is the result of the lingering image of God within us—we can only love at all because of Him, so any love is worth celebrating—but yet if I do believe that same-sex love is not what God intended, and may be outside of His will for His beloved children, then how am I loving my GLBTQ friends by pretending all is well?

–Actually being quite comfortable with the conundrum above, since I believe we can love people fully, and speak the truth as best we know it, and still live in unity. But very few other people seem to be comfortable with it—needing others to think as they do.

–Really uncomfortable with ANYBODY, on either side of the issue, who claims complete authority about their interpretation of God’s word. Why don’t we hear more qualifiers when people write/speak? Whatever happened to phrases like “according to a traditional interpretation of Scripture. . . ” or “As best as I can understand this passage. . . “? Everyone writes as if they are the final word. (Kudos to Preston Yancey for his carefully-written stance.)

–Concerned that there is such a thing as a slippery slope—and while I completely agree with the commentator who said she would much rather be on the slipper slope with the Holy Spirit than on seemingly firm ground, it sure seems to me that there is historical precedent for and fine logical thinking behind some people bemoaning some of the potential places they foresee this historic moment taking us.

And speaking of which, I used to teach rhetoric at a large university, and taught my students to address “likely objections to their argument” in their persuasive writing. When I see Christians theorizing about the implications of cultural trends, and projecting the future path of our nation, I see a lot of negative backlash from those who disagree, but rarely a logical address of their insights and concerns. In other words, it is really easy to shout things like “hate speech!” and “homophobe” and “fear-monger!” but much less easy to form a clearly-articulated and well-reasoned address of the actual concerns raised. And NEITHER side is very good at anticipating and addressing “likely objections.” While I agree that the original authors of this post did not end up representing a very broad spectrum of opinions on this topic, I have appreciated that the comments section has been overall lucid, respectful, intelligent, and has better addressed dissenting views.

Just a few thoughts to add to the discussion. No human issues are only black and white, and I wish more people were willing to live in the “gray” spaces between. Not saying my “between” stance is the only correct one to have–and thus negating the very idea of it!–but saying I very much appreciate people who are willing to be vulnerable, and seek to understand others, and not claim to have all the answers, not even claiming to have all the questions, but doing their best to love no matter what.

______________

I didn't share the more personal stuff.  Like the fact that DH and I have gay and lesbian friends in real life.  That I actually believe there is nothing wrong with gay and lesbian relationships and believe I am not only called to love all people, but am called to be true friends with them.  I think they should be allowed to marry--in a legal espousement.  But I also think all this changes when the people in question are professing faith in Christ.  Then--I don't know.  I have read lots of theological views about why God does not want his children in homosexual relationships--and their interpretations of Scripture seem sound. Their arguments are logical.  I have also read arguments that attempt to prove that we have traditionally misinterpreted those same passages of Scripture, and God is not anti-homosexuality but actually anti-pederasty (for example). 

I need to tell you that I WANT to be convinced that God is fine with active homosexuality in his faith-professing children, and that He supports gay marriage.  But I have not been convinced--so far the interpretations and explanations of Scripture seem to make more sense the other way.  If anyone reading this wants to recommend a book that successfully posits the Bible as pro-gay stance, please feel free to recommend it. 

Most of all, I want to take God at His word, and not fall into the trap of reading into His word what I want it to say.

I am also confused because there is clear biological evidence that what we call gender is actually much more fluid in it's physical construct than we may have previously believed.  It is really a spectrum,  like so many other things about our physical/emotional/mental natures.  Our biology makes some men more slender and have higher-pitched voices--i.e. slightly more "feminine."  Similarly, some women are stronger and have lower voices--or more facial hair.  Do we say God messed up in making them?  That He clearly slipped a little too much of one gender into the batter on accident?  Or did He make them just like He wanted them--at just a  slightly higher or lower place on the spectrum than what we would expect?

Some people are born with both sets of genitalia, and their "true" gender is not even expressed until they hit puberty.  Again, did God mess up?  Is their condition the result of the Fall, and how all of creation has been perverted away from His original, perfect design?  Or are they perfect, just as they are? 

Some people are born with genetic variances so that they express one  gender their whole life--but in actuality their chromosomes are those for the opposite gender!  Yes, such things happen, and learning about them was the first thing that made me wonder if God might just actually make some people gay.  I strongly urge anyone who is also wrestling with these ideas to watch this video. 

Then again, being created physically to be "gay" might have nothing to do with what God expects of us in terms of Righteousness. 

And I firmly believe that God would not create anyone without any choice but to sin.  How could He? 

But I do also believe we can have genetic pre-disposition to things that could more readily lead us to sin--like chemical imbalances in the brain that are inherited by future generations (we are learning more about this all the time through research into epigenetics).  Also, there are things that we as humans are doing to our environment that are having consequences we never would have anticipated--so then do we say the gender expression differences that come from human meddlings are personal sin or "the sins of the fathers vested upon the children"?  Either way, what do we say to those men and women with corrupted DNA when they show up at church ready to profess faith in Christ but not ready to give up their same-sex partner and commit themselves to a life of celibacy? 

Sigh. 

So, that's why I wrote the above to that web dialogue--to represent the middle ground of people who just don't know what to think, and who don't assume they know what God thinks about it all.  I know what I *think* He says about homosexuality, and what I can then infer He thinks about gay marriage. But I also know Jesus wept.  He knows our human struggles and His heart broke for us--and His love covers all sin.  His quiet voice stills all confusion--but have we learned how to listen?  

I really appreciated this article for how it questioned why we as Christians are so up in arms over gay marriage, something Jesus did not specifically talk about in Scripture, when we are at the same time so conveniently ignoring other things He said loudly and clearly.  One of my favorite quotations from the piece:  "Maybe we should all be required to pick an issue that requires US to change and not OTHERS to change." Now that thought perfectly reflects Jesus. 

One book I just heard about yesterday, which I am now very interested in reading: The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert: An English Professor's Journey Into Christian Faith by Rosaria Champagne Butterfield.  (Isn't her name straight out of a novel?)  She was a tenured professor at Syracuse, and a lesbian in a committed long-term relationship.  And then. . . God happened.

So, there you go.  I'm out of the closet, so to speak, about my feelings and thoughts about gay marriage.  To sum it all up: I don't know.

Last thought: DH's best friend from high school is a wonderful man named Chris.  He is gay, and when he was going to get "married" (way back when it just meant something to couples as a sign of personal commitment and had no blessing of the state) in Washington state, he invited DH to come.  DH went, gladly, wanting to share in his friend's happiness and show him love.  I remember when I told my parents he was going to do this--anticipating mild disapproval and disappointment, I admit--I was surprised and happy when my dad said, "Good for him."  He recognized that we show God's love to people by being in relationship with them. 

One of our pastors, Dan Kimball, said it this way in a sermon (my paraphrase): anytime a non-believer invites us into his or her life, that space is holy ground.

Anyone want to share more fodder for discussion?  Your thoughts are welcome!